Feat. Adam - Blog Posts

xx.

Cole never could’ve imagined this-- any of this-- when Adam Richards had approached him to be his English tutor freshman year. He’d known who Adam was, of course, because everyone did. It was normal to have a crush on the hot and funny and sweet quarterback, as evidenced by the conversations he had with the cheerleaders, except for the fact that Cole was a boy, too. He’d made peace with it, figured it would pass when Adam graduated and Cole would hear about his engagement to Chrissy Cunningham one day from some nosy mom in the Melvald’s checkout line. That was how things were supposed to be. But then, one night in February after a few hours of studying for an English test, Adam had kissed Cole.

Everything changed that day, and Adam quickly became the subject of all of Cole’s thoughts. They were inseparable for three years, and those were easily the best three years of Cole’s life. In every way, Adam was Cole’s balance: where Cole was shut off and withdrawn, Adam was open and giving, where Cole was book smart, Adam was emotionally intelligent, where Cole was cautious, Adam was trusting. Cole wasn’t religious at all, but he truly believed they were meant to find each other, and he never hesitated to tell Adam as much. So when Adam died in the ‘freak accident’ just before they were going to run away together, Cole’s life halted. Since then, he’d felt like he was a ghost, moving through the motions of life despite being completely detached. He didn’t really care what happened to him, not if it was without Adam. And when Adam came back? It was supposed to be good, and easy, and they were supposed to move on. It was still good, Adam was still Adam, but it was impossible to ignore the reality of the situation: that Adam had died and come back, and there were side effects.

Still, it was worth it to try-- to push it to the side for a few hours at least. When Adam offered to plan a date, Cole was elated. When he showed up at Cole’s door with their usual from Benny’s, Cole had wanted to cry. He had longed for this for so long. He’d gathered a few things in a bag of his own-- his dusty copy of The Odyssey, a chapstick, his house key, a few rogue pens and highlighters, and at the very bottom of the bag, his flask. Just in case things went South, not that they would, he just didn’t really go anywhere without it these days. Cole left the bag on the floorboards of the passenger seat and climbed into the truck bed with Adam. Like it was the most natural thing in the world, Cole scooted closer to him and nestled into his chest, angling his face to the sky to look at the stars like they’d done dozens of times before. “Mhmm,” he hummed contentedly, smiling at the memory. “We were so worried someone would find us,” he chuckled. “Worth the risk.” All of it was worth the risk-- Cole would always choose Adam, always. Cole shoved Adam away jokingly, “In my defense, what the fuck are jumper cables?” He laughed, though, unable to resist Adam with that grin. As they shifted and Adam leaned against Cole, he ran his fingers through the other’s hair gently. Everything about this felt so right, and Cole felt completely at peace. As Adam kissed his cheek, Cole caught his chin and lifted it so their lips met. “I love you,” he responded, feeling pressure building behind his eyelids. Not tonight, surely he could go one night without crying. “Thank you for this,” he said, kissing Adam’s forehead with a smile. 

WHO: Adam Richards & @loverboymontgomery​

WHAT: What were Richgomery doing during town hall????

WHERE: A backroad of Hawkins, somewhere near Lover’s Lake

Adam had met Cole during his sophomore year, not long after being named starting quarterback. Cole was in his English class - a year ahead of others in his grade, and far better at understanding literature than Adam could ever hope to be. The second he’d seen the snarky brunette who always had something to say in class, Adam had been hooked. For a long time he thought that maybe he just saw the other guy as someone he really, really wanted to be friends with, but eventually, it clicked why he was so obsessed with Cole. And once Adam’s grade began to drop in English because he just didn’t understand why people used metaphors or similes or whatever ( why couldn’t everyone just say exactly what they meant all the time ? ), asking Cole to help him seemed like it would solve two problems for him. Suddenly, he could spend all the time he wanted alone with Cole, getting to know him and liking him more each day, and he could bring up his grade. 

It hadn’t taken long before something had shifted between them, and Adam had made the first move. Kissing Cole without knowing how the other felt about him was scary - historically speaking, kissing another boy without asking typically didn’t end well for guys. But, Cole had kissed him back. He had been so kind and sweet and patient while Adam figured out how to tell Chrissy about it all, which had thankfully gone well. Then, Adam and Cole had gotten three beautiful years together in high school, full of them slipping love notes into the other’s locker, hanging out in Adam’s car together after football games, saying I love you for the first time, riding together on the bus to away games, studying together, and even slow dancing together at Prom in one of the empty classrooms. It had been perfect. Every single thing about their relationship in high school had been beautiful, untainted by any of the complicated feelings that existed there now because of Adam’s death and the grief it had caused. So Adam hadn’t been surprised when Cole had sadly admitted to wanting to go back to that - to get to experience how happy they’d been. How simple it had felt. And Adam had decided to rise to the challenge and do his best to plan a night for them where they could feel like that again. 

They had each planned plenty of dates for the other in high school, but there was always a trick to it. It had to still feel like a date - not just two friends hanging out - without drawing too much attention to themselves. They weren’t like Chrissy and Jason or Chance and Bev; they couldn’t share a kiss or hold hands across the table. Being openly affectionate in public wouldn’t end well for them, so they’d always had to get creative. Tonight, Adam had ordered them takeout from Benny’s, getting their usual order as well as a milkshake to split. He’d loaded his truck with blankets and pillows, and driven them out to a field on the edge of town. The farmer who owned the land was older, he wouldn’t even notice them parked back here off the main road. After they’d eaten and gotten everything set up, Adam sat back against the pillows, looking up at the stars. “Remember when we did this for the first time?” He asked Cole, leaning closer to him. “The summer after we’d gotten together.” Adam had gotten his truck around then, and had taken Cole out on drives all the time. “Oh, or that time you freaked out and swore a snake had gotten back here, but it was just my jumper cables?” Adam laughed, grinning at Cole. Shuffling closer to Cole, Adam laid down, resting his head on Cole’s shoulder. There had been so much weird tension between them lately, and Adam had felt like he had no idea how to even address it, let alone fix it. But right now, he wasn’t worried about it. He just wanted to enjoy a date with Cole, not caring about bomb or the Doppelganger or the Mindflayer or anything else. Just the two of them, here, together. “I love you,” He said softly, leaning up to kiss Cole’s cheek. 

goldenboyrichards​:

Adam wouldn’t have blamed him if Cole had told him to leave. Because Adam didn’t know what he had or hadn’t done - especially to Cole - but he knew it couldn’t be pretty. He was just so fucking worried that his nightmare really was a memory, that he’d said those things and shoved Cole up against a wall and nearly choked him. He wouldn’t be mad at Cole if he was scared of him, because until Adam got some answers, he was pretty scared of himself.

