It's Ok To Have Rape Fantasies/kinks Where You're The Aggressor.

Is it really, really gross and outside of many sub’s boundaries to be used as an ashtray?

Absolutely.

However, that isn’t the point of presenting this video as an instructional example.

This is an extremely good video for EVERY sub to watch on repeat as part of understanding what processing looks like.

There are a lot of kinds of processing, but processing disgust is one of the most important because disgust is one of the top obstacles a submissive is likely to face along their path of growth and development. (Pain processing, jealousy processing, humiliation processing, degradation processing, self acceptance processing, and obedience processing are a few of the other obstacle strewn areas where growth through processing is required for success.

This video/scenario gets to the very heart of a purposeful D/s practice. As a Dominant, I find watching a submissive accept their Dominant’s guidance and to then process through a difficult obstacle successfully to be incredibly arousing.

If your disgust reaction is too strong, you may need to watch it and desensitize until you can overcome your disgust and clearly see the power she manifests as she processes through being an ashtray. Dominants, watch the way he supports her through patience and clear communication. You can hear in his tone that he believes in her ability to focus her power and succeed.

This is what healthy D/s practice looks like. Study it and communicate with each other about how to accomplish this sort of processing success for the obstacles that challenge you in your path.

My good girl, my ashtray, I'm going to smoke my Cuban cigar, open your mouth, I don't want to see a tear fall, the consequences could be much worse, and remember to always thank me 🖤

Pornography is almost entirely biased toward predatory consumption. The content appeals to those who get off on predatory consumption.

Generalizing…

This, in the self created content era, tends to be submissive leaning women and the men who enthusiastically consume them and mold them to service their consumption and often predatory kinks.

This is not some wild revelation. It is the point and the structure of the whole porn reality.

Women who get off on it accept that objectification, degradation, and humiliation, create exciting images for the many men who get aroused by these things. Women feel how dirty it is to serve themselves into the arousal of these men. It feels disgusting. It feels humiliating. Yet… in that a great many women find their own arousal couldn’t be greater.

There is nothing wrong with a woman enjoying the energy of being degraded, humiliated and objectified.

Letting these things stimulate your own cravings is your right as a woman to enjoy. You can not only let yourself want it, you can practice growing your role within it. You can like it. It is your right to want to serve men who are offering up an erotically predatory craving to use you. For you to want to service their craving because it feeds your own cravings.

Cravings to serve. To please. To receive attention. To earn praise. To feel dirty. To ache from hard use. Etc…

It is ok to not only accept these experiences, but it is your right to enjoy and pursue them.

Practice it. Serve it. Want it.

Let it ignite your cravings and fan those flames.

Seek out the porn that you crave. Accept that it serves filthy things within you as it helps shape you into a woman who allows herself to enjoy whatever perverse kinks she enjoys.

Degrading, violent, male centered sex gets you off and there is nothing wrong with that.

It is not exciting for all women, just as it is not exciting for all men. But if it does excite you, there is no reason not to enjoy, accept, and grow that which gets you off.

at the risk of losing followers, i just wanted to say that it's a very sad day for me.

my following is 90% middle aged white men, and i hope you all hear me out: i like to fantasize about becoming a sex object, but i'm scared that some of you take it too seriously.

i am first and foremost a young woman. i believe that in addition to being somewhat attractive, i am smart, powerful, and on the same level as my male counterparts. for those of you who actually engage in a misogynistic lifestyle outside of kink, please do not interact with me. that disgusts me.

thank you. 💙

Master accepts your gift.

Serious post / please read.

If you don’t care for me breaking my “character” (because, yes, this IS a character I front as when I’m submissive, this is not how I act in real life or in interactions outside of here.) then scroll, this isn’t for you. If you DO care then read PLEASE.

This will mostly likely be the only post besides for my intro that will be serious in any way.

(Long post ahead, lots of reading.)

I am aware that with a lifestyle and blog like this there’s always going to be creeps and downsides to it, but it’s getting to a point where I need to address it. Me being a submissive is NOT an invitation to take what you want from me no matter what.

I have repeatedly been receiving threatening, demeaning and disgusting messages for how both how I live/act and simply refusing a request. You will know if you are one of these people because I’ve asked you to check my blog at the exact time this is scheduled to be posted—and also because I am assuming that you are aware that you are a piece of shit.

BDSM is not about demeaning shaming or being disgusting to anyone in it. All of those are in some ways kinks, yes, but there is a very big difference between a kink and genuinely horrific behavior. If someone refuses a request or corrects you in any way on their limits—apologize, don’t bother them again, and think about yourself for a bit. Did you check to see if they have an intro/boundary post? Did you add for them to only do it if comfortable with it? Did you decide to send it regardless of their boundaries because you were desperate? There’s many more questions I could give you to contemplate but my job isn’t to babysit every rotten person on here.

