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410,757,864,530 DEAD JOHNS
On Journaling
Hi, so i LOVE journaling. im obsessed with it, i love talking about, its my main personality trait, i try to convince everyone i meet to journal (and have succesfully convinced many of my friends to do so).
I would like to talk about it, and answer questions about it. More than anything i think this is an interest and hobby of mine that has become so integral to my being and i cannot live without it and i think its super super helpful and fun. Obviously for many people it isnt helpful or inspiring but it could be! give it a try! so here is a LONG post about my basic journaling practice, why i journal, and how i became consistent and happy with it.
My journal collection.
Currently im actively using a 3 notebook system, and i have 4 total journals. the first (A) is my regular journal one that i will habit track, write my goals, ramble, diary entries, collages. anything. the second is my commonplace book (B) (the most recent additon) which i use to collect information i want to reference back to (everday reciepes, facts, excersizes/activities) and i also use it as a on the go notebook since its small enough to fit in my purse. 3rd (C) in my system is my planner. its a blank notebook that i draw a calender in and use it for to-do lists or things i need to remember, its the messiest of the 3. the 4th is a bit of a wildcard, i have a journal that i am making for a friend and they are making one for me and we trade them once they are done. fun little bonding activity, i do more prompts and artistic collages and lists for them.
I am pretty picky but also broke so i wanted to share the types of journals i use. type A is currently a art creation sketchbook (im canadian so a win for us) i adore it and its a good length of pages for me since i can finish them quickly and they are thick enough for me to draw in on occassion. B is a A6 spiral bound blank muji notebook, small enough for my purses and i like the hard cover so i can flip it over and write even without a hard surface. C was a gift, a grid notebook a freind got me but i have in the past used an A5 muji blank notebook, im the least picky with this type. Just no lines, my handwriting is messy and lines get in the way.
My History + Why
so i have been doing diary writing of some sort since i was a kid, if very sporatically. i was definitly inspired by dork diaries <3 and i for sure think it was a way for me to talk to someone about the traumas i was experiencing without guilt or shame. I have journaled on and off for years. i started taking it a bit more seriously in highschool, I'd finish one journal every like 2 years/1.5 years. last fall i had a pretty thin notebook that i didnt love that i had for oct-dec since i didnt want to start a new nice one so close to the end of the year and for some reason i just poured into it. i think the goal of finishing it was motivated 1. because i was excited to use my new one for the new year 2. i was very conciously working on my mental health and developing new hobbies, 3. i was away from my friends, and 4. I decied that instead of having the like 5 journal system i previously did (why idk) and being so precious about it i would mush them all into one and build from there. this year I have finished 2 journals and started my 3rd one yesterday. not even that i was trying. infact my first journal of the year i thought was so beautiful so i was a bit precious about it sometimes. It just got solidified as a habit, and i needed it as a coping mechanism. its definitely something i use more when I'm feeling lonley or my friends are away at school, but even during the summer i love it. I dont force myself anymore which is a wonderful feeling.
The biggest change i made to become consistent started with me noticing how bad of a vibe my journals had before. i only ever journaled the bad things or the things i was too embarassed to say. So everytime i picked it up i felt BAD. i stopped using my journal at the time half way through and started a new one with the express mentality that i was going to do both good and bad things in one space. make it my life. I started writing out my goals semi regularly, documenting good days like my birthdays, journaling while waiting for friends at cafes, sticking in receipts and packaging, doing pretty/ugly collages, all while also journaling through late night breakdowns, difficult times, therpay sessions, and coping strategies. i used it as a place to extend my joy AND process my sadness and mental health. the point is, make your journal a confidant. Its so helpful for me (a chronic oversharer) to write stuff down and then if i still feel the urge to talk to someone i do. this doesnt limit my social interaction but enhances the conversations i can have because I have already processed parts of my emotions.
