Ok Listen . There's Only One Idiot Right Here N It's Cami - Blog Posts

          camille  knows  this  is  not  easy  for  neither  of  them  ,  but  even  when  he's  hurting  ,  darius  has  always  so  patient  and  kind  with  her  .  she  had  expected  for  him  to  at  least  scream  at  her  ,  to  maybe  shove  her  away  and  refuse  to  even  stay  a  second  longer  and  listen  to  her  bullshit  .  she  had  already  imagined  the  worst  possible  scenario  that  could  happen  ,  and  yet  now  that  they're  standing  face  to  face  ,  all  that  she  is  reminded  of  is  how  badly  she  doesn't  deserve  anything  from  darius  anymore  .  still  ,  she  finds  herself  wishing  for  some  sort  of  miracle  ,  and  had  he  reacted  way  worse  than  this  ,  camille  would  have  been  convinced  that  there's  no  hope  for  her  to  mend  what's  already  broken  .

          “   no  ,  it's  not  okay  ,   ”   she  could  feel  tears  welling  up  in  her  eyes  ,   “   i  know  it's  not  okay  so  please  ,  darius  ,  just  yell  at  me  or  something  .  tell  me  you  hate  me  for  what  i  did  to  you  ,  anything  ,  just  fucking  talk  to  me  ,  alright  ?  i  need  to  know  if  you  still  want  me  in  your  life  or  if  it's  really  over  between  us  .   ”   maybe  it's  a  selfish  thought   ——   camille  believes  that  they  would  find  their  ways  to  each  other  again  no  matter  what  ,  but  having  spent  so  much  time  away  from  darius  makes  her  think  that  she  might  get  it  all  wrong  .  what  if  darius  has  actually  moved  on  and  she's  the  only  one  still  hanging  onto  the  idea  of  them  together  ?

          pulls  one  hand  away  to  wipe  the  tear  falling  down  her  cheek  ,   “   i'm  not  leaving  until  you  tell  me  your  answer  .   ”   this  is  what  she  came  for  anyways  ,  and  if  darius  truly  doesn't  want  her  in  his  life  anymore  ,  she'd  try  her  best  to  stay  away  from  him  after  this  .   “   tell  me  ,  darius  ,  do  you  really  think  this  is  the  end  for  us  ?   ”   she  knows  they  have  already  broken  up  ,  but  she  needs  to  hear  it  from  darius  again  .

      “ cami—it's okay. sorry—don't apologize.  ”  darius was never good with words. his thought process is all the divvied up emotions and things he'd like to say placed in a supercut. incoherent thoughts breed incoherent words, and he ends up hounding whoever had upset him. it's not fair to camille and anyone on the receiving end of his hurt.   “ i don't doubt that you loved me.  ”   that's darius running on his own time. what could he have done at the height of his hurt? he'd never yelled at camille before—of all people, he didn't ever plan to.

      but betrayal reaps a need for blood: he doesn't even hear it from camille. maybe if he did, he'd swallow whatever pride to try to understand—to try to make it work (because he wanted it to). it strikes him as a great loss: how does anyone deal with losing one's greatest confidant, companion, and lover all in one ?   “ can you blame me—? ”   it's the kind of pity party he hates to see and he pities her for a second.   “ —stop that— ” because he knows she's hurting herself. open palms gather her hands in his. some things never change. he practices his self control and she loses her self control.       “  it doesn't matter anymore.  ”   things like this were meant to stop hurting after awhile. it had been awhile.   “ i'm not in the space to hear what feelings you don't and do have.  ”   camille addario is simultaneously the last person he wanted to see and also likely the last person he'd see tonight.   “ compose yourself until you get home. ”