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Bsd Chuuya Nakahara - Blog Posts
Today's Chuuya is Angryyyy
we put these fellas in a room
What's going to happen?
Better question..
What will happen?
Samething..
I was bored, sooooo here is a stupid little gif I made :3
:3
(Dazai's eye is weird, ugughghhg)
Chuuya Sketch!
EVERYONE WAKE UP IT'S MY POOKIE'S BIRTHDAY!!!!!
THANK YOU FOR BEING BORN CHUUYA I LOVE YOU SM😭
Here kids, have some dinner
Uhmm idk what possessed me to draw this in AN 1 AND 58 MINS💀💀💀 (that's gotta be a world record, my drawings usually take so long wtf) ignore his feet and his ass (cannot draw those for the life of me)
Anyway, I jave a headache but nothing to do tmrw, soo imma eep😊😊 (lying) ^^
I feel like a lot of people misunderstand the relationship between Verlaine and Chuuya. There's a lot of argument over whether they're biologically brothers or not. That's not the point. The point is how they came into the world and their unnatural birth. Or, at least, how Verlaine perceives it. He sees both him and Chuuya as artificial beings that will never be human no matter how hard they may try, so they may as well stop trying to fit in with these disgusting humans and just find solace in each other. He calls Chuuya his brother because he feels like he's the only one who can truly understand what he's going through. Their "brothership" stems from their shared existence as artificial beings. This is why Chuuya rejects it so violently at first. He doesn't want to be anything like the man who slaughtered his friends. He wants to be human.
Then, throughout the book, Chuuya comes to accept that however he came into this world, naturally or otherwise, he chooses to be human, and that's what it's important. His actions are what make him human. Verlaine learns this, too, but it's already far too late. He, too, had the chance to be human, but he was too focused on the possibility of being inhuman instead of actually trying to be a good person or to accept the care and support of his friend, Rimbaud, and now, he's gone. That is the tragedy of his story. He always had the opportunity to be human, but he threw it away for the sake of anger and hatred.
Only when they have both learned this lesson that Chuuya accepts Verlaine as his brother. Not because they're biologically related or anything, but because they do have this shared experience with one another, and he's here for him. Not because he forgives him for what he did. But because he has an opportunity to be better.
I love stormbringer. It's so good. Anyone reading this who hasn't read it, READ IT!! IF YOU LIKE CHUUYA AT ALL, YOU NEED TO READ THIS BOOK! IT'S SO IMPORTANT TO HIS CHARACTER!
this got longer than I expected, but I had the idea and I had to write it! I don't normally write child characters, but I like how this little universe is turning out
Chuuya x reader, reader and Chuuya have a child together, nickname 'angel' used
Divider by @/cafekitsune
"Chuu, why is Kiko carrying around a limited edition Pokémon plushie that's bigger than she is?" You lean against the study door frame, admiring the sight of your boyfriend at his desk, leaning back in his chair with his sleeves pushed up to his elbows. He turns at the sound of your voice, a soft smile crossing his face.
He beckons you over, letting you slot between his legs and wrapping his arms around you, "Hey, angel. We missed you today."
You can't help but melt at his words, especially when he nuzzles into your tummy, hands resting on your lower back. You stroke a hand over ginger locks, leaning down to press a kiss to the crown of his head, "I missed you too. Now, answer my question. A Pikachu met me at the door instead of our daughter."
Honestly, the sight had been hilarious. A giant plushie, with two little legs sticking out of the bottom and two little hands clinging onto the yellow fabric. A bright, happy greeting from behind the plushie made your chest warm, as did the huge smile splitting Kiko's face when you relieved her of the giant toy.
Chuuya lets out a laugh, blue eyes shining with mirth, "We went out today, and you know Pikachu is her favourite. She was looking at it; what was I supposed to do?"
You can't fault him - not that you were in the first place. It's lucky for you both that Kiko doesn't have a penchant for evil, because those big eyes and squishy cheeks could convince you to do just about anything. Chuuya especially is physically incapable of refusing her anything, even if the only way she asks for it is by staring longingly. Clearly, that's what happened today.
