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Archive Of My Thoughts - Blog Posts
i love how moths look and fly and theyre so beautiful but they lowkey terrify me and sometimes i find them kinda repulsive but when i think about it, i see myself just like i see the moths
8/5/25
okay fuck it we're starting this again
today i had a verbal shutdown for the first time IN PUBLIC and it was really awkward navigating it
i bought a chiikawa blind box, havent opened it yet tho
had this on repeat for an hour today
i've been craving matcha milk so much mmm it's so good when its cold and sweetened but the weather is slightly warm outside so you take a sip it feels like you can taste the mellow notes of summer in your mouth, doesn't really hit the same in winter though :/
i look at the top of the playlist and its white noise.
If you have Spotify reblog this and tag what your number one song on your “on repeat” playlist is.
i swear to god if i don't get this adhd diagnosis within the next few months i will lose it more than i already have i literally feel useless "why do you always forget things" shut up or i'll kill you
me and my friend like to wear spider suits every thursday to motivate ourselves because thursday is our longest college day
My friends and I used to do this thing where we'd dress up on a theme and go do something totally normal.
We dressed up as pirates and went bowling.
We dressed as vikings and went to the grocery store. The security guard told us we had to move our longship because it was illegally parked.
We dressed as Romans and went to Blockbuster. The staff chanted, "toga! Toga! Toga!" at us.
We dressed up all steampunk and went to the museum. Tourists kept taking our picture.
i made a little trinket box years ago and slowly i've been adding small treasures and gifts into it, its been a good few years now and the box can't close anymore.. i wish to have a big box full of things through age ♡
"oooh we all die one day ooooh someday everyone you love will be gone" okay bitch. i just got a fucking ice cold mountain dew for a dollar from a vending machine and im hanging with my best friend and every second a new living creature is born. what about that? bitch.
i think that non religious people or previous religious people who have never looked into their raised religions properly from a clean mind don't know shit about them, and ive seen that more than once ! and OP proves that too ! im not entirely well versed on christianity so i'll be speaking on islam for the most part.
to preface this i dont consider myself a muslim but i honestly do not consider myself non religious either. whether people like it or not i will pick and choose religion however i like by taking the spiritual and supernatural side of the quran at value such as common practice of duas (act of worship, expressing forgiveness and gratitude to answer our requests) and words of witchcraft and djinn protection being taught in the quran since i grew up with them.
every abrahamic religion has a same set belief but all the beliefs in between are very much different. if you want to be anti religion at least get your facts right, christianity has the father, the son and holy spirit. islam has a set belief that there is only one god and the last prophet is a messenger.
"borrowed methods from the exotic west" at a certain point this becomes more about hating the middle east than it does actually criticizing the male centered ideology, religious centered way of life and intertwined misogyny that dwells within broken middle eastern families and women in houses full of hurt. if this was about that, then you would point out how islamic leaders in middle eastern countries use the paper cut words of islam to control their women, when in the quran it very much states the opposite with the one verse in surah al baqarah 256 "there is no compulsion in religion" the only time that verse is contradicted is when there is times of war. you would speak about how these self proclaimed islamist leaders are driving the christians out of their countries with hate speech, how they turn a blind eye to the countless palestinians suffering. you are allowed to critisize religion but what is the point of that when you're not well read you would also speak about how the rise of independence in woman got driven out of the middle east and why that is such a big problem for the women, especially when they are such big targets.
no stories of the prophets in christianity are the same, like the story of adam in islam blames both adam and eve for eating the fruit from the tree of immortality, god forgiving them both but telling them they will suffer drom their consequences and banishes them to earth with shaytan
do i agree with the fact that the prophet was seen as a pedophile, yes. will i say that she was a 5 year old girl, no. she (aisha ra) was 19 when her marriage was consumated (honestly quite unsettling to me guhdamn) and that is what many islamic scholars do agree on due to the second year of hijrah taking place, however since there is so much confusion between translators and narrators (and the fact that religion has always been up to interpretation) the hadith is usually considered malul (defective) because of so many inconsistencies regarding her age, the hadith is not substantial evidence of her age. and this is also backed by oxford historian joshua little who argues that her age was most likely fabricated for sectarian reasons. you can read that here (you can find a summary on reddit)
anyway if you wanna just call khadija ra his "first wife" and not even use her name, (she was so much more than just a wife) then of course you wouldn't realise that she was an extremely successful business woman managing caravan trade that she inherited from her father and ex husband and is often referred to as the mother of believers. the woman of islam are so powerful and should be viewed as such instead of people constantly focusing on the men of the religion and their impacts.
