Sad Shit - Blog Posts

Y'all I just realized something

Kenma is in his 2nd year of high school right and hinata is in his 1st so when hinata is in his third year and they have a match against Nekoma kenma won't be there.....

_Wildflower_

Everytime you touch me I wonder how he felt

Pairs: #Satoruxreader and Suguruxreader

Tw: angst, literally sad

Inspired by the song Wildflower by Billie Eilish, you know it's about to be heavy on the heart

_14th February 2017_

"Suguru?"

The quick breath he let out was immediately sucked back into his throat as he raised a rough palm over his face making sure to wipe at the bottom of his eyelids, he was already short of breath and his head felt heavy of the constant-

"Are... Are you crying?"

At his side in less than a second you wrapped your arms around his frame and hugged him, his been alone for alittle bit to long in the bedroom of the hotel you booked for valentines day

"I got some of that heart shaped chocolates from the store down at the lobby"

Your voice soft and your tender hands rubbed at his temples to soothe any ache, fingers softly caressing his head and lead down to his soft, slightly wet from the shower he took, long strands of hair.

"The ones with the caramel inside?"

His voice was hoarse and cracked with each word, just how long has he been crying by himself?

"Yeah, you wanna talk about what's wro-"

"I found this movie Satoru suggested we could watch"

Suguru's warmth left your body as he got up from the bed and walked to the TV to set it up, Satoru hasn't spoken to him-or you since you announced your relationship.

_30th June 2016_

"I don't-I don't fucking understand why... Why she would just up and L-leave like that"

A angry huff of air escaped his nose, he paced the hard wood floor and dragged a hand down his face, his teeth clenched so hard he could break his molers, Satoru was pissed and fucking heartbroken, it hurt so bad that he couldn't breathe properly

"Satoru... I'm sorry"

"No suguru it's not... It's not your fault, I fucking I fucking l-loved her so much"

Gojo couldn't stop the crack in his voice for the second time, unbeknownst to himself a lone tear from his face down his pale cheek and til he tasted the salty liquid he shook his head and covered his face with both of his hands

Crouched down into Suguru's arms he wailed til his body shook, his tall frame felt so small into his best friends arms. Even though you left Satoru, Suguru have never seen him cry

"It's gonna be okay I promise, you'll get through this"

_July 2016_

Blue eyes met Purple irises, Gojo bumped his shoulder against Geto as he passed him

"Wait-Satoru.."

"Shut up"

Suguru choked up and he clutched his phone tighter, Satoru saw your ID caller on his phone as they stood outside the candy store before the start of the movie

"... What about the movie"

"I thought... Fuck the movie, don't ever fucking speak to me again-You... YOU FUCKING HEAR DON'T FUCKING SPEAK TO ME!"

Blue eyes blown out in anger, the silence so loud Suguru could practically hear the shatter of his heart, couldn't even speak a word to stop Satoru from walking away from him. He tried, he really tried to say something to ease some hurt to not get that fucking look from his best friend each time they crossed paths.

_December 2018_

"Suguru... I love you"

The warmth that spread across his chest made him feel so hot that the redness was evident from his eyes to his neck and cheeks

"I-im sorry for springing this on so quickly I just really wanted to express my feelings I know it's been really awkward this year but I feel so... I feel so comfortable with you, your so understanding and and helpful and I couldn't imagine being with someone else-"

The feeling of his lips onto your own felt like a rush of cool air on a hot day, like warmth on a snow day, it felt like it was meant to be. You made mistakes in the past but Suguru is not going to be another mistake that's a promise.

His hands smoothed over your flushed cheek as you slept fast asleep, your swollen lips dried with the mixture of his and your saliva, your skin tattered with his marks. Satoru... Why does he think of Satoru everytime you are together, it hurts sometimes, like he was burning on the inside

"I know... I crossed the line-"

Suguru spoke against your hair as he moved closer and hugged your body closer to his own

"But... Do you ever think of him... See him in the back of your mind when you look at me too?"

Subconsciously he hugged your body tighter against his own muttering how he should just put it all behind him. It's been two years since he last saw his best friend and you were already... Carrying something so precious inside you.

;; depresión

se estaba partiendo en mil pedazos frente a mi, por mi culpa. y mi respuesta solo va a destrozarla aún más, lo sé, pero tiene que saberlo. así que tomo una respiración profunda y evitando su mirada susurro navajas.

