Thanks For The Tag!!

Ok look, I KNOW that literally no one is happy about this picture, but hear me out:

If you use ✨edible glitter✨ and mix that into your coffee so it looks like those weird fancy wines ex:

I would totally drink that shit. I could wake up every morning and drink my Elixir of Divine Energy and feel like a witch/goddess/etc. I'd drink that in public and just leave everyone confused about wtf is in my cup. Anyways, this is why I think we shouldn't all immediately jump on the bandwagon that the glitter coffee is incurably evil and disgusting

After Alastor's last panic attack, Angel's been keeping a close eye on the Radio Demon. Unfortunately from what he can tell, the overlord hasn't been doing too hot since the extermination, and it's only a matter of time before everything boils to the surface.

OR

An idea from @TeddyLockwood in the comments of the last one in this series, where Alastor is coping with his injuries from the battle. I couldn't say no to another opportunity to write Alastor whump with Therapy Pig Fat Nuggets lol

Some Lee!Alastor Headcanons to Fuel My Brain

The lee!alastor tag has been painfully empty for the last few days, so I've decided to contribute a few headcanons of mine for you all to see and consider as you wish. Feel free to add on to this post with headcanons/rants/fics/whatever of your own if you want, I was just personally experiencing withdrawal symptoms and needed to fuel my addiction lol

(These are tickle headcanons for those unfamiliar with the terminology. If that isn't your thing, just scroll right on by)

First thing's first. Something I think everyone is sleeping on? Scalp massagers. Specifically the wire ones. I personally think those things are ticklish as fuck, and I'm far from the only one. The majority of us have come to the agreement that Alastor's ears are also ticklish as fuck. Just take a moment with me and imagine the potential:

Someone (probably Angel, or Lucifer) gets a scalp massager and is going around trying it on other hotel residents when they aren't paying attention. It's just for fun, and they're getting the typical reactions (jumping away, super startled, or just completely Unphased). Then, they manage to catch Alastor by surprise and do it to him, but instead of the typical reaction, Alastor startles before bursting out into staticky giggles. Alastor has no clue WHY it tickles so much, but it does, and he's practically paralyzed in a weird half-curled position as whoever has the massager just keeps running it over is head over and over. He can't try to escape, he can only giggle and babble out nonsense words, especially when the ends rub up against his ears which only makes it MORE ticklish, which he didn't think was possible. After the other demon shows mercy (and somehow isn't immediately slaughtered) Alastor develops a healthy fear of the massager, and grows incredibly anxious with anticipation and adorably flustered any time someone brings one out

Speaking of massagers brings me to my second headcanon. This man CANNOT get a massage or he will absolutely die. People who are tense can be more ticklish as a result, and since Alastor is already incredibly ticklish, having tense muscles makes this 100x worse. I have really tense shoulders, and any massage there immediately makes me hysterical, and I imagine Alastor would be the same. If he was comfortable enough to do so, he would be the kind of person to absolutely die if he were to get a full-body massage because it would tickle so damn much - even through the pain that comes with massages. Rosie likes to pretend to massage his shoulders and neck just so she can tell him to stop squirming and giggling so much because she's trying to help him

Another quick headcanon. I like to imagine that he's mostly covered in fur, and while it isn't terribly long in most places, it can still get tangled after a shower, or after being smothered by his clothes all day, so he has to brush it regularly. This is an absolute nightmare for him. Even when he's brushing his own fur, he has to stop every few seconds because he starts laughing too much in certain areas, like over his sides or belly for example. No matter how often he does it, he never gets used to the feeling, and it only gets worse if someone else (usually Rosie) does it for him. At least if he does it himself, he can stop once he starts laughing. It makes it take a long time, but it's less flustering. If Rosie (or Satan forbid someone else for whatever reason) brushes his fur, she usually tries to get a much done at once as she can, so she usually keeps going until he's begging for a break. Also, she thinks it's absolutely adorable, so she'll keep brushing areas that make him squeal long after all the tangles have been removed

