Consent Survey

I’m not going to name the original author of this as I don’t know them personally and feel like calling them out is not necessary. Very often these kinds of posts are just poorly wrought fantasy scenarios where advance consent for a consensual non-consent experience and I see no need to hash that when the point I am making doesn’t require devolving along that irrelevant and argumentative line of discussion.

I am going to rebut the content because it is essential that we remember that BDSM on Tumblr is not a closed and in-community space.

The original post:

My rebuttal:

I am lately trying to give the benefit of the doubt to people who post things like this and assume they are just presenting a fantasy scenario they have a kink for, however this sort of content is important to not just leave floating in the world framed as a legitimate example of any sort of BDSM practice.

People can of course choose to fantasize about rape dynamics all they want, but it is important to occasionally remind people that Tumblr is a public facing space (not an in-community space) and it is never appropriate to publicly pretend to educate people (the original blog name suggests they are a blog for informing people on BDSM topics) by using scenarios where safewords are not allowed or where they will be ignored and not respected.

Submissives deserve more representation for their role and the rights and responsibilities they have in exploring the depths of their role.

This original post is not informative as BDSM training other than as it serves to be an example to subs in how to identify fake dominants.

The use of demanding and colorful phrasing is of course good in trying to trigger a sub’s fantasy-based sexual energy and then to manipulate a triggered sub into falsely believing that if they participate they are then ultimately at fault for the subsequent rape and abuse that is inflicted by the fake Doms who actually think this is a valid BDSM experience.

100% of the originally stated experience can be completely manifest and explored within a responsible framework where the sub has the power to stop the experience with a safeword.

If a Dom requires there be no safeword then they simply and irrefutably lack the skill and competency to function as a Dominant are instead of developing those basic skills they are choosing to harm subs while shifting the blame for that harm onto the sub.

How and why is this true?

A Dominant is a person who guides the submissive into and through experiences the Dominant thinks the submissive needs to have in pursuit of whatever training goals have been mutually agreed to in advance. (This can, of course, include having CNC experiences.)

All of this occurs while the sub is safe and properly cared for so that they are not inadvertently subjected to emotional or physical abuse and trauma that leaves them less whole at the end of their experience more whole (or at the very least on a mutually agreed path to being more whole), which is the only way any BDSM scenario should ever end. Anything else is not part of the BDSM community and is emotionally and/or physically abusive.

The safeword provides the submissive a constant state of awareness that they retain the power to make any experience pause/redirect or stop entirely.

Keeping that power in the submissive’s hands is the mechanism by which the Dominant navigates the sub through their needed experiences. Breaking through a sub’s unwanted boundaries and obstacles is done by working inside the boundaries until the Dominant helps the sub release or cross the boundary willingly.

Even where the suspension of disbelief is so strong they feel they cannot use their safeword, the sub still has a safeword they can use and if there are ever any signs of harm should be checked on by the Dominant before moving forward.

It is a Dominant’s responsibility to check in when a boundary is being dismantled to make sure the submissive wants to continue to experience that boundary’s dissolution. The sub has the power to stop moving forward, but the Dominant has guided them to a point where they can successfully break down the obstacle.

That is what being a Dominant actually looks like and that is why real BDSM Dominance is always 100% safeword dependent.

The safeword is THE SINGLE TOOL that makes a BDSM scenario capable of progressing through a submissive’s chosen challengeable / changeable boundaries responsibly. It is, of course, a given that they will have boundaries that cannot be challenged or changed and the Dominant must not approach those off limits boundaries.

Any “Dominant” who says otherwise is just an abuser with poorly developed interpersonal skills who cannot actually guide a submissive into and through a BDSM experience. They are just someone who wants to get off abusing someone while being able to blame them if it doesn’t go how the sub wanted or needed it to go.

These facts are not open to debate or discussion.

Trolls are largely just poorly developed sadists with no real world consensual outlet to exercise their inept form of sadism so they attack others trying desperately to get themselves a dopamine kick. They’re addicted to it and social media companies are primarily built on profiting from systems that encourage and enable these trolls in doing it.

Being in my late 40s, having experienced what the world was like without the internet and with it, I truly still cannot fathom people! Would you actually be brave enough to say such horrible things in person? The sad thing is Trolls probably are just as horrible in real life. Let people do what they want and be who they want to be. They are not hurting you, so Trolls stop Trolling and go and work on your own serious issues. Try to just be a nice person. You will be amazed how your life will change.

[any reason for a limit is valid]

Yes Daddy 🤤💜

Work on a list of names that appeal to him for you to be called by him, his friends, your friends, and yourself.

