That's Right Vs Yes, And

list in your mind what you can manage, and direct your positive energy towards them

Edging is not a punishment.

It’s a necessity and an earned right. Edging enhances feelings, increases stimulation and promotes desire. It keeps you wet, needy, controlled and willing to do anything, just to have more of it. Edging helps train your dumb little mind, reminds you of who you are and helps reduce unwanted thoughts. Edging gives weight to your begging, your pleading and your tears. You need it and earn it, you learn from it and rely on it.

The real punishment would be to not let you edge.

This is actually a too often undiscussed topic.

A lot of people don’t understand the importance of very fully draining every possible drop of cum from a partner. (I think this mostly stems from a lack of anatomical understanding of the orgasm.)

Yes, an orgasm can come and go creating a flash of climactic pleasure, however if the various glands/organs involved in orgasm are not drained there will be a persisting feeling of pressure and incompleteness of the orgasm that lingers with varying intensity depending on the amount of fluid left un-ejaculated in the glands and tubes of the reproductive system. For a truly complete orgasm experience to be achieved, the cock has to be continuously and intensely drained CONSIDERABLY beyond that first few waves of initial orgasm.

Getting to that point via vaginal or anal sex can be difficult especially if the vagina or asshole is not still a very tight sleeve around the cock during the orgasm. If you want to really give the best orgasm possible, it can sometimes require manual or oral stimulation to drain the cock after an orgasm from vaginal or anal sex. With oral sex getting to a well drained state of pleasure requires ongoing effort to draw all the cum from the cock, usually as a hybrid of oral and manual efforts.

This eventually leads to a state where the pleasure from being so well drained tips over and overstimulation forces you to tap out. If you are not frequently draining your partner until they tap out from overstimulation then you should try this more often and talk about it to see which your partner enjoys more.

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As an important and related tangent thought:

A lot of men (like myself) are attuned to their partner’s energy when orgasming and if the orgasm started from oral sex, if you reject swallowing and/or negatively react to having his cum in your mouth it is experienced as a deeply dysfunctional type of rejection. Experiencing this deep rejection is related to the partner not deriving sufficient personal enjoyment and pleasure from making their partner cum that their pleasure state doesn’t allow them to overcome whatever their aversion to cum is, and then this diminishes their role in the connection made during orgasm. It is replaced by a sense of them simply performing a perfunctory/indifferent/mechanical action for the orgasming partner. This feeling can be very emotionally disconnecting for the person who is cumming. It isn’t necessary to always drain every drop down your throat, but making a conscious effort to show enjoyment of having the opportunity to swallow some of their partners cum is encouragement that will lead to that partner being less hesitant and more excited about cumming when you do it in the future. Orgasms will be easier to elicit if you establish a sincere track record of being enthusiastic and thankful for their cum.

needing to suck him dry while he's writhing and moaning

The key here, is to choose the path you want your arousal driven adventures to take, and to then enthusiastically practice what you need to practice in order to bring that life into reality.

Edging with the proper focus, and purpose for practice is an essential part of this.

Be a good girl.

Identify what you want your life to be like.

Use consistency in edging and a goal oriented practice to help yourself manifest it.

If you’re ashamed of your kinks, you just aren’t horny and desperate enough to accept that you’re better off as a complete degenerate. More edging will solve that. Agree and obey.

I like this, although I also like the varying intersecting m/f symbols used as a venn diagram of play interests, although that is less covert.

Just let it happen

80% of being a woman/cock doll is letting things happen to you. He asks for your phone number, you let him have it. He asks you on a date, you let him take you.

The difficult part comes after the niceties. It can be hard to let go, and let other things happen to you. It may help to consider yourself as a well, and he’s the bucket. You exist to give, he exists to take. If the well is dry, it can’t give anything. If it can’t give anything, it’s useless. (A bucket, on the other hand, will always be useful in any other well.)

He wants to come upstairs, don’t hesitate. Let him. He wants to take photos, let him. He wants your asshole? Well, what did you expect? You let him take you out, you let him do the nice things. Now it’s time to let him do everything else. Men are designed to want and you’re designed to give.

Hubby has been more demanding recently. When he bosses me around, I let him. This may sound like I’m topping from the bottom, but it’s not what I mean. I “let him” in that when he tells me what to do, I’ve actively tried not to resist. He half-jokingly told me to stop talking the other day. The old me may not have let that happen, snapping back with some remark, needing to have the last word to seem strong or witty. But I let myself be silenced, and it was like the endorphins rushed straight to my clit. I am a well full of willfulness that Husband is taking away, one bucket at a time. I’m happier because I let him.

