Random Ranger's Apprentice Headcanons (mostly Halt Tbh)

QPR Applemedia Headcanons

I got bit with the bug for this ship a couple weeks ago, and while I'm writing a little fic for them, you guys can have these headcanons

Lucifer and Vox are romantically and sexually involved while Alastor is their queerplatonic partner

Lucifer and Alastor were actually the first to become involved with each other, then (somehow) Alastor and Vox worked through their differences and became qpps as well

Lucifer DID NOT like Vox at first - he'd heard what happened between him and Alastor and was sure he was trying to hurt Alastor again. It wasn't until Alastor got sick of the protectiveness and forced them to hang out that the pair actually realized their chemistry

Lucifer and Vox are both rich and treat customer service employees like shit

Alastor - who grew up poor and is still not exactly strapped for cash (I'm a broke Alastor truther, sue me) hates this. Both he and his mother worked in customer service when money was tight while he was alive, so he always tries to treat them with respect. He'll take money from whoever was the biggest asshole on their nights out and use it to give the waitstaff large tips. Nights out almost always end in the silent treatment, but our boys are dumb so they don't know what they did wrong or understand why it was wrong when Alastor tells them

Don't worry, they get it eventually and start working on themselves

Vox and Alastor both prefer coffee while Lucifer likes tea more

Vox has the best sleep schedule, Lucifer alternates between not sleeping at all and sleeping for 19 hours, and Alastor sleeps at most 3 hours per night due to crippling insomnia - though he like to tell everyone that not sleeping is a choice in order to seem more mysterious and intimidating

Vox and Lucifer had a field day when they found out Alastor was ticklish. Alastor pretends to be annoyed every time they gang up on him, but it actually reminds him of the rare happy memories of his childhood, so he lets them keep doing it

Vox and Lucifer will binge their favorite shows together and come up with the wildest conspiracies about them

When they sleep in the same bed, Alastor and Lucifer use Vox as a makeshift heater

Alastor is fine with being kissed - making out is a definite no - but he doesn't kiss. He bites with affection. He never draws blood when he's being affectionate, but he's not always gentle either. It isn't uncommon for the trio to be laying in bed and Alastor just starts biting whoever is closest

For someone who is supposedly with the times, Alastor and Lucifer had to explain asexuality an ungodly number of times for Vox to finally understand it - a byproduct of being with Valentino for so long

Alastor still refuses to allow cameras to see him clearly, just to tease Vox when they aren't around each other

Despite his claims, there is actually a wide array of modern music that Alastor enjoys, but despite his southern roots, Vox found out the hard way that Alastor will throw hands if you play country around him

Alastor and Vox love making fun of Lucifer for his height - until he shifted into a form that was a good 5 inches taller than both of them just to shut them up. Lucifer wishes he'd had a camera because he'd never seen them both so flustered at the same time

They have competitions about who can come up with the best dad joke/corny pickup line, and they usually end up laughing so hard they can't breathe by the end of it

They also love trying to make each other blush. Lucifer turns bright gold when he receives genuine affection. Vox overheats when either Alastor genuinely laughs, or Lucifer turns on the charm. Alastor hates that he turns bright red with either genuine praise or when his partners surprise him with something he enjoys (knowledge of jazz/radio, cooking authentic Creole meals for him, expressing real interest when he actually gets invested in something, etc.)

All three of them have weird little hyperfixations - Lucifer with his ducks, Alastor and furbys, and Vox is absolutely fascinated by the existance of Pastafarianism (the worship of the Giant Flying Spaghetti Monster). They all tease each other over their hyperfixations but will listen with the same fond looks when one of them starts rambling about it

Speaking of furbies, when Alastor unleashed the fabled Furby Organ, he played "Symphony No. 5" on it perfectly, and Lucifer and Vox were both awed and horrified

Lucifer always worries they will leave him just like Lilith did, and they both do their best to comfort and assure him otherwise

Vox is afraid that Alastor and Lucifer secretly think he barged in on their relationship, and they will playfully talk shit about each other until Vox is convinced he's both wanted and plays a vital part of their relationship