saying that the revelation that was shown to the prophet was the final chapter of christianity really shows that you have no idea about how both christianity and islam really came about and how they both differ greatly yet also interlink (shocker! this applies to every single abrahamic religion too! not one is original at all)
i dont particularly agree with religion because it contradicts itself all the time. fights misogyny with enabling misogyny ! amazing. that goes for every damn abrahamic religion,, but also contradicts itself by giving women rights and then taking another right away from them as an act of disipline (however i do like the fact that rapists are to be killed yeah i agree with that)
if you are anti religious without bias, act like it. hate on it with fact, instead of biased words. a very dear family member of mine is deeply muslim and she veils fully too simply because its a choice of hers, what i will not do is tell her that she follows a phony religion and that her veiling is rooted in misogyny and that she should leave something that she has found so much solace and peace in. shes a huge feminist and has no plans of getting married at all. in her own words "i will praise god, never a man." because yes, religion is a form of free will.
following this, what you should be trying to do is give those women who *dont* have a choice in veiling, a choice. these women should have active people they can go to for support in getting that choice, however these women fall short of that because of people like you, and the religious people who believe a choice is not there. the more these islamic leaders see that people have hate rhetoric to the people of islam, the more they will try to "protect" their women in a way they do best, submission in veil and silence of population. i have lived it i know. the other side of the coin are the people (mainly men) who force religion on the population that does not want it, due to the notion that the west is a threat (gee i wonder where that came from) these things fall more hand in hand than someone thinks. ur priority should be protecting these women and not fueling anti religious agendas that will further damage those woman that you swear you want to protect.
I speak a lot about how ironic it is that Christians that hate Islam want to be taken seriously for their faith, but I don’t think the average person understands how deep this irony goes.
For those not well read in both faiths, Islam is a nearly 99% identical copy of Christianity. Moses is Musa, Abraham is Ibrahim. Gabriel is Jibreel, Adam and Eve is Adam and Hawa. Joseph is Yousef, Job is Ayub. Ishmael is Ismael, Isaac is Ishaaq.
Same prophets, almost the exact same stories and canon. Muhammad was an illiterate shady businessman who saw Christianity for what it was, a way to control women and shut down critical thought. He aspired to be a pedophile warlord and borrowed methods from the exotic west to fulfill his goals.
His first wife was older than him. His last was a 6 year old. As he gained power through conquest after conquest, and had his “miraculous visions” of verses being revealed to him, no one could tell that nearly every line he spoke was a stuttering copy of a faith already popular in a far away land. His fellow traveling merchants could, and he was a laughingstock to them. His first scribe could and was banished for noticing his obvious plagiarism…He eventually had to switch gears and market Islam as a “final chapter” of Christianity.
So anyway, that’s why I find interfaith arguments darkly hilarious.
☆28/09/24☆
chat 🧍🏻♀️ i literally want to be a lone wolf like i do not want to be social at all and i wasn't today at all, and so now i can't wait for another spiritual awakening !! new friend is lowkey kinda self centered ab everything so im not even gonna try with that connection but i also think i just really really need some me time
i dont like jk rowling cause shes racist why are we acting like shes not, woc just sit in different seats all the damn time
27/12/24 ☆
i came home at 8pm today, the world is so loud and i like keeping quiet. i want to curl up an become a glowing orb
a new friend is already draining me i feel like i have to mask
i met 2 close friends today over hot chocolate and i love them both + physics assignment set :[
how has anyone gotten away with saying "my ex was ugly anyway". YOU DATED THEM..?
sigh... taps the sign
india in 1880 would have been what is now known as pakistan, india, bangladesh, myanmar
°•☆ 14/08/24 ☆•°
im back !! its been a while, me and the girls around me have been through hell and back this past month and i will not show any mercy for those who beg. right now im still healing and learning how to love me better, and spend more time with rhose who i love, especially today. godspeed ♡
☆ 23/06/24
my nephews left :( sad about it :(( no joke all i had was falafel today i swear i ate the entire box, today was very slow
☆ 22/06/24
a late update! ive been hanging out with my nephews far too much im so knackered but i love them both so much, finally logged into the ps4 yesterday its been so long i cant wait to play bioshock again
☆ 21/06/24
today was batshit crazy i greened out for the first time, on a blunt with friends n i thought i wasn't in control of my body and tried to break out of it which only made me trip hard and then puke a bunch but then i had the nicest high ever after that ! and also half a tub of icecream ♡ literally no school lessons today all i did was get high
☆ 20/06/24
the sunrise was pretty today :3 sorry i couldnt update yesterday, me and my siblings were out all night we went to a hiking trail at 12am and went to a field at 3am napped there for a bit all the way up until sunrise. today was slow but nevertheless peaceful
☆ 18/06/24
i learnt a lot today ? not academically but i strengthened relationships and sorted out my feelings today ! love has been very strong in the air as of recent, especially today. me and a friend made daisy chains whilst talking about relations of love and loss. on a related note think i like him...