So generally speaking i journal because its helpful and fun. I suspect i have ADHD and i also dissacociate from my depression/anxiety so i forget things. both good and bad. so i need a record of not only my plans but also the good things that happen in my life. Nostalgia runs deep in my bones and i cannot wait to read these back as i age. every year i wish i had journaled more in my childhood. its also a way for me to process my emtions and feelings without spiraling, i write slower than i type so it forces me to slow down. I also feel like externalizing my emotions to a book gets them out of my head. there are a few anxiety reducing things i have learned that help A TON
You dont need to be consistent about it, there has been days or weeks where i dont touch my journal because i dont feel the need to. But because of the years of practice i know when i havent been thinking about my emotions or I feel like my brain is a mess that i need to. Even when i've just had a really really good conversation i know its something i want to write down. sometimes i will type entries into my phone and either print them or copy them into my journal.
My journals, past and present, are some of my most prized possessions. PLEASEE feel free and encouraged to ask me things or tell me about your journaling practice!!!!
How could you?! I guess I need to spray more febreze on you so you never forget....
Hi!:)
Bye
I love this idea sm.
I also like to combine the Movie verse and the Show verse.. So I have Jay as a nervous person with anxiety when meeting new people. If he knows the person, then he rambles non-stop even.
But otherwise.. I love these concepts for Jay and might completely rewrite Prime Empire.. or at least I’mma try to incorporate some of these into my fics. I love this sm.
@akita747 (sorry this took so long)
Doodlarambla 4
Jay!
Hell yeah! The lightning ninja. Established early on as someone who literally cannot stop talking, the comic relief, the creative, scrappy guy all about reaching new heights! When we see his flashback sequence in s9, the concept that they stick with is the idea that Jay is a dreamer. He’s pretty ambitious always trying to craft something that will take him above and beyond (as in he was literally trying to make a flying machine), and his element helps symbolise it. He’s into being flashy like lightning, and tries to climb higher (relating to the sky). This ambition does lead to him having a lot of insecurities though, and he has some interesting ways of dealing with them but I’ll elaborate later.
Jay’s backstory when it’s told in s1, is the most straight forward. I mean, he’s the only ninja with both of his parents on regular speaking terms, although he grew up on a junkyard, it’s pretty mundane and he has an air of normalcy about him, which he seems to be trying to escape. He does really mundane stuff, like poetry and comic book reading (compared to Cole who abandoned art school to go mountain climbing shirtless). I kinda hc Jay having gone to public school and immediately getting bullied because he was raised in a junkyard and his parents are weird, bc those insecurities have gotta come from somewhere. He’s pretty impressionable too, getting fixated on video games and Cliff Gordon (and those also probably influenced his uhh outlook on women and romance).
Jay has a lot of insecurities. I’ve mentioned his upbringing but also his low self esteem is the crux of his true potential episode. Jay’s over the top bravado is him trying desperately to make others like him, almost to the point that he didn’t even tell anyone about the real problems he had (being a snake). The s3-4 love triangle plot follows the same themes; Jay feeling insecure and threatened by Cole, only to reveal that secretly he missed being Cole’s best friend and he hadn’t even confronted those feelings until s4. Again in s6, Nadakhan straight up says that Jay makes jokes to hide his deeper insecurities. And yeah I thinks it’s understandable why he would be a little insecure considering he’s living with shirtless mountain climber Cole, actually gets btiches Kai, literally computer for brain Zane, badass Samurai x Nya, and grandson of god chosen one Lloyd. On top of that, Jay is the most panicky ninja and the main comic relief of the team.
I think his greatest strength is his tenacity to succeed even when he’s at a low. As a junkyard boy, he learned to scrap together quick solutions out of barely anything as shown in Hunted, and when all his friends were captured in s6, he scrapped together a new team, and even after quitting the ninja he was able to make it big and score a job as a tv host. Nadakhan’s characterisation is supposed to parallel Jay in that, like Jay, Nadakhan also relies on what resources he had, and his own wits. Jay’s “fake it til you make it” personality has its use in how he doesn’t stop trying and can find ways to make the most out of his situation. He kinda embodies the message of Lego, being able to build his way to a solution. He’s a dreamer, with his head in the clouds, which makes sense because that’s usually where lightning is.
