Hey There!! I’m Currently Rereading Part 2 Of Your Playful Punishment Series On Ao3, And I Got To This

This is like the 3rd or 4th time I've seen this crossover, and it is my FAVORITE fucking thing I stg

It's so in character for them I hate it /pos

I genuinely hope people keep doing this crossover, I'd do it myself if I could manage human-like anatomy, but for now I must rely on the good will of Actual Artists

Inspired by this video and I can't stop laughing for minutes straight. Which rarely happens despite my horrible sense of humor!!

Animated Halt O'Carrick Concept

look, I know it's late, but I just finished watching this movie (again), and you CANNOT convince me that I'm the only one who's thought this. Tell me I'm wrong, if Halt were to ever be animated (with a better haircut) he would look EXACTLY like this:

Ballister, my beloved, this man is just Halt in another timeline. I mean come on. Any scene where he's hugging younger Will? Bam:

Halt and Crowley being gay? Boom, feast your eyes:

AND

And of course:

And obviously, you can't forget the ever allusive Halt Smile:

I swear, I'm so emo for this thought that now refuses to leave my head. I thought about this the first time I watched the movie, and I'm still thinking it. I refuse to picture Halt any other way now, and no one can stop me. If you're on the train, you better be fucking COMMITTED because we're going to the end of the tracks with this, baby

Me??? Projecting on Optimus Prime????? Blasphemy. Could never happen, you're being ridiculous. More likely than you'd think.

hi! I'm trying to get other peoples opinion on this-

what do you think alastors human life was like?

sorry it took me so long to answer this one, I've been busy lol

are we talking about what I think for canon, or the headcanon backstory that exists purely for angst? Because those are two veeery different answers lol. I'll just answer the canon opinion, and maybe do another part about my headcanon if anyone's interested

As far as I know, it's been confirmed that Alastor's mother was colored, and at least hinted that she was Vodun (not sure on spelling there) I think that his father is also confirmed to be white, and I know we're all pretty sure by now that he was abusive. We know Alastor likely became a radio host, and was a serial killer (obviously lol) who hung around Mimzy frequently enough. For simplicity's sake, I'll say that Alastor was born in the year 1900, making him 33 when he died

Now, for the speculation. I feel like his parents only married when his mother got pregnant, which resulted in her being outcasted from the Vodun community. I believe she still would have taught her beliefs to Alastor, which probably angered his father, who was most likely Catholic based on the most popular religions in the area at the time. I don't know if it would be ore likely that Alastor's father killed his mother and Alastor killed him because of it, or if Alastor killed his father because of the abuse and lived with his mother until she died of illness. Either way, his father ends up out of the picture. For this, I'll say that his mother lived.

Something I don't usually see people take into account is that the US got officially involved in WW1 in 1917, and started drafting 18yo boys in 1918 - ironically enough when Alastor was 18. The law that prevents "the only surviving son" from being drafted wasn't even thought of until 1964, so Alastor wouldn't have been spared from the draft. I believe draft contracts were about 2 years long, so unless he was injured, Alastor would have spent about that much time in combat. He likely had PTSD from that, but they didn't know what that was at the time, so it would have gone untreated.

He gets home when he's 20ish, and eventually becomes a radio host, befriending Mimzy in the process, but he struggles when he comes home. Nothing seems to alleviate the awful feeling building in him since he came back, and then his mother dies. He snaps. Based on that pre-canon comic, Alastor typically targets predators/abusers ("I do hate those who can't show a little more respect towards those of fairer means"), which makes it pretty ironic (or purposeful) that his name literally means "Avenger".

He hears a woman screaming late at night on his way home, and sees a man cornering her in an alley. Maybe the screams remind him of his mother, or the things he saw overseas, or maybe he's just angry, but he picks something up and bludgeons the man to death. Later, he can't stop thinking about how good it felt to end such a miserable creature, so he does it again. And again. Until eventually, he's killed dozens of men just like his father, and he's reporting his own murders on a news broadcast for the police.

I like to think he didn't practice cannibalism until he got to hell. But if he did practice while alive, it probably would have been during the Great Depression. Times have gotten hard, and while he still has his job, money is tight, and it would be so much easier if he just took a cut or two from the man he just murdered.

However, he still has to dispose of the less edible bits (clothes, hair, bones, etc), and he does so in the bayou behind his house. One day though, there was a hunter who for some reason thought he was a deer. Barking Alerts Alastor of his presence, and he takes off, dogs close behind and baying loudly. Then a gunshot cracks through the air, and Alastor feels a split second pain in his head before collapsing to the ground. The bullet somehow didn't kill him, but it did paralyze him, so there's nothing Alastor can do to fight when the dogs eventually begin tearing into him. In the end, it was the blood loss that killed him as he was mauled, and it seemed like an eternity before he finally succumbed to that. (this is what breeds Alastor's severe dislike (read: fear) of dogs

this is pretty rough, but I figured I'd probably better just get it all out at once lol. Let me know what you think!!

