Crazy 8 - Blog Posts

pixarjem

7 years ago

Lightning McQueen: Moronic Feminist!

(At the Demolition Derby with Luigi, Guido, and Mack watch from the side in concern. They see Cruz stuck in the mud and Lightning nearby.)

Luigi: Oh shit! Lightning go get-a her out of the mud!

Lightning: I’m not doin’ it. That would be sexist

Luigi, Guido, and Mack: What!?

Lightning: This right here, this situation, this is the damsel in distress trope. And I am not about to contribute to it.

Mack: While I can agree that trope is horrible in this particular situation we need you to do this. She’s in danger.

Lightning: No. It'd be against my moral compass.

Luigi: Your fucking moral compass is a roulette wheel!

Cruz: (increasingly scared for her life) Lightning I know what you mean but this isn’t the time for that.

Lightning: I’m sorry Cruz I can’t do it.

Luigi: Look, she’s already in the situation. You just need to pull her out of it.

Mack: What if we pretend she’s just a crippled car.

Lightning: That’d be denying her sexual identity. Cruz, you do identify as female, right?

Cruz:(annoyed but getting worried over not being able to get out of the mud) Yeah and I understand. Sometimes in our culture things are ridiculous, but face it, situation is situation.

Lightning: I’m sorry. I can’t do it.

Guido: OOOOHHHHHH GOOODD!

Lightning: Think about it from my perspective! What do you see over there?

Luigi: YOUR TRAINER! AND SHE’S IN TROUBLE!

Lightning: Well I see a highly capable girl. Sure life’s beaten her down a little but that’s not gonna stop her. Nothing’s gonna stop her. She can become president of the world one day!

Luigi: NOT IF SHE’S SAWED IN HALF BY MISS FRITTER!

(20 minutes later Luigi, Guido, and Mack leave the two at the derby and back to the trailer)

Luigi: Okay, so we all agree. We’ll hide her body on the beach, if Lightning’s still alive we train somewhere else and never come back here again. We’ll-a tell Sterling we lost Cruz somehow. Good?

Guido: (Nods)

Mack: I like it!