Sae Itoshi X Reader - Blog Posts

the way i cried tears of joy 😪

ice cream - s. itoshi

itoshi sae hated the current situation that he was in.

mud squelching underneath his boots, sae held the soccer ball in his hands carefully, only the tips of his fingers touching the mud-covered soccer ball. rin had accidentally kicked it too far away, and just as sae went to go get the ball, it started raining.

no, pouring.

at the ripe age of nine years old, sae knew very well of what he liked and disliked. he liked salted kombucha tea. he disliked interviewers and the media. he liked seagulls. he disliked people giving him expectations. he liked the end of summer. he didn’t like overly emotional people. he loved soccer. he hated school. he loved rin.

he just didn’t know how to feel about you.

you were his next door neighbor, and you were…strange? no, that wasn’t the right word. but sae didn’t know what way to describe you; you cried over small things, you ate far too unhealthy, and you talked to him a lot. but at the same time, you were kind to rin, you would use your allowance to buy sae bottles of water when he ran out during practice, and you never seemed to mind his rude nature. he would sometimes buy you ice cream to repay you for buying him water, which you always beamed at.

his heart would stutter just a little at the sight of you, his cheeks would warm just a little bit at your compliments, and his eyes would glimmer just a little at the sight of your smile.

choked sobs were the last thing that sae expected to hear in the pouring rain.

your bike next to you and your hands grasping the bike handles, warm tears rolled down your cherry colored cheeks uncontrollably. raising an eyebrow, sae decided to stay outside just a little bit longer. “what now?” sae asked, walking over to you through the puddles of water that begin to form. you began to choke out something incoherent before sae rolled his eyes, scoffing. “speak clearly. you sound like you belong in an asylum.”

“t-the ice cream! it’s gone! they don’t have it anymore! and i went to a farther store to get one, but theirs was too expensive!” you exclaimed, wiping away your tears rapidly, the rain running down your hair. sae’s head tilted to the left slightly, furrowing his eyebrows.

“the ice cream…?” he thought of the ice cream shop nearby, the one he always bought you and rin ice cream from.

“the type that you first bought me! the vanilla flavored one with the popsicle.”

oh, that one. sae didn’t get it; it was just an ice cream, what was so special about it? you could literally just buy it online or something. “you just said that another store had it.” he pointed out. “can’t you just borrow some of your parents’ money or something?”

“it was 300 yen, and i only have 210 yen on me.” you muttered. “and mama and papa are already having a hard enough time with money. i dont wanna keep on bothering them.” sae frowned; god, why couldn’t this just end quickly? it was raining so damn hard.

“it’s still just an ice cream.”

“no, it’s not!” you cried. “sae, this was the first ever ice cream you bought me, this was the ice cream i ate when my parents divorced, the was the ice cream i ate when i did bad on a test to feel better, this was the ice cream i ate when i did good on a test to celebrate, and this was the ice cream that i always buy.” you sniffed.

sae blinked. this ice cream was special to you…because this was the first ever one that he had bought you? his heart raced unbearably fast, to the point where he could hear his heart beating in his ears. his face was on fire right now despite the cold rain hitting his head and shoulders every moment, and he glanced away.

“wait here. i’ll be back soon.” sae ran back into his house, ignoring his parents’ calls of concern and rin’s desire for the soccer ball, and emptied his piggy bank.

3000 yen. that was enough for you to buy ten of them.

he ran back outside to you, and he couldn’t help the slight softness of his features when he realized that you’ve stopped crying. he shoved the money into hour hands, looking down at you. when you looked up at him as if he were some sort of saint, his face hardened, and he scowled. “this is only because your crying is annoying. and don’t go back to that farther store until the rain stops, because you’ll just get hurt and start crying to me again.”

despite his unbelievably rude words, you beamed. “thank you, sae! you’re so kind!”

sae swore that he could feel his heart exploding.

years later, sae is back from spain to renew his passport. he’s staying at his house for a while; after all, he’s always been the favorite child. he takes a walk around the neighborhood just to relive the nostalgia before he has to inevitably return to spain in a month or so. as he’s walking, his eyes eventually linger on the old ice cream store that he used to buy you and rin ice cream at.

with thinking, he slides the familiar glass door open. one popsicle with no sugar or artificial flavors won’t hurt him. as he’s scanning the freezers, his eyes zero in on one.

a certain vanilla flavored popsicle.

his eyes can’t help but soften as he remembers that day in the rain, and he picks the popsicle up, walking to the check out counter. he’s glad that it’s in stock again, although it probably took a while. at the checkout counter, he expected to see the kind old auntie who owned the store, but instead, his jaw went slack at the sight in front of him.

it’s you.

you seem just as shocked as he is, the name tag pinned on your shirt reflecting off of the store’s plastic lights. sae’s eyes widen by just a fraction; he didn’t see you during his neighborhood walk yet, but he thought that you would just be busy or something. how ironic, the fact that you’re working in the very store you once cried over.

but sae can’t help but notice. he can’t help but notice the same glimmer in your eyes. he can’t help but notice how your hair is just a little bit longer.

he can’t help but notice how beautiful you look.

“you’re back!”

a/n: could you tell that this was inspired by that one scene in better than the movies? reading that book for the first time altered my brain chemistry. also, i know that i said i have a hard time writing for sae, so im just trying this out because this prompt fits best with him.

જ⁀♡⊹｡° stranger, that's all i see

( sae itoshi x fem! reader )

♡ a/n — the 7th ( and last ) part to my seven petals, all poison series! ( masterlist )

♡ word count — 1.8k

♡ content — sae itoshi x fem! reader , sae and reader are 30-31 ish , established relationship ( married ), divorce hinted at ( and said toward the end ), one sided relationship, sae falling out of love with reader, harsh sae, tbh idk what else to add :), not proofread!

♡ synopsis — Ten years ago, you fell in love with a rising star in Spain. A whirlwind romance, a quiet wedding, a promise of forever. But forever is starting to feel like a one-sided vow. Sae Itoshi still wears his ring—but the space beside you in bed stays cold. And love, as it turns out, doesn’t survive on silence.

── .✦ when i look into your eyes, a soulmate who wasn't meant to be

You used to think silence was romantic.

In the beginning, there was something beautiful about sitting next to him in a café with nothing to say, yet feeling everything. Fingers lightly brushing over ceramic coffee mugs, eyes meeting across the table, your knee barely grazing his under the small table. 

You always thought he was a storm kept still just for you. Even his quiet held weight, meaning.

But now?

Silence is a weight you carry alone.

You stare at the seat across from you—his seat. Your fork scrapes across porcelain as you push asparagus and roasted chicken around your plate, untouched. 

Another dinner alone. 

Another meal you plated with too much hope. 

You still try, out of habit. 

You’ve been trying for ten years.

Your eyes flick to the digital clock on the oven.

9:47 PM.

You used to wait.

Now, you just clean up.

You met him in Madrid, fresh out of university, wide-eyed and brilliant with a pen. 

You were a translator at first, then a sideline reporter, and then a full-on broadcaster with glowing reviews. Your Spanish lilted and playful, your insight sharp. 

You caught his eye with the way you didn’t flinch at his silence. How you challenged him, even when others backed away.

Sae Itoshi was the prodigy.

You were just...you.

He said he liked your honesty. You liked his contradictions. He was all ice, but when he touched you, he burned.

You dated for a year. Engaged the next. Married the one after that. It was fast, but it made sense. You were both dreamers in your own ways. He had a career that stole him from the world. You had a world you were willing to shrink, just to stay in his orbit.

At twenty-four, you thought love was enough.

You’ve grown into a different version of yourself—your thirties are here. Your friends are planning holidays with their kids, attending parent-teacher nights, adopting dogs they name after old musicians.

You show up to everything alone.

“Oh, where’s Sae?”

You used to smile and say, “Training.”

Now, you sip your drink and shrug. “You know him.”

Because you do know him. Or at least, you did.

But that version of him—the boy who kissed you in your rain-wet hallway after a win, the man who promised you Venice and three kids and a house with a garden—is gone. 

Or maybe he never existed outside the breathless version of him you imagined in your twenties.

When the season ends, he’s home more. Kind of. You wake up to the sound of him showering. You hear him shuffle around the kitchen, pouring cereal, never coffee. He leaves the bowls in the sink.

He doesn’t ask how you are. He doesn’t notice the way your hand lingers on the fridge, or how your eyes are always just a little too glassy.

It’s not cruel. It’s just...empty. And that hurts more.

The house is quiet—too quiet for something so big. The kind of silence that fills your chest like smoke and refuses to leave.

You stand in the living room with your arms crossed, staring up at the one thing in this house that still feels alive.

A portrait.

Large and centered above the fireplace, preserved like a shrine: your wedding photo.

