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Biphobia - Blog Posts
Internalized biphobia is a bitch
Every time there's something about "straight passing" couples being not experiencing homophobia then bi people get pushed further away from their rightful community. Also this idea that trans men can perfectly pass and gain all privelages of a cis man.
People really need to take a good look at how much emphasis they place on the supposed "privelages" that someone who appears more cis and straight or male has over other LGBT people.
"Passing" in any way is entirely conditional and can be taken away the instant something slips or a stranger scrutinizes you enough. Walking on eggshells and hoping you aren't found out and risk facing violence is not this great privelage you may think it is.
Remember the trans panic defense? That realizing a sexual partner is trans is used as a defense to murder them? So they "passed" until they didn't, and it actually led to them being killed. Passing did not protect them.
Also there's this idea that any couple that appears to be man + woman will never get clocked as queer. That they can never be queer. That bisexuals don't have the same level of queerness as a lesbian woman or a gay man. But they do. They can be flamboyant, butch, femme, anything that any other queer person can be.
Every time there's something about "straight passing" couples being not experiencing homophobia then bi people get pushed further away from their rightful community. Also this idea that trans men can perfectly pass and gain all privelages of a cis man.
People really need to take a good look at how much emphasis they place on the supposed "privelages" that someone who appears more cis and straight or male has over other LGBT people.
"Passing" in any way is entirely conditional and can be taken away the instant something slips or a stranger scrutinizes you enough. Walking on eggshells and hoping you aren't found out and risk facing violence is not this great privelage you may think it is.
Remember the trans panic defense? That realizing a sexual partner is trans is used as a defense to murder them? So they "passed" until they didn't, and it actually led to them being killed. Passing did not protect them.
Also there's this idea that any couple that appears to be man + woman will never get clocked as queer. That they can never be queer. That bisexuals don't have the same level of queerness as a lesbian woman or a gay man. But they do. They can be flamboyant, butch, femme, anything that any other queer person can be.
The Similarities Between Biphobia and Transmultiphobia
I am a multigender bisexual. Before I began to focus my efforts into transgender and multigender activism, I was BIG into bisexual activism. But, because of this, I’ve noticed something peculiar… Something that other multigenders have noticed too.
A lot of modern-day transmultiphobia (particularly those directed towards those who are both male and female) is, quite simply (and I mean this in a very literal way), repackaged biphobia from the peak of biphobic discourse.
This includes, but isn’t limited to:
The “fence-sitter” perspective. Multigenders and bisexuals are seen as sitting on the fence of the binary. We can belong in both communities (gay and straight, male and female). But because of this ability to be in both, we are not allowed into either.
This is because of us being seen as “tainted by the other gender,” or as an “invader”. Both the idea that bisexuals are less “purely” WLW or MLM than their gay counterparts, and the “men vs non-men” dichotomy that we’re seeing be put up, are evidence of this. When it comes to discussion gay and lesbian M/F multigenders, this comparison is very apt. I mean, “your association with men / women has made you unable to belong with us” is VERY on the nose.
The view that it’s “just a phase.” Both existence as a bisexual and as a multigender, from my experience, is seen as something you will go through before you “choose a side”, before you “settle down” with a real, PROPER choice. One of the two choices that you’re given, rather than both.
Making people angry because of how we make them insecure. “If this person attracted to men and women can belong in the queer community,” wonders the biphobe, “What does that mean for the state of my queerness?” And likewise, the transmultiphobe asks, “If this person is both a man and a woman, then what does that mean for my attraction?”
I believe that this is because bisexuality and multigenderism both have… “Both.” In a world, with a binary, that expects — DEMANDS — that you pick either/or, saying “both” (or, heaven forbid, “both, and…”) will always be met with extreme rejection and isolation.
Multigender and bisexual activists could learn a lot from each other. We are so often told to hide or cut off one part of ourselves in order to fit into some sort of (any sort of!) set of norms, and to conform to the male/female binary. We fuck with people’s views of sexuality and gender merely by existing, and we are nothing short of revolutionary for that reason.
We talk a lot about how it’s homophobic to tell lesbians that they need to be open to dating males.
But by focusing on on how harmful this is to lesbians, we leave bisexuals behind.
Many trans people have an attitude of “If lesbians/gay men don’t want me, at least bisexuals do.” And that’s just not true, and not fair to bisexuals. It leads to a culture of expecting bisexual women to be okay with any configuration of biological sex, hormonal status, and body parts.
Bisexuals are therefore framed as a group of women who are supposed to be available as a potential partner for anyone who wants them.
So it’s not just homophobic, it’s part of rape culture. Because it aims to teach (mostly) women that they’re not allowed to form their own feelings about their sexuality and their attraction. It teaches women that their sexuality isn’t for them. Their sexuality is a political statement, and there is a right and wrong statement to make.