"How did you even get it home?" You knew they were planning to use the subway, and you were pretty sure they wouldn't have gotten far with Kiko's new friend in tow.
Chuuya smirks up at you, "Being an executive has its perks."
You roll your eyes, "I don't think the boss expects you to use Port Mafia resources to transport giant plushies."
"Pretty sure he said our subordinates were at our disposal. Today, I needed help transporting precious cargo." Whether he was referring to the plushie, or to Kiko, you weren't sure. Probably both.
A rush of affection leads you to drop another kiss on his head, cradling the back of his head in one hand. Nobody ever expects Chuuya to be like this; soft, relaxed. It's a side of him precious few get to see, and you always consider it a privilege to be one of those allowed to sneak beneath the mask he wears for the rest of the world.
"Angel, you haven't been into our room yet, have you?" You narrow your eyes at his playful tone, and he just stares up at you, blue eyes big and 'innocent'. He keeps talking, and you can tell he's trying to hold back a smile.
Slowly, you come to a realisation, "You didn't ..."
The smile he's no longer able to hide says it all. You pull away from him and rush out of the room, hearing him laugh behind you. Moments later, you're standing in your bedroom, staring at a plushie the same size as Kiko's, except this one is your favourite Pokémon. You feel something bump into you, and you find Kiko behind you, still carrying her Pikachu.
"Mama, we got it special for you!" She's peeking out from behind her plushie, and she sounds so excited.
Chuuya appears behind her, resting a hand on her head, "She insisted that if she was getting one, Mama had to have one too."
Every time you think you can't love them more, they do something to prove you wrong. You remove the plushie from Kiko, placing it on the bed next to yours so you can lift her into your arms and snuggle her close, "Thank you, baby." You look at Chuuya, watching the two of you with such love that you swear you can see hearts, "Thanks to you too, Chuu."
"Anything for my girls." He steps closer, wrapping you up in his arms and you know he means every word.
My cheeks hurt from smiling
I want to get in a little practice for writing Kiko (and also i can't get girl dad chuuya out of my head) so here's a little moment of her being a cutie, and a little bit of setting the scene for the big fic
Chuuya x f!Reader, nickname 'angel' used
Divider by @/cafekitsune
"Papa!" A little voice calls out, and Akutagawa will never get used to the way Chuuya's whole demeanour changes when his daughter appears. Both men turn towards the sound, Chuuya's arms already outstretched to catch the little girl barreling towards him. He's smiling, too, and if Akutagawa didn't know better, he would think Chuuya is just another loving father, not one of the most dangerous men in Yokohama. He's ... warmer, softer around the edges when he's with Kiko, and when he's with you - not that he lets many see that side of him.
Kiko throws herself into her fathers' arms, not a hint of hesitation on her face. Chuuya holds her close, cradling her against his body as he turns his attention to you, standing back and watching them with open adoration. Your eyes slide over to him next, and Akutagawa doesn't know what to do with the affection in the smile you send his way.
"Hey angel. Wasn't expecting you; is everything alright?" Akutagawa can see the slight tension in Chuuya's shoulders, and he sees it release when Kiko speaks up, still clinging to her father with one hand clutching his jacket.
"Me and Mama missed you!" Kiko learns around her father to shoot Akutagawa a toothy grin, "Ryuu-kun! See, Mama, I told you we would see him too!"
Your voice is fond as you answer her, and you check she's not looking before rolling your eyes, "Yes, you did, baby." You address him, amusement clear in your voice, "She was very excited to see you."
Punctuating her mother's statement, Kiko starts wriggling in her father's hold, and he sets her down, kissing the crown of her head when her feet are safely on the floor. Moments later, she's wrapped around Akutagawa's leg, talking a mile a minute about everything she's done since the last time she saw him. It's nice, he thinks as he listens to her - there's precious few people who don't treat him with caution, who look past his reputation and see him as more than a weapon.
