The Hobbit - Blog Posts

For all that they are different Bilbo and Thorin have one thing in common:

Doing profoundly stupid shit with a very smug expression.

The shire is warm for most of ther year and when it’s cold is doesn’t drop far below seven degrees

Erebor is fucking cold. Temps drop to around minus fifteen.

Bilbo is not build for these conditions and nearly gets frost bite in the tips of his ears and his toes and Thorin panics and makes him little fur lined leather boots that are soft and flexible but still provide enough warmth to stop his toes falling off.

Bilbo also has to wear a hat and ties his hair back as it grows so he doesn’t realize how much his hair has grown by spring and when he takes the hat off Thorin is gawking

Took my niece on a walk through the forest and she tugged on my sleeve and told me two things:

“I’m hungry” (we just ate three scones and had hot drinks)

“We need to go back so I can get my books” (I wouldn’t let her take seven books on a hike.)

My sister has raised a hobbit.

I have also convinced her that I am 48, I tried to tell her I’m 250 but she looked at me and said I wasn’t that old. (I’m 23)

Wow I’m literally so sorry

Scary queen 😭

Dis you are the queen of my heart🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

She’s just such a perfect woman

This is Legolas and Thranduil and if I have the ability to animate I would make a drawn version of this

Reupload if coz one of his eyes was very wonky

But yeah, I think I’ve improved. This is post battle Thorin with all the scars

He’s such a handsome boy *said in the tone someone uses when talking to a cat*

Hey, come here.. let me tell you something..

Dwobbit Frodo loves his Aunt Dis.

Frodo might be a tornado with a sword but he’s also rather sensitive by dwarven standards and while Dis is as tough as a steel capped boot she’s also a dame and a mother and loves her sulky, sensitive little nephew.

Frodo: *storming into Dis’s Chambers* I’ve had enough! I just can’t!

Dis: *looking up from a length of chain she was closing* Oh?

Frodo: *Standing there with his hands balled in his shirt lip quivering* they make fun of me! Even- even when I beat them! Even when I train harder and fight better

Dis: *standing and bonking her head against her nephew with a chuckle* that’s called jealousy dear one.

Frodo: they aren’t jealous of me! They said I’m a cry baby

Dis: a cry baby hmm? Sounds like a peddle a used to know

Frodo: Dwarves don’t cry..

Dis: ah but this one did, all the time, even now I think he weeps when no one is looking for he has a lot to cry about

Frodo: who?

Dis: Thorin

Frodo: WHAT!? âdâ doesn’t…what?

Dis: yup! Your father was a the biggest cry baby of them all even at your age!

Frodo: *stunned*

Dis: I’m pretty sure that’s why he sulks when he’s upset because if he spoke loudly his voice would crack…

Frodo: *wipes his eyes and laughs* that’s horrible!

Dis: just.. don’t tell him I told you or there will be a royal funeral

Frodo: for who?

Dis: who ever loses the death match your âdâ would challenge me to for telling his son he has emotions other then angry and hungry

Frodo: *well and truly cheered up* Thanks zâmar *bumps heads with her lightly and runs off to go back to his training*

Dis: *watching that that little mop of black hair disappear out her door* Mahal.. Frerin would have loved that boy

Bilbo and Thorin having a fight:

Bilbo; I see there is still a dragon under this mountain, Thorin Oakenshield

Thorin:

The haunting of Bilbo Baggins

Aka dead eyed Thorin has become Bilbos literal sleep paralysis demon but Bilbo is almost glad because this way he can still see his one’s face 😭

Well that was very nearing a BIG MISTAKE 💀

I’m supposed to me doing my school work but I really wanted to join in the fun.

They've made a dwarf out of him! What would his papa say?

Can you tell Dwalin was waiting for this moment?

Inspired by my own work related meeting last week. (You laugh at Dwalin's hands and I swear to Mahal I'll cry)

Okay since you guys think you’re funny(and you are) we had a tie before Beorn's and Erebor so this is the tie breaker

Reminder that this is for part two of Avenge the Living.

If you haven’t read it, please do I just fixed some types so it should be easier on the eyes (which reminds me I’m still looking for beta readers)

Hi, this is my son.

Kalaroth, son of Hemdoroth

He’s a second generation jeweler in Erebor (look I write what I know okay?) He moved to the lonely mountain shortly after the reclamation with his parents.

Info:

Dad- Hemdoroth (jeweler)

Ma- Tosi (Metal refiner)

Siblings- Hemi (Older sister- also a jeweler)

Friends - Hob Fairhill (hobbit- news runner/messager of the court + apprentice scribe)

Enjoys: Not being in Erebor 😰, hunting, archery, harassing Hob into wrestling with him, fruit bread.

Dislikes: Working early in the morning. The concept of being stuck inside the mountain his whole life not having one single adventure.

Okay quick poll for Avenge the Living chapter 2.

Where is Bilbo?

My compliments to the chef 🤤

The King Under the Mountain

These results are thus far disheartening, my dear followers please don’t let the elves win, lend me your votes

How I think the different races of middle earth deal with mental health:

Tw: mental health, brief mention of suicide, brief mention of alcohol misuse

Please don’t read this if it will negatively effect you in any way.

It’s not that important, nothing i post is ever as important as ur mental health, I’ll see you in the next post :)

Hobbits:

Wouldn’t dare to talk about it for fear of scandal, when someone yeets themselves from the mortal coil everyone else says they drowned fishing or ate a bad mushroom. Really really bad vibes.

