Curate, connect, and discover
one day, my therapist asked me what 'my person' means to me. as a person with attachment and abandonment issues, it was one major issue that flagged up whenever we spoke about the people in my life. I gave it some thought, kept away my deep rooted shame and embarrassment and tried to answer honestly. what does it mean to me to have a person, a permanent person, while being aro-ace and neurodivergent+MAD™. this is what it means to me - i want a person to look at, to make eye-contact with when i have to do public speaking; somebody to ground my floating mind that tries to leave the physical reality of an anxiety inducing event. I want a person to save me seats when I have to attend social gatherings and I'm looking around the room in all my awkward glory to find a place where i belong. I want a person to text me in the middle of the night, telling me they need me; and whom I can text when I need them without hesitation. I want a person whom I can feel comfortable being physically affectionate with without either of us having to worry about intentions or invitations. that's what it means to me to have a person. somebody who's my comfort being, safe space (and vice versa). somebody who will look to me when there's a request to pick a person. somebody who will stick by my side in a party when I'm feeling low, and somebody who will let me be when I'm feeling jittery. somebody who trusts me to be there for them, who unloads on me, and chooses me.
i write a lot about this because I yearn a lot for this. I don't know if I'll ever stop.