It’s not my preference taking the time to explain what should be very basic concepts to everyone on here but I’m doing it anyway because I’m worried about some of the safety concerns this behavior has raised.

Basics

First of all, in any sort of session/scene or serious interaction between a dom there just has to be a very strong foundation of trust, communication, and respect. These are essential for ensuring safety and well being of all participants. Do not, I repeat, do not engage in a serious (often real life) session with a dom who doesn’t know what they are doing. There are MANY things that could cause long term harm to your or them. Educate yourself well on something before even beginning to practice it.

SSC/further basics

Now, let’s talk about SSC. This stands for Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Safe: all activities should be conducted in a manner that minimizes risk and prioritizes the physical and emotional safety of all parties. This includes (but is not limited to) safe words, aftercare and clear communication of boundaries. Sane: any activity should be carried out with a clear and rational state of mind. It’s extremely important that all participants are fully aware and understand the nature of the activities they are engaging in. Consensual: consent is paramount. All parties must willingly agree to participate without any form of coercion or pressure. Consent must be informed, enthusiastic and can be withdrawn at any time.

Open and honest communication is vital. Discuss boundaries, limits, and expectations beforehand. Regular check-ins during and after scenes help ensure that everyone is comfortable and consenting. A hard boundary is something that will never, under any circumstance happen because it is outside of the limits of one member in some way. A soft limit is something that isn’t someone’s favourite but may be engaged in anyway if they are convinced to do it (and they are consenting and enthusiastic about it. Not that they are being pressured into it), simply change their mind, or maybe their partner is very into it so they decide to give it a try.

As said before, educate yourself about the practices you are interested in. Proper knowledge and preparation can prevent accidents and misunderstandings. This includes understanding the tools and techniques you plan to use and recognizing the signs of physical and emotional distress. There are many ways to accidentally cause harm to someone, especially in more intense/hardcore kinks.

Impacts

Following the ending of a session, the surge of adrenaline and endorphins lead your body to a temporary imbalance. The rush of these chemicals leaving your body, known as sub drop, can be just as impactful. While you might be a very willing participant in these activities (or even find they reduce stress!), your body will react accordingly. Often during a session you will experience prolonged stress, which causes your body to continually produce cortisol, which compresses your immune system.

If you were on the receiving end, it is very likely that you will be sore from receiving punishments or being bound, potentially in uncomfortable positions. Both mentally and emotionally, you may feel exhausted, disconnected from your partner or confused over your enjoyment at the scene. You may even be disoriented and feel disconnected from your body. This is normal. If you’ve experienced anything else following a session, chances are that’s normal too! Other symptoms include: lethargy, inability to regulate body temperature, high or low blood pressure, nausea, pain, headaches, dizziness, weak muscles, lack of focus or even unconsciousness. This can come as quite a shock, especially if you weren’t expecting it. This is where aftercare comes in. If you are a sub it is likely that the guidance and aftercare from your dominant partner will help ease the symptoms and bring you back down safely and comfortably.

Aftercare

Aftercare is absolutely necessary, regardless of the intensity of the session. The popularity of cuddling and food after a session have led quite a few people to describe aftercare as “Cuddles and Carbs” I will admit, the name is very cute but there is a lot more that goes on for aftercare to be done properly. The first step will always be to properly care for any bruises, abrasions or other injuries. This must absolutely be done, regardless of reluctance towards it. This might mean cleaning and bandaging any abrasions, rubbing soothing ointment on an ass that’s been spanked red or applying an ice pack to reduce inflammation of a body part. A first aid kit should be part of your aftercare kit, as well as remain on hand in case of any mishap during the session.

A glass of water or Gatorade will hydrate your body and introduces electrolytes that are needed. A tea could also work. It’s also a good idea to include a snack—it should be light and healthy, such as fruit, to replenish natural sugars that might have depleted during the session. Salty snacks boost potassium, which most likely dropped due to dehydration.

The physical contact you need or provide as part of aftercare varies with your relationship, but I would say the most often practiced is simply cuddling. Cuddling is a great way provide physical contact as well as boost oxytocin. If you and your partner aren’t exactly cuddle buddies a warm blanket or robe is an easy way to substitute.

You’re going to feel lethargic from all the hormone activity in your body, so sleep is a crucial form of aftercare. Some people simply need a nap (sometimes with their partners), while others need a full night’s (or more) of rest to allow their bodies to repair and return to normal.

After all of the boring but necessary steps, you’re free to do as you please. Some couples may enjoy simply talking and laughing, continuing to cuddle while watching a movie, or taking a bath. All of these are great ways to help your emotional and physical state.

