You Have Failed To Perform Your Most Basic Of Self Maintenance Responsibilities. Your Punishment Spanking

Getting a firm no from my Dominant after I’ve been getting a lot of leniencies lately is always a bit of a shock.

A surge of feelings goes through me at first. There is the surprise and then a bit of indignation and annoyance. I sit in bewilderment because I was most definitely expecting him to allow me to do what I wanted. I whine a bit and push to see if the invisible boundary will move some. It doesn’t. It’s rock solid. A no is a no.

All of the emotions associated with resentment start to fade and instead leave feelings of safety and contentment. There is still structure and lines I cannot cross. He is still in control and any leniency I’ve been given lately has been his choice. He can tell me no and I have to listen whether I like it or not…but deep down, I always like it. My submissive nature is always stronger than whatever little want I may have yearned for at the time. I feel settled.

Here is an (exaggerated/fantasy) example of conditioning as part of training.

Let’s say, for example, that as part of a discussion and negotiation regarding what things might be part of a submissive’s practice goals it is mutually acknowledged that the submissive wants to improve on their cum swallowing.

This might on one hand, simply be a matter of skill training. Practice that removes a gag reflex or disgust reaction is one type of training. This is a type of training that could lead to the submissive experiencing pride in their success at swallowing. This is a type of training that could lead to the Dominant experiencing greater physical pleasure when the submissive is able to perform swallowing in a way that is more pleasing.

However, there is another type of training goal that could also come in to play. The above, exaggerated example is about a submissive being erotically conditioned as part of their training so they develop a sincerely enthusiastic relationship to swallowing cum.

(The example given, isn’t how I would go about such a training, but scrolling past it prompted the thought to write about it.)

For many tasks, like come, swallowing, or anal, sex or exhibitionism, just the performative ability to do the task is not the deeper goal. Rather it is to develop the performance skill as part of developing a new erotic relationship within themselves where an action, like swallowing, is connected to their real and sincere erotic desires in a truly enthusiastic way.

Training to simply perform a task or to develop a specific skill is different as a goal of a BDSM practice as compared to training to develop a different personal relationship within performing a task. Because of this the entire approach to training and practice will be quite different.

It is important to understand the difference between simple skill training and practicing to intentionally develop or change one’s erotic enthusiasm.

Groomed into being a cum addict. Made to swallow cum when forced to give blowjobs. Everything is tainted with cum. My drinks, my food. Even my toothpaste. Which is just straight-up cum on my toothbrush. You do this for months. Making me crave it, making me so addicted! Nothing tastes right. Nothing tastes as good as cum! I beg and plead for it when it’s not added to my food or drink. I crave it so much that even in public, I give blowjobs just so I can get my fix. I'm a whore and all you do to pay is to make sure you cum in my mouth.

To all those who are or want to be Vixens . . .

Serious post / please read.

If you don’t care for me breaking my “character” (because, yes, this IS a character I front as when I’m submissive, this is not how I act in real life or in interactions outside of here.) then scroll, this isn’t for you. If you DO care then read PLEASE.

This will mostly likely be the only post besides for my intro that will be serious in any way.

(Long post ahead, lots of reading.)

I am aware that with a lifestyle and blog like this there’s always going to be creeps and downsides to it, but it’s getting to a point where I need to address it. Me being a submissive is NOT an invitation to take what you want from me no matter what.

I have repeatedly been receiving threatening, demeaning and disgusting messages for how both how I live/act and simply refusing a request. You will know if you are one of these people because I’ve asked you to check my blog at the exact time this is scheduled to be posted—and also because I am assuming that you are aware that you are a piece of shit.

BDSM is not about demeaning shaming or being disgusting to anyone in it. All of those are in some ways kinks, yes, but there is a very big difference between a kink and genuinely horrific behavior. If someone refuses a request or corrects you in any way on their limits—apologize, don’t bother them again, and think about yourself for a bit. Did you check to see if they have an intro/boundary post? Did you add for them to only do it if comfortable with it? Did you decide to send it regardless of their boundaries because you were desperate? There’s many more questions I could give you to contemplate but my job isn’t to babysit every rotten person on here.

It’s not my preference taking the time to explain what should be very basic concepts to everyone on here but I’m doing it anyway because I’m worried about some of the safety concerns this behavior has raised.