Last one for now is that he can feel the static from people's phones. If he's close to someone when their phone rings, he can usually feel the static of it crawling teasingly over his skin. It usually isn't a big deal, but if someone is being bombarded by calls that they keep ignoring (let's say Valentino obsessively calling Angel Dust), the static quickly becomes overwhelming and he'll beg the person to answer their phone or turn it off, if straight up bashing it against the nearest wall isn't an option. It doesn't tickle a particular area, more of an all-encompassing tickle over his entire body. If he gets to the point of begging them to answer, it's usually because he can't hold his laughter and squirming anymore and is trying not to make a fool of himself. He feigns annoyance so people don't find out the real reason he wants the calls to stop. The secret comes out when Angel absolutely refused to answer Valentino one day, but didn't want to turn off his phone because he was in the middle of doing something on it, and Alastor finally broke and curled up where he sat, giggling hysterically and begging Angel to turn his phone off

That's all I have for now, I hope you enjoyed these headcanons. If you decide you like them enough to incorporate them into anything you write/draw, tag me!!! I'd move to see it. Also, as mentioned earlier, feel free to add onto this as you wish, I'd love to see how you all make these headcanons your own

Will, looking at Halt, Pauline, and Crowley: Someone forgot to tell the third wheel that they're a tricycle

You know those "I am not a robot" tests that some websites require? Well the autobots sure didn't. Ratchet is the first to find out. He's just doing some regular every-day stuff on the monitor (definitely not googling something one of the kids said because he didn't understand it even a little bit, shut up Miko), and suddenly this page full of jibberish pops up along with the little, "I'm not a robot" box. Naturally, Ratchet masks his confusion with pure rage, because how is he supposed to use this garbage earth technology when every resource requires him to copy down a word that isn't even there because it's literally just scribbles?????? After he learns what it is, he'll just angrily ask Raf to fill it in for him, though he is considerably insulted that this stupid little test works on beings as advanced as Cybertronians.

When Optimus first sees the test, he just freezes in complete confusion. He's completely bluescreened. The monitor told him to pick all of the pictures with the bicycles. He did that. How was he wrong. The screen told him to pick two items that are the same shape, but he is literally trembling, about to shut down like a microsoft computer because none of them are the same shape. How can they be the same shape if they're different colors aND DIFFERENT FUCKING SIZES-

Everyone looks at him in confusion when a static-electricity-like sound emanates from his head, and then he just slowly slumps to the ground because the confusion made his processor glitch, and the kids could practically hear the windows shutdown music as he just dropped to the floor. (This isn't the first or last time this has happened. This is the reason he doesn't try to understand the more confusing gen-z memes. If you've ever seen videos from Orion Zax on youtube, think the oven joke video, and that's literally just this. If you haven't, look it up, it's great)

You know a funny thing to think about is if cybertronians have some like, goofy ass software/hardware limitations.

Like those clothes designed to confuse ai image recognition, would they just not be able to comprehend what they're looking at like some eldrich monstrosity?

Or I've seen videos where someone is speaking polish but it's pronounced like it's english and I'm just imagining that shit messing with their translation software.

Would their vision bug out if they're near something radioactive like a camera would?

Feel free to add onto this if anyone has more thoughts.

I'M NOT DEAD!!!!!!

I have finally returned and have decided to post my most recent fixation for everyone to see. (I've been through this song and dance before but now everyone gets to see it). Also, it's not angst related?????? Who am I and what have I done with the real Void-

Optimus Prime has to repeatedly be told that he cannot in fact adopt every animal that happens to cross his path, and he has brought back everything from boxes of cats, to a stray dog, to a whole ass mountain lion on one particularly memorable occasion. HOWEVER, there is one animal he absolutely refuses to take home, and even attempts to avoid contact with at all costs. This giant alien robot who has fought in a continuous war for thousands of years will place more trust in Unicron himself (who he has literally almost died fighting) then he will in a goat. Specifically the screaming variety. The humans and most of team Prime had never seen Optimus get truly freaked out by anything - that is until he stepped into the base one day and promptly froze on the spot.