You don’t even know how long you’ve been standing there, just looking at it. But time doesn’t matter. Not in this house. Not anymore.

You, in that dress you spent weeks hunting for—a soft ivory with a dramatic, low back and a train that shimmered every time you moved. You remember how the lace felt under your fingertips. How your cheeks hurt from smiling too much. How your mother cried when she buttoned you in.

And Sae—

Sae looked at you like you were the only real thing in the world. His hand was at your waist, his mouth pressed against your temple, and the corner of his lips lifted just slightly in a way no one else ever saw.

You remember everything. The flowers you picked out together. The laughter that rang through the courtyard when your uncle accidentally tripped on the runner. The music—God, the music—you two danced to that soft jazz track he liked. He didn’t even want a first dance until he saw how badly you did.

Your fingers tremble as they drift to the ring on your hand.

You twist it, slowly.

You remember the way his thumb brushed over your knuckles when he slid it on. “You sure about this?” he asked, and you’d smiled, breathless. “Always.”

That girl is a ghost now. Her voice lives only in your memories.

You feel your throat tighten.

Then— A voice, sharp and cold, cuts through the haze:

“What are you staring at?”

You jump, heart in your throat.

Sae stands at the doorway, a duffel bag slung over his shoulder. He’s home earlier than usual. His hair still wet from a shower, his jersey only half-tucked into black sweats. 

He looks tired. He always does now. 

And the worst part is—he doesn’t even try to look at you.

You swallow the lump forming. “Oh. Just our… our picture.”

You smile, soft and nostalgic, still twisting the ring like a habit you can’t break.

“Oh.”

He looks up at it.

His expression doesn’t change. Blank. Like the photo means nothing.

“We need to take that down.”

He says it like he’s mentioning the weather. Like he’s telling you the laundry’s done. Then he walks off into the kitchen, door swinging behind him.

That’s it. The first conversation you’ve had in weeks.

Just seven words. And not one of them about you.

You stay there for a while longer, staring at the photo. At the girl who thought promises meant permanence. At the man who once looked at her like she hung the moon.

You fight for the first time in weeks one morning, over something stupid.

“You said we’d go visit my parents,” you remind him. “They’ve been asking.”

“I have meetings,” he replies, not even looking up from his phone. “You can go.”

“I don’t want to go alone, Sae.”

He finally looks up, brow slightly knit. “Why not?”

You nearly laugh. It’s not funny, but it is—it’s hilarious how little he sees you these days.

“Do you ever want to do anything with me?” Your voice wobbles.

“What kind of question is that?”

You blink. “An honest one.”

He sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose. “You’re being dramatic.”

There it is.

The sentence that breaks you. Not because it’s harsh. But because it’s indifferent.

You leave the room before he sees your tears.

You have the conversation one night in bed. 

You can’t sleep, and his breathing is slow beside you, too far on the edge of the mattress.

“You know I wanted a family,” you whisper into the dark.

He’s silent for so long, you think he’s asleep. Then—

“I never asked you to stay.”

It’s a knife without sharpness. A dull blade. And somehow, that makes it worse.

Your breath hitches. “Is that what I’ve been doing? Staying?”

He doesn’t answer.

Because he knows.

And so do you.

The day you leave, he doesn’t fight. Not really. 

He just watches you pack a small suitcase. You leave the rest. You leave the house. 

You leave the life you waited too long for.

But before you walk out the door, you turn to him. He stands in the doorway, arms crossed, still wearing the shirt you folded for him yesterday.

“I loved you so much, Sae.”

He looks at you like he almost believes you didn’t. “You still do.”

You nod. “Yeah. And that’s the saddest part.”

It’s raining when you step into the cab. Of course it is.

But for the first time in years, the silence inside you starts to sound like peace.

Not absence.

Just...quiet.

The apartment you live in now is smaller. There’s no grand foyer. No marble countertops or a view of the city skyline through floor-to-ceiling windows. Just one bedroom, a couch you picked out by yourself, and a kitchen with mismatched plates and mugs.

It’s quiet here, too.

But not the kind of quiet that swallows you whole.

This one... this quiet lets you breathe.

Still, some mornings are harder than others.

You’re sitting at your kitchen table, the rim of your coffee cup pressed to your lips but untouched. 

Your phone buzzes, face-down on the wood. You ignore it. 

You’ve gotten good at that. Letting people reach for you without having to reach back.

But something nags at you. So you flip the phone over.

A headline lights up the screen.

“Sae Itoshi: Better and Better, Even After Divorce.”

At 32, Japan’s prodigal midfielder is aging like fine wine—and nothing seems to slow him down.

Your stomach drops before you can stop it.

The article auto-loads, as if your phone already knew you’d read it.

There’s a photo. He’s on the field in a sharp navy kit. His hair longer than you remember. Still unreadable. Still beautiful in that cold, impossible way.

You skim, even when you don’t want to:

“After a decade at the top, Itoshi continues to impress. His stats have only improved, his stamina unshakable. When asked about his divorce that happened a year ago, the midfielder declined to comment, simply stating, ‘My focus is football.’”

Of course it is.

You set the phone down slowly.

He’s still shining. Maybe brighter than before. And not a single thing has changed.

No stumble. No pause. Just a chapter closed, and a new one opened without you.

You, though?

You left with nothing but your name.

No shared bank accounts. 

No alimony. 

No custody battles—there was nothing to fight over. 

Not even a goldfish to argue about.

You walked away with your clothes, your pride, and a ring in the bottom of a drawer.

And somehow, you’re the one mourning.

Not the man he is now. You don’t even know him.

You mourn the boy who whispered “I love you” in a chapel under Spanish stars.

The man who once kissed your hand like it was sacred.

The version of him who looked at you like you were the only thing he’d ever wanted.

Not the stranger who took his place.

And still—

Still, when it rains, you think of him.

Still, when you cook too much food, you instinctively plate two servings.

Still, when the crowd cheers on your TV and they zoom in on him—jaw tight, eyes ruthless, chest rising beneath that number ten—you feel something tug deep in your ribs.

You press the phone face-down again, like it’ll help the ache go away.

The coffee’s cold now, but you drink it anyway.

Because you’re still learning how to live without someone who’s very much alive.

Because some love doesn’t die with divorce.

It just turns into something you have to shove down til it disappears.

ohhh sae you stupid, stupid man

well, that's the end of this series!! I hope you all enjoyed it!

likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!!

❀ tags: ❀ @kenyuukissme ❀ @irethepotato ❀ @kiyy0mei ❀ @x3nafix ❀ @sugacor3 ❀ @ohagiyo ❀ @reigensuperstar ❀ @nevvynevnev ❀ join the taglist here !

❀ tags for this series: ❀ @silverwings920 ❀ @anqelkoz

⋆.˚✮ 2025 ©airybcby ✮˚.⋆

NO BECAUSE SOFT SAEE IS SO CUTEE!!!

HIII this is my first time requesting so it's fine if you can't do it! But I'd like a Spotify wrapped event please! My top artist is Mitski and her "My love mine all mine" thank you so much! Hope you have a nice day/afternoon/evening!!!

so glad to be your first ask!!

if your top song was my love mine all mine by mitski, i'd pair you with...

sae itoshi

જ⁀♡⊹｡° shine it down here

♡ a/n — for my spotify wrapped event! - masterlist - **this event is now CLOSED**

♡ content — sae itoshi x gn! reader, gn! reader, soft sae!!, established relationship, mention of sae feeling unfulfilled

♡ synopsis — sae itoshi didn't know how much he likes nights in with you until tonight

The night was quiet, the kind of stillness that felt rare in Sae’s whirlwind of a life. Moonlight filtered through the sheer curtains, casting faint silver patterns on the living room walls. You sat cross-legged on the couch, a soft blanket draped over your legs, flipping through the pages of a book. Sae was beside you, one arm stretched across the back of the couch, his other hand absently twirling a loose thread on your blanket.

It had been weeks since his last game, and even though his calendar was still packed with meetings, sponsorship obligations, and training sessions, tonight, he chose to stay. With you.

“You’re quiet tonight,” you said softly, your voice breaking the silence.

Sae’s gaze lifted from the thread in his fingers to your face, his teal eyes unreadable for a moment before softening. “I like this.”

“This?”

He gestured loosely to the space around you both—the blanket you shared, the faint hum of the world outside, the warmth of your presence. “It’s peaceful.”

Your lips curled into a smile. “You sound surprised.”

“I am,” he admitted. “Most things in my life feel like I don't have enough time to appreciate them," the words coming from him made your heart squeeze with...sadness? joy? you weren't sure. "But this, being with you, I feel like I could stay here forever.”

You tilted your head, watching as he leaned back against the couch. His expression was relaxed, but there was something vulnerable in the way his fingers brushed yours, hesitant, like he was afraid you might slip away.

