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Bsd 122 - Blog Posts
chapters 63, 78, 105 and 121.
and each time, Atsushi's reaction was to acknowledge Dazai's presence and be motivated by it:
but, now that the veil has been lifted, it's very easy to see that this Dazai hasn't been very nice in his approach at all. Here, let me help you visualise it a little:
Looking back, that Dazai's words were systematically accusatory and harsh, and if at the start his face resembled the man Atsushi knows, recently his expressions have turned dull and cold, much more reminiscent of what we've seen from the orphanage headmaster.
Yes, the headmaster was cruel. Yes, it was unfair. No, Atsushi didn't deserve any of it. He should have been protected, he has every right to despise that man and to feel all the conflicting feelings he has about it. But it happened. It happened, and he was shaped by it, and every step he takes as he makes his way through his new life has the echoes of the way that man raised him. He's making the choice not to let anyone go through what he has to if he can help it, but also makes him prone to self-sacrifice because of his lack of self-esteem.
Atsushi's been struggling hard since the Decay of Angels arc began, and the voice that's been motivating him whenever his determination waned has been the one of the man who raised and abused him hidden behind the mask of the one who brought him to his new home. It's fucked, and it worked.
HOW IS SHIN SOUKOKU NOT CANON YET????
My soul has been torn apart, put into a blender and healed together by this chapter (T▽T)
I dont know how to process this, i wanna just AAAAA
dazai and akutagawa make me sick too (though i discovered today that i had food poisoning and did not, in fact, actually throw up from bsd angst)
dazai was only a couple of years older than akutagawa and simply perpetuated that cycle of violence that the world around them followed, one lost and deeply disturbed kid trying to lead another and idk that just makes it all the more sadder because the intention behind dazai's actions weren't even malicious. who is to say dazai did not wholeheartedly believe, like he did for himself, that akutagawa could find meaning in the port mafia?
dazai, who had assimilated in the darkness, who lived around blood and violence each day, how would he have taught akutagawa something other than all he's ever known in his life?
i don't know i just feel like we need more nuance in this discussion when it comes to dazai's abuse of akutagawa, which isn't to defend him at all but to realize that it was a horrible position for either of them to be in; where the blind lead the blind.
everything about shin soukoku makes me sick
atsushi seeing akutagawa in a position so deeply relatable to him and seeing that glimmer of humanity behind the exterior of a fighter and actively sacrificing himself for that small hope. he who constantly believes in akutagawa's humanity despite the world that burns around them, he who gives him the chance while taking away his own-
atsushi seeing dazai through akutagawa's lens for the first time and the knowledge that akutagawa does not merely choose to be like this but that it's the only option ever left for it is so ... (sounds of crying)
their similar situations giving them an understanding such as that, in typical circumstances, only they could have for themselves, by witnessing akutagawa's past for himself
how does it feel to know someone like you do yourself? how does it feel to watch that suffering, understand it, see through it and yet still have hope for more? what kind of faith does it take to not only see that hope but throw yourself in the jaws of death for it?
nothing about them is casual and i love it but they have ripped my heart from its chest and im gonna cry need them to be alright and happy and together in a better timeline where everything is alright so bad im crying
tbh i think that scene is less about atsushi “learning the truth abt dazai” and much more about him finally being able to acknowledge how much of himself he sees in akutagawa without the mental block of his warped perception of dazai. and even then i don’t see this seriously impacting atsushi’s relationship with dazai like this is about his relationship with aku
remembered this line from Beast and now I have to kill myself
What do you mean. What do you mean Akutagawa didn't know why Atsushi saved him. What do you mean Atsushi saw how Dazai treated Akutagawa, thus adding a new layer of understanding between them. What do you mean Akutagawa wanted to kill Atsushi for fear he would never be accepted "and then—" And then what, you fell in love??? WHAT DO YOU MEAN DAZAI WAS THE DIRECTOR BECAUSE ATSUSHI TOO HAS TO ACCEPT HIS PAST—
For those of you who may not be too familiar with the manga, during ch39: Portrait of a Father, Akutagawa shows up, as Dazai's informant, to give Atsushi documents about who the orphanage headmaster was and what happened to him.