But his chest ached when Cole called him Sweetheart, voice rough but so Cole. That alone made him want to cry and hold him and tell him that he’d never ever ever want to do something to upset Cole again. And when Cole asked him to sit with him? Adam had no choice but to walk closer, sitting down gently on the edge of the bed, farther away from Cole than he would normally. As much as Adam wanted to seek comfort from his boyfriend, he didn’t want to jostle any of his injuries.

“Are you sure?” Adam asked urgently, blue eyes studying Cole closely. He knew he wasn’t physically okay - he had broken a rib. But how was he handling all of this emotionally? Cole had a tendency to be in denial of things, to want them to be perfect even when everything was falling apart around them. And Adam needed to know that he wasn’t doing that right now. “Baby, you have to tell me if you’re not okay. Please. I can’t,” He took a deep breath, pressing his lips into a thin line. “I can’t handle it if you’re not honest.”

He reflexively tried to reach for the water for Cole, to take care of him without even being asked. But Cole could do it himself. He didn’t need Adam to smother him right now, no matter how much Adam wanted to. He slowly lowered his hands back to his lap, clasping his knees tightly. “Not from the carnival,” Adam admitted sadly, biting his lip. “Just riding the Tunnel of Love, and then I woke up to you being put into an ambulance.” He finally let himself lean a little closer, needing physical contact to ground himself. His hand slipped into Cole’s, squeezing it gently.

Adam hated seeing Cole cry. If he could do something to make it better, to shield him from whatever pain he was facing, he would. Adam would shoulder any burden if it meant keeping Cole happy and healthy and safe. He would do anything in the world that Cole Montgomery asked him to do - something that had been true since they met in early high school. Gently, he leaned forward and wiped away Cole’s tears with his free hand, touch feather light against his skin.

And then Adam’s world collapsed.

“I…what?” He asked, confusion lacing his voice. That didn’t make any sense. He had been possessed? By…by a demon, or something like that? For one gut wrenching moment, Adam worried that maybe this was God’s way of punishing him for being who he was. For who he loved. But Cole called it the Mindflayer, and that didn’t sound like any demon he’d ever heard about in church on Sunday. “So I really died?” Adam begged Cole to lie, to tell him that he was kidding. But something in his eyes said that this was true. He didn’t even try to stop the tears that were flowing down his cheeks now, letting them hit the starched sheets of Cole’s hospital bed.

“What if I am?” He asked, lip trembling at the thought. Adam didn’t want to die. He was still so young - there was so much of the world he wanted to see. He wanted to live with and love Cole for as many years as possible, not die before he’d even turned 25. Right now, he needed to comfort Cole though, and he leaned forward to sob on his shoulder, free hand wrapping around his neck as gently as possible. In the nightmare he’d wanted to do that out of anger, but now the only thing Adam felt for Cole was love. Love and guilt for putting him through this.

“I do remember… something from before. Or maybe it isn’t a memory, maybe it was a - a nightmare, or something,” He rambled, tears continuing to fall as his thumb rubbed over the back of Cole’s neck from the uncomfortable position he was committing to. “I…or, it wasn’t me but it was me. It was my body. I was so mean to you, and I shoved you against a wall and told you to leave me alone. I thought I was going to kill you, Cole. But I…I stopped it. I don’t know what I did, but I stopped it.” Adam told him, sobbing into the space between Cole’s neck and shoulder. Maybe this wasn’t fair - maybe he shouldn’t be acting like this when it was Cole in the hospital, not him. But fuck, Adam needed comfort. Adam needed to know Cole was alive and that they could get through it together. That Cole didn’t hate him or blame him. “I love you.” He whispered when his tears felt like they might begin to subside. “I love you more than anything, Walden.”

xx.

Of course Cole wasn’t okay. How could he be? His broken rib was nothing compared to the way his heart was splintering and cracking with every tear Adam shed. Losing him had been the worst pain Cole had ever felt, but sitting next to him and watching him break was a close second. The confusion and fear in Adam’s eyes, while expected and completely understandable, made Cole want to take it all back-- say it was just a joke-- beg for forgiveness. 

But now, Cole couldn’t avoid it. He couldn’t avoid the truth, and Adam wasn’t going to let him avoid his feelings. Since Adam came back, Cole felt like he was walking around with a bomb strapped to his chest-- like it was only a matter of time before he’d be destroyed again. As if he hadn’t cried enough, Cole’s eyes welled up in response to Adam’s urgent tone, the way he was peering into his soul.

“No,” he choked out, wrapping Adam’s hand into both of his. “I thought I was going to lose you again.” Cole’s voice was barely above a whisper, and his hot tears fell onto their hands. Saying it out loud took Cole back to that place-- the moment at the carnival when Adam started acting different. The terror in his chest at the thought of attending another funeral for the love of his life. Cole didn’t realize he was having trouble breathing until he felt Adam’s hands on his shoulders, willing Cole’s chest to stop constricting. “I’ve never been more afraid of anything in my life. I can’t do this-- life-- without you... that’s the truth,” he lifted his gaze to Adam’s face and squeezed Adam’s hand tight, as if a tight enough grip would save him.

They shared a contemplative silence, and Adam finally moved closer to Cole. Relieved, he shifted his legs over to give Adam space to occupy, a way to feel his closeness. Cole’s chest felt heavy in an entirely different way than his head; he knew loving someone this completely was the greatest risk he could take. He always knew it would hurt somehow, but never anticipated this-- the way his entire life lost meaning when Adam died. The way he didn’t feel like himself, much less like a person, without Adam Richards to look at him with a knowing smile or wrap him up in a hug or laugh at jokes that went over his head. 