"Akutagawa." He looks up at Chuuya's call of his name. There's a barely there smile on his face, "Go with them - make sure they're safe."
He knows what this is - Chuuya always makes sure the two of you are well guarded, but there's hardly a need for someone like him to accompany you. It's not like you're defenceless, and there's much better things he could be doing to benefit the Port Mafia. This is for him. He's not sure how he feels about it, but an executive is asking him to do something, so it's not like he can say no. He wouldn't anyway - he can admit to himself that he enjoys spending time with you, and the thought of disappointing Kiko and having her look up at him with big, tear-filled eyes makes him uncomfortable.
Kiko slips her little hand into his as Chuuya says his goodbyes to you; wrapping you in his arms and leaving a gentle kiss on your lips, whispering words for you alone into the space between you. The love between you is palpable, and he averts his eyes.
"Be good for your Mama, Kiko. I'll see you tonight; I love you." Chuuya crouches down to claim one final hug from the little girl. She leans into the hug, pressing a wet kiss to his cheek before pulling away and tugging Akutagawa down the corridor.
She waves behind her without looking, too focused on her next adventure, "I will, Papa! I love you."
The laughter from behind him suggests there will be no rescue from the four year old currently dragging him along, and he finds that he doesn't mind at all.
Damn. Is that a new soukoku dump? Might be.
I smiled like an idiot during my class when I saw this notification come through
Lovely, again 10/10
Another idea, 15!Chuuya who just joined the Port Mafia having his first crush on reader
I can imagine him going to Kouyou to ask for advice 🤭
Like, reader likes him back but still lets him stumble over his words cause it's cute
I feel like I'm not as good at writing Chuuya so I enjoy reading fics for him and you're good at writing him
Man i love your ideas sm and thanks for the compliment!
15!Chuuya x reader
“Beneath the Surface”
Chuuya Nakahara wasn’t new to fights. He wasn’t new to blood, danger, or the haunting, suffocating feeling of Corruption simmering beneath his skin, a constant reminder of the power he could barely control. But this? This was new. This twisting in his chest, this irritation crawling under his skin every time he looked at you. The way his pulse quickened, how his words fumbled out in a mess when you were near.
He had never felt this powerless before.
And the worst part? You seemed to enjoy it.
“Oi, Chuuya, you zoning out or what?” your voice cut through his thoughts like a blade, the familiar teasing lilt making his eye twitch.
The two of you were standing outside, waiting for orders after a routine mission. His heart was still thudding hard from the adrenaline, but the moment you leaned against the wall next to him, all nonchalant and relaxed, his throat went dry. You flashed him that infuriating grin, the one that sent his mind spinning for reasons he didn’t want to admit.
“Zoning out? I ain’t—” Chuuya cleared his throat, fighting to keep his voice steady, “I’m not zoning out. Maybe you’re the one who can’t stay focused.”
You chuckled softly, a knowing gleam in your eyes. “Is that so?”
Chuuya hated how easily you could make him feel small, like you saw right through him — like you knew what he was feeling before he could even make sense of it. And the worst part? You always seemed to enjoy teasing him, watching him stumble over his words or get flustered.
He should’ve been able to handle it. He was Chuuya Nakahara, damn it — future executive of the Port Mafia. But around you, he felt like he was all fists and rage, without the cool confidence he usually carried.
You shrugged casually, pushing yourself off the wall and stepping a little closer to him. “You sure? You’ve been pretty distracted lately. Almost like something’s on your mind.” There was that tone again, the one that hinted you knew. And damn it, you probably did.
He gritted his teeth, trying to focus on anything else. “There’s nothin’ on my mind, alright? You’re imagining things.”
But even he knew that wasn’t true.
・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・
The crush had started small, barely noticeable at first. You were one of the few who treated him like he was your equal, despite him being new to the Mafia. You were sharp, quick with your words, and had a mind that could cut through even the thickest of tensions. Chuuya respected that. But at some point, the respect shifted, and he found himself watching you in ways he hadn’t before.
