Someone Asked To See Our Contract.

Every time she asks me to hurt her, my heart twitches. Not because it's kinky, but because of the amount of trust she puts in. She knows I am gonna hurt her but not enough that she can't handle it. She trusts me to respect her limits. She knows I will protect her. She just wanna have a taste of the adrenaline rush in her body and dopamine in her brain which calms her chaotic mind.

Porn is a very good tool to use as the basis of discussion about kinks. It is important to remember that women in our society are conditioned to think that what you are showing them is about what they need to look like and not the behavior or energy being exhibited. This is a common misunderstanding and can create a lot of unnecessary difficulties for communication based on porn images / clips.

Sometimes the appearance is the point or an element of the point, but where that is the case it should be specifically made the focus. So, if appearance isn’t the point, be very specific about the fact that the women in the porn’s appearance is not the point. Be clear about this, even to the point of absurdity because the depth of this assumption is extremely difficult for a lot of women to overcome even with support and intentional direction. This can even manifest to the degree that they might not believe that this isn’t the real point of what you are showing them.

fellas, this is your reminder to send her all your favorite p0rn videos so she can take notes on what your expectations are for her

Only idiots and abusers fail to support feminism.

Idiots because they fail to understand it and abusers because they’re too incompetent to actually earn a woman’s trust.

Feminism is THE one and only mechanism by which actual submission is possible. When you argue against this fact you reveal very clearly whether you are an idiot or an abuser, or (as is oftentimes the case) both.

Let me make this perfectly clear

Am I deep down a feminist who just has kinky fantasies? 

NO! 

I reject that shit completely.  

Equality is an absurd lie.  Women should only worry about supporting and pleasing Men.  

Our job is to cook, clean, lick, suck, suffer and bear children.  We will lick your ass and drink your piss, but PLEASE do not try to treat us as equals!  

Ladies, who is with me on this? 

Is it really, really gross and outside of many sub’s boundaries to be used as an ashtray?

Absolutely.

However, that isn’t the point of presenting this video as an instructional example.

This is an extremely good video for EVERY sub to watch on repeat as part of understanding what processing looks like.

There are a lot of kinds of processing, but processing disgust is one of the most important because disgust is one of the top obstacles a submissive is likely to face along their path of growth and development. (Pain processing, jealousy processing, humiliation processing, degradation processing, self acceptance processing, and obedience processing are a few of the other obstacle strewn areas where growth through processing is required for success.

This video/scenario gets to the very heart of a purposeful D/s practice. As a Dominant, I find watching a submissive accept their Dominant’s guidance and to then process through a difficult obstacle successfully to be incredibly arousing.

If your disgust reaction is too strong, you may need to watch it and desensitize until you can overcome your disgust and clearly see the power she manifests as she processes through being an ashtray. Dominants, watch the way he supports her through patience and clear communication. You can hear in his tone that he believes in her ability to focus her power and succeed.

This is what healthy D/s practice looks like. Study it and communicate with each other about how to accomplish this sort of processing success for the obstacles that challenge you in your path.

My good girl, my ashtray, I'm going to smoke my Cuban cigar, open your mouth, I don't want to see a tear fall, the consequences could be much worse, and remember to always thank me 🖤

When cock worshiping...

Your goal is not to make him cum. As much as you may love and crave that hot load on your tongue and down your throat, this isn’t about you or what you want, dummy. He will cum when he’s good and god damn ready.

When you’re cock servicing, it’s about providing him with a blissful reprieve from the stress of life. You know, all that stuff he takes care of so you you don’t have to… because you’re no good at it. It is beyond selfish to “go for the cum”. That ache in your jaw, the soreness in the back of your neck, that bit of headache that’s building, the hard floor under your knees… none of that is more important than you communicating your devotion to him by simply loving his dick, and the pleased relaxation he damned well deserves.

Don’t you dare cut it short. He determines if it’s a quick five-minute cum and go, an hour long warm up, or an all night marathon of cum after cum after cum. If he wants a mouth on his dick for two solid days, you either dig deep and dive in, or find a friend and tag team that beast.

Sometimes a girl wants a man to silence, her racing thoughts and a distractions so that she can practice becoming a good girl.

What does it mean to want to practice becoming a “good girl”?