Yess, this is perfect!!!

Charlie just starts treating the massager like it's a spray bottle and Alastor is a particularly devious cat lol. Someone will bring it out, and he'll instantly start staring at them nervously. The second they get close to him he'll try to make a run for it with varying levels of success. If they can get the massager to make that first pass over his scalp, he's done for because he can't conjure up enough concentration to use his shadow magic and get away. As mentioned before, he also has a tendency to just freeze in place and let it happen, literally the only thing he can do is laugh and either hope they have mercy or give in to their demands (which are never as bad as he pretends they are, he's just dramatic)

Angel Dust LOVES to fluster Alastor with the scalp massager, it gets him stronger reactions then sex jokes ever did while having the added benefit of not having even the slightest relation to his work. He and Alastor will be in the same room by themselves, and Angel will just pull one out of nowhere just to watch Alastor blush bright red and panic, flustered out of his mind. If they're in a room with other people, Angel will pull the same shit and watch Alastor try (and fail) not to react because he's around other people and he doesn't want them to find out about his weakness (even though they all clearly know, he is painfully obvious about it). His smile will get all wobbly and he'll try to focus intently on whatever he was doing, but can't stop himself from sneaking glances at Angel and letting out frazzled little squeaks every time. Everyone else thinks it's hilarious and unfairly adorable

Some Lee!Alastor Headcanons to Fuel My Brain

The lee!alastor tag has been painfully empty for the last few days, so I've decided to contribute a few headcanons of mine for you all to see and consider as you wish. Feel free to add on to this post with headcanons/rants/fics/whatever of your own if you want, I was just personally experiencing withdrawal symptoms and needed to fuel my addiction lol

(These are tickle headcanons for those unfamiliar with the terminology. If that isn't your thing, just scroll right on by)

First thing's first. Something I think everyone is sleeping on? Scalp massagers. Specifically the wire ones. I personally think those things are ticklish as fuck, and I'm far from the only one. The majority of us have come to the agreement that Alastor's ears are also ticklish as fuck. Just take a moment with me and imagine the potential:

Someone (probably Angel, or Lucifer) gets a scalp massager and is going around trying it on other hotel residents when they aren't paying attention. It's just for fun, and they're getting the typical reactions (jumping away, super startled, or just completely Unphased). Then, they manage to catch Alastor by surprise and do it to him, but instead of the typical reaction, Alastor startles before bursting out into staticky giggles. Alastor has no clue WHY it tickles so much, but it does, and he's practically paralyzed in a weird half-curled position as whoever has the massager just keeps running it over is head over and over. He can't try to escape, he can only giggle and babble out nonsense words, especially when the ends rub up against his ears which only makes it MORE ticklish, which he didn't think was possible. After the other demon shows mercy (and somehow isn't immediately slaughtered) Alastor develops a healthy fear of the massager, and grows incredibly anxious with anticipation and adorably flustered any time someone brings one out

Speaking of massagers brings me to my second headcanon. This man CANNOT get a massage or he will absolutely die. People who are tense can be more ticklish as a result, and since Alastor is already incredibly ticklish, having tense muscles makes this 100x worse. I have really tense shoulders, and any massage there immediately makes me hysterical, and I imagine Alastor would be the same. If he was comfortable enough to do so, he would be the kind of person to absolutely die if he were to get a full-body massage because it would tickle so damn much - even through the pain that comes with massages. Rosie likes to pretend to massage his shoulders and neck just so she can tell him to stop squirming and giggling so much because she's trying to help him

Another quick headcanon. I like to imagine that he's mostly covered in fur, and while it isn't terribly long in most places, it can still get tangled after a shower, or after being smothered by his clothes all day, so he has to brush it regularly. This is an absolute nightmare for him. Even when he's brushing his own fur, he has to stop every few seconds because he starts laughing too much in certain areas, like over his sides or belly for example. No matter how often he does it, he never gets used to the feeling, and it only gets worse if someone else (usually Rosie) does it for him. At least if he does it himself, he can stop once he starts laughing. It makes it take a long time, but it's less flustering. If Rosie (or Satan forbid someone else for whatever reason) brushes his fur, she usually tries to get a much done at once as she can, so she usually keeps going until he's begging for a break. Also, she thinks it's absolutely adorable, so she'll keep brushing areas that make him squeal long after all the tangles have been removed