As Adam wiped away Cole’s tears, Cole leaned his head against the other’s hand, held him there for a second. He knew with more certainty than he knew anything else that if, when he met Adam Richards for the first time, he could see the future-- all the love and all the pain-- he would choose him again. 

When Adam started crying, processing the information Cole had dumped on him, Cole instinctively pulled him closer and rubbed circles in his back. He hated that there was nothing he could say to make this better; he hated feeling powerless to help. At Adam’s question, Cole met his eyes and nodded once, confirming Adam’s fears. Cole carded his fingers through Adam’s hair as the other cried into his shoulder. “You won’t. I won’t let anything bad happen,” Cole whispered into his boyfriend’s hair. 

Cole’s stomach dropped; the one thing he wanted to keep from Adam, the moment he wanted to take to the grave, had somehow resurfaced in his memory. For a beat, he considered denying it, but he’d never been able to lie to Adam. Adam always knew. Cole’s hold on Adam tensed and he pressed his lips to Adam’s temple a few times. “I know, baby,” he murmured, “That was before. Right before you died... I know it wasn’t you.” Cole’s eyes welled up at what Adam was saying. “You stopped it from hurting me. You stopped it.”

Gently, Cole cupped Adam’s face and angled him up, so Cole could see him. He couldn’t stop the smile pushing up his lips when Adam called him Walden. In Adam’s eyes, all of Cole’s fear melted into tenderness and he felt his body relax. It was going to be okay. They would get through it together. “I know you do. And I love you more than anything, Adam Richards. I’ll love you forever.” 

goldenboyrichards​:

After getting off of the Tunnel of Love, Adam couldn’t remember a single thing until he woke up surrounded by ash and smoke. Hours of his life were just missing, gone completely as if he’d fallen asleep and woken up. Adam had been popular in high school - he wasn’t unknown at parties. But even back then, he had never truly gotten so drunk that he blacked out. Whatever had happened to him at the carnival was something else entirely, something much more confusing. 

But when he’d come to? All Adam had seen was carnage. People injured, people dead, and Cole being loaded into a fucking ambulance. Adam had been too dazed to follow; he needed a minute to breath and figure out what had even happened. Because he just didn’t know - but there were several people glaring at him like he was responsible for this. Not solely, the others from the forest commune had helped, it seemed. But…. what had they done? And why?

Once he had fully come back into his own body, he remembered the nightmare he’d had. Or maybe it was a memory? But… but Adam would never hurt Cole. Even nightmare Adam hadn’t wanted to. But the thought of shoving him, pinning him against a wall and telling him to ‘fucking leave me alone already’ made Adam’s chest ache. 

As he caught a ride with someone to the hospital, he couldn’t help the tears that collected in his eyes. Just the thought that there was maybe a chance that he’d actually done that made Adam feel like he was going to throw up. 

Adam had waited while Cole lay on a bed, resting after breaking his rib. He couldn’t imagine that he was comfortable - that it didn’t hurt him. Adam would do anything in the world to take the pain from him, add it to his body instead of Cole’s. But there was nothing he could do but watch as his chest rose and fell, steady with the beeping of the heart monitor he was hooked up to. 

When Cole finally came to and asked about the lights, Adam leapt up immediately, reaching over to flick one set of fluorescents off. He thought about turning both off, but… well, what if Cole didn’t want to be in the dark? What if he was scared of Adam? His worst fear was seemingly confirmed when Cole stared at him, studying Adam’s eyes. 

Arms wrapping around him to hold himself together, Adam met his gaze sheepishly. Not because he wanted to, but because Cole deserved to see that it was him standing in front of him.  “Hey,” He replied, feeling far too casual given every fucking thing the two of them had been through. He kept his distance, standing by the light switch near the doorway. “Are you…. is it okay that I’m here?” Adam asked quietly, looking down at the floor. “I was worried about you. I don’t… I don’t know what happened. I don’t remember anything.” 

xx.

The rush of tears made Cole feel lightheaded and, despite his frantic blinking, they spilled down his cheeks. It was him. Adam was okay. He knew it was his him when he heard the layers of guilt in his voice, when his boyfriend angled his head to the floor. Cole hated seeing him like this, maybe just as much as he hated seeing out-of-body Adam. “Sweetheart,” Cole cooed, attempting to make his brittle voice sound comforting.

“Of course... Of course I want you here. Will you come sit by me?” he asked gently, though internally he felt like he was twelve years old, begging his mother not to leave him at bedtime. He was afraid of what happened, of course. But more than he was afraid for his own safety, he was terrified of what all of this meant for Adam. A pang of guilt swirled amidst the fear; Cole should’ve told Adam everything he knew, right away.

As Adam sat next to him, still cautious, afraid of something, Cole reached out his arm, offered his hand. “I’m okay,” he promised. “I’ll be fine. Are you okay? Did you get hurt?” He searched Adam’s body for any sign of injury and met his eyes. Cole desperately wished that this was all they had to talk about, that Adam could climb into bed with him and things could be simple. But he knew better, and he wouldn’t leave Adam in the dark, not again.

Painfully, Cole twisted and picked up his water, needing some relief for his throat before he dared dive into this. “You don’t remember anything?” he asked, eyes lingering on the crease in Adam’s brow. He desperately wanted to shield Adam from this, to never tell him what horrible things had been done and said through his body.

Cole was crying again, in anticipation for how much this was going to hurt Adam. Adam, who couldn’t fathom hurting another person or letting someone down. Adam, who was always so good, who happily took on the burden of being the strong one, the shoulder to cry on. Adam, who deserved better than all of this. Cole bit down on his trembling lower lip, willing himself to keep it together, if only for Adam’s sake.

