Median System - Blog Posts

I have been hit with the hammer of eldritch knowledge. I'm not frontstuck at all, we're a median system. I didn't even know that was like, a thing 2 days ago. The downside is we have no fucking idea when switches happen or if they do. I'm relatively sure that I'm at least cofronting most times of day, so I'm still kinda stuck here. but that's progress(?)

Noticing and acknowledging and even accepting what it feels like to co-front has been a very big hurdle for us. Maybe because I'm not sure I've ever seen anyone else describe the sensation in quite the same way as we experience it. It's a little hard to explain properly but I found some images that kind of translate the feeling.

tw: images may mess with eyes or impose feelings of unreality

Most of the time we feel like 'ourselves' (i.e. the one correlated with our irl name/Des) but who is easily influenced by the others.

Only, when one of the others front, Des doesn't necessarily leave front or even develop amnesia and can usually still speak. It feels like the above images, with two beings occupying the same space. Afterwards Des will remember the basics of what transpired but as if it happened to another person or was a dream--with details missed and emotions muted or lost from the time.

tw: drugs, weed

So does anyone else notice that when they smoke/are high that some others (I still haven't found a word I like) are more likely and/or easier to front? Like in the past some of them didn't like the feeling and would avoid front. I've noticed that there are particular others that consistently are okay with fronting while high. It's kind of strange and definitely I think contributes to my denial and confusion. Unfortunately now days I am more likely to be high to some degree than sober. Dissociation also feels different when high which is another factor. It's just so hard to quit. (This post isn't about that, though ...)

Anyways...am I alone here?

As someone who really struggles with unclear rules/concepts, being a system is a very difficult idea to grasp or accept personally. Every few years I go through a cycle of denial and then rediscovery and exploration that eventually I get frustrated with and abandon. Perhaps it's a lack of self assurance in myself. Whatever it is, I hope this time is different somehow.

It's hard to do the difficult thing when it's much easier to just continue trudging along in a fog.

Transferian

A transferian system (AKA katamaric or amalgamic) is a median system where the facets "come and go". The core idea of transferians is that the facet(s) eventually become the host of the system, and while the old host leaves, it may leave fragments of its personality. The new host, taking on the role not only inherits the traits of former hosts but also adds their own traits.

Some traits of former hosts may be lost to time, but it's not permanent as they can be reintroduced by a facet that happens to have a similar aspect.

Note: While this term was coined with medians in mind, this is not a strictly exclusive term.

also on pluralpedia! (alt text embedded)