A recent sandstorm had destroyed someone's fence and a few of their goats got out. Bumblebee - taking after his sire obviously - saw the animal wandering around the desert and decided to take it back to base until the kids could find out where it lived. Optimus, who was just returning from his patrol, did not expect to return and find that the literal spawn of satan had invaded his home, and therefore was not ready to confront this secret phobia of his (especially not in front of his friends and family). So,,,, he walks in and just,,, stops. Doesn't even blink. Ratchet hasn't seen his optics this wide since he was Orion Pax. The worst part? This fucking goat is just staring him down. No mercy. Optimus can practically feel the pure malice this thing radiates as he tries to remember how to vent.

No one understands what kind of staring contest Optimus and this goat are having, but you could practically cut the tension between them with a knife. Suddenly, this goat just fucking s c r e a m s and Optimus promptly loses his damn mind. He lets out the highest pitch screech he has made in his centuries-long-life, and trips over himself in his haste to get away from this nightmare spawn standing before him.

Long story short, even after watching it happen, no one knows how Optimus scrambled up into the rafters, but he is now refusing to come down until the goat is gone, and is keeping an arm-cannon aimed at it at all times. Yes, he hears at least half of the bases occupants laughing their asses off at him, and yes, he hears Miko practically crying through her laughter, but Primus damn it he is not coming down until that thing is gone, Bumblebee so help me-

Eventually, the goat is removed from the base, and Optimus finally makes his way back to solid ground. His faceplace is practically glowing blue with his embarrassment, and he won't make eye contact with anyone for at least the next two hours, but now that the goat is gone, he's fine. He has to live with the jokes about it from everyone there for the rest of his life, but no matter how much they pester him about it, he refuses to divulge the story about the origin of his incurable fear of goats. He plans to take that story with him to the all spark (He eventually tells Ratchet and Bumblebee, the former of which promises never to tell another soul, the latter attempts to do the same, but accidentally tells Raf, who accidentally tells Miko, who purposefully ensures that everyone else knows by the end of the week. (Optimus isn't too mad, the story is actually quite funny as long as he is not within 3 miles of a goat at any point in the telling of the story.))

Halt: You ever just look back and cry-

Will: Halt, it's okay to miss your childhood-

Halt: -tears of relief that you don't have to deal with that anymore?

Will: ...Halt, are you okay?

Halt: I'm fine, why?

Continuing from that ask about Lucifer and Alastor's mom, do you think Lucifer even registers that he's gotten himself on everybody's shit list? Or is he oblivious to everyone except his daughter?

Honestly, when combined with his depression, his general disregard of sinners, and whatever else is going on in that head of his, I highly doubt it. He'd notice Charlie and maybe Vaggie - if only because he wants to get closer to her to get closer to Charlie, but his general opinion of sinners is so low that he just assumes the way they're glaring at him is just how they naturally are. I mean, in ep 5 he was giving Charlie an 'I told you so' speech where he said verbatim, "[...] Sinners are violent psychopaths who are hell bent on causing as much pain an destruction as they can." He literally sees them as nothing more than monsters who can't feel or do anything that isn't negative, despite the fact that everyone in the hotel he'd been introduced to besides Alastor had been relatively kind to him up to that point. They literally made cookies for his arrival and he didn't do anything but cringe in mild disgust

So I think that it's pretty safe to say that no, he didn't notice their anger at him

(Again, here's the original post and here's the follow up that prompted this ask, and here's the OP for the first post @that-hazbin )

Halt, waking up after being knocked out for the 2274879th time: Oh, I survived. Great. Love it when I do that

Hiatus Notice

This is going to be my last post until December. I mentioned it in my first post on this hellsite, but I have to leave for training and won't have any access to my phone for about 5 months. If I'm lucky, I might start getting access to my phone after the first 10 weeks, but I wouldn't place any bets on it. Once my training is done I'll go back to posting as normal.

Wish me luck, and I'll see you all sometime around Christmas!