“Before you died,” he began cautiously, knowing that even saying that much was still shocking, “You were different. It wasn’t you. I didn’t know until later, but you were... possessed, I guess. By this thing they call the Mindflayer. It made you act different and then... it killed you. Or, it died and you died with it.” The whole thing still hurt his head, honestly, and there weren’t nearly enough answers. “I don’t know how or who or why but... you came back. And I think it’s happening again... it controlling you. I thought you were going to die again,” he choked back another influx of tears, remembering that horrifying moment at the carnival.

Cole had immediately recognized the similarities between Adam at the carnival and Adam the last day he saw him-- the stiffness of his body, the coldness of his tone, the cruelty of his words. He hoped Adam never found out about that moment. Swiping at his cheek with the back of his hand, Cole met Adam’s eyes again and tried for an encouraging smile. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, and I’m sorry I don’t have more answers. But we’ll figure it out. Together, like you said.” He lifted Adam’s hand to his lips, ignoring the shooting pain from his ribcage. “I promise, love, we’ll figure it out.” He didn’t know what figuring it out meant, not even remotely, but he knew he wasn’t going anywhere until they did.

who: Cole & @goldenboyrichards​​

where: Cole’s hospital room :’) 

Everything hurt: his head, his abdomen, his shoulder, his throat. He blinked, but his eyes were heavy and hard to open. What the fuck had happened? His head felt foggy, and his memories were short and senseless. He saw a flash of the Tunnel of Love ride, some unidentified black goo, an explosion, and... Adam looking angry. At him. Adam shoving him away, telling Cole to ‘leave him the fuck alone.’ 

Cole tried to turn onto his side, to hide his teary eyes from the door, in case anyone walked in. Only, moving was no longer simple-- he must’ve broken a rib or two, because the pain that lit up Cole’s body was almost strong enough to knock him out. “Fuck,” he exclaimed, brows knit together and stars in his eyes. If he could keep his eyes open long enough to look around, he might have seen Steve in the bed across the room or the figure entering the room and nearing his bed.

Lifting his hands to his face, Cole shielded his eyes from the fluorescent lights. “Why are the lights so fucking bright,” he grumbled to no one in particular. He was about to complain about the bed being angled too high when he locked eyes with him. 

His stomach did a backflip and Cole’s mouth dropped open. He desperately searched Adam’s eyes, trying to decipher who he was right now-- his Adam or... whatever he’d been at the carnival? 

“Hey,” he managed, after a beat of silence. Cole desperately wanted to be held, to have some confirmation that Adam was himself again, to push the memories of anyone else to the edge of his mind. 

goldenboyrichards​:

Their relationship had never gotten to look like a straight couple’s. In high school, Adam didn’t get to walk down the hall hand in hand with Cole, or kiss him when they got to their classroom door. Cole couldn’t show up to Adam’s games with Adam’s jersey number painted on his cheek. They couldn’t be out. That just wasn’t an option in Hawkins, Indiana. But they had always managed to find little ways of reclaiming the public displays of affection that they deserved. From sitting too close on the bus to away games to a casual arm thrown across the other’s shoulder, Adam and Cole had always tried to show how much they loved one another in their own way. Cole wearing Adam’s clothes was probably Adam’s favorite, though. He loved seeing the other in his hoodies or sweaters; he’d even given Cole his fucking letterman jacket in school, almost daring anyone to say something. So giving him another hoodie tonight was more than worth it if it warmed Cole up and brought a smile to his face after everything that had happened. 

“Yeah, me too,” Adam agreed, leaning back on the log. If only it was that simple. If only they’d had some sort of weird, freaky, shared nightmare or something. But something had happened, hadn’t it? Adam had felt it just as much as Cole. And that didn’t comfort him in the end. “But, we’re okay. Right? We both lived. We’re both here. We’ll get through this.” Maybe that was too optimistic, but Adam had always brought that to their relationship. Where Cole was more pragmatic, more understanding of the cruelties of the world, Adam was kind. He was gentle. He saw the best in all situations and people. And right now, they needed a little bit of optimism before they….well, before they drowned. 

It killed Adam to turn Cole down. If he could just go, he would in a heartbeat. That had always been the plan, after all - for them to leave, runaway together and move out to California. Somewhere where they could just be together. Where no one would hurt them for holding hands, or would look at them strangely for living together. And Adam had ruined that. Whether he meant to or not, Adam had kept them from leaving, and he was doing it again. It broke him to do that, but he couldn’t just leave his family. Not right now. “I’m so sorry, honey,” Adam told him, bringing Cole’s hand up to his mouth and kissing the back of it. If someone saw right now, Adam would say he was fucking kidding or something - but he needed to comfort Cole. “No, baby, it’s okay to be emotional.” Fuck, Adam was emotional. He felt sometimes like his heart was too big for his rib cage - it expanded out, bloody and raw for the world to see and judge and treat however it saw fit. He couldn’t hide a fucking emotion if he tried. “You won’t.” Adam swore. “I promise, Cole, I’m going to do everything that I can to be with you forever. Whatever happened before - we’ll just make sure it doesn’t happen again, okay? Together.” 

xx.

We’re okay. We’re both here. We’ll get through this. Adam’s words washed over Cole, enveloping him in the comforting hug Adam couldn’t physically give him right now. Cole’s smile gained strength as he met his boyfriend’s eyes. There were plenty of times in their relationship that Cole wasn’t particularly welcoming of Adam’s optimism; but now, there was nothing he was more thankful for in the world. It felt like confirmation that Adam was back-- that the cruel, cold flash of him was truly dead and gone. Cole squeezed his hand back. “Yeah. We’ll get through this. We can get through it together.” 

Cole’s heart sank at Adam’s apology, and he quickly tried to remediate the effects of his words. “No no no,” he murmured, scooting closer to Adam so he could keep his voice low. “Never apologize, my love,” he narrowly resisted the urge to cup Adam’s face, brush his cheek. It’s okay to be emotional... it is! But Cole was scared, so scared that if he let the cracks show, Adam would see how utterly broken he was. How his entire life stopped and lost meaning when Adam died. The ache had ebbed and flowed throughout the three years of Adam’s absence, but it was constant. Under the surface, Cole always knew that part of him was missing. But that didn’t matter, what mattered now was that Adam was here. They had a second chance, and Cole wasn’t going to ruin it.