“I don’t think I tell you enough,” he said, voice low, almost hesitant. “How much this—how much you—matter to me.”

Your heart fluttered at his words, rare and carefully chosen. You shifted closer, your knee brushing against his thigh as you placed your hand on his.

“You don’t have to say it all the time,” you replied gently. “I know.”

He looked at you then, really looked at you, and for a moment, the composed, untouchable Sae Itoshi was gone. In his place was someone raw, someone who didn’t always have the right words but wanted to try for you.

“You keep me grounded,” he murmured, his thumb tracing slow circles on the back of your hand. “Even when everything else feels like it’s slipping through my fingers.”

The weight of his confession settled between you, a quiet but profound reminder of what you meant to him. Sae might not always know how to show it, but in this moment, under the soft glow of the moonlight, his love for you was undeniable.

SOFT SAE!! SOFT SAE!!

i hope you liked it!

likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!

જ⁀♡⊹｡° the world ended when it happened to me

( sae itoshi x fem! reader )

♡ a/n — for my childhood best friends to lover series :)

♡ word count — 1.3k

♡ content — sae itoshi x fem! reader, sae itoshi x fem! reader, angst i fear, goes from childhood to the U-20 game, no real explanation for why sae comes back from spain lowkey evil (canon), rin blames reader for sae changing, rin and reader are best friends, best friends brother trope

♡ synopsis — your whole life you've loved sae itoshi, but maybe childhood love wasn't as glamourous as everyone made it seem.

You were always around the Itoshi brothers.

Rin’s best friend, the annoyingly happy girl who somehow made yourself at home in their lives. Sae used to think you were a menace, a constant storm of giggles and relentless chatter that disrupted the quiet balance of his house.

You had been Rin Itoshi’s best friend for as long as you could remember — a whirlwind of energy and relentless optimism, the complete opposite of the quiet, serious boy who barely cracked a smile. But for some reason, he tolerated you. Maybe even liked you, though he'd never admit it.

Sae, on the other hand, made no secret of his disdain.

“Why is she always here?” he muttered one afternoon, rubbing his temples as you sang loudly along to a cartoon theme song.

“She’s my friend,” Rin mumbled through a mouthful of snacks.

“She’s annoying,” Sae shot back, glaring as you dramatically collapsed on the floor like you’d been shot.

“I heard that!” you chirped, grinning up at him.

“Good.”

And yet, the first time you barged into his room, he didn’t yell.

He was sick, curled up in bed, voice scratchy as he warned you from across the room, “Get out. You’ll get sick, idiot.”

But you didn’t listen. You tiptoed in, holding out a crumpled drawing with three stick figures labeled "Rin," "Sae," and "Me," all holding hands beneath a bright yellow sun.

“I made this,” you whispered, as if speaking too loudly would break him. “I wanted you to have it.”

Sae stared at the paper, throat tight. He didn’t thank you, didn’t smile, just turned his head and muttered, “Whatever.”

The week he recovered, his phone rang. He sighed when he saw your name, swiping to answer as he rubbed at his temple.

“You were right,” you croaked, voice completely hoarse. “I got sick.”

Sae rolled his eyes, but there was a ghost of a smile tugging at his lips. Yeah. You could stick around.

By the time you started middle school, you were practically part of the Itoshi household. You and Rin stuck together like glue.

You struggled with English — despised it, really — and Rin tried to help, but he wasn’t patient like Sae. So, you turned to the older brother, begging for tutoring sessions.

“No,” he said flatly when you asked.

“Please?” you pleaded, clasping your hands.

“You’re hopeless,” he muttered, but he still helped you.

Sae pretended to hate it, acted like he was being forced to suffer through your presence. But he showed up every day after school, meticulously explaining grammar rules while you doodled on the edges of your notebook.

Somewhere along the way, he started looking forward to those afternoons.

He liked the way you tilted your head when you were confused, how you brightened like the sun when he praised you for getting an answer right. He liked that it was just the two of you — no Rin, no distractions. Just you and him, your elbow knocking against his as you leaned in close to read from his textbook.

And maybe, in your twelve-year-old heart, you started feeling the same.

When Sae was recruited for the Real Madrid Academy at thirteen, the entire town buzzed with excitement. Everyone said it was a miracle, that Sae Itoshi would change Japanese soccer forever.

You were proud of him. But when you lay in bed that night, staring at your ceiling, all you wanted was to beg him to stay.

To keep being your tutor. To keep being around.

The night before he left, Sae texted you to meet him at the park. You assumed Rin would be there, but when you asked, Sae just shrugged.

“He fell asleep,” he said, licking his ice cream.

The truth was, he hadn’t told Rin at all.

You sat on the bench together, you pouting as you flipped the stick in your hand to reveal the kanji for "bad luck," while Sae’s said "good luck."

“Why are you lucky at everything?” you grumbled, tossing your stick aside.

Sae chuckled, the sound low and rare. He started dribbling his soccer ball between his feet, gaze focused as he said, “You can still call me, you know?”

“Huh?”

“For school stuff. Or... whatever.” He didn’t look at you when he said it.

In your childish mind, that was enough. You smiled, bright and unburdened.

“It’s a promise!”

“Yeah,” Sae echoed, teal eyes flicking to yours. “It’s a promise.”

He left a week later.

Rin fell apart without his brother. You stayed by his side, comforting him through the ache of Sae’s absence. And yet, you hid your phone under your pillow at night, quietly texting Sae about homework or your day.

You stayed by Rin’s side, comforting him, hiding the fact that you and Sae texted constantly. He never texted Rin. Only you.

Two years of texts and rare calls passed, and one night, the realization hit you like a freight train: you were in love with Sae.

You’d loved him since he got you sick, since he bought you ice cream, since he promised you could still talk to him.

You’d loved him since he caught the flu,

Since he drew diagrams in your notebook to help you with prepositions,

Since he made that promise to answer your calls.

One late-night call sealed your fate.

As you rambled on the phone about school, Sae mumbled, half-asleep, “I love your voice.”

You stopped talking, heart hammering, but by the time you opened your mouth to respond, he was snoring.

“I love you, Sae,” you whispered into the receiver.

“I love you too,” he muttered, voice thick with sleep, one eye cracking open to catch your stunned expression.

From then on, you and Sae were together. Quietly, distantly, but together.

When Sae came back at seventeen, he didn’t tell you.

Rin did.

rin-rin: Sae’s home

his text said.

rin-rin: I hope you enjoy that you’ve ruined him

You panicked, blowing up Rin’s phone with calls he never answered, some being sent straight to voicemail after the first few tries. And then Sae was at your door, taller, sharper, his face unreadable.

You burst into tears before you even spoke.

“Please talk to Rin,” you begged, clutching at his sleeve. “I don’t know what I did wrong, but I’ll fix it — please, just talk to him—”

But the look in Sae’s eyes was like ice, gorgeous, but dangerous- unsafe- fated to slip away

“You’re a bother,” he said, voice flat.

You froze.

“Huh?”

“You’ve clung to me since you were a kid. You’re nothing but a disease I need to get rid of.”

You laughed, shaky and desperate. “Sae, that’s not funny—”

“I’m not joking. I’m done with you.”

The wind howled as snowflakes caught in his hair. You collapsed to the floor, hugging your knees as Sae turned on his heel, leaving you crumpled on your doorstep, the door swinging in the cold winter wind.

You lost both Itoshis in one night. And you didn’t even know why.

A year and a half later, you sat alone in your living room, watching the Blue Lock vs. Japan U-20 match.

Rin, your old best friend, was on one team. Sae, your first love, was on the other.

And you stayed home, stuck in the same town, the same life, still struggling with English.

The camera zoomed in on Sae’s face, and something inside you snapped.

Without thinking, you hurled the remote at the screen, a crack spiderwebbing across his perfect, indifferent, calm, beautiful, heartbreakingly distant expression

The TV shut off, leaving you in suffocating silence.

Sae Itoshi had everything he wanted — fame, success, the world at his feet.

And you were still here. Stuck. Left behind.

Trying to understand how the world ended for you, while for Sae, it had only just begun.

You curled up on the couch, burying your face in a pillow as the weight of it all crushed you.

You’d lost them. Both of them.

And you didn’t even know why.

GO LISTEN TO WE HUG NOW BY SYDNEY ROSE NOW!!

likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!

pov: y/n calling her bf to tell him that she got in trouble but knows she'll get in MORE trouble from him that she is in rn (but she has no one else to call so....) (if u don't like fem pronouns pretend that they're something else)

─── 𝐀𝐋𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒, 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐔𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘, 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒

+ itoshi sae x f!reader | wc 7.1k | content: fluff, making out, college!au, mentions of insecurity, only very brief angst !!, alcohol, slight jealousy

notes: this was supposed to be lengthier and in smau format but i suck at that so here it is in fic format :’) i know i know, i write sae way too much </3

summary: you have a crush on sae. for a long time now. and he’s always known that. he just wants to see how long you can hold out.