Last one for now is that he can feel the static from people's phones. If he's close to someone when their phone rings, he can usually feel the static of it crawling teasingly over his skin. It usually isn't a big deal, but if someone is being bombarded by calls that they keep ignoring (let's say Valentino obsessively calling Angel Dust), the static quickly becomes overwhelming and he'll beg the person to answer their phone or turn it off, if straight up bashing it against the nearest wall isn't an option. It doesn't tickle a particular area, more of an all-encompassing tickle over his entire body. If he gets to the point of begging them to answer, it's usually because he can't hold his laughter and squirming anymore and is trying not to make a fool of himself. He feigns annoyance so people don't find out the real reason he wants the calls to stop. The secret comes out when Angel absolutely refused to answer Valentino one day, but didn't want to turn off his phone because he was in the middle of doing something on it, and Alastor finally broke and curled up where he sat, giggling hysterically and begging Angel to turn his phone off

That's all I have for now, I hope you enjoyed these headcanons. If you decide you like them enough to incorporate them into anything you write/draw, tag me!!! I'd move to see it. Also, as mentioned earlier, feel free to add onto this as you wish, I'd love to see how you all make these headcanons your own

Oh, for sure - I got you

Alastor didn't actually know that his tentacles were ticklish. I mean sure, he knew he could feel through them - getting them stabbed and cut off whenever he fought more powerful demons made him quickly understand that. However, sensations felt through his tentacles are a lot different then they would feel in his body. Any sort of major injury to them definitely hurts him, but not as much as if the same thing were to happen to his arm or leg. It is because of this difference in sensation that he actually realized they were ticklish at all. Vox tends to throw electricity around during their battles, and while it stings like hell if it touches Alastor directly, the first time it touched Alastor's tentacles, he almost choked. It tickled violently in ways he couldn't even begin to describe, but he knew he had to get out of there before he lost his composure. This sudden freeze-and-retreat obviously made Vox think he'd won, so he started using this tactic during every single battle. He assumed that the electricity hurt more when it hit Alastor's shadowy extra limbs, but it was the exact opposite. By the end of every battle, Alastor would be fighting belly laughter harder than he was fighting Vox.

One battle, Alastor couldn't get away for some reason, and Vox is just going full-out trying to take advantage of his upper hand to send as much electricity at Alastor's tentacles as he can until his rival begs for mercy. And....he does. Just not in the way Vox was expecting. Alastor starts off with desperate little whines and squirming only to finally burst into wild cackles when the feeling gets too overwhelming. Vox is so stunned he can't even think to stop the electric shocks, so Alastor's laughter just gets more and more desperate until he's eventually begging for mercy. Vox is over the fucking moon. This wasn't what he was trying to do, but it has to be the best thing he's seen ever. Somehow Alastor manages to get away, but Vox NEVER lets him live it down, constantly teasing him about it, or sending electricity to attack Alastor's tentacles whenever they're out

Rosie knew about the voodoo dolls. She was the only person besides Alastor who knew. She kept one in case he got into a really bad lee mood and needed her help with it but was unable to got to her for whatever reason. Of course, him not having a phone led to a few close calls where she would start tickling the doll when he wasn't in a good setting for her to do so. Late afternoons reading in the lobby were ended in a flood of panic and muffled giggles because he'd suddenly feel invisible claws teasing his sides. His casual observation of bonding exercises would be interrupted by a sudden burst of laughter as phantom fingers suddenly drilled into his armpits - he had to hurriedly pretend he'd been laughing at the foolishness of the exercise rather than anything else, though he wasn't sure how successful he'd been with that one. One particularly memorable night where he'd been out hunting in his bayou ended with him muffling his desperate squeals into the grass and thrashing wildly as his bounty bounded gracefully away. It was his own fault, really. Not only had he refused to get a cellphone to communicate their "sessions" properly, but he'd given Rosie the doll in the first place to help with both his lee moods and her ler moods. This meant that he was fair game if she was feeling particularly devilish. Of course, she wouldn't do it if she knew he was doing anything important, and Alastor had to admit that he gained quite a bit of entertainment from the unexpectedness of it every time. Even if that meant spending a dinner at the hotel fighting giggles in his seat and choking back squeals and other embarrassing noises because she'd decided on a night of soft tickles and would explore every sensitive spot she knew of with merciless precision