Alastor fears that they'll either decide he's not good enough because he doesn't like sex, or they'll find out he doesn't own his soul and cast him aside. They don't do anything about this because Alastor never tells them about his fears, instead letting them fester until they manifest as constant nightmares that he also doesn't tell them about

They have each others favorite food and drinks memorized down to the seasoning and temperature

Vox's love language is gift giving, Lucifer's is quality time, and Alastor's is - ironically enough - physical contact. Of course, this makes his touch aversion even more difficult to navigate

All three of them are incredibly touch-starved

Alastor learned how to rewire and fix televisions purely for Vox's benefit - he read three different owner's manuals and practiced on the tv in the lobby in secret

On Lucifer's bad days, Alastor and Vox will regularly check on him and slowly coax him out of bed

Vox is prone to viruses despite his firewalls, and Alastor and Lucifer take turns playing nursemaid when they get bad

When they learned Alastor suffered from panic attacks, Lucifer and Vox spent hours researching ways to help during, before, and after an attack, and learned the signs Alastor had that he was becoming distressed so they could make them less frequent

On that note, when they discovered that he had trichotillomania (hair pulling disorder), they got him different fidget/picking toys to negate the urge to pull his hair

That's all I have for now, feel free to add onto this if you want, I'd love to hear your opinions

hi! I'm trying to get other peoples opinion on this-

what do you think alastors human life was like?

sorry it took me so long to answer this one, I've been busy lol

are we talking about what I think for canon, or the headcanon backstory that exists purely for angst? Because those are two veeery different answers lol. I'll just answer the canon opinion, and maybe do another part about my headcanon if anyone's interested

As far as I know, it's been confirmed that Alastor's mother was colored, and at least hinted that she was Vodun (not sure on spelling there) I think that his father is also confirmed to be white, and I know we're all pretty sure by now that he was abusive. We know Alastor likely became a radio host, and was a serial killer (obviously lol) who hung around Mimzy frequently enough. For simplicity's sake, I'll say that Alastor was born in the year 1900, making him 33 when he died

Now, for the speculation. I feel like his parents only married when his mother got pregnant, which resulted in her being outcasted from the Vodun community. I believe she still would have taught her beliefs to Alastor, which probably angered his father, who was most likely Catholic based on the most popular religions in the area at the time. I don't know if it would be ore likely that Alastor's father killed his mother and Alastor killed him because of it, or if Alastor killed his father because of the abuse and lived with his mother until she died of illness. Either way, his father ends up out of the picture. For this, I'll say that his mother lived.

Something I don't usually see people take into account is that the US got officially involved in WW1 in 1917, and started drafting 18yo boys in 1918 - ironically enough when Alastor was 18. The law that prevents "the only surviving son" from being drafted wasn't even thought of until 1964, so Alastor wouldn't have been spared from the draft. I believe draft contracts were about 2 years long, so unless he was injured, Alastor would have spent about that much time in combat. He likely had PTSD from that, but they didn't know what that was at the time, so it would have gone untreated.

He gets home when he's 20ish, and eventually becomes a radio host, befriending Mimzy in the process, but he struggles when he comes home. Nothing seems to alleviate the awful feeling building in him since he came back, and then his mother dies. He snaps. Based on that pre-canon comic, Alastor typically targets predators/abusers ("I do hate those who can't show a little more respect towards those of fairer means"), which makes it pretty ironic (or purposeful) that his name literally means "Avenger".

He hears a woman screaming late at night on his way home, and sees a man cornering her in an alley. Maybe the screams remind him of his mother, or the things he saw overseas, or maybe he's just angry, but he picks something up and bludgeons the man to death. Later, he can't stop thinking about how good it felt to end such a miserable creature, so he does it again. And again. Until eventually, he's killed dozens of men just like his father, and he's reporting his own murders on a news broadcast for the police.

I like to think he didn't practice cannibalism until he got to hell. But if he did practice while alive, it probably would have been during the Great Depression. Times have gotten hard, and while he still has his job, money is tight, and it would be so much easier if he just took a cut or two from the man he just murdered.