HIGH SCHOOL: 2ND YEAR

itoshi sae knows you like him.

you’re really obvious it’s pathetic, really. once during recess, he’d wanted to go back to the classroom to get some shut eye because soccer was way too draining lately, and guess who he saw slipping a little love note into his locker?

of course you. you and your little pink heart-shaped post-it that read i think you’re cute and i really really like you. because it was valentines and you were one of the many to send him little scribbles of confessions.

even now, when you sit just a couple of rows in front of him, he catches you looking behind at him, and sae purposely doesn’t look at you, doesn’t let you know he knows you’re staring. he’s not really sure why. maybe he feels bad if he exposes you or something.

throughout the rest of your sophomore year in high school, he continues to observe as you so subtly (not really) try to be friends with him. you always try to get picked to be in the same group as him for projects (which never works out), you try to sit next to him in lecture halls (but his friends cockblock you always), and during phys ed classes you try so hard with soccer but you’re really quite bad at it.

maybe it’s sae not being able to continue observing your failures that he throws you a bone.

“you need to bend your knees a little more.”

frozen stiff from the unexpected company, you awkwardly try to bend your knees further, all while staring at the ground. if sae was nice, he’d laugh and joke around with you, asking why you seemed so scared of him. but he’s not, so he only sighs and stands beside you while you try.

after a few more seconds, sae understands you don’t really understand so he moves to push down on your thigh, and by then you really freeze up, falling flat on your ass in front of him.

sae wants to laugh now, really, because it’s amusing how nervous you are. for no good reason too.

the next time sae talks to you, it’s during lunch time when he queues up behind you. on purpose. he doesn’t even usually eat from this stall, but seeing you there makes him want to mess with you a little. he purposely stands a little too close, makes himself prone to an accidental bump.

which does happen. because you’re just like that.

“oh, sor—” you stop midway as if realising it’s sae immediately dissolves you of any obliged apologies. “sorry,” you force out before whipping your attention back in front. the both of you don’t talk in that moment and sae can’t help but feel a little disappointed.

but sae continues to help you during phys ed classes, and you still try to get assigned to be his group mate. nothing groundbreaking happens during sophomore year of high school because nothing is born out of it.

nothing, except maybe a tiny bit of sae’s inexplicable emotions for you.

HIGH SCHOOL: SENIOR YEAR

sae thinks maybe you went to a shrine over the holidays. how else would he explain you finally getting partnered with him on a project? and to top it off, it’s a two-person team for the entire year.

you get him all to yourself.

the moment the teacher calls your name after his, it’s like sae can practically see your tail wagging. you manage to compose yourself when you catch him staring at you though.

it’s a little cute, if he’s being honest.

“so, what do you think our project should be about?” your voice wavers a little when you speak to him. is he that intimidating?

sae wonders what if he tries to be a dick during this project. would you be obedient or would you actually bite back?

he tries to find out.

sae shrugs and acts disinterested, staring out the window of the second floor of the library where you’d both agreed to meet to work on it together. “don’t know, don’t care, think you could handle it for us? i’ve got too many soccer trainings, too tired.”

for a split second, you’re taken aback—he sees you sitting upright a little more, blinking twice at him because surely that’s not what you imagined your crush to behave like. not when he has straight As and is almost the top of your cohort.

and for a while, sae thinks you might actually be the former; obediently listening to him, making sure he’s happy. but then you furrow your brows and clench your fists and go “itoshi sae, who do you think you are” and oh, oh, you’re not the former, you’re the latter and you’d actually kill him if he was a dick. fuck.

somehow his hands instinctively come up in surrender and his mouth opens, “i was just kidding.”

it’s almost comical how your expression softens up immediately and you laugh, and sae keeps staring at you because you actually have a really nice smile. he never really noticed it before. and when the two of you actually get started on the project, sae finds himself observing you more than actually contributing.

yeah, you’re really quite pretty.

“any plans for the summer?”

it’s now almost july and summer break is around the corner, and to be honest sae’s kind of bummed about it. it’s beyond him why not seeing you would make him disappointed, but he’s not going to try and pursue the reason. he has his training camps to worry about.

“soccer. you?”

“mmm, a short trip with my parents.”

usually sae would leave it at that, but he asks about you, and he sees that tail wagging again. “where?”

“just gonna go to hokkaido,” you tell him. and you look like you’re anticipating him to ask more, but sae’s stuck. he doesn’t really know what to ask. he’s not exactly curious as to what you’d be doing there.

so you take matters into your own hand when you swiftly grab his phone from the table, key in your number and call yourself from his phone before putting it right back. sae watches you the whole time, wondering when exactly you’d gotten this bold.

“there, now you can’t escape me even over summer break.”

and he doesn’t. because you text him about your trip when you’re there, you send him pictures of the scenery and of the food you’re eating and you’re really inconsiderate because you send him that shit when he’s stuck in soccer bootcamp with twenty-four sweaty guys who’s none the better than him.

sae can end it by all means, just by not responding to you, but for the first time, talking to someone isn’t really a pain, and he thinks you’re kind of funny and the stickers you send are kind of cute so he’ll let this continue. even if by continue he means sending mediocre, lacklustre responses that just barely manages to keep the conversation going.

(in sae’s mind at eighteen, sending replies like okay and i see are considered acceptable and subjectively considered effort.)

when summer break finally ends and it’s early september, sae finally sees you again while he walks to school. he walks a little faster just to catch up to you before he adjusts his pace, acts like it’s coincidence that he’s right beside you.

and somehow he’s made it a routine; to memorise what bus you get off of and catch you on the way to school. even if he sees you in classes and even after classes in the library.

you’re acting a little less like he’s on a podium and more like normal friends and he kind of likes that. he likes being able to see you unfiltered when you gossip, likes seeing you laugh at stupid lame jokes, likes the way you hang close to him whenever you’re beside him.

okay maybe like is a little stretching it, he doesn’t mind being able to tolerate it. or maybe he’s just in denial, whatever.

winter comes and it’s somehow the time when more girls try to talk to him, mainly because somehow the school decides to hold a winter event this year; it’s going to be held near the edge of the city, where the biggest skating rink is.

by his guess, most girls are looking for a guy to have a skating date with.

in the library during your usual meetup for the school project, sae gets more than a couple visitors trying to get him for that same reason. you eye everyone that approaches the table, and sae can’t help but notice how he actually likes when you’re pouty. maybe it’s his twisted thinking that jealousy means you’re still into him.

“itoshi-kun, i was thinking whether you wanted to go to the winter event together?” another girl from your class, mizuno, asks him, and sae is tired of it, frankly. but he doesn’t show it. he only looks at you, and you look back at him because he doesn’t usually stare for this long.

then, he looks at mizuno and rejects her.

“sorry, can’t, i’m going with y/n.”

(you get home that day being completely flustered and completely happy.)

on the day of the event, sae keeps his word. he goes with you, sticks beside you the entire time. his friends snap pictures of the two of you and you always look so embarrassed. maybe you’re just not used to all of this attention. but that’s fine, it’s cute.

one thing he learns about you is that you can be real clumsy sometimes. like now, when you get so excited over your watermelon slushie that you somehow spill it all over your jacket and clothes.

sae ends up giving you his puffy winter jacket while he braves the cold with whatever he has left. that’s fine, he’s strong. besides, getting to watch you wear his jacket the entire time feels like a bonus somehow.

he thinks by now you should confess already, but you don’t. you’re happy to stay in this bubble with him right now, whichever phase the two of you are at. so is he. it feels kind of nice.

feels especially nice when you hang onto him for dear life in the skating rink even though neither of you are moving. sae’s aware that people are staring holes into both of you but it’s strange how much he doesn’t mind when it’s with you. that’s why he holds his hands out, lets you take them, makes himself pull you along. he finds himself wishing neither of you were wearing gloves so he could feel how soft your hands are.

by the end of the day, everyone takes it that the both of you are together, even though the both of you are too avoidant to talk about it.

“hey, sae? thanks for today,” you say later that night when everything is done and you’d had the giddiest experience with sae. he’s walking you home and he doesn’t even know why; it’s a mystery to him why he keeps himself close whenever he can.