Charlie had had the bright idea to hire spa workers for the day and have them visit the hotel as a reward for the residents. Massages, pedicures, manicures, you name it, they probably had it. Alastor already knew what would happen if he got a massage, so he spent the whole day eyeing the masseuses suspiciously and refusing to go anywhere near the tables (if everyone else assumed it was only because he didn't want to take off his suit, they were welcome to believe that was the biggest issue). However, because he'd been so set on avoiding getting a massage, he didn't stop and think of the possible consequences of getting a pedicure, allowing Charlie to convince him to do it with her, Vaggie, and Lucifer. He didn't realize what was about to happen until Charlie began giggling a little bit as the worker began filing the inside of her cloven hoof. Alastor had the sudden blinding realization that he was about to die get the exact same treatment, so he tried giving flustered excuses about why he couldn't do it anymore. Charlie begged him to stay, and Lucifer started teasing him - which Alastor obviously would not back down from, so he sat his ass right back down. When the worker lifted his hoof, all of his bravado vanished. He tried to fight it at first, but within the first few seconds, he was a mess. He was twisted all awkwardly in his chair, face bright red and buried in his hands, and shoulder's shaking with muffled laughter. Naturally, everyone caught on pretty quick, which only made everything infinitely worse when Charlie started cooing at him, Vaggie and Lucifer started teasing him, and even the worker started patronizing him telling him it was okay to just laugh. Somehow, things got even WORSE as it continued, because for some reason his left hoof was much more sensitive than his right, and the worker had started with his right. When they started filing at his left hoof, he shrieked before beginning to laugh loudly and squirm, trying his hardest not to yank his leg away or kick the poor worker in the face. Eventually, the pedicure ended, but Alastor was never going to live it down

bruh, I don't know why I did whole-ass mini fics, my original intention was to just share my headcanons about your headcanons. Can't take it back though, I'm just gonna put it out there and hope you all appreciate it lol

Some Lee!Alastor Headcanons to Fuel My Brain

The lee!alastor tag has been painfully empty for the last few days, so I've decided to contribute a few headcanons of mine for you all to see and consider as you wish. Feel free to add on to this post with headcanons/rants/fics/whatever of your own if you want, I was just personally experiencing withdrawal symptoms and needed to fuel my addiction lol

(These are tickle headcanons for those unfamiliar with the terminology. If that isn't your thing, just scroll right on by)

First thing's first. Something I think everyone is sleeping on? Scalp massagers. Specifically the wire ones. I personally think those things are ticklish as fuck, and I'm far from the only one. The majority of us have come to the agreement that Alastor's ears are also ticklish as fuck. Just take a moment with me and imagine the potential:

Someone (probably Angel, or Lucifer) gets a scalp massager and is going around trying it on other hotel residents when they aren't paying attention. It's just for fun, and they're getting the typical reactions (jumping away, super startled, or just completely Unphased). Then, they manage to catch Alastor by surprise and do it to him, but instead of the typical reaction, Alastor startles before bursting out into staticky giggles. Alastor has no clue WHY it tickles so much, but it does, and he's practically paralyzed in a weird half-curled position as whoever has the massager just keeps running it over is head over and over. He can't try to escape, he can only giggle and babble out nonsense words, especially when the ends rub up against his ears which only makes it MORE ticklish, which he didn't think was possible. After the other demon shows mercy (and somehow isn't immediately slaughtered) Alastor develops a healthy fear of the massager, and grows incredibly anxious with anticipation and adorably flustered any time someone brings one out

Speaking of massagers brings me to my second headcanon. This man CANNOT get a massage or he will absolutely die. People who are tense can be more ticklish as a result, and since Alastor is already incredibly ticklish, having tense muscles makes this 100x worse. I have really tense shoulders, and any massage there immediately makes me hysterical, and I imagine Alastor would be the same. If he was comfortable enough to do so, he would be the kind of person to absolutely die if he were to get a full-body massage because it would tickle so damn much - even through the pain that comes with massages. Rosie likes to pretend to massage his shoulders and neck just so she can tell him to stop squirming and giggling so much because she's trying to help him

Another quick headcanon. I like to imagine that he's mostly covered in fur, and while it isn't terribly long in most places, it can still get tangled after a shower, or after being smothered by his clothes all day, so he has to brush it regularly. This is an absolute nightmare for him. Even when he's brushing his own fur, he has to stop every few seconds because he starts laughing too much in certain areas, like over his sides or belly for example. No matter how often he does it, he never gets used to the feeling, and it only gets worse if someone else (usually Rosie) does it for him. At least if he does it himself, he can stop once he starts laughing. It makes it take a long time, but it's less flustering. If Rosie (or Satan forbid someone else for whatever reason) brushes his fur, she usually tries to get a much done at once as she can, so she usually keeps going until he's begging for a break. Also, she thinks it's absolutely adorable, so she'll keep brushing areas that make him squeal long after all the tangles have been removed