For some, this is solely about being “good” in the eyes of the person she wants to hear that praise from. This is perfectly valid and very common among submissive girls.

For others, it is an internal sense of moving toward a personal goal that involves accepting and amplifying her feminine and submissive personal identity. For these girls, it is often times a want that their Dominant partner helps them to silence racing thoughts and distractions related to her feminine and submissive identity not being valid. The incorrect idea that it is inappropriate for a woman to enjoy and seek out experiences that activate her sexual energy if that sexual energy is particularly feminine and submissive.

Feminism includes the fact that a woman has the right, the essential and inalienable entitlement, to live her life anyway she wants to in this regard. If she is excited about being acute and girly submissive who derives pleasure from being the object of men’s pleasure… She’s entitled to that authentic personal sexual identity.

So, sometimes a woman pursuing the development of her sexual identity. In this regard will seek out a Dominant to create scenes that help her practice having access to these elements of her sexual identity.

Maybe He tells her that his boot on her mouth is symbolic of making these noises shut up.

Maybe He doesn’t and just lets her imagination activate on it, letting her get turned on by His direct act of seemingly disempowering degradation. Maybe the humiliation of having a man’s boot on her mouth, triggers her drippy cunt into action and then he further humiliates her by pointing out the fact that his boot on her mouth is turning her on.

Figuring out the tone and words that are enough to be guiding into the right direction without them overwhelming the submissive takes good communication before and after playing out a scenario like this. What she needs might even vary from one scenario to another. Sometimes it’s important to try the same energy of a scenario a few times, before there is enough understanding to have clear communication about it afterword.

Navigating the experience, takes trial and error in order to determine what practice really needs to look like so a woman can develop and embody the energy she seeks for herself.

It is always important to understand what you are both consenting to. A Dominant doesn’t want to get it wrong any more than a submissive wants the Dominant to get it wrong.

Trust and communicate.

Don’t be afraid to try something that didn’t work quite right again if you don’t yet understand how to communicate about it.

In that case, DO communicate about the fact that something didn’t quite go right and that the reason for trying it again is to give it a sincere chance at working while being more experienced should it not go well again.

I’m not saying that if something went horribly wrong that you have to do it again. I’m saying that if something didn’t go quite right, not to be afraid of trying it again while communicating in advance that something about it last time didn’t go quite right.

Sometimes practicing something means exploring around the edges where something didn’t go quite right so that you can clearly understand and communicate about why.

PSA:

The various found content that people repost onto their blogs will be used by me as a writing prompt. I do this commonly as a way to randomly/spontaneously generate and write down some of my own random thoughts.

I write for my own self reflective benefit and purpose.

Don’t try to make yourself the center of my attention simply because I reblogged something you posted (specifically when it is not your own actual content) and then added my own thoughts.

Unless you are my partner, you are 100% irrelevant - in every way - to what I am writing and why I am writing it.

If I write something and it offends your shallow skim on a topic, that’s a you issue. Entirely. Simply block me. Whatever drama you are craving isn’t going to manifest here in any way other than me blocking you.

You should be very actively seeking out ways to train yourself into easier and more frequent access to arousal within your submission. Self directed practice is essential.

I've been following this lady on TikTok who runs an anti-porn account out of what I can only describe as sociological curiosity. Basically, when I first encountered her videos I sniffed out pretty quickly that she was both a) very very cishet and b) a religious conservative and listening to her talk about sex and relationships has become this fascinating window for me into how The Other Side lives.

Like one of the main conceits of her content revolves around the fact that men have to constantly fight against being overcome by lust, which is hilarious to me, someone who has read fanfiction, because acting like cishet men are somehow uniquely prone to being gooners is so deeply ignorant of how anyone outside a religious conservative community lives.

In a consensual experience, wanting to receive slaps and degradation like this is anyone’s right to choose.

It isn’t for everyone, and that is ok.

If it is something YOU want and like, that is nobody’s business but your own.

You are entitled to pursue a consensual and satisfying sex life with partners who support your kinks and preferences.

If you want to be slapped, it is ok to want that.

If you want to be spit on, it is ok to want that.

If you want to be degraded, it is ok to want that.

Having consensual sexual experiences that speak to your own erotic compass is always ok for you to pursue.

Learn to take ownership of your erotic identity and have some kinky fun. This is not a dress rehearsal.

Enjoy your life.