We get so nervous over stupid things. What will other people think? Is this too humiliating? What if he’s just using me?

Let him.

Listen to that voice inside you that says “obey.” Being smart, talented, artistic- these are all good qualities, but they won’t be as important as your servility. You can cash in on them a bit, in that your loss of dignity will be that much greater, your fall, that much harder. But you’ll be simultaneously released from the pressures of being those things.

So when you think you have something important to say, and he decides to put tape over your mouth? Let him. Be grateful that he can see past what you think you need. Give in, let yourself be silenced.

Because when you let him, you can finally allow yourself to love, honor, and obey.

Xoxo Dbts

https://www.ted.com/talks/emily_nagoski_how_couples_can_sustain_a_strong_sexual_connection_for_a_lifetime?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare

Your account is so lovely, do you have any recommendations/advice for aftercare specifically suited for after heavy verbal degradation? <3

Hi @sweetsirenmasochist, thank you for the kind words and the question. Aftercare is absolutely essential, so I'm very glad you asked about it.

Aftercare ideally involves a calming intimate comfort and the deconstruction of the roles that the scene's participants were playing. It should make you feel whole and more like yourself. Everyone is different, and I can't tell you what will work best for you and your partner(s), but I can give you questions to ask yourself:

After a scene, what makes you feel loved and appreciated? What helps you feel like yourself instead od character or role you were playing? What are some of the negative feelings your specific kinks can cause you to feel during a subdrop or domdrop (e.g. guilt, insecurity, dissasociation)? When you do have those negative feelings, what helps you combat them and feel better?

Generally, for aftercare the standard recommendation is cleaning each other, cuddling, massages, intimate touching, and reassurance.

I would also recommend gently discussing the scene that just happened, asking each other what worked and was enjoyable, as well as what could have been better and if anything was miscommunicated. This encourages trust and open communication (the key foundation for any dynamic), and builds excitement for future scenes by creating a sense of a constantly improving dynamic. The goal with this type of talk isn't to be critical of each other whatsoever, but should instead be focused on honest emotional communication.

I hope this is at least somewhat helpful, thank you again for your question.

Signs of a fantastic Dom

We always talk about “signs of a terrible Dom” so let’s talk about some signs of an actually good Dom

They ask you about your day: They show compassion and actually want to listen about how your day went

They ALWAYS want to keep fields of communication open: Whether you’re in the middle of a kinky-as-fuck scene or you two are in a heated argument, the means of communication is ALWAYS open. Once you give your safe word, IT IS DONE

Aftercare is a top priority. No matter what this is for you in particular, they put a lot of emphasis on aftercare (cuddling, movie watching, bath time, etc.)

They aren’t afraid to scold you when you actually mess up. Sometimes we fuck up, both with our dynamics or we screwed up something at work or school. Doms will scold you, put also help cheer you up and might even offer ways to make it positive

Sex might be apart of the dynamic, but it’s not the focus. I get the fact some people get involved with other BDSM partners for the sole reason of sex, but outside of those VERY SPECIFIC DYNAMICS, sex is NOT the sole focus. It might be a fun “add on”, but it’s NOT the primary objective (penetrative sex or other forms of sex acts).

They are concerned for your safety, but don’t overdo it. They want you safe, but don’t take it to the paranoid level where they need to track every little thing you do.

They respect your privacy. EVERYONE has secrets (”skeletons in your closest”), even among romantic partners who have been partners for a long time, people have stuff they just don’t feel comfortable confessing every little thing in their life. A respectful Dom understands this and doesn’t need to go spying on you or attempt to invade your privacy (track internet history, track phone usage, track where you’ve been, etc.)

They trust you. A Dom who doesn’t trust you will purposely try to fuck up the relationship/dynamic, they will show severe jealousy, and other negative aspects. A Dom that trusts you will respect YOU as a person as well as you to keep your word on different things.

When disagreements happen, they use constructive language. There is not a healthy relationship on this earth that is 100% argument/disagreement free. However, whenever these do happen, it is NOT a “me against you” style argument (”I WON THE ARGUMENT”, none of that). It is done in a way with minimal accusatory/hurtful statements

They respect your hard limits. Doms know hard limits don’t mean “convince me”. They know to stay the fuck away from hard limits with a ten foot freaking pole.