At that moment, Akutagawa shows an uncharacteristic clemency towards Atsushi, saying that "Atsushi's master died today", and compares this to his own relationship with Dazai.
This was a long time ago now, and a lot has happened since. The Cannibalism arc is right after this, where they are very antagonistic towards each other, and includes this scene:
Akutagawa, despite his bitterness towards Atsushi for who he is to Dazai, has seen how similar they are in this sense. Atsushi hasn't, because his gratefulness towards Dazai prevents him from seeing that Akutagawa's experience was completely different with this same person. (he's also not given any time by the narrative to wonder about it)
but then just came along chapter 122!!!
Atsushi gets to see, 1:1, the relationship between Akutagawa and Dazai. For the first time, Akutagawa is relatable to him.
And of course, at the end, Atsushi calls out the illusion as being the headmaster wearing Dazai's face because we are closing this loop! We are forcing Atsushi to see Akutagawa the same way Akutagawa has been seeing him!
SPARKBIRDS NEWEST SONG THE LIGHT THAT COMES THROUGH IS SO SSKK IN THE LATEST CHAPTER
AND ITS SOOO GOOD SPARKBIRD ILYSM
For those who haven't seen it yet, the official translation is already on mangadex!
Bsd chapter 122 - translation
(this translation may be incorrect, so if you read this remember to check the official translation! This post only has the pages with dialogue, also, read from left to right)
Dazai: Think about it. It's what people do to remember the past.
Atsushi: H-here is... the agency?!
Dazai: Physical distance doesn't matter in the fourth dimension.
Dazai: To get from point A to point B on this sheet in the quickest way... what should be done?
Atsushi: ? Go in a straight line, of course...
Dazai: Normally, but we are in a higher dimension.
Dazai: Just do it like this.
Dazai: It is possible to intercept all the places here... and attack the origin point, which is ame-no-gozen.
Atsushi: Will you do the same with me?
Dazai: If you understood, let's fly.
Dazai: Focus.
Atsushi: Dazai-san! You...!
Dazai: Just look...
Past Dazai: I want to recruit you for the Port Mafia
Akutagawa: Jinko...
Akutagawa: Why did... you protect me?
Dazai: I want to recruit you for the Port Mafia
Akutagawa: Why am I... remembering this now?
Akutagawa: I just... hated... this world that let my street friends die for nothing.
Akutagawa: I wanted revenge... for being born into this world.
Dazai: If you're ready... I'll give you what you want.
Akutagawa: What I want? Are you... able to give me a meaning to live?
Dazai: I am.
Atsushi: Akutagawa...
Dazai: It's taking too long to activate your ability! You won't survive like this in the organization!
Akutagawa: I didn't feel any pain. Dazai-san was the one who gave me a meaning to live. But...
Akutagawa: ...He disappeared without any explanation
Akutagawa: And when we met again, he had a new subordinate.
Dazai: "My new subordinate is much better than you"
Akutagawa: Jinko! Jinko! Jinko! Jinko!
Akutagawa: Feeling humiliated and resentful… I feared I would never be accepted. This motivated my heart. And I bet everything on the tiger's execution.
Akutagawa: And then.. then...
Akutagawa: Fool... go now
Dazai: We arrived.
Dazai: The true body of the god is beyond this door.
Atsushi: Where are we?
Atsushi: It's big. And it's completely sealed…
Atsushi: It doesn't work, it's too heavy. It doesn't even move.
Orphanage director: You stupid brat. No one will save you.
Orphanage director: You don't deserve to live.
Dazai: I can only get you this far.
Atsushi: Thank you. I couldn't have gotten this far alone.
Dazai: I was the one who called you to the agency. Who brought you into a dangerous world. It's the least I can do.
Atsushi: No. You are not Dazai-san.
Atsushi: Because of the nullification ability… he couldn't become an illusion and talk to me. And you sometimes… didn't behave like Dazai-san.
Atsushi: You thought I wouldn't listen to you… if it wasn't in this form, didn't you?
Atsushi: You're right…
Atsushi: Director. When your illusion disappeared… I started seeing Dazai-san. Then…
Director: It was… the only way.