“I just want you. Us. It doesn’t matter where, love, I promise.” Cole willed himself not to cry, but he couldn’t help the feeling that the ache in his chest was more exposed than ever. He’d learned what to do with the hollow feeling, how to cope with it, but this fear? The knowledge of life without Adam was too heavy to hold. So, he accepted Adam’s promise, knowing fully that neither of them could promise forever, not really. “It won’t happen again,” Cole repeated, almost convincing himself of its truth. “I love you so much. Always.”

END.

goldenboyrichards​:

Being co-host of the camping trip, Adam had had to spend awhile checking in on everyone else when they got back. A lot of theories were being thrown around, as well as stories from the cabin, but he wasn’t paying much attention to them. They sort of went over his head. He didn’t know what grabbed him and Cole, but it had felt stronger than algae. He couldn’t be sure, though. 

Cole drifting away from the others wasn’t surprising to Adam. He understood needing a minute after all of that, and it was starting to get a bit cold out here now that the sun had gone down. Without asking, he passed Cole one of the hoodies he’d brought with him in his duffle bag. If anyone noticed that Cole was wearing his clothes, Adam was kind of beyond caring. He’d do anything that Cole needed him to do right now. 

“You didn’t make it up,” Adam assured with sad eyes, hating that what had happened to them was real. If only it could have been some fucked up nightmare or something. “I’m fine,” He assured, giving Cole a small smile. Honestly, he was worried. But there were no physical marks on him, and he and Cole had both eventually made it to shore. Adam would be okay - this was just another weird thing to add to the list of awful stuff happening around him lately. “I’m not going anywhere.” Adam glanced around, checking to make sure no one was paying too much attention to them. Once he was sure they were safe, he squeezed Cole’s knee in reassurance. 

As Cole began begging him to leave with him, Adam’s heart ached. That had always been the plan, hadn’t it? But Adam had fucked it up somehow three years ago, leaving Cole alone to pick up the pieces. And as much as Adam wanted to go now, he thought about his mother. His dad. Beth, Cindy. He couldn’t just leave them again. He couldn’t run away this time. When he and Cole left, they deserved to know in advance. “Cole,” Adam began sadly, squeezing his hand. “Cole, I want that so bad. I want us to go to California like we planned. I want that.” He assured him, voice steady because someone had to be. “But I can’t leave my family right now. My mom…I don’t think she’s sleeping much, these days. My dad calls home to check and make sure I’m still here every few hours when he’s at work. My sisters didn’t stop crying for hours when I finally came back,” Adam rambled, running a hand through his hair. “I just can’t go right now. I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” 

xx.

When Adam passed Cole his hoodie, he smiled. Though it was a cliche, he loved wearing Adam’s clothes-- so much so that he’d periodically stolen dozens of shirts, hoodies, and jackets over the years. He brushed his hand against Adam’s and tugged the hoodie on, trying to act cool, calm, and collected when he was anything but. Both because he was freaking out about whatever had grabbed them in the lake and because Adam was here, looking at him with those eyes, and he wasn’t allowed to hold him.

“Kind of wish I did,” Cole said, with a sigh. He wished he had answers for Adam-- or rather, that his answers made any fucking sense. When Max had told him about the Upside Down and the Mindflayer and the fucked up shit happening in Hawkins, it had actually made him feel better, for a while. He finally knew that Adam hadn’t died hating him, that he was... possessed. But when Adam showed back up with a completely different story, any comfort Cole took in the truth was long gone. 

I’m not going anywhere. Cole closed his eyes for a moment and willed himself to believe it. Only, Adam couldn’t guarantee that. Cole couldn’t guarantee that either. Adam coming back both gave Cole a future again and threatened his utter demise. Losing Adam once had already destroyed him, but the thought of losing him twice felt like a death sentence. He did his best to muster up a smile, so as not to worry his boyfriend, but Cole knew better. Adam was always able to tell when something was up. 

Cole knew Adam’s answer before he elaborated, just based on the way he said his name. He nodded profusely along as Adam spoke, as guilt settled into his stomach. Of course Adam couldn’t leave his family now. He’d just gotten caught up in the moment, in his own fears, and was desperately trying to find something to cling to. “Of course, love. Of course,” he murmured, squeezing Adam’s hand back. “I’m sorry, that was... I was being emotional. I don’t want you to leave your family.” If anything, Cole wanted to bring Adam’s family with them. “I understand how they feel. I’m so scared of losing you again,” he finally admitted, rubbing circles on Adam’s hand with his thumb. 

Cole was certainly freaked out by what had happened at the lake. One minute, it felt like high school again-- like they were just hanging out with friends at the lake. Then, whatever the fuck was going on reared its ugly head again, freaked Adam out again. That was the worst part to Cole. He desperately wanted Adam’s second chance at life-- or re-entering into society, whatever-- to be positive. He’d even settle for bearable.

When they’d come away from the shore, Cole had found refuge in the fire. It was starting to get chilly, and he felt like moping alone for a while. Let everyone else talk it out and theorize, but he wanted nothing to do with it. All he could think about was getting out of Hawkins. Clearly, he and Adam had no shot at a normal life here for a multitude of reasons. Their plan had always been to get away, what was stopping them now?

Cole tore his eyes away from the crackling fire as Adam sat down next to him. Despite everything, he smiled at his boyfriend. This felt familiar-- the sensation that Adam was nearby but never too close so as to arouse suspicion. Finally, the point in the night where it was safe to be close again, even if they still had to be on guard. 

“Hey,” he echoed, taking the drink with a grateful smile. “It’s really not bad. Maybe I made it all up,” Cole confessed. “And you? Are you okay?” he looked Adam up and down for any sign of injury or distress. Whatever had happened, Adam had been right there, too. “No--” Cole protested quickly, “It’s okay. Really.” Then, quieter, he chanced: “Just... stay with me?” 