— si.

no hace falta escuchar el crack para saber que algo está roto. no para siempre pero si por ahora. las piezas se volverán a unir, no importa cuan dispersas estén y cuan diferente quede del original, de alguna manera se repondrá. pero no ahora. ahora es todo lo contrario. volteo, la miro a los ojos y al instante me arrepiento. romperle el corazón me rompe el corazón a mi también. en sus ojos veo dolor, mucho dolor y tristeza y desesperación, caos, pérdida y un dolor que no conozco. todo eso me golpea, es como un tsunami de emociones, cuando por fuera son sólo unas pocas lágrimas. y una voz temblorosa y dolida que dice.

— nunca me di cuenta.

otra parte de mi corazón rota y su alma destruida. no entiendo cómo no se dio cuenta pero a la vez si, porque nos acostumbramos tanto a la infelicidad que una sonrisa puede disimular mil pedidos de auxilio. se que se siente mal porque no le dije antes pero era imposible. ¿cómo le explicas a la persona que más te quiere, y a la que más quieres en el mundo, que quieres morir? ¿cómo?. admito que estuve a punto pero nunca cerca y ese fue mi error. sufrir y luchar contra mi propia mente en silencio durante años me arruinó. me rendí porque jamás me creí capaz y le abrí la puerta a la oscuridad, le di la bienvenida a mi propio exterminio. le cedí el mando y no me di cuenta. realmente creía los comentarios que me decían "son cosas de la adolescencia, no exageres", "es hormonal", "hay cosas peores", "hay gente muriendo por enfermedades y vos exagerando por cualquier cosita", etc. y en parte tienen razón. tengo todo. tengo una familia, inestable pero la tengo. tengo amigos y gente que me escucha. tengo todo y aún así me siento nada. completa y absolutamente nada. así que al principio escuchaba los comentarios y me creía inútil e inservible. hasta que años después entendí. hoy entendí. y hoy ellos pueden entender, lo que le respondí.

— lo pensé ma, muchas veces. pero quiero que sepas que no quiero morir, jamás haría eso. pero hay una parte de mi, la parte que toma todo el control a veces, que si quiere hacerlo. que me destruye. y es por eso que empecé a tener miedo, miedo de mi misma. porque estoy enferma ¿está bien? quiero que lo entiendas mamá, no soy yo. esos pensamientos no son míos pero a la vez si. y perdón que no te dije antes, no se hablan de estos temas porque hay cosas peores dicen, lo cual es verdad. pero muchas veces la mente se arruina, como la mía. mi mente es mi enemiga. soy mi propia enemiga mamá y es por eso que tu ayuda sirve pero no cura y necesito más. y ya. porque estoy enferma, hace mucho. y ahora que lo sabes, vamos a recorrer un nuevo camino que va a ser difícil pero tengo que hacerlo mamá. me tengo que curar así que perdón.

perdón por romperte el corazón mamá. pero peor hubiera sido arrancártelo y llevármelo conmigo si no decía nada y la bomba explotaba.

estoy muerta por dentro pero aún tengo tiempo y puedo revivir mamá, teneme paciencia que voy a tardar. no prometo nada pero lo voy a intentar.

lo voy a intentar por vos.

y por mi.

principalmente por mi.

;; they were

she was sad

he was not

she was a liar

he was not

she was alone

he was not

she was ready to die

he was not

she was completely unhappy

he was not

but at least she was alive

and he was not

she was sick

he was too.

no one

it doesn't matter how hard I'm trying to pretend that everything is okay.

it doesn't matter how sad I am and I've been all these years

it doesn't matter if I cry or if I destroy my body

it doesn't matter

because no one seems to notice

are they blind? are they ignoring me?

i know I'm not important but anyways I was at last expecting a kind of hero.

do I have to scream? because I'm already aphonic

and tired

of crying

of feeling more than lonely

of my mind

especially for this dark shitty awful pleace that we call mind.

of me

so I'm sorry if I give up

it's not your fault.

it's mine

all mine.

because I don't see the world the same you as you see it

i only see black and white

more black than white

more darkness

in this emptiness

in me.

I just want to stop overthinking every second of my life about this

about how useless I am

about all my defects

about things I can't do

about things I've done

about things I should have done

about things I should do but I know I'm not going to.

so that it, basically

my existence is nothing

just because I'm nothing.

Se qué no estoy bien pero aún así no sé por qué estoy mal.