Latest Posts by vposledniyraz - Page 2
I need a haircut. Like desperately need a haircut. But my hair is what makes me feel like me. It reminds me of who I am. It's my closest connection to source. I hope somebody else in this head takes it into their hands cuz as long as I'm here, it's just gonna get more and more out of control.
i dont even necessarily need sex, i just really need to be submissive to someone. just to let them tell me what to do so i can switch off my stupid puppy brain for a while, just for them.
to be there on my knees while they do work, not even fully paying attention to my pathetic whines as i solely focus on them and them alone. a rough fucking would be appreciated but i dont need it. being on my knees is enough.
No cuz I'm actually so pissed why didn't he tell me he wasn't gonna sleep call with me . Why didn't he say he was gonna be chilling out with someone else. I just want communication it's not fucking hard. I communicate everything to you and you don't communicate back. It's not fair.
That explains why he wasn't talking to me last night. Or sleep call with me. Cuz he was sleep calling with another person. And it wasn't even his weird American friend thing. I'm going to do what he did last night and ignore the message. Purposefully ignore it so he knows I'm not happy. Is it so hard to communicate with me that you're going to be with someone else. Is it so hard to tell me what you're doing and what your plans are. Asshole.
He really just makes my good days worse. I don't know if it's on purpose or if he's just oblivious. I burned myself for him and he doesn't even care. No praise, no degrading, no disappointment. Nothing. It feels like everything I do is all for nowt. I just want him to fucking look at me. He's lucky he doesn't live near me.
Why am I so anxious. He called me good boy after I joined him, then I went to go wash up before bed, and every few seconds I got pangs through my body like I could sense he was saying stuff. Obviously he wasn't. But my head kept saying things like "come back, puppy" "You're not making owner very happy" "very disobedient. You don't want me, do you?" and I had to physically hold myself from getting my phone to check if he was messaging me. I got really scared. I don't like being like this.
Curling up beside someone who hits me . Wagging my tail as they grip my hair and tell me I'm a useless mutt and that it's a miracle I'm still safe with them.
So scared of myself that I've chained myself to the bedpost out of reach of anything that could harm me.
Need someone to force alcohol down my throat when I don't want to drink.
"Aw, you were doing so well staying sober whilst in this headspace, puppy. How about a little treat? No? Refusing a gift? That's not very good of you, dog." And then they hold my mouth open and pour the hardest shit into my mouth and make me swallow.
...Right now. I need this right now.
When I say I want to be treated as subhuman, I mean it. I want to be told when to fall asleep, be woken up 'rudely', to spend the day doing whatever you tell me, and if I get it wrong, you push me to the floor and kick me and ask me how long it'll take until the order penetrates my thick fucking dumb head. I want to be commanded within every inch of my life and serve you until I drop dead.
I want this 24/7/365. I just wish somebody would ask me to fill that role for them.
No wonder I want 2 cut cuz of u lol. When u go off on ur own and don't think about me or how I feel, it makes me want to open my arms. U should be with me so I don't have to feel like this. Sometimes I think u want me to feel like this. Maybe ur wishing for it. Fucking asshole
He's not talking to me. If he went to bed, he didn't say goodnight. If he's ignoring me, he's talking to his 'friend' that he's attracted to. He's been avoiding me all day. We haven't spoken much today. 8 messages from him. Usually 50 or more. I'm betting he's talking to 'friend'. I hope their friendship breaks. It can just be me and him again. I want him to be happy, but this guy takes up all of his time. I stay up late worrying about him when he doesn't talk to me and I kinda hope he will come to me at like 3am lol. Then when he does, he tells me off and tells me to go to sleep. Maybe I'd go to sleep earlier if u told me what was going on so I don't wait around for u like some stupid fkn dog.
Need someone who can treat me as a pathetic dog 24/7. Need someone who will tell me what to do. Need someone who makes decisions for me. Need someone who punishes me when I don't obey. Need someone who pushes me into dog headspace when I'm resilient and refusing. Need someone who can clicker train me.
I need to be someone's pet. I need to be able to be a dog around someone 24/7. I need to be owned.
i spend most of my time waiting on a text from you