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May Chuuya Nakahara Spawn Into Reality And Aggressively Make Out With Me - Blog Posts
IT WAS 4 AM WHEN I WAS READING THIS AND IMAGINING THIS DUDE SITTING ON HIS DESK AND WRITING THIS WITH A SAD FACE ALMOST MADE ME CRY AAHH I LOVE HIM SM 😭😭‼️‼️🫶🫶
Edit: DON'T read the tags, i look like im mentally ill.
#016
Dear Diary,
At the moment, Hirotsu @fallingcamelliapetals is not at home, and unfortunately, I have far too much time to think. I've also regrettably turned to the bottle again and am becoming sentimental... how I hate that...
Damn it... everything I've been pushing down is rising up like poison.
Natsume is to blame for everything. He thought it would be a good idea to introduce us. I still remember our first encounter very well. You were so cold... just like always... For some reason, I tried to elicit some emotion from you, but I always failed. And although I generally don't allow myself to feel, I realized after a while that I had been lying to myself. Yes, I had started to develop feelings for you. But by the time I realized that, it was already too late, and you were well on your way to opening your detective agency, while my role as the leader of the Mafia was already sealed.
I really tried to hate you, but in the end, I could never quite succeed, and how I hate seeing you happy, even though I've always wanted nothing but the best for you. But I suppose it was always the realization that I would never be able to have you. Unreachable...
And now I sit here. I finally have the love of my life, and yet... fear of loss is once again consuming me. Allowing myself to feel always makes me insane. As beautiful as it is to close my eyes and slowly be drawn from the grips of love into the sea of emotions, the fear of losing it all is just as terrible... to slowly and surely perish like a fish out of water. Especially after I've learned and discovered things about myself that I didn't even know before... wants and needs I was previously unaware of.
One would think I’m a grown, old man... but in the end, I’m just a love-starved boy, full of fears of being alone...