However, he still has to dispose of the less edible bits (clothes, hair, bones, etc), and he does so in the bayou behind his house. One day though, there was a hunter who for some reason thought he was a deer. Barking Alerts Alastor of his presence, and he takes off, dogs close behind and baying loudly. Then a gunshot cracks through the air, and Alastor feels a split second pain in his head before collapsing to the ground. The bullet somehow didn't kill him, but it did paralyze him, so there's nothing Alastor can do to fight when the dogs eventually begin tearing into him. In the end, it was the blood loss that killed him as he was mauled, and it seemed like an eternity before he finally succumbed to that. (this is what breeds Alastor's severe dislike (read: fear) of dogs

this is pretty rough, but I figured I'd probably better just get it all out at once lol. Let me know what you think!!

Alastor's Animal Noises

I won't call this an unpopular headcanon, just one that is slept on.

So, everyone knows about Alastor making deer noises, both in canon and fanon. In the show he canonically makes little fawn squeaks when Rosie hugs him (which lives in my head rent free at all times) and does the elk scream a couple times throughout the show. Fanon is just as up in arms about this trait of his, and I think it's great.

But.

What if he ALSO made alligator noises? HEAR ME OUT - trust me, you won't regret it.

So.

When you really think about it, there are a large amount of traits that Alastor has that would make it logical for him to share traits with an alligator as well as a deer. These include: teeth/habit of eating sinners(cannibalism) (alligators are known cannibals), place of origin being Louisiana, persistent presence of bayous in his life (near his home in the living world, supposedly where he hid his victims, where he died, and the bayou in his room), ambush predator (makes you feel at ease by being unassuming then strikes before you even realize the danger), and his temper (appears calm until he's NOT) just to name a few.

Despite what people tend to think, alligators actually make a TON of different sounds, though there's a few main ones I'll talk about.

First one is the territorial growl.

I feel like Alastor could make this sound when he's being territorial (obviously), threatening, or protective (as rare as that is). He begins making this sound a lot more often the longer he stays at the hotel because he begins to see it as his territory, and the residents as his people (not that he'd ever admit that lol). Also, I feel like hearing this loud, bass-feeling noise from this rail-thin deer man would be a bit jarring, especially if you'd never heard it before

Second sound is the defensive hiss.

This is a sound Alastor would make if he's feeling threatened. I'm thinking scenarios where he's annoyed/mad/anxious are when he'd hiss, because they're all scenarios where he'd be trying to get something or someone to leave him alone. It's a very different yet very similar sound to a cat's hiss. They can mean similar things, but hearing an alligator hiss is significantly more threatening, which fits Alastor's character. Also, it means he can still sound terrifying when he's the one who's scared (if he manages to make a distressed gator sound rather than a distressed deer sound that is lol)

And of course, we can't forget the mandatory cute sound, the baby swamp puppy chirps.

If he gets to make fawn noises, you bet your ass he's gonna make swamp puppy laser sounds. The scenarios where he'd make these noises are a lot more rare, but they definitely exist. He wouldn't ever admit it, but he sees Rosie as a mother figure, and just as he tends to greet her with fawn squeaks, Alastor will subconsciously start doing little baby gator chirps when he's looking for her and can't find her. His instincts are to call out to her so she can find him - the same way baby alligators do with their mothers - and the side effect is that he makes cute little laser chirping noises without even realizing it. He has a tendency to do it when he's looking for anyone he likes who is older than him. Zestial finds it charming and the few times it happened to him, Husk refuses to talk about, a lot of mixed feelings brought up by the fact that the man who owns his soul has given him at least somewhat of a parental role subconsciously.

anyways, these were just my thoughts on it, feel free to add on your own or use it as inspiration for your own work (let me know though, I want to see it!!!!) (putting this in the lee!alastor tags to feed the imaginations of my friends there who are always starving for more things)

Halt, frustrated: Oh fuck me!

Crowley: I thought you'd never ask

Thanks for the tag!!

