This Sort Of Thing Could Be A Fun Exercise Alongside A Bdsm Checklist Discussion When Getting To Know

So much about Dominance and submission is simply about negotiating and implementing small behaviors that reinforce these roles and deepen access to enthusiasm for the energy exchange.

Always on my best behavior for daddy 😊

You have failed to perform your most basic of self maintenance responsibilities. Your punishment spanking is severe with three stripes for every day you fell short this week. Though it makes his cock hard he hates to have to do this. It would be a far greater pleasure for you to develop the basic obedience you’ve agreed to.

Alas, he agreed to dispense with the necessary punishment as a deterrent to you thinking there is no consequence for your choice not to follow through with your part in the training. You see, you are in fact training him in how to dispense severe discipline as a motivator for you. Your choice to fall short in your practice was agreed to result in this spanking. You knew it and still you fell short. Terribly short. A tiny slip as a reasonably excused missed practice, but you’re not even really trying to do hardly any of the work you agreed to do on your own.

Some part of you clearly still needs this to be part of your training. You are ashamed to admit that him stepping up and enforcing your severe punishment spanking turns you on, and you wonder whether part of you just craves this kind of severe and guiding attention.

Sure in the moment you are mad and it gets directed at him. But in the moments of self reflective clarity that follow, you see it is you who wanted this. You who caused it. You who made him do this to you because you not only agreed to and deserved it, but because you still need it.

That you know he will do this is a motivating force for you this coming week. You don’t fear it. You are just energized by knowing he will step up and create this energy for you when you demonstrate that you truly need it.

This is what training looks like. This is why a Dom who resists implementing agreed on punishments is responsible for spoiling the training just as much as the submissive who fails to practice.

Everyone learns in different ways.

Reinforcing lessons, to a point of acceptance of that lesson, might require a variety of approaches until it is finally understood to a point that it no longer needs to be taught.

Acceptance leads to sincerity of practice.

If you lack sincerity in your practice then you are still in need of the lessons and the consequences that come from not yet understanding the importance of the practice.

🇨🇦𝛂♂

From reading all the incel toned “bdsm” blogs out there it seems some basic advice is needed:

Work together on lists like this so the items better reflect what he considers to be proper and enjoyable service

✨️Wish✨️List:

Grope me openly while we're out

Have me wear a cute plug and a short dress out in public to show off

Get me completely wasted and take advantage of me, bonus for cross fading

Use me in front of your friends/ share me with them

Piss in my ass and then put a plug in me. Call me a disgusting toilet while you pat my head.

Make me crawl around naked with a leash on

Have me suck on you all day under your desk

Tie me up and overstimulate me until I'm screaming and crying

Get me a shock collar and shock me randomly for fun. Especially while bringing you things, punish me when I drop them

Make me exercise while full of toys until I collapse

Only let me eat food if you've cummed on it

Make me ask to use the bathroom, tell me no randomly to watch me squirm

Leave cute little marks all over my body, bruises, burns, welts, cuts, etc.

Stretch out my pussy till I cry and then mke fun of me for being loose

Make me get piercings/tattoos for you

Tell me to be quiet or else, then torture my pussy until you can punish me for squealing

Only let me cum while your dick is in my ass so I'm always craving anal to cum

Shove random things in my pussy, laugh when it hurts

Dont let me eat for a few days, tell me its just so you can throw me around easily

Write degrading things all over me, make me go out with it on

Help me take baths and randomly hold me under water while I squirm

Don't let me breathe until I make you cum

Make me dress so that I feel exposed everyday

Don't let me talk for several days

Make me sign a contract to be completely free use for you

Make me sleep on the floor unless I've earned it

Make me clean the toilet with my mouth, shove my head in and piss on me when I'm done

I make you dinner every night but I dont get to eat unless you leave some leftovers for me

Get mad at me for not being wet all the time

Brainwash me so I'm completely obedient ❤️I'm open to more suggestions of course!❤️

Gentle Dominance

We all see plenty of images and videos on here with expressions of aggressive Dominance. Submissive faces pressed into the sheets as they’re taken from behind. Cute mouths gaped wide to take their owner’s intent into their throat.

But what about the more gentle forms of Dominance that brings them back to you without having to launder the sheets after?

What about braiding her hair for her and picking out a ribbon for her to wear in it?

Reading her a story while she soaks in a hot bath?

Polishing up her work shoes while she makes dinner? (or making dinner while she polishes her work shoes… whatever your gender role preferences are)

Teaching her something new, like putting in phone numbers for trusted resources in her phone and teaching her which one is which. Like your favorite towing company in case her car breaks down and you’re not able to get to her side fast.

How about teaching her how to check the oil level in her car or how to inspect her tires for wear? Yes, you’ll probably do this for her anyway but this shows you care about her, her safety and her situational awareness.

Let her teach you how to cook one of her preferred meals so you can step up when she gets sick. (Yes, this counts as Dominance because your instructing her to teach you how to take better care of her when she’s down)

Tying her shoes for her.

Brushing her hair out before bedtime.

Setting out bath items for her and selecting a bath bomb for her to use that evening. 

Get inventive. Be caring. Dominance doesn’t have to be this stoic and distant figurehead whenever it’s not horny time.