It was the way you laughed, soft but with an edge that always left him wondering what you were thinking. The way your smile, so full of mischief, made something twist uncomfortably in his chest. And the way you always seemed too calm — as if you never took anything seriously, and yet still managed to outsmart everyone around you.
One time, after a sparring match where he’d barely managed to keep his cool, you leaned over, offering him a hand with a smirk. “Good effort, Nakahara.”
His blood boiled at the patronizing tone. “Tch. I don’t need your pity.”
But your teasing grin never faltered. “Relax, Chuuya. You’ll get better.”
Better? The audacity. But his heart still raced from the lightness in your voice, from the way you spoke his name like it was some private joke only you understood.
・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・
Days passed, and the frustration gnawed at him. It wasn’t just your teasing that got to him anymore; it was everything about you. Your smirk, your laugh, the way you looked at him like he was both amusing and… something more. It was unbearable.
Chuuya prided himself on not needing help. But with you? He didn’t know what to do. How could he, when every time he tried to talk to you seriously, he ended up stumbling over his words like some awkward kid?
And so, in desperation — and no small amount of embarrassment — Chuuya found himself standing in front of Kouyou’s quarters, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. The moonlight cast a soft glow over the hallway, and the sounds of the night echoed faintly in the distance.
Kouyou opened the door, raising a delicate eyebrow at the sight of him. “Chuuya. It’s late. What brings you here?”
Chuuya swallowed his pride, shifting awkwardly on his feet. “I, uh… I need some advice.”
Kouyou’s lips curved into a knowing smile. “Ah. I see.” She stepped aside, allowing him into the room. “Have a seat. This seems… personal.”
He scowled, feeling his face flush. “It’s not personal,” he lied. “It’s just—there’s someone, okay? Someone in the Mafia who keeps messing with me, and I can’t… I can’t stop thinking about them.”
Kouyou folded her hands in her lap, regarding him with her usual calm gaze. “Messing with you, how?”
“They’re always teasing me,” Chuuya muttered, staring down at the floor, “and it’s like they know what I’m thinking before I even say it. It pisses me off.”
Kouyou chuckled softly. “And yet, you find yourself drawn to them, don’t you?”
Chuuya clenched his fists, frustrated. “Yeah, but it’s… different. I don’t get it. Why can’t I just talk to them like a normal person?”
Kouyou’s smile was gentle, almost amused. “You’ve never been one for subtlety, Chuuya. But from what you’ve described, it sounds like this person enjoys your company. Have you considered that their teasing might be… affectionate?”
Chuuya blinked, staring at her in disbelief. “Affectionate? You’re kidding, right? They’re always messing with me.”
Kouyou laughed softly, a sound that both soothed and irritated him. “Some people express their feelings through playfulness, especially when they know it affects the other person. It sounds to me like they enjoy seeing your reactions. And judging by how flustered you are, it’s working.”
Chuuya flushed a deeper red, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “So what the hell am I supposed to do? I can’t just… I dunno, keep letting them mess with me.”
Kouyou’s expression softened. “Perhaps you should stop focusing on how to ‘win’ against them and instead consider how you truly feel. Do you want them to stop? Or is there something more?”
Chuuya went silent, Kouyou’s words echoing in his mind. Something more? He’d never considered it like that before. But maybe… maybe there was something more. And maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t so bad after all.
・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・
Chuuya clenched his fists, struggling to steady his breath. The weight of Kouyou's advice pressed heavy on his chest. Now was the moment—he’d either crumble or finally get the words out.
“I-I’m not here to fight,” he muttered, his voice betraying him with a slight stutter. He winced internally at his own nerves.
You raised an eyebrow, your smirk deepening with that ever-present teasing glint in your eyes. “Oh? That’s a surprise. So what’s on your mind, Chuuya?”
His throat felt tight, but he pressed on, stepping closer, his heart thundering against his ribs. “You.” His voice cracked slightly, and he quickly clenched his jaw to steady himself. “Y-You’re always on my mind, dammit.”