@artsymeeshee @guesswhocouldntsleep @curled-up-blushing @moonlight-tmd @vikeera and anyone else who wants to vote!!

new tag game, because I can

no pressure tags:

@red-velvet-0w0 @nyxisagod @lynx-brynjar @encryptidarchivist @justbugsnstuff

@justanotherenbyhere +Anyone else

another thought I had about the hells winter thing when I was supposed to be paying attention in science lol-

the bayou is unaffected by hell's weather right? well what if because the more difference there is in the two temperatures, the harder it is to keep that up?

can you imagine him having that one safe space ripped from him? all while he's desperately trying to stay warm and just coping with cabin fever in general.

or the alternative:

when a particularly freezing night hits, angel pipes up with the idea of alastors bayou, and alastor has to deal with 6 (i forgot if pentious was dead in hidden hurts or not-) other demons in this one place that was supposed to be his safe space, and also the fact that keeping certain habits, secrets, and emotions hidden gets really REALLY hard when you have no alone time for god knows how long haha.

Hazbin Winter has been floating around my head like a mosquito, THERES TOO MANY POSSIBILITY'S !!

whump angst fluff and humour galore fr lmfao

I love this, and there's definitely a way to incorporate both ideas if you'll take a moment to imagine with me:

At first, things weren't too bad. It sucked and Alastor was cold all the time, but whatever. Then Angel had the bright idea of having everyone stay in Alastor's bayou on a particularly cold night which was also...fine. It was fine. However, one night turned into two, turned into a dozen, and suddenly, Alastor didn't have his own space anymore. That sucked because that meant he had no where he felt safe enough to let his guard down except Rosie's which was out of the question. He would have just shadow-traveled, except this was a Hell winter. and Hell winters were special in that they could be felt no matter what magic was being used unless it was angelic - which Alastor's was not. But it was fine. So what if he didn't have anywhere to decompress? That didn't matter. However, it did have repercussions.

As time wore on, Alastor became a lot more irritable and defensive. Stress built up to unbearable levels, and despite his usual insistence that he was above such things, he began taking little comments (that normally wouldn't have affected him very much) to heart, and letting them hurt his feelings which he of course never told anyone. Add on the fact that he was getting more and more exhausted as the days went by and that only made things worse. He started displaying some obvious nervous ticks from tugging on his hair, to picking at his hands/clothes, to fiddling with random objects, etc.. All of the stress only made the cold affect him more and that was the last thing he needed. It became harder and harder to use his magic and maintain preexisting spells as his body used all of its energy trying to stay warm - shivering constantly and burning calories he didn't have to spare since the stress made him unable to eat.

It all came to a head on one of the rare occasions he actually had his room to himself - everyone else was watching a movie in the lobby. He was curled in one of his chairs wrapped in blankets and shaking with cold despite the bayou's warmer temperature. He could only keep it so much warmer than the outside, and it had steadily gotten colder day by day as his magic weakened. He felt weaker than ever, and honestly wasn't sure if he'd be able to leave his chair. Suddenly, he felt alarmingly empty and he watched in pure horror as his beloved bayou - his only safe haven from his dealer's watchful eyes - faded from existence. He poured all of his strength into a last desperate attempt at saving it, but his best wasn't good enough and it disappeared. He let out a wretched cry and fell to the floor in a tangled heap, but since his room was on the top floor, no one heard. He'd used the last of his strength to try and save the bayou, so he couldn't even drag himself to a sitting position. He cried silent tears over the combined stress and terror caused by losing his last safe haven entirely and ended up passing out due to exhaustion.

Since the bayou was gone, so was the temperature control, and the room steadily plunged into freezing temperatures, hastened by a previously unknown draft from one of the windows. No one knew what happened until they went up to Alastor's room only for it to be colder than the rest of the hotel, and find the bayou gone and Alastor unconscious with frozen tear tracks on his face. They quickly brought him down to the lobby to be next to the fireplace, and the only reason he didn't lose his fingers to frostbite and his life to hypothermia was because of Lucifer's angelic magic. Technically he wouldn't have died permanently, but if he'd died, he either would have regenerated outside (which would lead to him freezing to death again and repeating the process indefinitely) or in the presence of some random sinner who might take a look at a disoriented Radio Demon and decide to make history by doing him in once and for all. Either way not good odds.