The fact of the matter is that no one has to date someone they’re not attracted to. No one has to try to develop attraction for someone they’re not innately interested in. No one has to “examine their preferences” when it comes to who they want in their bed. This includes bisexuals.
Yes, women standing up for ourselves does lead to a lot of lonely mtfs who can’t get dates. No, that is not women’s problem.
This affects all of us, but it affects bisexuals in a unique way that’s worth talking more about.
This is very accurate.
assuming bi youth only experience marginalization and oppression when they’re in same gender relationships makes as much sense as assuming that gay people only experience marginalization and oppression when they’re in a relationship
it doesn’t
Hell yes to all of this.
So goddamn annoying that bi women can’t talk about our issues without some donkey insisting we are purposely pitting ourselves against lesibans and sympathizing with our “straight oppressors.”
Maybe if y’all quit calling us degrading names like breeders and handmaidens and quit telling us we deserve to be raped because of our attraction to men, or trying to remove us from lgbt spaces, and using our trauma as a means to bully and harasss us, we wouldn’t have to constantly bring this shit up.
Pointing out shitty, phobic behavior perpetuated by political lesbianism doesn’t make us the villains. You’re still a monster if you subscribe to those ideals, you’re still a biphobe. Your gold star sexuality does not exempt you.
Seriously, it is not lesbophobic to rightfully object to your identity being erased. Would it have been that hard for the person taking the pictures to call it a queer wedding, a bisexual wedding, a wlw wedding, or even a same gender wedding?
"Lesbian can be used as an adjective for wlw duh." But also "Don't you dare use lesbian if you're bi/pan!"
Heaven Forbid the bisexual brides feel their sexuality is invalidated by being known as "sword lesbians" online when they are both bisexual. Can y'all just say you hate m-spec women and go to hell?
Bisexual Men
Just a thought but bisexual men (and m-spec men in general) are:
-not gay in denial
-don’t deserve to be your scapegoats for the AIDs crisis
-valid mlm regardless of whom they date (and stop insinuating that their girlfriends are their “beards”)
-can be polyamorous
-can be asexual and still valid
-can be aromantic and still valid
-awesome in general!
Front page of North Bi Northwest (Oct/Nov, 1995)
❝ Why I Am Bisexual ❞
To add, even back in 2009, there was a push that "bisexuality is transphobic," something that was designed to both attack anyone that dared to think about science (because bisexuality is being able to be attracted to both women and men), and also to wear bisexuals down.
Even on a website where bisexuality was defended, even back in 2009 when that page was published, bisexuality as a sexuality was already massively weakened, where bisexuals were so broken down that they were already tying themselves in knots to not be seen as transphobic.
Bisexuals in general are the absolute worst at defending ourselves and our sexuality, thanks to just how prevalent biphobia is everywhere. It tends to be so much easier for bisexuals to latch onto an entirely different label to try and obfuscate the fact that they're bisexual - both to themselves and others.
What isn't talked about enough is the intersectional bigotry that bisexual women face. A bisexual woman is seen as hypersexual and is presumed to have zero boundaries, so if she dares have any then she's a lying tease who can't be raped because she always wants it, who is both the hateful, lying and homophobic straight woman looking for male attention, but also the closeted self-hating lesbian as soon as she dates a woman and needs to admit to being a lesbian already because denying it is selfish and she needs to think about other lesbians, but if she dates a man after breaking up amicably with a woman, then she suddenly and finally becomes the evil, abusive bisexual lesbophobe that preys on unsuspecting lesbians to use them and deliberately lies to use lesbian culture.
Is it any wonder that bisexuals made up a whole bunch of nonsense labels to avoid accurately being called bisexual, when there's both so much entitlement to our time and bodies purely for existing, and also so much hatred of us?
We talk a lot about how it’s homophobic to tell lesbians that they need to be open to dating males.
But by focusing on on how harmful this is to lesbians, we leave bisexuals behind.
Many trans people have an attitude of “If lesbians/gay men don’t want me, at least bisexuals do.” And that’s just not true, and not fair to bisexuals. It leads to a culture of expecting bisexual women to be okay with any configuration of biological sex, hormonal status, and body parts.
Bisexuals are therefore framed as a group of women who are supposed to be available as a potential partner for anyone who wants them.
So it’s not just homophobic, it’s part of rape culture. Because it aims to teach (mostly) women that they’re not allowed to form their own feelings about their sexuality and their attraction. It teaches women that their sexuality isn’t for them. Their sexuality is a political statement, and there is a right and wrong statement to make.
The fact of the matter is that no one has to date someone they’re not attracted to. No one has to try to develop attraction for someone they’re not innately interested in. No one has to “examine their preferences” when it comes to who they want in their bed. This includes bisexuals.
Yes, women standing up for ourselves does lead to a lot of lonely mtfs who can’t get dates. No, that is not women’s problem.
This affects all of us, but it affects bisexuals in a unique way that’s worth talking more about.