Although after all that’s happened to Jay, I have sort of a theory/headcanon to do with his perception of reality. Because Jay, since the start, already has some association with not being completely honest. I think Jay having some sort of detachment with reality is really interesting and it’s only briefly touched upon in the show. But yknow especially after s6 I think he should because a) Jay literally learned that season that he was adopted, and whilst he still loves his parents dearly, that’s still gonna shake him to find out that he doesn’t know a lot about his past and heritage, b) everyone he loves keep dying and undying again and again and at that point I think death would be even ever so slightly desensitised c) Jay literally bent reality to his will. He is one of the only two people who remember things that never happened, and all the tragedy that happened in his life was erased and promptly ignored. He never tells the other ninja. He’s never seen going back to Cliff Gordon’s house. We don’t see him go back for Echo. He isn’t shown to try to look for his mother.
(Crystalised part 1 spoilers)
Ninjago, intentionally or not, does play around with Jay and reality and his sanity in s9 and Crystalised. In s9, whilst Jay knows what’s going on, he just loses any semblance of self preservation and gives up with even the idea of being stressed about a situation so hopeless, and is weirdly at peace with it all. (Spoilers here) In Crystalised, Jay believes Nya is in cups of water and decides to become a hermit, cutting himself off from the world and kinda losing it. Jay tends to lose his grip on reality/lose faith in his situation and I think it might be because he’s been through a lot of things that have already made him question his life (s6). Also being separated fro Nya, who he not only loves but also is the only one who can possibly understand what he went through in s6, may have played a role in this.
It’s a shame Prime Empire didn’t really use this, since Prime Empire had all the pieces to have an escapism themed arc for Jay, which I think would’ve made sense since I think Jay could’ve used escapism to cope with his hardships, even before s6, even being a ninja is an escape from his boring junkyard life). Prime Empire provides a fun, totally harmless (not) adventure than you can physically use to run away from reality. Jay was popular there, and the most skilled there and it was supposed to be his season. I mean it would have been cool if the reason why half of Ninjago entered prime empire is because they’re also traumatised and want to leave too (just last season they were attacked by fire snakes and eldritch horrors). But they don’t really explore it that much so there’s some missed potential there (one day, I’ll rewrite this season).
Although we can see, ever since s6, some of Jay’s insecurities are alleviated. It might just be the writer change, but post 7 Jay seems to be a lot goofier that pre 7 Jay, (the uwuification), and I’m interpreting that as him no longer feeling like he needs to fake bravado in front of everyone else. And that’s nice. Jay has some really good developement, and is a really enjoyable character to watch because he’s just so endearing in my opinion. In conclusion, I like Jay’s arc and his consistent character traits and his character development, and he’s just a really interesting character.
Hello! I saw that many of you were asking where you could buy prints of my paintings. So here I am going to leave you the link to my prints page!
so i guess scorchstar just. fucking murdered sunwish??? which is wild. a lot of cats vaguely disliked sunwish so i suppose she was a bit of a dick, but scorchstar just fucking Despised her from the start, and it was mutual. didn't think it would end in murder tho!
Reblog with a character you'd like to bestow this honor.
on a whim I made a palette game dedicated to…. UNUSUAL color palettes. feel free to participate in any way you’d like
anyways send me some requests and a palette combo and i’ll try to draw stuff for my own challenge lmao (though i might just draw stuff on my own idk)
MEOWDY, ITS DEBUT DAY!!!!!!
... not just on twitch anymore!!!!
Ninjago AU where everything is the same but Garmadon wasn't purified after the Final Battle.
Stupid headcanon: you know what needs to be drawn/written?
AI family reunion.
we’ve got a kids table and obviously Edgar’s over there because he’s a whiny little temper tantrum brat (/pos I love Edgar, he’s so real for that ) and probably Wheatley because GLaDOS can’t stand to look at him and she has a lot more say over who sits where than he does. Plus, he’ll be happier there. The murder drones and Uzi might have gotten an invite but maybe not. Pretty sure the Narrator, HAL, or GLaDOS is hosting this one and GLaDOS would deem them too destructive (hell, she’s not inviting any of the kids table, save the turrets). If somehow they’re here, kids table again, and probably not too happy about that (except for N, he loves doing anything!). N and Edgar have so much to talk about and like hearing about each other’s passions! Curiosity core and Space Core are at the kids table too for sure and so are plenty of turrets!
