Curate, connect, and discover
shout-out to weird black kids who grew up up hiding their interests bc it wasnt "black enough" but now get to fully indulge in it because you're grown now and wtf is "black enough??"
We need to talk about how many hateful grifters gain their audience by preying on hurt and disillusioned young men. I'm sick of seeing fucks like Joe Rogan and Andrew Tate spout bullshit and get praise by men who don't know any better and are just looking for someone they think they can believe in. It's almost cult like.
I'm so tired of comparing myself to others. I know it's stupid, but I really can't help it. All day goes like this: I should be tall like that guy. Oh, I should be as positive as that girl, I should be funny like that person.
I've changed a lot about myself and now I'm not sure if the guy I look like, is really me. I wish I could dress the way I want, but the social norms don't seem to let me (not without getting noticed and bullied by it). I want to wear suspenders! Why? I like vintage things! But even though it's freaking Halloween, I still got made fun of because I wore suspenders.
I need to wear my glasses daily. I know that. But do I wear them? No. Because I keep getting made fun of. I'm so sick and tired of all this. I wish it would end, but I know it won't really. I've even changed the way I've talked.
I wish people wouldn't make fun of people for something they can't control. IT'S SO FUCKING STUPID. I can't help it that I'm short! People know that. And yet: I keep getting made fun of, compared to, etc.
"I'm taller than you." They say. Buddy. You think I don't know that? "No offense, but you're really short." Oh no, really? "Yay! I'm taller than you!" I'm glad you feel better while you make me feel like shit. Yay!
I'm so tired of this. I'm tired of the way I look. I'm just really tired. I wish I was tall, but I'm not. I wish I was confident, but I'm not. I wish I was respected, but that's NOT gonna happen anytime soon.
I don't know. I'm just tired. And really frustrated.
If someone asked me why I read fan fiction, it would have to be because it provides an escape from reality. Especially x reader fan fictions, where I feel like I can actually feel soft love Ig you could call it. Sometimes I just wish I had someone hug me and tell me ‘it’s going to be okay’, because I would absolutely BREAK DOWN if someone told me that. But I have no one to tell me that irl, all I have are my fictional comfort characters that I indulge myself in and get carried away. And sometimes reading yaoi fan fiction provides me with some sort of happiness because I feel like I can provide my comfort characters happiness.
I used to think that I wouldn’t make it this far. Being a senior in high school, or graduation HS. I always thought that I’d either kill myself or hopefully die of some other thing. I’d hoped I’d grown out of those thought sophomore year, but sometimes the sad thoughts come trickling back into my mind. I never truly got rid of it. I don’t like talking about this to people I know so I guess I just rant to people I dont know. Oh well.
Here’s a sappy thing for the end of the day after getting lectured by my parent and nearly crying cause I’m mentally weak 🥲🥲