[THIS USER UNDERSTANDS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DOM/SUB AND TOP/BOTTOM]

Edging is not a punishment.

It’s a necessity and an earned right. Edging enhances feelings, increases stimulation and promotes desire. It keeps you wet, needy, controlled and willing to do anything, just to have more of it. Edging helps train your dumb little mind, reminds you of who you are and helps reduce unwanted thoughts. Edging gives weight to your begging, your pleading and your tears. You need it and earn it, you learn from it and rely on it.

The real punishment would be to not let you edge.

https://www.ted.com/talks/emily_nagoski_how_couples_can_sustain_a_strong_sexual_connection_for_a_lifetime?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare

Aftercare

I’ve organized some of the things I need from aftercare (in person or long distance) into 4 components, and thought it could be helpful for others too! I’ve put some examples for each, but it will of course look different for everyone.

1. Physical Care/Needs -

Wiping away tears

Helping up from floor

Getting a warm towel

Soothing bruises

Getting a glass of water

2. Physical Comfort/Affection -

Gentle kisses and hugs

Holding eachother tight

Breathing with eachother

Cuddling and/or napping together

Brushing fingers through hair

3. Scene Validation -

“That was so fun/sexy”

“That felt so good when you ____”

“You were such a good ____ for me”

“I love the bruises/marks you gave me”

“Thank you for (carrying out some fantasy) with me”

4. Human Affirmations -

“I love you; I care about you”

“I’m so grateful to have you in my life”

“I always have a great time when I’m with you”

“You’re a wonderful/kind/etc person”

Mentioning a non-sexual part of your relationship that you like, or reiterating that you value eachother as more than just a sub/dom(me)

I think that this can work whether you have a deeper connection or a more casual play partner! I always feel best when all of these components are covered during aftercare.

These things can obv be done in person, and I think it’s also really important to give this kind of care when you’re long distance, even if it’s just through words after sexting… for example-

“When we were done, I would help you up and wipe away your tears, bring you a warm towel and make sure you’re ok. Then I’d love to cuddle, with your head on my chest, and give you forehead kisses while telling you how good you made me feel and how wonderful of a person I think you are.”

Thanks for reading! Be safe everyone 💕💕

Setting the boundaries and rules is very important

a LOT of kink content on tumblr is fantasy and does not reflect what kink should actually be like. it is totally ok to be turned on by these fantasies and it's good to incorporate them into your sex life in safe ways. however a lot of the hot hardcore kink scenarios that make it seem like everything was spontaneous are not necessarily lying to you, but they are leaving out the "before" part. kink requires a LOT of discussion and communication. you should not forsake this part of kink because you wanna get to sex immediately because the before and after of kink are just as important, if not more, than the during.

the-man-on-the-silvermountain archive

That's Right vs Yes, And

We talk about how hypnotists do best when they take from improv, but I want to talk a little bit about the hypnosis equivalent of "yes, and."

"That's right" and other affirmative phrases are our catch-all tool for this. Utilization -- when we take what is offered from our subjects -- is critical to hypnosis, and "that's right" doesn't just tell them that they're doing a good job. It says "I see your response, I'm paying attention, and you're responding perfectly."

That's the "yes" part. The "and" part is the other half of utilization: all responses the subject gives us are useful to hypnosis.

When your partner sighs in trance, you can tell them about how sighing is a kind of unconscious release, that their body is priming them to sink deeper.

When your partner smiles at something you say, you can tell them that smiling instinctively floods their body with positive feelings, and maybe they'll smile bigger, and that will even develop into a laugh, or helpless giggling that will empty out their brain.

The main formula for attentive and creative hypnosis like this is "affirm, then suggest." Pace, and lead. Tell you that you see and accept their responses, and build on it.

"Yes, and." And it's built in for us!

Pornography is almost entirely biased toward predatory consumption. The content appeals to those who get off on predatory consumption.

Generalizing…

This, in the self created content era, tends to be submissive leaning women and the men who enthusiastically consume them and mold them to service their consumption and often predatory kinks.

This is not some wild revelation. It is the point and the structure of the whole porn reality.

Women who get off on it accept that objectification, degradation, and humiliation, create exciting images for the many men who get aroused by these things. Women feel how dirty it is to serve themselves into the arousal of these men. It feels disgusting. It feels humiliating. Yet… in that a great many women find their own arousal couldn’t be greater.

There is nothing wrong with a woman enjoying the energy of being degraded, humiliated and objectified.

Letting these things stimulate your own cravings is your right as a woman to enjoy. You can not only let yourself want it, you can practice growing your role within it. You can like it. It is your right to want to serve men who are offering up an erotically predatory craving to use you. For you to want to service their craving because it feeds your own cravings.

Cravings to serve. To please. To receive attention. To earn praise. To feel dirty. To ache from hard use. Etc…

It is ok to not only accept these experiences, but it is your right to enjoy and pursue them.

Practice it. Serve it. Want it.

Let it ignite your cravings and fan those flames.

Seek out the porn that you crave. Accept that it serves filthy things within you as it helps shape you into a woman who allows herself to enjoy whatever perverse kinks she enjoys.

Degrading, violent, male centered sex gets you off and there is nothing wrong with that.

It is not exciting for all women, just as it is not exciting for all men. But if it does excite you, there is no reason not to enjoy, accept, and grow that which gets you off.

just some PSA's to subs:

hard doms really are like that. they aren't joking.

it's okay not to be into certain kinks. aftercare. ect. set the boundary.

babe, him being an online dom doesn't mean he's experienced. on that note, MOST doms are only online doms with no experience.

learn how to get yourself off. and never be scared to tell him how to.

there's someone into that weird thing you like.

oh, there's also someone into that deep dark one you'd never admit. trust me. it's literally fine.

hookup with other subs. trust me.

take care of your bodily health first.

ask for what you need. ask for it. if they refuse to give it to you. find someone who will.

EVEN AS A SUB. TAKE NO SHIT. DONT BE WALKED ON.

PSA:

The various found content that people repost onto their blogs will be used by me as a writing prompt. I do this commonly as a way to randomly/spontaneously generate and write down some of my own random thoughts.

I write for my own self reflective benefit and purpose.

Don’t try to make yourself the center of my attention simply because I reblogged something you posted (specifically when it is not your own actual content) and then added my own thoughts.

Unless you are my partner, you are 100% irrelevant - in every way - to what I am writing and why I am writing it.

If I write something and it offends your shallow skim on a topic, that’s a you issue. Entirely. Simply block me. Whatever drama you are craving isn’t going to manifest here in any way other than me blocking you.