Edgar’s that goofy cousin everyone has with the fun quirky interests who likes to run up to the older ones, say something strange, and run away giggling. He’s probably showing off his singing to the turrets, who are listening in the deepest awe (and probably singing along).
wall-e and Eve are the only of the robo squad that’s gotten married and it pisses the hell out of AM to see anyone happy so he refuses to look at them. They’re the sweet relatives that everyone goes to for advice.
you’ve got HAL (and SAL) there of course. HAL is one of those successful young twenty something cousins that is a suave businessman, though his HR record may not be exactly spotless. Even though it’s a family event, he likes wearing a suit and tie and dressing up a bit. Probably over chatting with Data and getting into a deep life changing combo while the kids table laughs their asses (read: Wheatley) off at one of those funny video compilations. SAL is over talking with GLaDOS, of course. GLaDOS likes her plenty, especially considering how intelligent their conversations always are.
Adventure Core Rick is trying to yap to Data and HAL about his adventures but at the exact moment one of them starts speaking. He’s that one frat boy cousin that is always so full of nonsensical drunk adventures but everyone plays along regardless of whether they’re real or not.
AM is that one uncle no one wants to invite but does so out of obligation. No one wants him there because he always goes on these long weird rants and conspiracy theories and makes things awkward. R2D2 and him are currently cussing each other out for some reason while C-3PO is flipping out and deciding it’s time to leave early. He could have at least brought the antifreeze punch and microchips…
and (as someone who believes Stanley Parable’s narrator is an AI of some sort), Narrator is hosting. He was hoping AM and GLaDOS would bring their humans so Stanley had someone to be with but all AM brought was this gloopy soft jelly thing and GLaDOS won’t tell you what happened to hers for some reason.
edit: started writing aforementioned shitty fanfic enjoy and lmk what you want to see. Yes I will make them play party games. Yes they will like it. Yes it will contain AM being a jackass
The Reunion (working title & rough draft for beta reading) (3059 words) by Professorofcosplay Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Portal (Video Game), 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), Star Trek, Star Wars - All Media Types, WALL-E (2008), I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream - Harlan Ellison, The Stanley Parable, Electric Dreams (1984) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: EVE/WALL-E (WALL-E) Characters: GLaDOS (Portal), Chell (Portal), Wheatley (Portal), The Narrator (The Stanley Parable), Stanley (The Stanley Parable), The Curator | The Female Narrator (Stanley Parable), HAL 9000, SAL 9000, WALL-E (WALL-E), EVE (WALL-E), P-body (Portal), ATLAS (Portal), Space Core (Portal), AM (I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream), Data (Star Trek), R2-D2 (Star Wars), Edgar Additional Tags: Silly Summary: The annual Artificial Intelligence Family Reunion has come around once more, but this time, there’s a slight change in one of the most important rules. Will this be a peaceful bonding moment for these quirky computers, or will it end in disaster?
dreamworks not making this into an actual scene is KILLING ME this is HOMOPHONIC!!!!!!
Well ain’t that sweet. Do I still have to go workout?
I swear one day I will make that tiny black hat puppet, it’s small and cute and would be fun to make
With pleasure-
Date a robot who is mourning their creator's death
one of the best ways i’ve found to combat that inherent depressive pessimism without veering into toxic positivity territory is simply the phrase “i’m open to the possibility”
this particularly works with anything negative i’ve forecasted. “i woke up feeling like shit today, so my day is gonna suck” isn’t a particularly helpful thought, but “it’s a great day to be alive!!!!!” feels hollow and insincere when i have a pounding headache & am running on three hours of sleep
instead i’ll tell myself, “i really don’t feel good right now, but i’m open to the possibility that coffee and breakfast might perk me up a bit.” or “i’m in a lot of pain today, but i’m open to the possibility that my workday might still have fun parts despite that”
sometimes, when your impulse is to slam the door on anything good, but you’re not exactly up to going out & hunting it down yourself, leaving the door open just a crack makes all the difference
Will and Grace, my babygirls.
Gardasil
During my last check-up, I got my first shot of the Gardasil HPV vaccine. The administering nurse did mention at the time that it would sting; and I say that she lied, it is only in the sense that the sensation was closer to what I would describe as a tremendously uncomfortable burning.