In the dark, Cole reached over and took Adam’s hand in his own. It was a risk, but he needed the reassurance. After a few moments of silence, words tumbled frantically out of Cole’s mouth: “What if we just got out of here? We could go anywhere, really, just... maybe it’s Hawkins, and it’s time go. Like we always said. Then all of this wouldn’t matter. I can fix everything.” Cole was embarrassed by his pleading tone.

WHO: Adam Richards & @loverboymontgomery​

WHAT: A sweet lil fireside check-in

WHERE: Lovers’ Lake

Adam couldn’t begin to explain what had happened to them tonight on the shore. One minute, everything was fun and happy; the closest Adam had felt to normal since coming back. And then the waves had picked up, and he’d not been able to make it back to shore with Cole. Something had grabbed them both - Adam had felt it - but only Cole had gotten marks. None of it made any sense, and Adam was so fucking sick of nothing making sense. 

He wished, more than anything, that he could just have normal issues to deal with for five minutes instead of whatever this stuff was. 

After they’d made it back to the campsite, Adam had tried to stick as close to Cole as possible without being too clingy. He just needed to know that his boyfriend was okay. It had been scary for both of them, but Cole was the only one to actually get hurt from it. Maybe Adam hadn’t been grabbed as hard?

“Hey,” He greeted Cole later, when most people had drifted back towards the shore or to their tents. “How’s your ankle?” Sitting beside Cole at the fire, he offered him a drink and a small smile. Adam knew that the marks had disappeared from Cole’s leg - another thing he couldn’t explain - but he wasn’t sure if it still hurt. “I can go put some ice from the cooler in a bag, if you want. Or someone might have brought a First Aid kit.” That would have been a good idea for them, honestly. 

goldenboyrichards​:

Adam wasn’t ready to process something like that. How could anyone ever be? Being faced with your own mortality - knowing that you’d died - it wasn’t easy. It wasn’t possible. Adam couldn’t believe it because it just couldn’t be real. Dying and coming back three years later wasn’t something that could just happen. 

He knew it had been summer, the last time he really remembered anything. Adam had been working at the pool with Billy Hargrove and Heather Holloway. He remembered talking to Billy after work one night, something he wouldn’t usually do, and then… then mostly nothing, until he woke up in the woods a few days ago. A brief flash of a fight with someone, maybe. Adam didn’t remember. 

It was the not remembering that scared him the most, besides the thought that he could have died. How did someone forget three years of their life? 

Before he could spiral too far, Cole was grounding him back to reality. Whatever had happened had happened years ago. Right now, in this moment, he was safe because he was here with Cole. And Cole wanted him to stop apologizing for leaving him. Adam leaned into his touch, choking back a sob when Cole forgave him. I know it wasn’t your fault. It didn’t fully relieve Adam of all of his guilt, but it did make him feel a bit better. “I wouldn’t have left you.” He agreed, slumping against Cole. “I don’t know what happened, but I didn’t mean for it to.” Adam pulled him close again, needing to know that this was real just as much as Cole. “I love you too. I always have.” 

They could talk about it when Adam was ready. But… what if he was never ready? He hoped to be at some point, but right now, he just wasn’t. He had never been the sharpest knife in the drawer - his teachers had never accused him of being smart. But this just wasn’t something Adam could rationalize. He couldn’t understand it. Maybe Cole knew people who could, and maybe they should talk to them. Just… maybe later. Adam squeezed Cole’s hand, nodding his head. “Let me tell Mom,” He replied, pulling Cole with him to the front door. 

“I’m heading over to Cole’s. I’ll be back,” Adam promised as he ducked his head back inside the house, ignoring the panicked look on his mother’s face at the mention of him going anywhere. She was so scared he’d run away to the woods again, Adam knew. He hated that he’d ever made her worry that much. 

xx.

Cole hated seeing Adam this upset. Before, it was rare for Adam to be upset about anything. He can’t recall a time when Adam was angry, and he can’t recall a time when Adam was this sad. The Mindflayer had broken part of him, and while Cole was confident that he could and would heal, he was still angry. He kept caressing Adam’s cheek, though his hands were shaking. Why Adam? Of course, it wasn’t just Adam, but... why not Cole? He would rather it be him coming back, dealing with all of this, than Adam-- Adam who was always the first to crack a joke or include an outsider or show kindness to the most unlikely people.

Cole had never been like that, he’d never been like him: naturally kind, easily trusting. From birth, it seemed Cole had a chip on his shoulder-- and that was okay with Adam. It was okay that they were different, it worked. And it still worked, it would always work. But Adam was never supposed to hurt like this. As Adam choked back a sob and slumped against Cole, Cole wrapped his arms around him and buried fingers in Adam’s hair. 

I love you too. I always have.

Tears stung Cole’s eyes and relief flooded his body hearing Adam say it. He figured it was part of the Mindflayer’s possession, but the last fight still echoed in Cole’s mind. Leave me the fuck alone, Adam had yelled, and Cole was relieved to be able to dismiss his fears that Adam hated him once and for all. “I’m so glad to hear you say that,” he admitted, his breath hot against Adam’s neck. He hadn’t planned on telling Adam about the fight-- there was too much else going on-- but he couldn’t help the pent-up tears from years of heartbreak. 

Pulling away just far enough to lock eyes with Adam, Cole angled his chin upward and cupped Adam’s face. “We’ll never have to be apart again. I promise,” he paused, taking in the view of Adam’s face. He was really here. “We’ll go to San Francisco, like we always planned,” Cole’s face broke out into a nostalgic smile.

It was a small thing, but Cole was glad Adam hadn’t let go of his hand to go to the door. Cole needed the physical reassurance that this was real, and he fully intended to hang on to Adam’s arm for the next year, at least. “Wait!” he called, grabbing the VHS from its discarded position on the floor. Cole ducked his head inside, still holding Adam’s hand behind him, and placed the tape on the entryway table. “Could you give this to Cindy? Tell her I’ll come by and watch it with her tomorrow, if she wants,” Cole flashed Mrs. Richards a smile, more genuine than any he’d produced in the past six months. “I’ll watch out for Adam,” he stated, hoping to ease her nerves.