The smirk on your lips softened, but the amusement never fully disappeared. You tilted your head, a playful flicker in your gaze. “Is that so? How bold of you.”
Chuuya’s cheeks flushed, his frustration mixing with embarrassment. Why was this so difficult? He was a Port Mafia member, strong, unshakable, and here he was fumbling over his words like an idiot. He took another step forward, his fists clenched tight by his sides.
“Yeah, i-it’s true. And I… I’m tired of you messing with me like I’m some joke,” he blurted out, his voice sharper than intended but laced with a vulnerability he couldn’t hide.
For a split second, your eyes widened, but then a soft, genuine laugh bubbled from your throat—completely different from the usual sarcastic tones you threw his way. “Chuuya, I wasn’t messing with you.”
His breath caught. You weren’t? All this time? He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but words failed him.
You slid off the railing, closing the distance between the two of you. “I was just waiting for you to figure it out,” you murmured, voice softer now, your teasing edge momentarily fading.
Chuuya’s breath hitched, his chest tightening as your words lingered in the air between you. His heart pounded in his ears, drowning out the world around him. He had been expecting rejection, or another round of teasing—but this? This left him speechless.
You took another step forward, and suddenly, you were closer than he’d ever imagined. Chuuya could feel the warmth radiating from you, and he was hyper-aware of every inch between you, vanishing rapidly.
He swallowed hard, but no words came. His mind raced, torn between disbelief and the undeniable pull he felt towards you. “I—" he started, but before he could find his voice, your hand gently cupped his cheek.
Without giving him a chance to overthink, you leaned in, your lips brushing softly against his. The kiss was tentative at first, testing, but when you felt Chuuya’s hesitant but eager response, it deepened.
His hands, which had been hanging awkwardly at his sides, found their way to your waist, pulling you closer as the world seemed to fade away. Every thought, every worry, melted under the warmth of the kiss. Chuuya’s pulse raced, but this time it wasn’t from nerves—it was from the overwhelming sensation of finally having what he hadn’t even realized he’d been chasing for so long.
When you finally pulled back, the teasing smirk returned to your lips, but there was a softness in your eyes that made Chuuya’s chest tighten for a different reason now.
“So…” you whispered, voice just above a breath, “was that clear enough for you?”
Chuuya, still dazed, blinked, his usual bravado returning just a little. He huffed softly, trying and failing to suppress a small smile. “Y-Yeah… clear enough.”
For once, there were no words to stumble over, no need to fight back. Everything between you two was finally starting to fall into place.
Omg this took FOREVER
Come here. Sit with me.
Fandom: BSD -Bungo Stray Dogs
Ship: Soukoku - Dazai x Chuuya
Prompt: “Come here. Sit with me.”
TW: none that I can think of.
A/N: Also posted on my ao3, the link is on my master list
It was a relatively slow day.
After everything with Fyodor and the Decay of Angels had settled, everyone had gotten a well-deserved few days off.
Their relationship had been slow to reach the point it was at now, what with Dazai’s disappearance from the Port Mafia and his 2-year absence before re-emerging in the Ada and then another 2 years before Chuuya and Dazai had actually run into each other.
What had been left of their relationship was smoldering coals. They still trusted each other, as Chuuya had hardly hesitated before using Corruption at Dazai’s request. But Dazai had treated Chuuya horribly, he had left without so much as a text explaining what he was doing. He had blown up his car.
He didn’t believe it was possible for someone as divine and beautiful as Chuuya to have any fraction of a good thought about him. Sure, he had patched up Dazai plenty of times when he was in the Port Mafia and he had stopped him from many attempts but it was only because he relied on Dazai to use Corruption,… right?
And yet, here he was, in Chuuya’s penthouse, with him, being taken care of. He and Chuuya had gotten closer, closer than they ever were. They had yet to put a label on it.
And while Dazai knew that it was only because of their clashing schedules, their different jobs. They worked on different sides now. Dazai knew that they simply hadn’t the time to truly talk about it. And then everything went to absolute shit with Fyodor and then they hardly had time to even relax on their own time.