“it’s fine, i was the one who told people i was going with you, so.”

when he gets you to your front porch, you don’t go in immediately, standing right there with your back facing him, and sae wonders what’s going through your head. if only he could see the expression on your face right now, maybe he’d know.

you let him; because you turn around, giving him a big smile before you take a step forward and press a chaste kiss on his cheek, immediately turning on your heel and running into your house.

neither of you say bye, both of you are just a little too stunned to speak. sae stands out there in the cold for a little while longer, his face and ears red—he’s not even sure whether it’s from the weather or from you—but even when he starts to leave, you’re still slumped at your front door, covering your face in embarrassment, knees too weak to stand up.

there’s only one more quarter left until you graduate and sae and you both act like nothing happened that day. you still gossip unfiltered and he still listens but acts like he doesn’t.

except now instead of sitting across from you, he opts to sit directly beside you. sometimes sits a little too close just so your arms will brush against each other. sae also lets you keep his puffy jacket because you said you liked it.

you wear it throughout winter.

when graduation comes around and it’s time for sae to choose his university, he can’t help but take a peek at your screen. a smile comes to his face when he sees your first choice is the same as his. you’re smart too, he doesn’t doubt you’ll get in.

“itoshi sae, you can smile?”

sae immediately turns it into a frown. “guess not.”

you take your words back. “hey, i’m just kidding! it’s just rare… that’s all.”

so you notice him a lot then?

sure, you might not have seen him smile a lot. but that’s fine. from what sae knows, you have the entirety of your university years to possibly catch it.

UNIVERSITY: FRESHMAN YEAR

of course you enter the same university as itoshi sae. it’s not on purpose, but you’re glad you both made it here anyway.

at least knowing one friendly face is better than none.

to be honest, you’re not really sure where you and sae stand. he’s never said anything about that kiss, but he also doesn’t stay away from you. can you take that as a positive thing?

if anything, he’s even closer.

somehow, his dorms and yours are practically next door. when you open your bathroom window, you can look right into his. it happened once, by accident, and you’d caught him, shirtless with just a white towel hanging around his neck, hair damp as he brushes his teeth, the droplets of water on his abs looking very inviting.

but then he caught you staring and you’ve shut your bathroom window ever since. thankfully, he never mentions it.

being in university and staying in campus meant that you were both hanging out much more informally. and you’d think that two people at the age of nineteen who’d known each other for three years would be less awkward than this but it’s you and sae and somehow there’s always an element of awkwardness.

it’s halfway into your freshman year and you’d just watched the first match that sae’s playing for the university team. you’re a little starstruck, honestly. to think that the guy you’ve always had a crush on is this good at soccer.

he’s amazing. you’re feeling like a potato sack.

“hey, you know him right?” hime gushes.

your friends are with you, so it’s natural they ask.

mira on your left sighs, “guess we have no shot with him since he’s with y/n all the time,” she says, nudging you in the elbow.

you’re starting to regret bringing them here with all the teasing. you’re also regretting coming here yourself because you see several girls running to him asking for a picture together. some of which you recognise, some of which are the popular girls.

sae doesn’t stop them from snapping what they can, but he also doesn’t stop for them at all. instead, he saunters over to you, hime and mira wordlessly disappearing to the side.

“gimme that,” sae says, gesturing to the phone in your hand. you obey, of course, and he smirks, then he snaps a selfie with you before tossing your phone back and walking off.

the pairs of eyes on you make you half-embarrassed yet half-proud. even with this many fangirls, sae chooses to come to you.

that night sae asks you to send him the picture.

yeah, maybe you can take that as a positive thing.

freshman year after that is generally uneventful. you and sae are both trying to find your footing, with him preoccupied mostly with soccer trainings while you’re drowning in assignments and projects that have nothing to do with him.

but you still see him in the mornings sometimes, when you walk past your common room and he’s in his, and you wave at him when he’s alone so you’re not so shy, and he nods in acknowledgement before he just walks away.

one night while you’re burning the midnight oil trying to cram some accounting knowledge into your brain, you get a text from sae.

wanna get supper?

both of you end up at one of the supper spots outside of school, a little cosy shop that sells boba and ramen even after midnight.

“why’d you wanna get supper?”

sae shrugs, taking a sip of his plain water. “just bored, couldn’t sleep.”

“isn’t this soccer season? you can’t even eat anything in here, it’s definitely not passable for your diet.”

he sighs, leaning back against his chair. “so? quit whining and start eating your shit already.”

if it was some other guy you’d be rolling your eyes and storming off. but it’s sae and you know him and he thinks he’s talking normally like this. besides, when you catch his eyes flicker up to lock with yours you get a little dizzy inside.

“what’re you up so late for anyway?”

sae’s fingers are drumming lightly against the surface of the metal table, teal eyes diligently observing as you bring the strands of noodle to your lips. “told you, i couldn’t sleep.”

you find that strange; he’s always been able to sleep, no problem. and he’s strict about his eight hour sleep schedule. what could be getting to the great itoshi sae?

(sae’s lying through his teeth; having his bedroom right across from yours means he can see when your lights aren’t out. sue him for being a little concerned.)

“so, heard you and the team are going on a soccer trip somewhere in europe,” you bring up. you’d heard it from your friends, strangely, instead of sae himself.

he nods. “yeah, just a select few,” he tells you, “only if we win the tournament though, then the team’ll officially invite us over.”

so-called team you heard about is real madrid, and you’d be crazy to think that sae couldn’t help your university team win on his own.

“guess i won’t be seeing you around when you go,” you mumble idly, not completely aware of what you’re basically saying.

sae is adept at reading in between the lines, but he doesn’t probe you on it. he’s not sure he wants to. he doesn’t know what this is. do you still like him? does he like you too? all these feelings are new; sae doesn’t know what to do with it.

so he keeps it to himself. for now.

he doesn’t really do a good job at following through with it though, because on the day of the tournament finals, he looks at you and winks right as he orchestrates that winning goal for his team, and you’re left wondering if you’re imagining things.

UNIVERSITY: SOPHOMORE YEAR

the final part of your freshman year went and gone, and it didn’t go exactly how you imagined it to be. you didn’t expect to hear from sae at all when he went on his trip after that tournament.

but you did.

he replied you whenever he had the time. told you anything you asked for. even called you when you had a mini meltdown because of finals.

to be frank, you don’t know what the both of you are anymore. you’re cursing yourself for being too scared to ask.

“hey y/n, have you seen hime anywhere?”

it’s oliver asking, captain of the university’s soccer team and also hime’s current situationship. he’d started hitting her up since that first time sae played and brought attention to you and the people around you.

“yeah, she’s by the pool with mira.”

oliver leaves as soon as you tell him, and you stand awkwardly at the corner of the living room, by the full panel of glass windows, wondering if you should just go home. you’d only came because hime and mira both said you needed to experience a party at least once this year but now you’re surrounded by people making out and drunkards slipping into the pool that it makes you regret giving this a shot at all.

especially since sae’s not going to be back till tomorrow, garnering as much interest as he did during his time in spain. you really have no reason to be here.

“hey there, pretty.”

startled, you find a familiar face up close in your personal space, his finger twirling your hair. you’d recognise that head of blonde and pink anywhere.

“oh, you’re ryusei shido right? you’re on the soccer team with sae,” you think out loud, and he nods, and you can see his blonde lashes so closely it’s making you flustered.

“mhm, fwhat’s a pretty girl like you doing all alone in a corner? seems like a shame,” he comments, though he doesn’t even give you a chance to answer. the next thing you know, shido drags you into a drinking game with hime and mira (which is why your first instinct wasn’t to run off, if you could trust anyone it’s your best friends). although, shido is getting annoyingly close and you can’t decide if you’re nervous or annoyed.

and the heavens surely love you when they let shido draw the card that corresponds to a dare, and they love testing your boundaries when some guy called otoya dares him to kiss you.

but no, you know that the heavens really do love you when someone yanks shido’s hair back and pulls him away from your face, taking his spot in between the both of you in the bid for proximity that you don’t mind because it’s itoshi sae.

“sae, what’re you doing here? i thought you wouldn’t be back till tomorrow,” you ask, a little shell-shocked but you still notice he’s discerning frown and how there’s barely any space between the two of you.

he looks at you, tilting his head, “what? my girl’s not happy to see me here?”

you don’t respond. half because you think you’re dreaming and fuck—really, did he just call you his girl?

“eh? i don’t recall you having a girlfriend?” shido leers, a hand on the spot of his head where sae had pulled on earlier.

“yeah, besides, shido still has to do the dare.” otoya sounds bored more than anything, but the guy beside him, karasu, if you remember correctly, is smirking.

sae sighs, and you feel like you must’ve crossed the boundary to another dimension when you feel sae’s lips on yours, and you think you’re in limbo when you feel his hand on your neck, pulling you close. his tongue pries your lips apart and people are whistling while shido’s behind him saying get a fucking room or i’ll beat off to this.

when the object of your affection finally pulls away, you’re met with the same pair of unbothered teal eyes, the pair that immediately turns to face otoya. “there, did it for him. now move on.”

you’re beginning to thank alcohol for its existence when almost everyone obeys wordlessly, moving on to some other guy’s turn. you really can’t remember who sits on shido’s right when all you can think of is that itoshi sae, your longtime high school crush, actually kissed you.

that’s enough to warrant the question, right? the question of what sae takes you for?

the inner debate sparks long into the night, even when sae walks you back to your apartment, the both of you side by side in silence.