Aftercare is, of course, not limited to subs. Aftercare for dominant partners is important—but I’ve spent about forty five minutes writing this, so most likely that will be posted sometime tomorrow.

Thought of something else I should post regarding the safety side of BDSM? DM me!

(I’m only not sure what the most popular tags are so I just tried to add as many as I could so this gets recognition.)

Just let it happen

80% of being a woman/cock doll is letting things happen to you. He asks for your phone number, you let him have it. He asks you on a date, you let him take you.

The difficult part comes after the niceties. It can be hard to let go, and let other things happen to you. It may help to consider yourself as a well, and he’s the bucket. You exist to give, he exists to take. If the well is dry, it can’t give anything. If it can’t give anything, it’s useless. (A bucket, on the other hand, will always be useful in any other well.)

He wants to come upstairs, don’t hesitate. Let him. He wants to take photos, let him. He wants your asshole? Well, what did you expect? You let him take you out, you let him do the nice things. Now it’s time to let him do everything else. Men are designed to want and you’re designed to give.

Hubby has been more demanding recently. When he bosses me around, I let him. This may sound like I’m topping from the bottom, but it’s not what I mean. I “let him” in that when he tells me what to do, I’ve actively tried not to resist. He half-jokingly told me to stop talking the other day. The old me may not have let that happen, snapping back with some remark, needing to have the last word to seem strong or witty. But I let myself be silenced, and it was like the endorphins rushed straight to my clit. I am a well full of willfulness that Husband is taking away, one bucket at a time. I’m happier because I let him.

We get so nervous over stupid things. What will other people think? Is this too humiliating? What if he’s just using me?

Let him.

Listen to that voice inside you that says “obey.” Being smart, talented, artistic- these are all good qualities, but they won’t be as important as your servility. You can cash in on them a bit, in that your loss of dignity will be that much greater, your fall, that much harder. But you’ll be simultaneously released from the pressures of being those things.

So when you think you have something important to say, and he decides to put tape over your mouth? Let him. Be grateful that he can see past what you think you need. Give in, let yourself be silenced.

Because when you let him, you can finally allow yourself to love, honor, and obey.

Xoxo Dbts

Perfect isn’t possible, but being a person who consistently practices makes you a good girl

Drool hehe

🤤😵‍💫

Something I commonly see that isn’t explained with enough frequency is hypnokink and adjacent ideas regarding the “blank” mind-state.

There are a variety of approaches to subspace, subdrop, and the practices that make those elements more accessible. One of the most common is the idea of some form of letting go of the entrapments of one’s day-to day anxieties and social demands. The “ego-death” pathway that is part of self-development pathways such as mindfulness, contemplative engagement, and other growth practices.

Some practitioners extoll the benefits of substance use to facilitate the rigidity relaxing state through things like alcohol, but alcohol creates a set of problems related to self-esteem reduction and being an intrinsic obstacle to personal ownership of one’s subspace/subdrop experiences and practices.

More healthy, helpful, and sustainable are the self-discipline based practices that support access to subspace as part of a healthy personal growth and development practices like meditation, repetition, and dedication.

For most there is an external support structure preferred either because it has proven to be needed due to one obstacle or another. Maybe self-discipline is the challenge or it could be that intrusive thoughts make a totally solo-practice too difficult to initiate. A myriad of reasons can make a solo practice challenging, including those and other examples or even simply because the enjoyment is tethered to being partnered in the pursuit and practice. (We are social creatures after all.)

Understanding that you have an obstacle and need a path that manages and supports your practice in overcoming it is an essential part of doing the work.

That gets us back around to an oft overlooked aspect of the work with an external source of assistance. Whether it is a Dom/sub relationship partner or a generically presented/broadcast blog poster, etc… an external source will often guide you to a state of “mindlessness.” Being “blank.” Or other reductionist place.

The idea here being that just like when you take a breath, there is always a paused and potentiated space between the inward and the outward breaths. A blank moment at every peak and valley where all things are possible while no thing is being actuated. A channel of potential for any thing. This is a mindless space where nothing fills the horizon and every thing remains still and filled with potential.

Holding that space is a practice. Accepting another’s guidance (whether with your intention, their intention, or a negotiated intention developed by you both) is a practice.

Accessing subspace and/or subdrop is only made easier and deeper through conscious participation in some form of practice that supports it.

Some kinks fetishize a submissive remaining in some element of that state or a directly adjacent state. For example: “bimbo,” “pet,” or “doll” objectification kinks overtly reduce a person into this state and leave them there as they become a channel for service. A “Bimbo” kink might commonly combine the channel with hyper accentuated happiness from the simplicity of not being burdened with responsibilities beyond being a Bimbo. A “Pet” kink might commonly combine the channel with hyper accentuated enthusiasm for service and/or a need for training. A “Doll” kink might hyper accentuate ability to remain deeply in the channel itself. (I present these as common but not exclusive examples.)