Director: I don't have… the right to talk to you. That's why…
Atsushi: You are just a shadow… created as a consequence of Q's ability.
Director: Yes. The real me is already dead. But…
Atsushi: Enough. I don't want to talk to you.
Atsushi: It's no use. It's not moving at all. But… if I don't defeat the god behind this door, everyone will…
Can I talk about the fact Akutagawa doesn’t understand why Atsushi saved him, even though he did the exact same thing for Atsushi. Him using the word 'protect' rather than save is also so powerful to me because that's inherently what Akutagawa always has been- a protector. He was born with his ability and he protected his sister, the other kids in the slums with it. He sacrificed himself so Atsushi could leave the ship. And now, we've yet to see how Bram's wish will play out, but he was asked to protect Aya. Rashomon is shaped like knight armour on him at this exact moment.
And yet he can't understand why someone would do the same for him???? Absolutely INSANE. He's spent so long protecting others and then trying to better himself for approval, to be able to survive on his own by sheer violence that he can't fathom anyone doing the same for him. It was probably the same when Higuchi and the black lizards saved him when he was comatose.
And likely, he knows Atsushi views him as immoral and his actions as abhorrent, and is stuck on the fact Atsushi has had a sudden switch (sudden to him) in such a huge way that he'd die for him, since Atsushi has never been shy about telling Akutagawa just what he thinks of him. He can’t fathom Atsushi seeing his violence and hatred toward him and knowing him so deeply without understanding him and also choosing to save him.
Asagiri you're insane for this truly.
For those of you who may not be too familiar with the manga, during ch39: Portrait of a Father, Akutagawa shows up, as Dazai's informant, to give Atsushi documents about who the orphanage headmaster was and what happened to him.
At that moment, Akutagawa shows an uncharacteristic clemency towards Atsushi, saying that "Atsushi's master died today", and compares this to his own relationship with Dazai.
This was a long time ago now, and a lot has happened since. The Cannibalism arc is right after this, where they are very antagonistic towards each other, and includes this scene:
Akutagawa, despite his bitterness towards Atsushi for who he is to Dazai, has seen how similar they are in this sense. Atsushi hasn't, because his gratefulness towards Dazai prevents him from seeing that Akutagawa's experience was completely different with this same person. (he's also not given any time by the narrative to wonder about it)
but then just came along chapter 122!!!
Atsushi gets to see, 1:1, the relationship between Akutagawa and Dazai. For the first time, Akutagawa is relatable to him.
And of course, at the end, Atsushi calls out the illusion as being the headmaster wearing Dazai's face because we are closing this loop! We are forcing Atsushi to see Akutagawa the same way Akutagawa has been seeing him!
Bsd chapter 122 - translation
(this translation may be incorrect, so if you read this remember to check the official translation! This post only has the pages with dialogue, also, read from left to right)
Dazai: Think about it. It's what people do to remember the past.
Atsushi: H-here is... the agency?!
Dazai: Physical distance doesn't matter in the fourth dimension.
Dazai: To get from point A to point B on this sheet in the quickest way... what should be done?
Atsushi: ? Go in a straight line, of course...
Dazai: Normally, but we are in a higher dimension.
Dazai: Just do it like this.
Dazai: It is possible to intercept all the places here... and attack the origin point, which is ame-no-gozen.
Atsushi: Will you do the same with me?
Dazai: If you understood, let's fly.
Dazai: Focus.
Atsushi: Dazai-san! You...!
Dazai: Just look...
Past Dazai: I want to recruit you for the Port Mafia
Akutagawa: Jinko...
Akutagawa: Why did... you protect me?
Dazai: I want to recruit you for the Port Mafia
Akutagawa: Why am I... remembering this now?
Akutagawa: I just... hated... this world that let my street friends die for nothing.
Akutagawa: I wanted revenge... for being born into this world.
Dazai: If you're ready... I'll give you what you want.
Akutagawa: What I want? Are you... able to give me a meaning to live?
Dazai: I am.
Atsushi: Akutagawa...
Dazai: It's taking too long to activate your ability! You won't survive like this in the organization!