Humans and numenoreans:

Trying trying okay? ‘Talk to a friend or family member’, ‘have you tried going for a walk’ ‘make sure you eat lots of healthy colorful vegetables to keep the good humors up’

They don’t know what they’re doing but they definitely know that drinking about it is an answer, perhaps not the correct one, but definitely one of the answers of all time.

Elves:

They love being depressed. Everything is so god damn depressing about elves and they love it.

Seriously, if they could by melancholy flavored ice cream they would *

Dwarves:

(Note: please exclude a Mister Thorin Oakenshield from this description)

Actually generally pretty good about it, they live in the dark a lot of the time and as such don’t get enough sun and know that that is a very real cause of a bad head space, they have a lot of access to minerals and cold weather plants that work well to treat depression and a large enough work force that if you need a few days off to right yourself no one bats an eye.

Ents:

So bad at communicating that they scared the hoes.*

Goblins:

Couldn’t articulate their emotions if they were offered a gold coin the size of a shire door. *

Orcs/Orks:

Will complain to each other openly but lack any empathy to retain what others say to them so it’s just a sea of whinging and whining.

**I will also put a red asterisk next to everything that applies to Thorin because it’s funny and I’m mean **

Elves eat snot crepes

Hobbits eat pancakes

Dwarves eat waffles

Humans eat egg toast.

The concept of transfem/transmasc solidarity implies the existence of inter trans warfare and I don’t know about you lot but I’m not fighting an army of 6’0 10/10s unless they have pointy ears.

Bilbo: *staring hard between Thorin and Kili*

Bilbo: *realizing they have the exact same number of brain cells* oh no.. He’s stupid

Thorin: what?

Bilbo: What??

Right, first review

This fanfiction is in MP3 format and if you have some time to relax and enjoy your fan fiction being read to you PLEASE read this

There are, at this time, only two chapters available though as there are 6 more assigned to be completed I imagine they will be out in short order

Review

The style of writing is fantastic, the narration has a few minor mispronunciations but it’s honestly rather endearing and makes it feel a bit more light. (There is a point where they laugh at it had me giggling along with them)

At times I was tugging at my hair with frustration at bilbos obliviousness which I know will make it all the more worth it when he finally arrives at his destination. The suspense kept me hooked. Every character thus far has been so lovable and felt completely perfect as additions to Tolkiens works, I felt like I was seeing old friends again, like they belonged just as much as the company themselves. Not a single sentence in this story feels out of place. It is a well made path to a finale i am so excited to see.

This fic is a labour of love.

10/10, there are literally no notes, it’s a gem.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63007633/chapters/161362978

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63007633/chapters/161362978

Fili and kili are babysitting but Fili has a mind to call it ‘baby bothering’ as Kíli takes great joy is teasing and fibbing to his littlest cousin when big bad Thorin isn’t around to protect his dwobbit son from his nonsense. But Frodo has all of Bilbos smarts and Thorins temper and has caught on to Kili’s games and learnt some very colorful gestures in the process.

(Though he may have learnt that particular one from Bilbo)

He’s not judging he’s just…. Seeing how this plays out

Follow me into the dark

Thorin and Bilbo are both good men but no good man is truly safe from a creeping irresistible greed.

I love them being kinda evil I’m sorry.

Will I ever fully render this? Maybe, depends how bored I get

Dude you ever not watch a movie for a while and miss a characters voice?

I saw a video of a guy doing a really good Thorin impression and I was like “man I miss that cutie”

Do you head canon Fíli and Kíli bring trans?

Thoughts?

A little slice of a fic im working on

Post the Battle. It’s a nobody dies/everyone lives, Dw I wouldn’t hurt you all like that.

“How are you feeling, my boy?” Bilbo asked after a drawn out pause.

“Fucking terrible,” Kili groaned, his voice labored and raspy as though he wasn’t getting quit enough air, “Like I've been run over by an oliphant.”

“I'll bet… oh my bravest boys,” Bilbo heaved himself onto the bed edge and wrapped his arms around the raven-haired Durin son, “I was so scared. I thought I had lost all of you. Please don't ever scare me like this again. My heart can't take it, Kili, it really can't.” He wept.

Kili did his best to hug the hobbit to his side, his bruised fingers curling against the back of bilbos coat, the dwarfs somber expression made him look so much like his uncle that Bilbos' heart clenched painfully, and he hiccuped, holding the boy's bruised face in his hands “I am so proud of you” he kissed Kilis forehead.

Kili bumped his forehead against Bilbo’s in response, and they held there, sharing breath for a moment, eyes closed before Bilbo pulled away, gently pushing the boy's hair back out of his face. When Kili's eyes finally opened, they were glassy with tears.

“Please rest, my brave boys.” He reached down and pushed the hair out of Fili's sleeping face. They both suddenly looked so small in his eyes, so wounded and afraid.. it aches Bilbos heart, made his throat painful and tight and his eyes sting.

Kili sunk into the bed with a wince and rested his head against his brothers. Bilbo helped cover them up to their chests with a heavy fur blanket and kissed them again on the forehead, vowing to return as soon as they asked. Kili nodded, closing his eyes

Saw someone’s stolen art on temu today. I hope the person who made this somehow sees it and is able to draft a cease and desist.

If you know this artist please @ them. They deserve to know they’re being stolen from.

(Using the tags that will be most likely to find them sorry)