Trust Is The Essential Foundation Of All BDSM Practices, And Potentially Emotionally Challenging Scenario

Choosing Obedience can have many reasons. Making your partner (“Daddy” honorific in the above case) proud is a very common reason, although there are others. Whatever motivates you, Obedience in a BDSM relationship is only possible from a starting position of equality. This is the relevance of feminism in BDSM. No person can truly submit their power to another if they did not start from a position of equality.

The current wave of anti-feminism in “bdsm” blogs isn’t BDSM at all. It is just a self aggrandizing abuse fantasy, almost universally advanced by men with a sadism fetish and no real world way to explore their want for a relationship of any kind. Their fantasy and loneliness leads them to self-delude that they can espouse a philosophy of abusing a person into submission. They delusionally think they can coerce and/or threaten a person sufficiently to create a relationship that is rewarding to them. They’re criminally violent in their abuse fantasies and there’s no place for them in this society except in a therapist’s office.

While the state of abuser blogs remains such a high concentration, there really is no place for the public display of any undisclaimed anti-feminism kink in public facing spaces like Tumblr.

Choosing IS feminism.

Why are we cursed with such an ignorant population of men so desperate to control women that they reveal their stupidity on the topic of women with such relentless enthusiasm…

Fyi. A woman can

love daddys dick.

Love to be spanked.

Love choking on dick.

Love being a babygirl.

And still hate men that try to take her rights away. Hate men that degrade them and think of them a property. Hate men that think women are just breeding cows and should just cook clean and raise kids. . Don't call me names. Don't spit on me. Don't degrade me and don't take away my rights to my body.

If you have a problem with this just go to someone else's blog. Don't try and debate me. I am just a woman with daddy issues living in a world that is trying to hold me down

Is it really, really gross and outside of many sub’s boundaries to be used as an ashtray?

Absolutely.

However, that isn’t the point of presenting this video as an instructional example.

This is an extremely good video for EVERY sub to watch on repeat as part of understanding what processing looks like.

There are a lot of kinds of processing, but processing disgust is one of the most important because disgust is one of the top obstacles a submissive is likely to face along their path of growth and development. (Pain processing, jealousy processing, humiliation processing, degradation processing, self acceptance processing, and obedience processing are a few of the other obstacle strewn areas where growth through processing is required for success.

This video/scenario gets to the very heart of a purposeful D/s practice. As a Dominant, I find watching a submissive accept their Dominant’s guidance and to then process through a difficult obstacle successfully to be incredibly arousing.

If your disgust reaction is too strong, you may need to watch it and desensitize until you can overcome your disgust and clearly see the power she manifests as she processes through being an ashtray. Dominants, watch the way he supports her through patience and clear communication. You can hear in his tone that he believes in her ability to focus her power and succeed.

This is what healthy D/s practice looks like. Study it and communicate with each other about how to accomplish this sort of processing success for the obstacles that challenge you in your path.

My good girl, my ashtray, I'm going to smoke my Cuban cigar, open your mouth, I don't want to see a tear fall, the consequences could be much worse, and remember to always thank me 🖤

Your body must be rested and fed if you wish to be a pervert.

Oh my god being told to "Bend over and show me".... Like leaning over the counter or the side of the couch and spreading my legs a little to hold my ass and thighs apart so you can see what a mess I am? That right there makes my brain melt

BDSM can be done for the wrong reasons and if a submissive isn’t willing or able to engage in safe and consensually validated activity that expressly makes them feel successful and healthy in their role then they need to evaluate their experience more thoroughly and contemplatively.

That being said, the pushing of boundaries is an inherent part of bdsm practice. The point here is that if your participation is so significantly one sided that you are consistently failing to communicate about your own interests and needs while feeling harmed, that you are indeed being harmed. Either self-harm or partner abuse. A properly patient and supportive Dom who is trying to help you communicate and trying to help you explore your self-stated interests is not necessarily abusing you. One’s misuse of BDSM as a form self-harm can be a misunderstood element, an actively exploited element, or an element related to support, etc. within a BDSM relationship.

This is why using thorough checklists and then COMMUNICATING thoroughly through those checklists is so important. If a sub is not able to fully take ownership of their interests within a practice then they are not currently giving fully informed consent. Informed consent must include a full understanding of the complexity of self-harm as a component and pitfall of even the most healthy of BDSM practices.

When a submissive has potential self-harm elements that doesn’t automatically mean they should not practice BDSM, but it does mean they and their Dom need to openly discuss these challenges and responsibly navigate them within their practice.

I love non-sexual signs of submission as much I love sexual ones.

Kneel for me, moan for me, beg to cum. After all, you look gorgeous on your knees pleading.

But also lay your head on my lap while we watch something, wear my clothes out, perform little acts of service just to show me how much you care.

After all, my claim over you isn’t just in the bedroom, so why should your services to me end there?