“sae, what was that?”

he plays coy. “what was what?”

you’re only a little tipsy, so you can still tolerate his avoidance. “you confuse me a lot, you know that?”

sae doesn’t take the bait. “oh, i see.”

“you were jealous.” he was. he really was. you can tell; he was sour to shido the entire night. he stuck close to you too, sometimes your fingers brushed against each other’s.

“so what if i was?”

this one is new. sae’s actually admitting it. and usually you’d chicken out but you can see your apartment coming into view and you don’t want to let this go.

“what am i to you, sae?” you manage to choke it out a few feet away from the door, and sae stops in his tracks, hands in his pocket and teal eyes looking heavenward.

you’re beginning to regret your decision to ask; you’re not sure if his indecision is a good or bad thing. nothing seems to be simple when it comes to itoshi sae.

but he does nothing to appease your confusion when he steps in front of you, his body pressed flush against yours as he presses another kiss to your lips, and you think this one is special because it’s not done in the name of a dare or in front of anyone else. this kiss is for you and you alone and sae is doing this on purpose.

when he pulls back, you see him furrow his brows and you can tell that maybe he’s just as confused as you are.

“when i managed to get an earlier slot for my flight, all i could think about was how excited i was to see you.”

is this… a confession? you’re even more confused now that you don’t even know what to say.

to be honest, so is sae, which is why he swallows the lump in his throat and relegates to his apartment, “goodnight.”

things after that change just a little.

you’d decided to go with the flow, just because you really don’t want to sabotage whatever friendship you and sae had left, although most of the time, sae is the one toeing the line. even though he doesn’t outright tell you anything regarding his feelings.

but you think you figured him out.

sae asks you out whenever you’re both free, and not for shit like studying or errands, but for movies and dinner and he drives you around in his car and looks at you like you’re the only girl he sees. his eyes don’t wander when he’s with you, and he lets you wear even more of his jackets. it’s also evolved to his jerseys and his beloved windbreakers. you have one of each in your own closet and he never seems to ask for them back anymore. he also lets you wear his rings, puts them on your fingers randomly.

both of you still go for parties, especially when it’s one of the soccer guys who are throwing it, because they practically force sae to go and they know you’re the key to convincing him.

most of the time the two of you just laze on the couch, drinking and talking about nothing at all, and he idly plays with your fingers when he’s tipsy, something you never tell him because you like it, because you don’t want him to feel self-conscious and stop. he also smells your hair after he sends you home and hugs you before he retreats to his place, and you wonder if he’s fully sober when he does that.

you resign to getting your answer some other time, because you don’t want anything to ruin this, if this is just an illusion. yeah, you’d talking feelings some other time.

UNIVERSITY: JUNIOR YEAR

you really had no right to be, but you are. try as you might, you can’t stop yourself from feeling the way you do. especially not when she’s sitting so so close to him, when her hand brushes his fingers.

she’s just his project partner, nothing more, but something irks you about the way she can get so close to him so quickly when it took you much longer. but then you hear from shido that kaori is rin and sae’s childhood friend, so maybe that’s why they’re so damn close.

apparently, she’d gotten back to japan after ten years abroad. with great timing too, right when you thought you and sae could amount to something.

“you know, i could help you make him jealous if you wanna,” shido whispers in your ear one time when he catches you staring at them. “we’ll make him feel how you feel, m’kay?”

and while that’s tempting, you shake your head. it’s unreasonable for you to take it out on him that way, not when he hasn’t actually done anything that proves he’s just leading you on.

lately sae’s been so busy around kaori that you’re just thinking too much. you’re wondering if he’s slowly replacing you. he still talks to you over text, but you barely hang out like you did before. you still spot him through the windows, but he’s always too tired to notice you. even his texts are getting slower.

“hey, you okay?”

trust it to hime to notice your personal dilemma. you’re not really surprised though, because she’s been watching you moping for the last few weeks. she now has oliver wrapped fully around her finger, with him sticking around her all the time, which is a surprise considering his reputation.

but hime will take your side, you know this, and maybe that’s why you play it off. you don’t want her to hate sae because of a momentary feeling, so you tell her you’re just sick and you’ll go back home.

the moment you get back to your apartment, you see sae waiting out on the front, car ready while he leans against the hood, waiting.

and you might’ve asked if he was waiting for kaori, but then he looks up and sees you and smirks and that’s all you need to know that he’s not. he was waiting for you, and now he’s opening the passenger side door and telling you to “get in, stupid.”

that’s how sae is with you, impromptu and surprisingly sweet. he drives you to the pier, a cute spot right next to an amusement park where he’d gotten you some candy floss before the both of you just sits on the hood of his car, enjoying the scenery.

“why’d you suddenly bring me here?”

sae lies down, the sun hitting his face in all the right places. he’s gorgeous, you realise for what seems like the thousandth time since you’d known him.

“oliver told me you’d been a little mopey lately,” sae says, and you’re already embarrassed. “sorry if i’ve been busy lately.”

you mirror his position, lying down next to him, and it feels oddly nice like this. you’re not sure if it’s the situation or the person.

“it’s okay, i heard that kaori’s your old friend right? you guys must have a lot to catch up on.” it doesn’t stop you from feeling jealous, but it’ll pass. you hope.

sae chuckles before he turns to you, and you turn to face him too, “you’re jealous.” he smirks, and you’re reminded of the same thing you told him that first night he kissed you.

“shut up, sae.”

he laughs because you’re being pouty, and because maybe it feels a little nice to know you can feel it too. just then, he mirrors what you did way back in high school, reaching across you for your phone. except he doesn’t key in anything—he opens up your camera and takes a picture of the two of you like this, sae looking naturally handsome and better than you because you’re stunned he’s doing this, eyes wide and expression puzzled.

“what’s that for?”

sae’s still fiddling on your phone as you ask, and then he passes it back to you. he’d set it as your phone’s wallpaper.

“to remind you that you’re the one i like, idiot.”

and even though you and sae aren’t physically too close in the wallpaper, you think maybe it’s enough to tide your feelings through for now. he doesn’t ask you for anything else after that, just leaves his confession at that and sends you home before saying he has to finish up his project, aka going to find kaori.

it’s fine by you though, because now you know where sae’s head’s at, even though he never explicitly asked you anything. you’re sure he knows how you feel too, especially since you’d been the one to kiss him first that day a few years back.

but how apt for you to go to sleep early and be woken up by dozens of messages blowing up your phone, the majority of them attaching pictures at a certain party.

still pictures of sae locking lips with kaori, and you feel your heart sinking.

sae’s message comes through just as you’re scrolling through your phone.

meet me at my place? not what it looks like, i promise.

and maybe it’s because you feel like you know sae well enough that you’re not even panicking. you respond within seconds.

sure, see you!

you take the liberty of going next door, entering when one of the other guys who lives there clumsily walks in drunk. it’s easy enough to find sae’s room, you recognise it from across your own room too well. and maybe it’s a slight invasion of privacy but you can’t help but turn your attention to his desk.

his room is all neat with the occasional laundry thrown on the corner of the room, trophies and medals on the bookshelf by the table. but what catches your eye is the little pink heart-shaped post-it note that looks all too familiar.

your handwriting fills the piece of paper.

i think you’re cute and i really really like you

you could cringe right now from how cringe you were being back then. but then you realise, sae kept this? did he keep this knowing it was from you? you hear the door opening downstairs and jump back a little, accidentally pressing on his keyboard while trying to place your note back in its position, and the screensaver that greets you renders you speechless.

it’s the picture sae took of the both of you at the bleachers of his first match.

someone closes the laptop before you can think any more, and you’re greeted with sae right next to you, cheeks flushed—either from alcohol or embarrassment. you can’t really tell, but judging from the lack of alcohol stench, you’d like to bet it’s the latter.

“you have me as your wallpaper?”

sae clicks his tongue, annoyed he didn’t get there in time for you not to see that. “who else would i put there?”

you bite your tongue to stop yourself from instinctively saying kaori out of spite. guess you’re still a little groggy from being woken up in the middle of the night.

“about earlier,” sae begins, not really sure how to continue.