Shutting the door behind them, Cole turned to Adam once again. “I don’t really have a car right now, so.. you up for a walk?” He looked at the porch swing with Adam’s hat and sunglasses. “Want your disguise?” he teased, bumping Adam’s hip with his own. For a second, things felt simple like they used to be. Cole breathed in the feeling, giving Adam’s hand a reassuring squeeze.

goldenboyrichards​:

Adam couldn’t wrap his brain around Cole’s words. There was no way. No way he had… because how could he be here now? If that had happened, why didn’t his family say anything? How could they just not remember? 

They had left his room exactly the same, down to the dirty clothes littering the floor and the half-drunk can of New Coke on his bedside table. At first, when he’d come home and seen that, he’d felt odd about it. Like he was a ghost, returning to the place he’d felt most comfortable haunting. Maybe… maybe there had been some truth to that feeling. But that was just impossible. Right? How could someone be dead for three years, then just come back like nothing had happened? 

Adam stopped that train of thought in it’s tracks. “No, I… no.” He said more firmly, shaking his head again. His hands let go of Cole briefly, only for his balled up fists to scrub at his eyes. “I didn’t die, Cole. I didn’t…” Adam repeated, voice pleading with Cole. Because he didn’t die. He couldn’t. What did that mean if he did? And what did it mean if he didn’t? “I left. I was in a commune. I’m sorry.” Adam repeated, voice breaking on his apology. 

And then Cole was kissing him, and the distress he’d just felt melted away slightly. It wasn’t gone. It was just shoved away to the back of his mind, deep in a dark place where Adam could hold on to it until he felt ready to process something that huge. Adam’s arms returned to Cole, wrapping around him and pulling him close. For the first time ever, Adam didn’t really care that they were in a semi-public place. Mrs. Sanders be damned. He kissed Cole sweetly, making up for the three years they’d been apart as best as he could. Adam ached for that time back, but he would take what he could get now. As they pulled away, Adam leaned his forehead against Cole’s, sighing at how right it felt. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.” 

xx.

Cole’s heart leapt into his throat at Adam’s pleading tone. He wished he hadn’t said anything, and just let Adam go on believing that he’d gone away to a commune. But Cole had never been able to lie to Adam, nor did he ever want to. He knew that, although it was entirely too much to understand, Adam would want to know. Maybe he even needed to know, so he could stop punishing himself for ‘leaving Cole.’ But only when he was ready, only on his own terms-- Cole felt a pit in his stomach as he remembered Max’s description of the Mindflayer and how it possessed its victims. Something akin to rage flared up in Cole’s body thinking about it hurting Adam, but he buried the feeling for now. That was something to ask Max about later.

Meeting Adam’s eyes, Cole shook his head. “Please stop apologizing,” he said, brushing a stray tear off of Adam’s cheek. It made his chest physically ache to hear the pain in his voice.  “I don’t blame you. I know it wasn’t your fault.” Cole’s eyes welled up again as he offered Adam a smile. “I’m just so glad you’re here, that you’re okay. I love you. I always will.”

Cole paused again, barely resisting the urge to kiss away his questions. “I might have some answers... about what happened. We can talk about it, whenever you’re ready,” he promised, taking Adam’s hands and squeezing them for comfort. Distantly aware that they were still on the Richards’ front porch, but unwilling to leave Adam, Cole tugged on his hand. “Want to come over to my place?” he asked, knowing that his house afforded them more privacy, as it was only him and his mom. 

goldenboyrichards​:

Adam braced himself, fully prepared for Cole to yell at him. He deserved it. Ever since they got serious, once Adam knew that Cole was it for him, they had planned on running away together. Hawkins was too small to contain a relationship like theirs - they deserved to go somewhere where no one knew them, where no one could judge them for being together. And Adam just left him. Regardless of how Adam came to be in that commune, whether it was his intention or not, he still left Cole behind. 

But the yelling never came. Instead, Cole threw himself into Adam’s arms and it felt like maybe some of those jagged pieces inside him fit again. For the first time since he’d left the woods with Jack, Adam felt like something in his life made sense. 

Adam clung to Cole, burying his own face in his curls. He’d changed shampoos at some point, but it didn’t matter. Underneath it, he still smelled like Cole. Tears were freely falling down his face now, but Adam couldn’t be bothered to wipe them away. He had no intention of letting go of Cole any time soon; not until Cole wanted him to. 

“Yeah, last time I checked,” Adam laughed wetly, crying still. “I’m so sorry.” He apologized again, holding Cole close to him. “I don’t… I don’t know what happened. They said I’ve been in some sort of commune or something?” Adam explained, shaking his head at the words. He didn’t really remember that - but what other explanation was there? “I didn’t mean to go, I don’t know why I did. None of it makes any sense. I promise I didn’t mean to leave you! I’m sorry.” 

xx.

Suddenly, unexplainably, Cole had a future again. Since Adam died, he had been aimless and drifting; obviously, he’d moved on in the literal sense-- he’d gone to college, gotten promoted, made new friends-- but he had no goals or ambition. All of his plans were tied to Adam; he would take whatever job, move to whatever state necessary just to be with him. Losing that felt like losing part of himself. More than he was confused, Cole was elated and relieved. He felt muscles unclench that must’ve been taut for the last three years. Finally, he was whole again. The closest he’d gotten for the last three years was talking about Adam with Max. 

He had so many questions: how was Adam alive? Did he remember the Mindflayer? Why did he think he’d been in a commune? But Adam’s embrace was intoxicating, the feeling of his face in Cole’s hair was bliss-- Cole didn’t want to ruin the moment with questions, because what if questioning it made Adam disappear? What if this wasn’t real?

Cole laughed, too; It was classic Adam to crack a joke at a time like this. Cole’s brows furrowed together at Adam’s apologies; he really seemed to believe the commune thing, and Cole hated seeing him so wrecked with guilt. “Adam, no... you didn’t run away. You were dead,” he said, his tone gentle. “And I don’t know how you’re back, but you are.”