Suspension of disbelief is another element that supports access to the channel. You allow yourself full belief that you DO deserve that punishment. That you SHOULD be given that belt spanking. That you ARE excited about being a cumdump. That you WILL be happier while being displayed in a tiny little dress. That you DO want strangers to grope you on the dance floor. That greeting guests on your knees and offering them your mouth IS the best way to host a party. That you ARE a good girl if you swallow. That your wet pussy IS consent. That obedience IS the pathway to your personal pleasure. Etc… In suspension of disbelief or any other practice like this where societal norms, self esteem challenges, intrusive thoughts, or other obstacles get in the way of accessing that state of belief there is a bridge needed. The bridge is that pause between breaths. That channel in between what is currently occurring and what will be occurring after the bridge is traversed. Practicing access to the channel will identify the best ways for you and your obstacles to find your way to the channel.

One more item I’d like to discuss is Hypno-kink which also engages the elements of this bridge to a mindless/blank channel while accentuating an adjacent consensual non-consent element. It is a practice where suspension of disbelief is something you empower to be activated by another person on your behalf.

For many, the mindless space is not the end goal, but a transitional space one passes through on their way from one mental state (where it may be difficult to self direct into a subspace channel) into another mental state where subspace is actualized. This is the nature of the adjacent kinks being prevalent elements that accompany this part of a bdsm practice.

This sort of thing could be a fun exercise alongside a bdsm checklist discussion when getting to know your partner’s icks, kinks, and arousal triggers

Sexual Questions ;)

1. First kiss? 2. First time masturbating? 3. First sex toy? 4. First kink tried? 5. First time doing oral? 6. First time having sex?
 -Turn Ons 7. Biggest turn on? 8. Biggest turn off? 9. Quickest way to get horny? 10. Weirdest thing that ever turned you on? 11. Top 3 places to be touched? 12. Ultimate fantasy? 13. Do you like the idea of a three or moresome? 14. Do you send nudes? Do you like receiving them?
 -Preferences 15. Sex or masturbation? 16. Spit or swallow? 17. Cut or uncut dicks? 18. Rough or sensual sex? 19. Oldest person you’d sleep with? 20. Loud or quiet partners? 21. How much foreplay do you like? 22. How much teasing do you like? 23. What is too big for you to take? 24. Do you do hookups or only sleep with a partner? 25. How much kissing do you like during sex? 26. What’s the most attractive part of the body?
 -Location 27. Would you have sex in public? 28. Last place you had sex? 29. Where would you most like to have sex? 30. Do you like spontaneous sex, or do you need to be in the mood? 31. Could you go through with a hookup at a strangers house?
 -Kinks 32. What’s your biggest kink? 33. Are you okay with name calling in bed? 34. Would you do any BDSM? 35. Do you prefer to tie somebody up or be tied up? 36. Do you like orgasm denial/forced orgasm? 37. Do you like overstimulation? 38. Do you like having pain involved? 39. Do you like biting/being bitten? 40. Have you ever been made to/made somebody beg for it? 41. Do you have any strange or extreme kinks? 42. Have any roleplaying preferences? 
-Masturbation 43. Do you own sex toys? How many? 44. What do you masturbate to? 45. How often do you masturbate? 46. How often do you use sex toys to masturbate? 47. Do you masturbate with penetration? 48. Do you go for multiple rounds or settle at one or no orgasms?
 -Oral 49. Do you enjoy giving oral? 50. Do you prefer giving or receiving oral? 51. What makes you orgasm the fastest when receiving oral? 53. Can you deepthroat? 
54. Do you like playing with your clit? If so how do you prefer to do it? 55. What’s your breast size? 56. How often do you go braless? 57. Do you finger yourself? 58. How familiar are you with your g-spot? 59. Do you squirt?
 -Sex 60. How often do you do unprotected sex? 61. How loud are you in bed? 62. Do you enjoy having nipples played with? 63. Do you like/dislike cum? 64. How good are you at dirty talk? 65. Do you get sleepy after an orgasm? 
66. Do you trim, shave or leave pubic hair untouched? 67. How do you prefer partners pubic hair? 68. How many orgasms can you have in a day? 69. How many other people know your bra size? 70. What do you wear to bed? 71. Any funny sex stories? 72. What food if any would you use during sex? 73. Would you give somebody a sex toy as a gift? 74. What’s the weirdest porn you’ve ever seen? 75. Do you often get horny in public? 76. Ever used something that isn’t made for sex in the bedroom? 77. Have you ever walked in on somebody or been walked in on? 78. Do you have any friends you’d sleep with?