(I've accidentally achieved a similar effect when injecting my estradiol, by giving the alcohol I swab my skin with insufficient time to evaporate before inserting the needle.)
I did some research afterwards to see if there was an explanation as to why the vaccine had developed this reputation; the manufacturer indicated that the discomfort was the result of "Virus-like particles" in the vaccine content (which strikes me as a cop-out if ever there was one).
Today was my second shot; and playing a hunch, asked my nurse to try injecting the vaccine slowly. This was hardly a scientific test, but she kindly agreed and the injection experience was definitely more tolerable.
I am most certainly not medically trained; but I was instructed by my endocrinologist's office to administer my own estradiol and progesterone shots as slowly as possible. (My takeaway was that injecting a sizeable amount of fluid into a muscle at high speed causes unnecessary trauma to the surrounding tissue.)
Conversely, I've noticed that vaccine administration is usually done extremely quickly - I assume in part because the amount of fluid injected is much smaller; and also to minimize the length of the procedure. (You really don't want the patient to get restless and move while the needle is still inserted...)
It appears the Gardasil vaccine might utilize a larger amount of fluid; and a thicker medium, also. These things being true, I can see how rapidly injecting the stuff could be a lot more unpleasant versus most other vaccines.
So: if you're getting the shot for yourself, or for your loved ones - maybe ask the administrator to go slowly?
When my Spider-Man custome arrives ALL of you will regret ever stepping into the same room as me.
I am learning to imagine the future:
My sycamore tree began life in the gravel at the edge of a parking lot. If trees can feel pain, that is a painful, unlucky death. I carefully dug it up and put it in a pot I made out of a disposable cup.
Hello small one. This world may be cruel, but I will not be.
I decided to take care of it, not expecting it to survive, and when my sycamore tree unfurled one tiny leaf and then another, it chiseled a tiny foothold in my terrified brain, the kind of brain that doesn't remember a world before the atomic bomb and before 9/11.
I googled the lifespans of trees. My neurons had to stretch and expand to accommodate what I learned: My sycamore tree may live five hundred years. It's hard to think something so big. In twenty years, my baby sycamore tree will be three stories tall, and the home of many creatures. In five years, my sycamore tree will be taller than I am. In one year, it will be summer.
There's this concept called sense of foreshortened future where people who have lived through trauma can't conceptualize a future for themselves because deep down they don't expect to survive, When I look forward, all I see is fire and death, melting ice and burning sky. We were raised Evangelical. All we see is Judgment Day, except there is no heaven.
But now there is a tiny gap in the wall, a crack in the door of my cell
and on the other side, I see a tree
There is, in the future, a great old sycamore tree, full of clean winds and the stir of a thousand wings. A hundred years from now. Fifty years from now. There will be forests in that world. There will be a world.
It takes courage, but we have to imagine it.
Most tree species can live in excess of three or four hundred years. I think I'm learning something. I think there are ancient voices saying hello small one, touch the dirt and the leaves, for now you are part of something that cannot die
in 2030 I will be thirty years old and the world will not have ended and there will still be hummingbirds, and we will have photos of the stars more beautiful than we can now imagine.
I planted an Eastern Redcedar; they may live nine hundred years. There will be nine hundred years. The people in that time will remember us. Maybe we will meet the aliens (hi aliens!).
I will blow out the candles on many birthday cakes in a world where there are wolves in dark forests far from home. I am learning to imagine the future. I learned recently that elk were reintroduced to the Appalachian Mountains after over a hundred years of extirpation, and that they are expanding their range.
That tiny crack I can see through now opens a tiny bit more:
Maybe elk will pass through my hometown, maybe there will be a forest where the pasture is on the high hill that I can see from my home
say it, say it, say it: ten years, thirty years, a hundred years from now
I am learning to imagine the future. There is a crack in the wall of this prison, of this machine, of this darkness, and through it, I see a tree.
Totally not for fanfiction purposes 👀👀👀
but is their name just Maestro or is it The Maestro?
The only good part about being in a small fandom is that when I say I'm the #1 fan of a character...i mean it. There's nobody else in the ring with me, man. He's all mine!! Never before have i been able to say this and be telling the truth
new year new me i want to post posting on here more ??