Needless to say, when he woke up, Alastor. Freaked. Out. I'm talking full mental breakdown, maybe a panic attack, maybe some frantic hair-tearing, maybe crying, I don't know. All I know is that it's bad. And who can blame him? As mentioned before, the bayou was his ONLY safe haven from his master's surveillance and now he was completely vulnerable to her watchful gaze. There was no where in Hell he could escape her besides his bayou, but he can't tell any of them that, even if he wanted to. Not only that, but he's pretty much completely defenseless. He's too weak to use his magic and all he has left at his defense are his teeth and claws, which means he now has to rely on the others for shelter, heat, and defense. This of course only makes his stress shoot up exponentially and everyone starts getting super concerned, but he straight-up can't tell them why he's so paranoid. Completely awful all around.

that's all I have for now, hope you enjoyed this word vomit. My computer powered off halfway through and deleted all of it and I wanted to cry, but it's done now lol

Reblogging this bc they've been practically invading my ask box and to show any followers who are uncertain that there's nothing wrong with reporting the blogs/delete the asks. Don't let someone scam you bc they stole a sob story from someone living through real crises

I would really like this trend of donation scammers sending anons to stop. I block them yet they still send anons. It's very annoying.

This was requested by @scourge33 on tumblr, who said, "My request/idea would be a tickle fic with Al and Vox, Al being the lee? But not necessarily enemy torture mode. More as a nostalgic memory of their previous friendship. Or it takes place before they become enemies."

Ask and you shall receive my good fellow

I like to think that their relationship pre-fight was really sweet despite the constant bickering they would probably do lol, so I definitely tried to include that, and the result is this fluffy, violently adorable piece

This is a platonic SFW tickle fic, if that doesn't suit your tastes, then kindly keep scrolling

I love therapy animals, and I show this by giving one to all of my blorbos - because they desperately need them.

I love this??? This also only furthers the 'Halt is actually a cat' mentality which is always a good thing in my eyes. Also gay

Ranger Gathering 2023 Prompt 1: Camp

Set during The Early Years: Yes there is Cralt in it. What did you expect.

The rangers were all sitting around the fire, holding mus of coffee in there hands, just enjoying each others company in silence. There wasn't really anything to talk about, no one could come up with anything interesting to say, so they didn't say anything.

This was really some of the only times the renegade rangers could relax, as they were busy at the momen trying to find and recruit other rangers to join them and team up against that bastard Morgarath.

Crowley looked around the circle of rangers around the camp, just being grateful that they were here. He turned his head and looked at Halt who was sitting next to him. He was staring into the fire, looking tired and drowsy.

Crowley shuffled a little closer to him and wrapped his arm around his friends shoulders. Halt looked up, slightly startled by the sudden touch, but relaxed when he realised it was just Crowley. But Crowley didn't stop there. He pulled Halt closer to him in turn, practically forcing the Hibernian to lean against him and rest his head on the red heads shoulder. Surprisingly, Halt didn't complain or protest, he just seemed to accept his fate.

Leander noticed this exhange between the two friends and hid a smile. It had been a long day, with a lot of riding and he knew the young Hibernian was exhausted. Leander turned his attention back to his coffee for a few minutes, but when he glanced back up he saw one of the sweetest and adorable sights he had ever seen.

Halt had fallen asleep aginast Crowley's shoulder and the older ranger was gently stroking his hair. As Leander watched he saw Crowley pull Halt's cloak further around his shoulders before pulling him closer and hugging him tighter.

Crowley glanced up, saw Leander watching them.

'I'm never moving again,' Crowley said completely straight faced. Then he continued. 'I will force him to stay with me like this forever and we will die like this.' He said it with such seriousness that Leander had to laugh softly at that.

'I'm sure you will.' He replied.