Last one for now is that he can feel the static from people's phones. If he's close to someone when their phone rings, he can usually feel the static of it crawling teasingly over his skin. It usually isn't a big deal, but if someone is being bombarded by calls that they keep ignoring (let's say Valentino obsessively calling Angel Dust), the static quickly becomes overwhelming and he'll beg the person to answer their phone or turn it off, if straight up bashing it against the nearest wall isn't an option. It doesn't tickle a particular area, more of an all-encompassing tickle over his entire body. If he gets to the point of begging them to answer, it's usually because he can't hold his laughter and squirming anymore and is trying not to make a fool of himself. He feigns annoyance so people don't find out the real reason he wants the calls to stop. The secret comes out when Angel absolutely refused to answer Valentino one day, but didn't want to turn off his phone because he was in the middle of doing something on it, and Alastor finally broke and curled up where he sat, giggling hysterically and begging Angel to turn his phone off

That's all I have for now, I hope you enjoyed these headcanons. If you decide you like them enough to incorporate them into anything you write/draw, tag me!!! I'd move to see it. Also, as mentioned earlier, feel free to add onto this as you wish, I'd love to see how you all make these headcanons your own

Can we just take a moment to realize just how screwed up Halt's apprenticeship was?

First things first, the fact that it was probably only about 2.5 years at most. According to timelines that I have seen worked out by others, and have worked out myself, Halt probably would have been a few months after his 15th birthday when he met Pritchard, and it's pretty bold to assume that they started training together the day they met. When Halt left Clonmel, he said he was around 17 and a half, so that's maybe 2 years of training. Not to mention the fact that he wasn't even living with Pritchard at the time and was also learning how to rule a country. He probably didn't receive much one-on-one training from the renegade rangers, but I could believe that Pritchard picked up the slack again once they met up. But then Pritchard dies. And then Halt gets his silver oak leaf.

what.

But wait, there's more! Not only did Halt receive absolute minimal training time, but he didn't have the proper equipment either. TEY talks about how the only proper equipment he had was a bow, and that everything else was pretty much jury rigged (like his double scabbard). He didn't even get to start training with a proper ranger horse until months after the very end of his official training. He most likely had to practice with either the closest equivalents to ranger tools or Pritchard's sets.

When you really think about it, Halt probably had to learn most of his skills on the job without backup in Redmont.

But, it gets worse.

You may say, "But Void, how can it get any worse?" and I'll tell you.

There are a few events whose timelines have to be adjusted due to Flagagank's inability to remember his own character's ages (*cough cough* Halt's time with the Temujai *cough cough*), and this means that a lot of the really important missions that Halt was sent on early in his career that are mentioned throughout the books - such as stealing the Temujai horses and taking down whoever that one guy with the mace was - all took place as Halt was still trying to make up for the gap in his training.

Let's put a little perspective on it.

Imagine Will for a minute. Now imagine that he didn't start his training for a good 6 months after Choosing Day, and that he didn't live with Halt, but rather with Baron Arald. At the same time he's training with Halt, he's learning how to do Arald's job, while also fending off assassination attempts. Now, a little under halfway through Will's training, make him leave the country and shove him into an active war situation. He and Halt don't get to meet up until about a year later. Then a few months after that, Halt gets McFucking Murdered. Then, make Will a full-fledged ranger and assign him to a fief.

That's exactly what happened to Halt.

Bro.

It's no wonder he's always so hard on his apprentices. Man has no idea what a normal apprenticeship looks like, he was making shit up as he went

Edit: I think Tumblr ate my posts, so we're trying again to see how it goes

Reblogging this bc they've been practically invading my ask box and to show any followers who are uncertain that there's nothing wrong with reporting the blogs/delete the asks. Don't let someone scam you bc they stole a sob story from someone living through real crises

I would really like this trend of donation scammers sending anons to stop. I block them yet they still send anons. It's very annoying.

You made it even better, and I love that.

Adding to it a bit, I feel like Halt would be the type of person who - unless he is woken in the field under threat - doesn't quite understand what anyone is saying when he first wakes up. You know that feeling where someone is telling you something, but it doesn't make any sense because your brain isn't fully loading yet? Yeah, that.

HOWEVER, Halt doesn't like looking stupid, so he'd just reply to whatever his brain is telling him the other person said - hence the random things being said. This leaves the other person bewildered, amused, and - in Crowley's case - completely ecstatic.

Just Imagine:

Tired and sleepy Halt saying random things because his brain isn't functioning properly.

I love therapy animals, and I show this by giving one to all of my blorbos - because they desperately need them.