Akutagawa: I didn't feel any pain. Dazai-san was the one who gave me a meaning to live. But...
Akutagawa: ...He disappeared without any explanation
Akutagawa: And when we met again, he had a new subordinate.
Dazai: "My new subordinate is much better than you"
Akutagawa: Jinko! Jinko! Jinko! Jinko!
Akutagawa: Feeling humiliated and resentful… I feared I would never be accepted. This motivated my heart. And I bet everything on the tiger's execution.
Akutagawa: And then.. then...
Akutagawa: Fool... go now
Dazai: We arrived.
Dazai: The true body of the god is beyond this door.
Atsushi: Where are we?
Atsushi: It's big. And it's completely sealed…
Atsushi: It doesn't work, it's too heavy. It doesn't even move.
Orphanage director: You stupid brat. No one will save you.
Orphanage director: You don't deserve to live.
Dazai: I can only get you this far.
Atsushi: Thank you. I couldn't have gotten this far alone.
Dazai: I was the one who called you to the agency. Who brought you into a dangerous world. It's the least I can do.
Atsushi: No. You are not Dazai-san.
Atsushi: Because of the nullification ability… he couldn't become an illusion and talk to me. And you sometimes… didn't behave like Dazai-san.
Atsushi: You thought I wouldn't listen to you… if it wasn't in this form, didn't you?
Atsushi: You're right…
Atsushi: Director. When your illusion disappeared… I started seeing Dazai-san. Then…
Director: It was… the only way.
Director: I don't have… the right to talk to you. That's why…
Atsushi: You are just a shadow… created as a consequence of Q's ability.
Director: Yes. The real me is already dead. But…
Atsushi: Enough. I don't want to talk to you.
Atsushi: It's no use. It's not moving at all. But… if I don't defeat the god behind this door, everyone will…
Asagiri reminds us of Akutagawa, Atsushi and Dazai's past and expects us to be fine after that??
oh god isn't it insane to think how lowkey, dazai to akutagawa is like the headmaster to atsushi
like they've endured abuse from them but take their words to heart and use it to have a reason to live; except atsushi doesn't wanna acknowledge that (well, he does now) and akutagawa acknowledges only that and fail to see the bad of it
in conclusion it's just my blabbering and akutagawa and atsushi should just have their reason to live as each other because thats basically what canon implies now LOVE WINS💯💯🔥🗣️
i’m so normal about this…god. atsushi’s dejected expression while seeing the full extent of his rival-turned-partner’s abuse for the first time…atsushi finding out it was dazai who treated him like that, the same dazai he looks up to and admires for bringing him into the ADA. we’re witnessing atsushi make leaps and bounds in his understanding of why akutagawa is the way he is, in real time
bsd 122 spoilers
bsd 122 in 4 words or less is basically, let's wrap this shit up. let's just go dawgs
bsd is literally just sskk's love story because what is this
Inlove typa shi bro
and then. What in the actual fuck. I didn't really expect that. bsd really loves their plot twists with no clear foreshadowing/set up
(tHeRe lIteRaLlY iS yOu juST—) WELL SORRY I DIDN'T NOTICE besides it's not exactly "no set up" it's just idk. I'm not sure what to call it. maybe unnecessary? but then again it's good for atsushi's character development but I feel like we already established that in the chapter where dazai tells him "but a child cries when a father dies". Ig it's also a representation that even if that's the case the memory of him will never leave him
It's kinda scary to think that Q's ability is still in effect even if it's just side effects but still wtf
also I guess what I mean by unnecessary is that well, can we just wrap this shit up please I want the british arc and verlaine gets out of the damn basement arc; like bsd was always a fantasy but this shi is really getting off rails now, I liked the balance between the real world and the abilities but now it's just what the fuck why are we in the 4th dimension. I miss the silly detective work :(
and dawg I WANNA SEE JOUNO POV SOMEONE ELSE'S POV PLEASE (JOUNOJOUNOJOUNOJOUNOJOUNO) If asagiri just makes a little mention on his 'funeral' and move on I'll jot down on his door. Asagiri if jouno doesn't come back soon, you WILL find me in front of your doorstep