“you mean the pics going around of you and kaori kissing?” you’re not even mad, you’re sure there’s an explanation—that’s how much you feel you know itoshi sae. he’s not the type to bother with leading someone on; if anything, he’s probably the type to immediately cut things off if he wasn’t interested and so far, he’s always been thinking of you.

sae sighs, rubbing his temple before taking a seat on his bed. “that was fucking stupid,” he grumbles, eyes closed. “she was way too tipsy and getting all up in my face and before i knew it she just—” his eyes are open now, briefly looking at you before looking away, hiding behind the sides of his soft locks, “she kissed me. i was stunned for a little so…”

you snicker a little, because sae looks so different from how he usually looks—aloof, ignorant, arrogant. now he looks like a puppy who’s been kicked to the side and you can’t help but notice the difference.

“sae… why are you telling me this?”

screw his indecisiveness, if it was in the first place. you want his answer now, up straight. and sae seems to know what you’re thinking because he chuckles, relieved because he can read your tone—you’re not angry, not upset, you trust him somehow and it’s only because despite what you think, you know him better than anyone else.

“fuck off, y/n, you already know,” and he says this affectionately because you can feel the tenderness in the way he says your name, in the way he invites you into his arms—the way he pulls you close and lets you sit facing him on his lap. “you gonna be my girlfriend now or what?”

your lips are so so close and you’re both holding back so so much. “mmm i don’t know, itoshi sae, what if i wanna see you beg me for it?”

“god, i hate you,” he says, without meaning it. it’s the first time you’re actually feeling how strong he is, because he lifts you up from the back of your thighs and throws you on his bed as he hovers over you, a little squeal leaving your lips at the unexpected gesture. “hm, kinda like that sound you make.”

he’s saying it so monotonously that you’re embarrassed. “shut up, sae, before i leave.”

“that’s cute, you think you’d actually leave me,” he teases, and you curse yourself for finding that slight condescending tone of his hot. “but hey, really, be my girlfriend.”

“you asking me that after kissing another girl?” you act shocked, acutely aware of how his fingers are all intertwining with yours, your hands on either side of your head, sae pinning you down. if anyone walked in now, they’d get the wrong idea of what you two are doing. for sure. but you try to act unbothered, you don’t want to boost his ego even more.

sae leans down to press his forehead against yours, and you’re hoping your heart doesn’t leap out of your chest because he’d definitely feel it. “shit timing, i know. but you’re the only one i want, so.”

he’s pretty shit at talking emotions, you realise. and then you realise that this only works because you’re equally good at reading his. despite his reluctance to talk emotions, he shows you how special you are, constantly.

many girls want him, but you’re the one he spends most of his time with. you’re the one with his actual clothes in your closet and his rings on your fingers. you’re the one sae kisses and willingly so, the only one who’s on his wallpaper reminding him of what he’ll have each time he comes home.

“i told kaori i liked you and no one else too,” sae continues explaining, though he really doesn’t need to. you listen anyway. “she got mad and stormed off but shit, i don’t care. only care about you.”

and he’s pretty forthcoming with his feelings when he wants to be and that’s enough for you. you squeeze his fingers lightly and smile at him.

you don’t have to hear any more to know.

“i love you too, itoshi sae.”

the way he marks you that night lets you in on everything you need to know.

UNIVERSITY: SENIOR YEAR

six years.

it’s been six years since you’d first had a crush on itoshi sae. and now you’re his girlfriend, always in the front row for every match and the object of most of his fangirls’ hatred. that’s okay though, none of that matters.

whenever you come back home to your (shared) apartment now, it’s like all your worries melt away into the void, and sae reminds you just how much you mean. even if his pet names are less than swoon-worthy at times.

“you really need to stop posting shit like this,” you deadpan, showing sae your phone screen. it’s a picture of you asleep in the morning, drooling on his bare shoulder.

sae blinks, acting coy like he always does. “what? it’s cute.”

“you’re insufferable, itoshi.”

sae ignores that, switching the subject. “hey, you have any goals for your twenties?”

you hum, pondering. “well, i guess if i could do what i want, i’d travel the world,” you pause, sitting up on the sofa and looking at him. “why?”

it’s the last year of university, and the both of you are finishing your degrees, with the possibility that sae might be getting a contract with one of the overseas clubs. you’re not really sure; there’s a few of them who’ve expressed interest, but you’d always let sae think through it on his own.

does his question have something to do with that?

“was thinking i wanted to take you along if you wanted to come with,” sae half explains, because he’s bad with details like that. he continues when he spots your confusion, “if you wanted to explore wherever i decided to go.”

oh, he means he wants to take you along to wherever he decided to go. you’re flattered, honestly.

“you mean, the itoshi sae wants to bring me wherever he goes, huh?” sae is already turning red, sensing your big head. “you offering to be my sugar daddy too?”

sae sighs. “you’re so stupid, i swear,” he complains, his words lacking any bite because he’s rubbing circles onto your arms. “you said you found some remote jobs right? thought we could make use of that and just go wherever together.”

after six years, you finally see sae trying to plan a future where the both of you are together. he loves soccer, but he loves you too, and you’re not the kind of person who’d make him choose, so you appreciate his compromises instead.

“itoshi sae, i’ll follow you wherever you go.”

he presses a hasty kiss on your lips, “good, ‘cause i plan on keeping you forever.”

you grin, pulling him down to you and kissing him even deeper, “i’ll hold you to your words, then.”

sae smiles against your lips. because he knows he got lucky with you, lucky you were there at the right moment, slipping your love letter into his locker. lucky you continued to like him, lucky you knew how to put him in his place whenever. lucky you’re you and you love him.

maybe he’s always liked you, even back in freshman year of high school when he realised how kind you are, how gentle you could be. you looked pretty in the sun that day, when he first saw you trying out soccer in the yard and falling flat on your ass. you didn’t notice him back then but he noticed you, not that you knew. sae didn’t try anything because he was sure it’d fail. but who knew all it took for his mind to change was a simple nudge from you?

he’s pretty sure that you’re his human manifestation of a forever.

“when the time comes, just say yes.”

Part two of lipstick stained cigarettes is coming soon i just have to finish editing it trust

Hii!!!

I love ur writing so so so much. Genuinely i’ve been reading EVERYTHING. I was wondering if you could do one abt reader being really insecure about her thighs and stomach.

Tysm!

“𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐞? 𝐦𝐲 𝐠𝐨𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐞”

a/n: thank you so much for your support!!! i hope this could make you smile :)

and yes the title is a lana reference (i’m just so inspired by lyrics today)

ft. itoshi rin, itoshi sae, isagi yoichi, bachira meguru, nagi seishiro, mikage reo, niko ikki, kaiser michael, ness alexis, karasu tabito, shidou ryusei

itoshi rin

you're standing in front of the mirror frowning at your thighs when rin walks in. 

"what are you doing?" he asks like you're plotting a heist. 

"just… nothing," you mumble, tugging your shirt down over your stomach. 

he immediately knows something’s up. rin doesn't do emotions, but he does read you like a book. 

“you’re doing the self-hate monologue again, aren’t you.” 

you nod. he just sighs deeply and grabs your face like he's about to deliver a dramatic anime speech. 

"i need you to understand something." 

"… okay?" 

"your thighs are incredible. like, dangerously hot. people would pay to get crushed between them." 

"rin." 

"no. and your stomach? i literally fall asleep holding it every night. it’s the safest place on earth. i’m not even joking." 

later that night he buries his face into your stomach and mumbles, “see? perfect pillow. i win.” 

itoshi sae

you make a self-deprecating joke about your body and sae just slowly turns his head to you with the most unamused expression imaginable. 

“was that supposed to be funny?” 

“no i just… i don’t like my thighs.” 

"cool. i do." 

"yeah but they're –" 

"shhh. you're not allowed to talk shit about my favorite thighs." 

then he just grabs them casually while sipping his drink like it's tuesday. 

“don’t test me. i will write a love letter to your thighs and frame it.” 

and this man would. on fancy paper. with wax seals. 

your stomach? yeah he pokes it just to watch you squeal and then hugs it like it's his emotional support plushie. 

“stop saying dumb stuff. i know what i like. and i like you.” 

drops mic. walks away. leaves you blushing on the floor. 

isagi yoichi

isagi is not having ANY of this negativity. 

you say “ugh i look bloated” one time and he spins around like a rom-com protagonist. 

“you’re what? LOVE. no. come here.” 

wraps you in the softest hug and literally kisses your stomach like it's sacred. 

“this is the cutest stomach in the world. i’d build a monument for it.” 

“yoichi –” 

“and your thighs? do you know how many times i’ve spaced out staring at them? once during a team meeting. bachira noticed. it was awkward.” 

he starts complimenting every little thing with passionate sports announcer energy: “and here we have the most stunning pair of thighs gracing this room. yes, folks, look at that form!” 

eventually he lays his head on your lap with a dreamy sigh and goes, “you don’t even get it. you’re my favorite view.” 

bachira meguru

you look a little down and he immediately panic-scatters into your space. 

