I Like To Imagine Time Traveling/getting "isekai"ed, And Then Needing To Explain That Where I Come From,

Thinking about the time there were a lot of people in the public pool and I asked my friend if they wanted to go in and they said:

"I don't like it when there's more boba than tea"

Tax breaks are the new sexy.

Marriage was never about love. Like historically, it was basically a strategic business merger.

Marie Antoinette didn't marry Louis XVI because she was swept off her feet by his powdered wig and crippling social anxiety.

No, sis was literally shipped across the border at 14 to seal a political alliance between Austria and France. No romantic picnics involved.

y’all still think we should marry for love? In this day and age and late-stage-capitalism? Real love is a luxury most of us can't afford rn. Not when there's rent due.

Its time to choose benefits over butterflies.

Oh you like like me? Ok then, how many goats u got?

I’m not saying we should go full medieval and start arranging marriages for land again (unless you have land, in which case: hi).

But mayyybe it’s fine if I want someone whose credit score makes my heart race. Someone who understands that the real love language is “my job has great insurance.”

I'm telling you,

Desperate times call for desperate marriages.

I just love the word: "whatsoever", it's just three unrelated words stitched together for no reason whatsoever.

Me: *doomscrolls for hours until it's late*

Clock: it's 00:01

Phone tracking app: Congrats! You’ve spent 0 minutes on your phone today

Me: Oh, yay, I’m allowed to doomscroll for two more hours guilt-free

Phone app: No, that’s not—

Me: don’t care, didn’t ask, it's technically a new day so everything resets

*continues doomscrolling*

Idk what to post on here but im also bored so ima start writing a blog about the apocalypse.

Coming soon...

(the blog not the apocalypse)

(i hope)

Hello, can I get you guys anything?

Yes, two anxiety potions please

Coming right up

I want mine bitter and teeth staining, and they'll have the laxative one with bovine secretions on top.

Great! That'll be 20$

^ This is what I imagine people who like coffee sound like.

My vegan friend: "I actually like the taste of meat alternatives and and almond milk and imitations of cheese."

Me: "they are feeding you lies!"

When i grow up, if i ever go bald, I'm gonna get a bunch of vaguely threatening tattoos and become one of those actors who play the bad guy from the mafia in every single action movie.

Yes! I like smelling the biblichor!

Adding sticky notes to give the next reader all of my unprompted opinions!

Hoarding knowledge in my lair!

Digital books just don't quite hit the same.

(and I do mean that literally, it's less effective to hit people with them)

You know what, I prefer physical books I like the feeling of paper and I like cover art and I like going to book stores, I get the apeel of kindle and ebooks but it's not the same

Damn Hamilton is such a good musical I wish democracy in the United states was real