Mentally Sick - Blog Posts

I am chaos,

I am cursed,

I bring destruction to the table,

I ruin everything,

Everything that I have ever touched,

Everything that I have ever felt,

Everything...that I have ever loved.

“Reasons Why I haven't posted anything lately.”

TW: Self Harm issues, Mentions Of Panic Attacks, Bad Friendships, mentions of being Ignored and Treated like Shit, Mentions of an Abusive Mother Mentally, physically, and emotionally, Mentions Of Suicide attempt, Mentions of Suicide Ideation, Mentions of Seizures and Brain Damage, Mentions Of Severe domestic abuse and Being Held Hostage.

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So to Start this Off, If I see anything Hurtful Towards me or the People I Mention in this Post I will Disable the Comments if I have to. I don't want to hurt them I only want to vent For a Little bit if you guys will Just Listen.

My Story Starts With my Mother, When I was Younger things Were Fine, which was Before she was Held Hostage By her Ex–Boyfriend. But when I Turned 15, Precisely when I Was a Freshman In Highschool, Things Took a Turn.

Her Trauma Started to Catch up with her, Faster then She Could Even Comprehend, she was Already Suffering from Brain Damage due to her Ex–Boyfriend and a Seizure Disorder Due to the Significant Damage her Ex–Boyfriend had Bestowed Upon her.

First The Abuse Started out Physically for me, She Would Never lay a Hand on my Younger Sister, I was Just the Main Target for her, she was Blinded by anger and the Shame of her PTSD, but Instead of Letting it Out In a healthy way she Pushed her Trauma on me.

Because of this I Started to have some Fear Of my Mother, She had Beat me So many times I flinched When Everyone raised a hand to Stretch or over my head, my Fear will Never leave me.

In my Second Semester of my Freshmen year of Highschool, The Mental and Emotional Abuse Started, and on the 2nd Week of the 2nd Semester I developed a Panic Disorder along with Social Anxiety Disorder Caused by Severe Trauma.

I had my First Panic Attack. I was so Scared In that Moment, it felt like I was Dying, it Hurt so Much to Even Take a Breath, one of the Receptionists at the Front Desk Had take my Vitals, my Heart Rate was 124, Which was Not Norma for a 15 Year Old which a Otherwise Healthy Heart, even the School nurse had me Sent home Since I was in no Sense in the Right State of mind to be at School.

After that I went to see a Psychiatrist who Diagnosed me with Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Post Traumatic Disorder along with ADHD Due to my Problems Focusing in school.

I had One Appointment with him and my Mother Never Scheduled another one With him after He Prescribed me Anxiety/Depression Medication, Zoloft I think. Eventually I ran Out of my Meds which caused me to have another Panic Attack during my Government Class.

That was when my School Counselor recommended that I see a therapist through the School, Because my mental Health wasn’t Getting Any Better Just by Doing Nothing.

But there was another Problem, I hit my Lowest Point a Few Days Later, I started Self Harming, the Pain Becoming comforting and a Safety Blanket to me, I felt Cornered, and then I Even Thought about Taking my own Life Because I was Suffering Greatly.

It Felt Hard to Even Get Out of Bed in the Morning, That's when i was Diagnosed with Depression. With this New Diagnosis on my Mind, I was at a Lost at what to do.

Until My School Counselor Recommended a Mental Health Service, (I won't Name the Service out Due to Confidentiality Reasons), after a Consultation I was Connected with a Therapist a Few Days Later.

Luckily this Service was through the School So I didn’t have to miss any School Hours To Talk to her, and my Medicare insurance Paid for it all.

After a Few Sessions with my Therapist who knew Personally what I was going through, I began to Gradually get better, Eventually after Getting put on the Right Meds for my Social Anxiety, I stopped having so many Panic Attack, Which at that time it was about Two a Week I was Having.

I was also Put in Alt Ed by My School Counselor Due to how Overstimmed I was in Normal Classes, which helped Tremendously.

And Now Here we are to the Reason Why I haven't Been Posting, One of my Best IRL friends Turned on me, leaving me Extremely Vulnerable for my Mental Health to Drastically Drop.

But now I am Fine, and I am Ready to Begin writing once More!

Remember Requests for DSMP Characters are Open Now!!!

Also have a Teddy Bear 🧸🧸🧸, you guys deserve them!!