“what happened? who do i fight? did a mirror insult you? i’ll punch it.” 

you admit you’re just feeling insecure about your body, especially your thighs. 

he gasps like he just witnessed a war crime. 

“THOSE thighs? the thighs i mentally thank god for every single day???” 

clutches them dramatically. 

“they are elite. masterpiece. top-tier. anime protagonist levels of divine.” 

then he pokes your stomach and giggles when you try to squirm away. 

“it’s bouncy! it’s cute! it’s squish-approved! 10/10! best cuddling material ever!” 

draws a smiley face on it with his finger. names it. gives it a backstory. 

“this is sir squish-a-lot. he’s royalty. treat him with respect.” 

you’re laughing so hard by the end you forget you were ever upset. mission accomplished. 

nagi seishiro

you say something negative about your thighs and he just blinks at you. 

"no thoughts. head empty. but thighs good." 

“nagi that’s not –” 

“your thighs are comfy. they’re warm. they’re literally my headrest when i nap. don’t disrespect my nap station.” 

then just flops face-first into them while mumbling, “mmph. perfect.” 

he pats your stomach too and goes, “this is where i press my face when you’re mad at me. can’t believe you’re beefing with it.” 

tries to fix your insecurities by aggressively cuddling them out of you. 

“if i kiss the things you hate enough times, will you stop hating them?” 

spoiler: yes. yes you will. 

mikage reo

genuinely offended when you say you don’t like your thighs or stomach. 

“wait what? are we looking at the same person? babe, you’re an art piece. i’d hang a painting of you in my mansion.” 

“reo, you don’t have a mansion –” 

“yet. but i will. and your thighs are going in the foyer.” 

threatens to fund a PR campaign for your self-esteem. 

“billboards. magazine covers. motivational speeches. i’m not kidding.” 

hugs you from behind and whispers, “how dare you talk bad about my future wife’s perfect body.” 

dramatic but also seriously in love with every inch of you. 

“if you ever insult your thighs again, i will cry and guilt-trip you for a week. i’m rich. i can be petty.” 

niko ikki 

you’re feeling insecure and niko notices right away, because this boy is observant as hell. 

“you keep covering your stomach,” he says gently. 

you admit what’s been bothering you, and he gets this serious expression like he’s going into soccer mode. 

“your thighs are my favorite thing to cuddle. i literally mold into them like memory foam.” 

you snort, but he just shrugs. 

“i’m being real. and your stomach? that’s my safe zone. my emotional recharge pad. stop hating on it.” 

later, he literally tucks himself into your side with a blanket and mutters, “mmm, yup. serotonin unlocked. no more insults allowed.” 

deadass gives your thighs a pep talk like, “you guys are killin’ it. keep up the good work.” 

kaiser michael

you say you feel gross and kaiser’s mouth literally drops open. 

“EXCUSE ME???” 

“what do you mean you hate your thighs. are you blind? they are a national treasure.” 

puts his hand over his heart like he’s been personally wronged. 

“your stomach too. i love that thing. it’s adorable. it’s sexy. it’s mine.” 

proceeds to rant for 10 minutes about how obsessed he is with you. 

“i would get in a physical altercation with a mirror if it made you feel bad. i’m being serious, stop laughing!” 

then starts listing celebrities and why they don’t even come close to your level. 

“zendaya? beautiful. but do her thighs make me bark out loud like yours? no. i win.” 

you’re laughing so hard you can’t even argue anymore. 

ness alexis

he goes into full puppy boyfriend mode when you say anything mean about yourself. 

“noooo don’t say that! your thighs are literally heaven-sent!” 

grabs them and wiggles his fingers into them like they’re stress balls. 

“i could live between these thighs. i would die happy here. let me in.” 

“alexis please –” 

“no. you brought this on yourself.” 

hugs your waist so tightly you can’t escape. 

“and your tummy? my favorite place. soft. warm. 100% wife material.” 

will pout dramatically if you keep putting yourself down. 

“i’ll cry. i will. then you’ll feel bad. don’t do that to me.” 

karasu tabito

hears you insult your stomach and just slowly blinks. 

“so we’re lying now?” 

“karasu, i’m serious –” 

“me too. your thighs are elite. S-tier. baddie-coded.” 

starts listing reasons why you’re the hottest girl alive. 

“you walk and i stare. you sit and i stare. you breathe and i STARE.” 

pokes your thigh and says, “this is the reason i lost my train of thought mid-practice yesterday.” 

constantly hypes you up in the most unserious ways. 

“your body’s so fine it needs to come with a warning label. handle with care. dangerous curves ahead.” 

and when you finally laugh, he grins and says, “there’s my girl. don’t let dumb thoughts talk shit about my favorite person.”

shidou ryusei

you mutter something like, “ugh, i feel gross today. my thighs look huge,” and shidou literally stops mid-bite of his protein bar. 

“what did you just say about my favorite thighs in the universe?” 

stares at you, dead serious. 

“you tryna make me cry right now? ‘cause i’ll do it. ugly sobbing and everything.” 

immediately drops to his knees like he’s about to propose, but instead he wraps his arms around your legs and mumbles into your thighs, “nah, i’m not letting this slander slide. not on my watch.” 

you try to walk away but he’s LATCHED ON. 

“i love these thighs so much i’d build a church and worship at the altar of ‘em. i’d name a stadium after ‘em. shidou thighs arena™.” 

your stomach? he pokes it, leans in close, and whispers, “you got that sexy villain belly. soft and deadly. dangerous in the best way.” 

“what does that even mean –” 

“means i’m obsessed. you look like you could ruin my life and i’d say thank you.” 

will not stop until you laugh. will not stop even after that. 

“don’t ever talk shit about my favorite parts of you again. you’re so hot it’s distracting. like. spiritually.” 

later that night he flops across your lap and announces, “if thighs could kill, you’d be doing life in prison. and i’d be your cellmate. willingly.” 

he’s the unhinged hype man you never asked for but desperately needed. 

and the second he sees you smiling again, he grins all smug and goes, “yeah. that’s right. those thighs are mine, baby.” 

© 𝐤𝐱𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐢

NFSW—MINORS, AGELESS + BLANK BLOGS DNI

Sae doesn't want a significant other. he wants a pet.

Sae wants you on your knees with a pretty leather o-ring collar around your throat while his smacks the leaky head of his cock on your tongue. he wants his full government name on a shiny heart-shaped tag dangling next to where he clips your leash on. he wants to ruffle your hair and coo and aww at you condescendingly when you do something a little stupid. he wants you to eat up his commands, obey his word like it's gospel—like he's your owner, your master, your salvation.

Sae doesn't just want you to look and act like his brainless dog, though—more than that, he wants you to embody it. he wants to train you into the obedient little pet you were meant to be for him, which is why he wastes no time buying a clicker and getting to work conditioning you into getting wet at the mere sound of him pressing the button. he sits on the couch with his legs spread—and the second you hear it, you're scurrying over to him to curl up at his feet because you'd never crawl up on his lap without his permission.

Sae wants to watch you grind on his shoe while you nuzzle and sniff his erection through his pants. he mumbles go ahead, baby while you look to him for permission to roll his waistband down and desperately paw and lick at his cock. he wants you to whine and beg for him while he sits back with a lazy smirk on his face and watches you get him wet; he'll cup your cheek with his hand while you lap at him with tears pooling in your glossy puppydog eyes and tell you you're so good for him. only when you're scratching at his thighs—nipping at him while he tells you to watch those teeth—and babbling please, please, please will he tug you up by your leash to sit you across his hips.

Sae wants to watch you grow even more needy while he makes you rub your slick up and down his cock—he's so mean, he'll never just fuck you how you want. you have to work for it like a good dog; you have to hump at him like an animal while he denies you before he even considers flipping you over and fucking you. but when he does, he's gonna fuck you even stupider than you already are—you're stuck in a sweet downward spiral of being molded into his little toy, so good and pliant for him, and you love every second of it.

Sae wants to rough-fuck you until you're a dumb, drooling mess. he trains you to cum on command—only on his cock—with the clicker, and plugs you up with a fluffly little tail plug when he's done, regardless of what hole he's used. he wants to see the adorable, pathetic mix of dread and lust on your face when he thumbs the clicker in public or around his friends. he wants you to give in to your most primal instincts and senses with him—wants you to trust him so fully that you let him lead you through life with a domineering hand on the back of your neck.

Sae doesn't want a significant other. he wants a pet—but that's okay, because he pavlovs you so mind-numbingly sweetly into being his braindead, cock-hungry dog; he treats you like his baby, his sweetheart, his world. so, remember your place, okay?

tagging @saetiate with luv :x