Tears pricked up in Cole’s eyes again at the thought of Adam gone, but he pushed the thought aside for now. “And can we worry about the details later?” he asked, meeting Adam’s eyes and pushing hair out of his face like he always used to. Tenderly, Cole cupped Adam’s face and pressed their lips together. Somehow, every kiss with Adam felt like magic-- sloppy drunk kisses and rushed kisses in hidden corners alike felt like coming home, and now was no different. Cole leaned into the kiss, holding onto Adam like he was afraid he’d disappear if he let go. He paused, resting his forehead against Adam’s, and breathed: “I missed you so fucking much.”

goldenboyrichards​:

Home had always been a safe place for Adam. It was a place full of laughter, of love, a place where he could mostly be himself. Even once Adam had realized he was gay, home hadn’t felt scary or unfamiliar. He hadn’t told his parents or sisters - although, he was pretty sure at least Beth knew - but he hadn’t felt weird about bringing Cole around, either. They were friends first, Cole was technically even Adam’s tutor, so it was never weird having him around. He’d fit into their family seamlessly, almost. Adam could even pretend that it would still be like that if his family fully knew the truth. 

Come home after…. whatever had happened to him over the last three years was the first time things felt off. Something had shifted within the Richards’ household once he had left, something he never could have anticipated. Adam knew that when he and Cole ran away, his family would be hurt. But then Adam hadn’t run away with Cole - he’d gone to live in the forest around Hawkins, apparently. And while he was gone, his family had fractured in small ways. Like the result of an earthquake, the foundation had cracked and changed, and the happy family of five was now a sad family of four. 

Now they were a family of five again, if Adam could just figure out how he fit into the new picture. But it felt like maybe he was too jagged now; his pieces didn’t fit anymore. 

Going out in public seemed too scary these days. Everyone knew his face, knew his name, knew the golden boy he’d been before. And they all wanted to know just what the hell would make someone like him, someone seemingly perfect, disappear for three years. And the worst thing was, Adam had no answers. He didn’t know. Because he just couldn’t wrap his brain around the idea that he would run away and leave Cole behind. 

He sat on his front porch, baseball cap pulled low and sunglasses on to hide his face from prying neighbors. If Mrs. Sanders asked one more fucking time how he was feeling, he might actually explode. As someone approached the front door, Adam was ready to bolt back inside, warm weather be damned, when he heard a voice he knew as well as his own.

“Cole?” He asked, looking up at him to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. But standing there in the flesh was Cole Montgomery. Adam’s heart fluttered at the sight of him standing there with his skateboard, exactly as Adam remembered him. 

Pulling the sunglasses off, Adam tossed them aside carelessly to show Cole that it was him. “Cole, I’m so sorry.” He apologized, slowly standing up and taking a cautious step towards him. Adam didn’t know how upset Cole might be with him; he’d just abandoned him for three years, after all. But… if he was mad at Adam, why was he visiting Adam’s house? “I swear, I don’t know what happened. I didn’t mean to just leave you. I’m so sorry.” 

xx.

Cole’s arms went slack and the VHS tape clattered to the ground. His jaw dropped and he was sure he looked like a cheesy cartoon character. He couldn’t believe he was having another vision, like what happened at the graveyard last week. Only, this time, he knew he had come to the Richards’ house. If nothing else, the VHS was evidence of that. And, besides, if this was a vision-- why would Adam be apologizing for leaving him? As if he had a choice?

If this was a vision, Cole knew it would quickly turn dark-- he’d watch Adam die, again-- so he should just turn around and leave. But Cole couldn’t resist just a few more moments together, one last kiss, even if it was fake. So he closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around Adam’s torso. Burying his face in Adam’s chest, Cole’s tears pooling against the other’s t-shirt. He squeezed his teary eyes shut and waited for the dark eyes, the “I’m sorry,” the body bursting into flames...

Only, it didn’t. Cole’s death grip around Adam loosened and he peered up at the familiar face. Everything was the same: same lips, same nose, same eyes-- though they looked sadder. What if this was real? He searched his lover’s eyes, looking for answers. If this was real, what did he mean he left? Cole had seen his body, had gone to the funeral, had grieved the death of the only person he could ever love for three years. What kind of sick joke could this be? Cole untangled his hand to swipe at his face and finally choked out: “Are you really real?” 

who: cole & @goldenboyrichards​

where: the Richards’ house

Since Adam died, Cole had made it a habit to check on his sisters at least once a week. He’d been quite close to them when Adam was alive, as he went over to the Richards house once or twice a week for English tutoring. Mrs. Richards, particularly, loved Cole for ensuring her son passed English, and always had some sort of baked good in the oven on tutoring days. He’d loved coming over to the Richards’, to get a glimpse of a functional family and a father who was fairly involved with his children. Besides, Cole had always wanted a big family, so he was never annoyed by the girls’ footsteps and giggling filling the hallways.

Now, though, the energy in the household was different. For the first few months after the fire, Cole almost dreaded going over-- it broke his heart to see the family so devastated. But in the last year or so, it had gotten easier; they’d sort of mutually decided that remembering Adam together was better than suffering alone. It was a somber occasion, still, but bearable. 

Today, Cole had picked up Dirty Dancing at Family Video, because Cindy had been talking about it lately and he figured he’d give it a shot. He always had a soft spot for Cindy (and Patrick Swayze). Cole approached the familiar house on his skateboard and stopped short by the curb, glancing at a guy around his age sitting on the porch. Had they invited cousins into town he didn’t know about? Or maybe it was the neighbor?

Untucking the VHS from his arm, Cole walked up the steps and tried to get a closer look at the guy without seeming weird. He immediately recognized Adam’s old hat-- the beat-up Notre Dame logo, with bleach spots from a botched wash, was unmistakable. “Hey, man,” Cole said, trying to get his attention. “I don’t know if you’re a guest or whatever, but you shouldn’t touch Adam’s stuff,” he said, trying to keep the resentment out of his voice. What kind of asshole just helped himself to a dead guy’s belongings? Cole wanted to snatch the hat off of the guy’s head, but he resisted.