Basics

First of all, in any sort of session/scene or serious interaction between a dom there just has to be a very strong foundation of trust, communication, and respect. These are essential for ensuring safety and well being of all participants. Do not, I repeat, do not engage in a serious (often real life) session with a dom who doesn’t know what they are doing. There are MANY things that could cause long term harm to your or them. Educate yourself well on something before even beginning to practice it.

SSC/further basics

Now, let’s talk about SSC. This stands for Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Safe: all activities should be conducted in a manner that minimizes risk and prioritizes the physical and emotional safety of all parties. This includes (but is not limited to) safe words, aftercare and clear communication of boundaries. Sane: any activity should be carried out with a clear and rational state of mind. It’s extremely important that all participants are fully aware and understand the nature of the activities they are engaging in. Consensual: consent is paramount. All parties must willingly agree to participate without any form of coercion or pressure. Consent must be informed, enthusiastic and can be withdrawn at any time.

Open and honest communication is vital. Discuss boundaries, limits, and expectations beforehand. Regular check-ins during and after scenes help ensure that everyone is comfortable and consenting. A hard boundary is something that will never, under any circumstance happen because it is outside of the limits of one member in some way. A soft limit is something that isn’t someone’s favourite but may be engaged in anyway if they are convinced to do it (and they are consenting and enthusiastic about it. Not that they are being pressured into it), simply change their mind, or maybe their partner is very into it so they decide to give it a try.

As said before, educate yourself about the practices you are interested in. Proper knowledge and preparation can prevent accidents and misunderstandings. This includes understanding the tools and techniques you plan to use and recognizing the signs of physical and emotional distress. There are many ways to accidentally cause harm to someone, especially in more intense/hardcore kinks.

Impacts

Following the ending of a session, the surge of adrenaline and endorphins lead your body to a temporary imbalance. The rush of these chemicals leaving your body, known as sub drop, can be just as impactful. While you might be a very willing participant in these activities (or even find they reduce stress!), your body will react accordingly. Often during a session you will experience prolonged stress, which causes your body to continually produce cortisol, which compresses your immune system.

If you were on the receiving end, it is very likely that you will be sore from receiving punishments or being bound, potentially in uncomfortable positions. Both mentally and emotionally, you may feel exhausted, disconnected from your partner or confused over your enjoyment at the scene. You may even be disoriented and feel disconnected from your body. This is normal. If you’ve experienced anything else following a session, chances are that’s normal too! Other symptoms include: lethargy, inability to regulate body temperature, high or low blood pressure, nausea, pain, headaches, dizziness, weak muscles, lack of focus or even unconsciousness. This can come as quite a shock, especially if you weren’t expecting it. This is where aftercare comes in. If you are a sub it is likely that the guidance and aftercare from your dominant partner will help ease the symptoms and bring you back down safely and comfortably.

Aftercare

Aftercare is absolutely necessary, regardless of the intensity of the session. The popularity of cuddling and food after a session have led quite a few people to describe aftercare as “Cuddles and Carbs” I will admit, the name is very cute but there is a lot more that goes on for aftercare to be done properly. The first step will always be to properly care for any bruises, abrasions or other injuries. This must absolutely be done, regardless of reluctance towards it. This might mean cleaning and bandaging any abrasions, rubbing soothing ointment on an ass that’s been spanked red or applying an ice pack to reduce inflammation of a body part. A first aid kit should be part of your aftercare kit, as well as remain on hand in case of any mishap during the session.

A glass of water or Gatorade will hydrate your body and introduces electrolytes that are needed. A tea could also work. It’s also a good idea to include a snack—it should be light and healthy, such as fruit, to replenish natural sugars that might have depleted during the session. Salty snacks boost potassium, which most likely dropped due to dehydration.

The physical contact you need or provide as part of aftercare varies with your relationship, but I would say the most often practiced is simply cuddling. Cuddling is a great way provide physical contact as well as boost oxytocin. If you and your partner aren’t exactly cuddle buddies a warm blanket or robe is an easy way to substitute.

You’re going to feel lethargic from all the hormone activity in your body, so sleep is a crucial form of aftercare. Some people simply need a nap (sometimes with their partners), while others need a full night’s (or more) of rest to allow their bodies to repair and return to normal.

After all of the boring but necessary steps, you’re free to do as you please. Some couples may enjoy simply talking and laughing, continuing to cuddle while watching a movie, or taking a bath. All of these are great ways to help your emotional and physical state.

Aftercare is, of course, not limited to subs. Aftercare for dominant partners is important—but I’ve spent about forty five minutes writing this, so most likely that will be posted sometime tomorrow.