But now everything was over. The dust had settled and they finally had time to talk and to sleep, to just be around each other. Chuuya was back to making sure Dazai ate three meals a day, even if his portions were small. But… they hadn’t talked about it yet.
Dazai tried to not let the sapling of doubt grow and bloom within, but his own self-deprecation was relentless in its ability to make him spiral in his thoughts. He was supposed to be relaxing but his brain couldn’t seem to shut itself up.
“Dazai?”
A voice snapped Dazai from his never-ending thoughts. The voice, Chuuya, his brain provided for him, sounded from the direction of the living room. Dazai was still sitting on a stool at the kitchen island. He had been doom-scrolling as his brain spiraled.
Deciding to finally stretch his legs, he stood up. He stretched until he heard his back pop, sighing as he dropped his shoulders, and relaxed. He sluggishly made his way toward the living room. The sleeves of the sweater he was wearing were rolled up to his elbows and his hands were in his pockets.
“Yes?” He stopped at the entrance of the living room, looking towards where Chuuya sat on the couch, the TV had some movie on that Dazai didn’t care to figure out.
Chuuya looked up towards Dazai, a small, pleasant smile adorned his face. “Come here. Sit with me.”
Dazai didn’t have the energy to whine about how the dog shouldn’t be the one giving out orders, the exhaustion showing itself as prominent bags under Dazai’s eyes, so he wordlessly listened. Walking languidly to the open spot next to Chuuya, who immediately brought his arm from the back of the couch to Dazai’s waist to pull him closer as soon as he was sat on the couch.
“So… you’ve been living with me for the last few months…” Chuuya trailed off as if he wasn’t sure how to continue or word his question.
Dazai stilled, though tried his best to hide it. So they were having that conversation. Had he done something over the last few months to annoy Chuuya to get him to kick him out? Of course, he had, what was he thinking? He couldn’t stop his destructive habit of annoying Chuuya till he retaliated, more often than not, physically and violently. He had done it when they first saw each other after 4 years. Surely Chuuya has realized how horrible Dazai is and is going to kick him out. He only wants to let him down gently…
_____________________________
Chuuya felt Dazai tense under his arm. Though he hid it exceptionally well, as expected of an executive, even if he no longer is one. Chuuya’s pretty sure he wouldn’t have even noticed had he not had his arm around him and his trained eyes on him.
It was hard to tell what was going through his mind, and he doubted it was easy to understand even if he could see it all happening in front of him. He imagines it would be too fast to comprehend most of it.
But while he can’t read his mind word for word, he does know Dazai better than anyone else. He was the brawn to Soukoku and Dazai was the brain. They had to be able to read each other to some degree to function as one. So Chuuya had an inkling of an idea what Dazai was thinking.
It was probably something self-deprecating, and probably something Chuuya would find stupid.
Truly, Dazai was the smartest dumbass he knew. A genius who wouldn’t know affection if it slapped him in the face ten times,… or punched him perhaps a few too many times that he had lost count.
Chuuya pulled himself from his thoughts. He needed to relax Dazai so he could get it through his thick genius skull how much he loved the lanky man sitting next to him. He let his hand on Dazai’s waist rub nonsense shapes into his sweater in a comforting manner.
“Relax, it’s nothing bad.” He spoke in what he hoped was a comforting tone. It seemed to work as Dazai minutely relaxed into his side, though traces of his overthinking mind still lingered.
“You’ve lived with me for the past few months… and now that all the dumb shit with Fyodor is done and over with, I… I want to take a step further if you are ready, or if you even want to…” Chuuya trailed off awkwardly. They didn’t often voice their emotions or thoughts to each other, not really seeing the need for it as they were typically adept at reading each other. If they weren’t capable of at least that then they wouldn’t have ever been such terrifyingly great partners.
But at last, it seems that neither of them is knowledgeable enough on the topic of affection and love with how blind they are to each other's feelings towards them. At least… Chuuya hoped that was the emotion in Dazai’s eyes that he couldn’t seem to read. He hoped it was a mutual feeling of love.