Names to call it

Abuse whore Asslicker Bitch Bloody stinking mess Bootlicker Braindead set of warm holes Cocksocket Cocktrough Cockwhore Cumdump Cumrag Cunt Cuntface Cuntslime Dogfucker Dumb animal Dumbass Entertainment for Men Filthy pig Fleshlight Fuckface Fuckhole Fuckmeat Fuckpig Fucktoy Fucktunnel Garbage Gutterslime Living toilet paper Pathetic idiot Pig Pissmop Prey Property Punching bag Rapemeat Retard Shit-for-brains Skank Slut Spitbucket Stupid bitch Torturemeat Trash Ugly gash Urinal Useless lump of flesh Wet-pussy bimbo Whore Worthless piece of shit Breeding mare Spittoon Hormone monkey Tit clown Sewer Waste-of-space Fuckservice Spermcontainer Shit bag Humiliation toy Cock sheath Entertainment unit Clit clown Fleshlight

Addendums if you want to make verbal abuse more verbal: …with a pulse …with a breath …on two legs …aka female …formerly known as <its name here>

In regards of the Trump government scraping all trans inclusion in its queer information portion of its websites I have made this thing. Spread the word. Don't let them pretend we never existed.

P.S: Don't like! Reblog! <3

EDIT: Well this got a lot of attention! I got a few users asking to print or repost my art and I am unimaginably grateful to everyone's interest, especially since it's a really simple drawing I made on a whim haha! Anyone who is looking to print these out to hang or hand out or repost on another platform is free to do so, although I ask you to credit me and let people know it's from my Tumblr profile! If anyone wishes to do anything else with my art or post and wants to clarify what I consent to then they can message me privately and I'll explain! <333 all my love to my queer siblings

EDIT: I made an LGBTQIA+ version with a focus on trans and intersex folks, it's on my pinned if you prefer this version of the acronym.

Trust is the essential foundation of all BDSM practices, and potentially emotionally challenging scenario spaces using humiliation or degradation are an exercise in emotional trust in the same way Bondage or S&M focus more heavily on exploring and growing physical trust.

The reality is that a humiliation sub is far from worthless, (just maybe don’t tell them that while they’re experiencing subspace within the energy of the humiliation kink.)

The thing about this is that being able to embrace a deep state of humiliation or degradation requires a sub’s tremendous faith and trust in the Dom who is activating the sub’s humiliation and managing the scenario in a way for them to be able to be free to wallow in the ecstatic subspace it generates. Submission is a gift of trust between a sub and a Dom and without the sub trusting the Dom and giving them the power and authority to humiliate or degrade the sub, there is no exploration of this energy.

It is also imperative to understand that a Dom is also putting tremendous trust in the sub. Trust that the sub will operate within the experience in a way that is not self-harming such as exploiting the Dom’s energy in order to amplify feelings low self-esteem or to project past power abuse traumas (such as past or ongoing parental emotional abuse) onto the Dom in ways the Dom has not consented to.

—-

Some tangential concerns that get too little discussion:

Refusal of aftercare or treating it dismissively. Aftercare communication is essential to understanding a scenario that you’ve experienced together. Rejection of it is a form of harm to your partner and demonstrates a lack of willingness to be personally accountable for the energy flow and to be sincerely present and contemplatively engaged in whatever the experience was. This demonstrates a lack of trustworthiness and potentially a lack or trust as a partner.

Another is anger. A Dominant is always accountable to not becoming angry. A sub might (even unconsciously) draw a Dom toward anger as part of their projection of past trauma from another partner or parent. A Dom who is experiencing anger should yellow safeword to redirect an experience away from that energy.

One part of a sub’s responsibilities are to contemplatively work on their self awareness in ways that allows for exploration, but does not create obstacles to exploration. Projection of past trauma that gets used to justify resentment or scenario rejection

Just as a Dom is responsible to not become angry and to steer the scenario away from the trigger for it, a sub is responsible to steer away from behavior that triggers anger from the Dom.

A healthy BDSM practice is always going to start in a balanced place of good communication and return to a balanced place of good communication. Anger, resentment, or other obstacles are always signs that a practice is not ready to move forward in any way other than into more time spent on communication and balance.

The Disparity of Humiliation

Humiliation is a statement about how willing I am to debase myself for him. It’s about the contrast with who I otherwise am. I don’t get wet when he calls me a worthless cumslut because I believe I am lacking value, I get wet when he calls me a worthless cumslut because he’s pointing out to me how low I am willing to go for him. He knows I’m an accomplished woman, worthy of being treasured, and that it’s only for him that I will lower myself to ‘’worthless’’ cumslut in order to please.

When drool drips down my chin, when I spread my ass open to his gaze, and when I perform acts for him I can barely speak, they are statements about the lengths I will go to for his pleasure. These moments recognize the disparity between the me that belongs to the rest of the world, and the me that belongs to him

Every time she asks me to hurt her, my heart twitches. Not because it's kinky, but because of the amount of trust she puts in. She knows I am gonna hurt her but not enough that she can't handle it. She trusts me to respect her limits. She knows I will protect her. She just wanna have a taste of the adrenaline rush in her body and dopamine in her brain which calms her chaotic mind.