Pornography is almost entirely biased toward predatory consumption. The content appeals to those who get off on predatory consumption.

Generalizing…

This, in the self created content era, tends to be submissive leaning women and the men who enthusiastically consume them and mold them to service their consumption and often predatory kinks.

This is not some wild revelation. It is the point and the structure of the whole porn reality.

Women who get off on it accept that objectification, degradation, and humiliation, create exciting images for the many men who get aroused by these things. Women feel how dirty it is to serve themselves into the arousal of these men. It feels disgusting. It feels humiliating. Yet… in that a great many women find their own arousal couldn’t be greater.

There is nothing wrong with a woman enjoying the energy of being degraded, humiliated and objectified.

Letting these things stimulate your own cravings is your right as a woman to enjoy. You can not only let yourself want it, you can practice growing your role within it. You can like it. It is your right to want to serve men who are offering up an erotically predatory craving to use you. For you to want to service their craving because it feeds your own cravings.

Cravings to serve. To please. To receive attention. To earn praise. To feel dirty. To ache from hard use. Etc…

It is ok to not only accept these experiences, but it is your right to enjoy and pursue them.

Practice it. Serve it. Want it.

Let it ignite your cravings and fan those flames.

Seek out the porn that you crave. Accept that it serves filthy things within you as it helps shape you into a woman who allows herself to enjoy whatever perverse kinks she enjoys.

Degrading, violent, male centered sex gets you off and there is nothing wrong with that.

It is not exciting for all women, just as it is not exciting for all men. But if it does excite you, there is no reason not to enjoy, accept, and grow that which gets you off.

One more time,

Feminism is the inherent truth that any woman who wishes to submit to a man has the right to do so and that she has an inherent, constant control over the state of that consent.

Anyone who pretends Feminism isn’t the platform on which consent is built is simply an abuser incapable of earning the consent of a woman’s submission.

Tumblr blogs are a public facing platform that is not an in-community space, and it is important (especially in today’s world of glorifying the idiocy of small men’s misogyny resulting from their inherent lack of competency and self development as men) that more effort be put into establishing a framework for successful community rather than solely exercising the escapism of in-community sexual fantasies.

Trust is the essential foundation of all BDSM practices, and potentially emotionally challenging scenario spaces using humiliation or degradation are an exercise in emotional trust in the same way Bondage or S&M focus more heavily on exploring and growing physical trust.

The reality is that a humiliation sub is far from worthless, (just maybe don’t tell them that while they’re experiencing subspace within the energy of the humiliation kink.)

The thing about this is that being able to embrace a deep state of humiliation or degradation requires a sub’s tremendous faith and trust in the Dom who is activating the sub’s humiliation and managing the scenario in a way for them to be able to be free to wallow in the ecstatic subspace it generates. Submission is a gift of trust between a sub and a Dom and without the sub trusting the Dom and giving them the power and authority to humiliate or degrade the sub, there is no exploration of this energy.

It is also imperative to understand that a Dom is also putting tremendous trust in the sub. Trust that the sub will operate within the experience in a way that is not self-harming such as exploiting the Dom’s energy in order to amplify feelings low self-esteem or to project past power abuse traumas (such as past or ongoing parental emotional abuse) onto the Dom in ways the Dom has not consented to.

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Some tangential concerns that get too little discussion:

Refusal of aftercare or treating it dismissively. Aftercare communication is essential to understanding a scenario that you’ve experienced together. Rejection of it is a form of harm to your partner and demonstrates a lack of willingness to be personally accountable for the energy flow and to be sincerely present and contemplatively engaged in whatever the experience was. This demonstrates a lack of trustworthiness and potentially a lack or trust as a partner.

Another is anger. A Dominant is always accountable to not becoming angry. A sub might (even unconsciously) draw a Dom toward anger as part of their projection of past trauma from another partner or parent. A Dom who is experiencing anger should yellow safeword to redirect an experience away from that energy.

One part of a sub’s responsibilities are to contemplatively work on their self awareness in ways that allows for exploration, but does not create obstacles to exploration. Projection of past trauma that gets used to justify resentment or scenario rejection

Just as a Dom is responsible to not become angry and to steer the scenario away from the trigger for it, a sub is responsible to steer away from behavior that triggers anger from the Dom.

A healthy BDSM practice is always going to start in a balanced place of good communication and return to a balanced place of good communication. Anger, resentment, or other obstacles are always signs that a practice is not ready to move forward in any way other than into more time spent on communication and balance.

The Disparity of Humiliation

Humiliation is a statement about how willing I am to debase myself for him. It’s about the contrast with who I otherwise am. I don’t get wet when he calls me a worthless cumslut because I believe I am lacking value, I get wet when he calls me a worthless cumslut because he’s pointing out to me how low I am willing to go for him. He knows I’m an accomplished woman, worthy of being treasured, and that it’s only for him that I will lower myself to ‘’worthless’’ cumslut in order to please.

When drool drips down my chin, when I spread my ass open to his gaze, and when I perform acts for him I can barely speak, they are statements about the lengths I will go to for his pleasure. These moments recognize the disparity between the me that belongs to the rest of the world, and the me that belongs to him