____________________________
Dazai’s mind was attempting to process a million thoughts that were running miles in seconds. He was so caught up in them that he hardly realized what Chuuya had said, so terrified of being rejected before he even had the chance to confess. He had to backtrack his thoughts to process what Chuuya had said and when he did…
How… How did Chuuya not hate him? How can someone he treated so horribly, like nothing more than a dog not hate him? Him. How could anyone ever feel anything other than disgust and loathing when thinking of someone like Dazai?
He vaguely felt something wet on his face, but his mind paid no attention to it in lieu of overworking its ever-present self-deprecating thought process.
____________________________
Chuuya could see, and feel, as Dazai stilled in his arms once again.
And then, as Chuuya looked at his face with slight worry, he saw it.
Tears.
Chuuya can’t recall a time he’s ever seen or heard Dazai cry during their 7, almost 8, years of knowing each other. As an ignorant teenager, he believed that someone such as Dazai couldn’t cry, but he knew better than that now. Dazai was as much a human as anyone else, and therefore capable of crying, of being sad, of feeling.
Dazai’s body trembling slightly pulled him from his thoughts. He now reached to rearrange Dazai to face him on the couch. Though Dazai didn’t fight it, he didn’t seem to respond to the movement at all, completely lost in his endless thoughts.
Chuuya reached out his hand to Dazai’s face, cupping his cheek gently. Dazai made no reaction.
“Dazai? Hey, you alright?”
Dazai blinked and suddenly he seemed to be present once again. He looked up at Chuuya with glass eyes.
Chuuya offered a small smile. “You okay?”
“I’m fine,” Dazai responded, his tone flat as he looked at Chuuya.
Chuuya noted that Dazai probably wasn’t even aware he had cried.
“Dazai, you’re crying.” He let his thumb rub under Dazai’s left eye in a hopefully comforting way.
“Oh…” Dazai made no movement to wipe away the tears, rather, it seemed like the admittance of it brought down the last bit of Dazai’s barrier.
Dazai looked down and the tears once brimming his eyes fell down his face. Chuuya’s hand previously resting on Dazai’s cheek had moved down to the back of his neck when he looked down and now slightly tugged, prompting Dazai to cling to him.
Dazai’s voice was shaky when he spoke. “H-how…” His voice faltered but Chuuya let him work out his words.
“H-how could you possibly love me? Me? All I’ve ever done was treat you like shit…”
Chuuya sighed. He had a feeling that was the reason behind Dazai’s reaction.
“Yeah, you’ve treated me like shit plenty of times, as I have with you. But you also have saved my life so many times I’ve lost count. And you’ve reassured me I was human every time you noticed me doubting it, even if you often found a way to insult me while doing so. No matter how much we teased and annoyed each other when it came down to it, we had each other's backs. We have each other’s back. There’s no one I trust more than you.”
Dazai looked up at Chuuya in shock, as if he couldn’t believe what he was saying.
“There’s no one I love more than you, Osamu.”
Dazai clung to Chuuya, burying his face into the crook of Chuuya’s neck. Though Chuuya couldn’t see the tears cascading down Dazai’s face, he could feel them soak into his shirt and he could hear Dazai’s choked back sobs.
Between Dazai’s sobs, Chuuya just barely caught his choked-out words.
“I love you too, Chuuya.”
Chapter 8 of my fanfic is out! If you haven't read it before it's basically bsd but if Chuuya found Atsushi instead of Dazai!
Edit: If you want to read this you will need an account! I had to put everything to members only to prevent scrappers. Sorry for the inconvenience!
I have brought to you headcanons for Chuuya, Atsushi, and Dazai!
WARNING: These headcanons are about eating disorders and unhealthy relationships with food in general. I am not a professional and have not had any ED's myself, so these headcanons are based solely off of my research and conversations I've had with loved ones who have experienced them. Please seek professional help if you struggle with any eating disorders and proceed with caution.