☆ 17/06/24
it was eid today ♡ i had a lot of good yummy food and my family came over too, my sister made carrot cake and it tasted good. my nephews are coming over tommorow,,
☆ 15/06/24
i got a lot of people who love me today,, and to realise that through a tiktok post is kinda insane but here we are~ my friend made a plan to get me close to one of her friends so i can get with him, im enjoying that mission
☆ 14/06/24
i think ive found a new found interest in someone today,, i bought falafel with my friends it was super yummy~ the squirrel stopped and looked at me and then posed when i pulled out my phone lol
01/04/24 ☆○°•》♡
it is 4 am !
what ive been listening to recently:
its now the last few days of ramadan lets go i've loved making springrolls everyday without fail 😝
these days have been so ?? ever since my last post i got pulled into the attendance office at school and they were so stern and stubborn about me being in on time and the lady went as far as calling me stupid and jobless 😬
but now that the easter break has come by things seem so nice and quiet and i baked for the first time in a while !! it was so nice my brownies came out so well look at how scrumptious they look,,
on top of my amazing brownies which i might drop the recipe to soon, i also have been speaking to my friends so much more !! im closer with a few people now and healed from people who have hurt me i feel loved and i fuck w it !!
also working on self concept and my spiritual aspect has worked so well i've been keeping my thoughts on a leash and i feel like im in a studio ghibli film on a train and the wind is hitting my face slowly yk?
if i told this to me last november she wouldve sobbed so hard, im glad im doing better yay
09/03/24 ☆☆☆
well damn its been a while.
what im listening to rn!:
the last time i updated was on the 16th last month!? thats like 3 weeks my bad
but now its odd cause i have nothing to say
it's safe to say that these last 3 weeks have been spent on self improvement on my inner self but honestly i need to be focusing on my academics 😭 i have A LOT of coursework to do its insane but ima be real and say i do not care i cannot lie
i'm generally feeling happier !! ♡ its nice feeling somewhat better than this month last year,, i've been feeling fulfilled
but that also means i am near 1 full year of being s/h clean ‼️ (pls cheer)
me and my brother stepped out for a little while yesterday :
i will be updating a lot more 💀 i will actually keep up on it too 😝
\♡3♡/ 16/02/24
i havent updated in a while !! but things are really starting to go my way and im grateful each step of the way~
what ive had on repeat recently :3 :
on saturday me and all my friends did a galentines party and it was so cute and fun and i really enjoyed it !! the cake was yummy (we wrote most boys suck on it) and we all had sm fun
(me in the back with my massive pink sweater and phone 😭😭)
and everyday since then ive just had a really nice fulfillment in my heart ive been working on my self concept too and even manifested a few things~ being grateful for a lot of things really is the answer i cannot believe how far gratitude has gotten me
ive also been working on being more spiritual ever since ive learnt about perception and its influence on the human mind and its been really peaceful so far,,
ive gone ahead and downloaded a bunch of games off of my cousin which resulted in me doing this the whole of yesterday :
i do plan on playing more and the rest of the franchise ofc 😁
thats ab it,, i wanna update weekly instead of everyday now i think its more doable for me
anyway i wish you resiliance, abundance, love and joy ♡♡
૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა 11/02/24
express gratitude always ♡
today i've had this song on repeat for the entire day i cannot lie, it's brought me so much peace i love it so much. i've also been thinking about how much love and light is around me and how much importance is around me i cannot physically put into words how it makes me feel as of recent.
i was also thinking, is it possible to grieve the present? or is there another word for what im feeling, it's like i am hyper aware all that is happening in front of me and how much energy and molecules of matter exist in front of me and how i have the pleasure to be awake and breathing so much so that it makes me want to cry for hours on end.. the fact that my soul and body got a chance to co-exist in one reality? .. it seems almost dystopian even though its just life. i dont want anyone to dull this spark of gratitude that ive been feeling. its so euphoric, like genuine self love i suppose? i feel it in me in waves. i'm guessing its good energy.
i drank a lot of tea today, started a new lego piece and watched one of my fave kdramas. how i wish i could live a simple life like this after the school holiday period.
wait why would i wish when i can just believe
૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა 08/02/24
all is not lost and grief is needed in order to heal.
ive been trying to make myself all put together and healed up when i havent even done the first step yet which is grieving, ive been putting it off for so long but the reality is that healing does not come without intense emotional releases and i had no idea that i was damaging myself by not allowing myself to process it all, now that i did that today it is very much tiring but its so much more better than staying in an anxious and low state all the time. all is well !! and i believe i will get better and love myself more each and everyday
its really hard to admit that i let someone treat me like i was less than and believed it but also the fact that i saw myself as less deserving, i dont want to be hateful at my past self so all i can do is love and let go no matter how long it takes to do so,, i'll def be sleeping with a clear mind and come to the acceptance of that pain
but i also finished my kuromi lego set today !! look it >