Thought of something else I should post regarding the safety side of BDSM? DM me!

(I’m only not sure what the most popular tags are so I just tried to add as many as I could so this gets recognition.)

First… This is a fantastic fantasy. I think this fantasy amazing.

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However, I think it is important to occasionally address and explain the differences between fantasy and actual BDSM practice.

Given the “regular world” facing nature of Tumblr (this is not occurring in a closed community setting where everyone understands the nature of kink and feminism’s role in it.) I do feel compelled to occasionally use a fantasy post as an opportunity to explain things to the regular public facing world.

Feminism (the inherent state of equality between all people regardless of gender) is the basic mechanism for all actual BDSM practices.

It is only from the state of equality that any person can choose to experience a “lesser” position in relation to their partner(s). Any other activity is abuse and is not any form of actual Dominance and submission.

Having a fantasy about abuse is absolutely normal. Fantasies are an important element of determining what types of practice to pursue.

Turning a fantasy about abuse into an actual sexual practice, however, requires everyone’s understanding that the person submitting is equal in all ways, and will always be equal to the Dominant. What is being agreed to is a suspension of disbelief, where the submissive and the Dominant are able to set aside that reality of equality and practice within an alternate agreed upon energy exchange structure instead.

The submissive can always end this at any time and for any reason.

Fantasy is the fuel for choosing a practice. Then you get to enjoy practices where you explore living inside the fantasies.

I need a male friend who only see me as an object. He would start slow training me, at first just simple touches on my shoulders or brushing my arms, then progressing further and further the more i get used to. Pushing into my butt from behind when i bend down “as a joke”, “accidentally” brushing his hands against my chest, making more and more suggestive comments regarding my body and clothing. Until he eventually conditions me into being a cock whore for him and all his friends as the mock me for once thinking woman and men are equal and once believing in stupid things like feminism.

The real journey begins when you accept that many of your daily life’s elements are secondary traits of your life.

You are a submissive who has a job as a ______.

You are a submissive who lives at ________.

You are a submissive who married _________.

You are a submissive who does ________ for recreation and exercise.

Etc… etc…

You can of course choose things that take precedence. Like, you are a mother, sister, friend, wife, etc… but the truth is that the higher you elevate your own self understanding to reflect that you are a submissive above other things, the more enjoyable your life will be and the less you will have to think about how your life as a submissive fits in with the rest of your life and rather to witness how all of your other life activities are an extension of who you are as a submissive.

The clarity of this, regardless of how you ultimately balance it, is essential.

This is good advice for the mechanical elements of becoming more physically pleasing, but I would expand upon it significantly.

Learning how to “blow his mind” goes well beyond physical ability and proficiency with the actions of being a good, devoted, cum swallowing friend/partner/girfriend/wife.

When a man is cuming that is the psychological trigger for you to dive deep. When a man is cuming you have a craving that kicks in. You need his cum. You need to taste, swallow, and radiate with the possession of every drop of cum he could issue to your insatiable need for it. It is the moment of great communion where your love unites and you gain the fleeting magical glow of being the good girl who loves him so much that she swallows all of his cum because it fills your heart with happiness.

The successful alignment of your enthusiasm is gauged by what attitude that enthusiasm stems and the depth of the sincerity of that energy as it is flowing between you as a man’s orgasm floods into you with his energy. An energy always seeking a connection that truly and sincerely craves it to be taken deep inside… This is essential for anything even glimpsing what a mind blowing blow job involves.

Let me simplify:

A man’s orgasms create a direct connection with a universal energy that is looking to find the deepest and most magical well in all the universe. If he is not cuming in your pussy and activating a billion or more years of connection to this shared energy with you and feeling you getting pregnant while in the orgasmic moment that is connecting him to you while you have also aroused your connection such that you suspended together beyond space and time in your connection to this infinite energy of creative magic; then if that or its nearest facsimile is not what is happening and instead he is cuming in your mouth, there is a different infinite magical energy you are responsible for learning how to navigate together. The magical power of creation being drunk and creating connection through that magical elixir. You have within you a similar connection and channel that sucking my cock can activate.

Some men are not well attuned to the realm of the infinite that swims all around us. Others need to dance with the love of their life in it because it is there that they feel most alive.

So much about Dominance and submission is simply about negotiating and implementing small behaviors that reinforce these roles and deepen access to enthusiasm for the energy exchange.

Always on my best behavior for daddy 😊