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But If Anyone Wants To Read My Little Rant - Blog Posts

1 month ago

Took me a long time to realize, but the main reason Jayce's speech to Viktor didn't resonate with me, that it felt so hollow is because it's not the message I needed.

I don't know about other disabled people, or even specifically chronically ill folks... but for me, I haven't needed "you're beautiful/there's nothing wrong with you" regardless of how nice it would be to hear.

The message I feel is so sorely lacking from this media and things like it is "you're worth it." Viktor was suffering, in pain, dealing with the grief of death in so many ways. It wasn't about having something "wrong" with him; these things were objectively hurting him and it's normal/valid to feel negative about them. Specifically anger, which is so often suppressed because it's considered an unpalatable part of grief.

It takes a lot to care about someone with circumstances like that. You have to deal with the concepts of death, pain, uncertainty. You have to see your loved one suffer. They'll snap sometimes, behave emotionally, regardless of how much they control their feelings. Viktor pushed back a good bit, like in the bridge scene.

I never wanted to be told there's nothing bad about my disabilities. I wanted to know that if the bad bled over, I'd still be worth it.


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