EDIT: added all the tags I forgot
1. Atsushi has Binge Eating Disorder. Since the orphanage restricted his food so much, he eats uncontrollably a lot and tends to starve himself a bit in between binges. Kyouka knows and tries to help Atsushi, but I don't actually think a lot of the ada members know. Atsushi hides it well and Kyouka respects Atsushis wishes to keep it under wraps. Dazai probably thinks something is up but isn't sure, and Ranpo probably knows about it, but neither say anything to avoid making Atsushi uncomfortable or nervous. Atsushi doesn't really eat in front of people either. The only exception is snacking when he gets super bad hunger panes (I'm talking not going days with eating little to nothing, usually that happens because of mission). Even then he will only binge or really eat in general until he's alone.
2. Chuuya used to have ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder). Because of him living in the slums until he was 15, he got used to ignoring hunger panes and limiting how much he was eating because of a lack of food, so when he was accepted into the Port Mafia, he brought those habits with him, and would only eat a certain amount at specific times, usually when he was alone. He probably only ate certain foods like bread, canned products, mostly things that wouldn't expire or would provide a lot of energy without eating much. Koyou, Dazai, and the Flags all helped him work through it so he doesn't have it by the time Canon rolls around and is careful about maintaining a good relationship with food for their sakes. Koyou also checks in on him whenever they meet up.
3. Not really ED related and I've seen this one a lot, but Dazai has days where he has a food aversion because of his depression. The thought of or seeing food makes him sick, or sometimes it's just days where he doesn't feel hungry at all. The days range from being able to eat if its his canned crab, to only drinking a glass or two of whiskey if anything (I imagine that whiskey is a kind of comfort drink to him because of the days where he drank at bar lupin with oda and ango), to refusing to eat and drink anything, whether it's his safe/comfort food or drink or not. Kunikida knows this and it's the main reason he checks in on Dazai to see if he's eaten. I don't think Kunikida is entirely aware of his safe food and drink, though, so if it's one of those days, Kunikida will just take a lot of time gently urging Dazai to eat something. Ranpo also probably knows about it and will sometimes throw a piece of candy Dazais way on those days. The combined efforts usually convince Dazai to eat a bit of canned crab, though it's always alone. Chuuya also knows and will get on Dazai about not eating. He'll also prep some canned crab and keeps a bottle of whiskey at his place just in case. Sure they're not healthy at all but it's better than nothing. The food aversion days were more frequent and worse back when he was still in the PM, and he's gotten better with them now. Though they do still happen every now and then of course.
💐
some old pen doodles for you friend :3
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHUUYA!!!!
i kinda rushed this drawing but whatever :3
https://archiveofourown.org/works/64238365
Dazai finally gets what he wants, it hurts Chuuya more than either expected it to
major trigger warning for suicide and death, please be warned!!
with that said please enjoy i had a lot of fun writing it :3
https://archiveofourown.org/works/64079077/chapters/164405416
i finished writing this fic hehe (pretend like the link isn't being mean)
dazai and chuuya making paper stars and being silly :3
technically this is part of series but you can just read this and mostly understand
this turned out way better than expected like i love this sooo much :D
this is actually reference from a photo i took!! i went to the city the other week so i had to get some reference photos hehe :3
uh oh! someone found their secret hideout (aka a supply closet)
the lighting on this one was fun :D
I fear I may have spent too much time on this lmao
used another random place from google maps as reference :D
background practice :D
also albatross teaching chuuya to skateboard
i used a random street in yokohama from google maps as my reference lmao
the sillies again
i wanted to mess around with color pallettes and outfits so this happened
shopping trip
i might've spent too much time on this
Given his past, I imagine Chuuya's relationship with his birthday must be a bit unusual. To him, his birthday is a sign of his own humanity, a sign that he is a human born like everyone else, and not just a clone created in a lab. He also only found out about his birthday because of the flags, so this is also a symbol of his friendship with them, and how much they cared for him, being able to go against Mori's orders just to give Chuuya the knowledge about his own origin, the thing he desired the most