Aaa-bdsm-instruction - A Collection Of Instructive Thoughts

Everybody knows (due to an overfocus of imbalanced fetishized content) that in D/s there is an exchange of power where the Dom shapes the submissive to suit the Dom’s needs.

However, this isn’t the full scope of how a D/s dynamic actually works in a successful practice. Toward that end here is a brief explainer on some of what too often gets left out.

Two of the most commonly overlooked facts/elements of D/s instruction are:

1. Both participants are equals

If you find yourself himming and hawing about this fact, you have a lot to learn and it is good that you are reading this! Both participants are equals. D/s is exactly a Yin Yang energy flow dynamic. If it is not then it is not going to be a successful D/s dynamic.

Most of what you see online lacks the balance and perspective that actually underpins a successful dynamic.

Ultimately what is demonstrated in these is simply a fetishization of one part of the energy flow. It is the visually appealing element of the power exchange in action. A scene such as one where a submissive is crawling on a leash as the Dominant leads them to the place where the submissive will demonstrate their enthusiasm and commitment to pleasing the Dominant through various and perverse acts, a sub being spanked, choked, slapped, spit on, or whatever it is that arouses the energy flow’s enthusiastic exploration from the participants.

However, what is usually not made clear is that the participants chose from a position of equality to explore these acts together. That the submissive can pause, change, or immediately end the entire experience with the utterance of a word.

That the submissive has the responsibility of guiding the Dom when the Dom is not easily finding the connection for the energy flow. it is a dance that requires two equal partners. Yes, in the fetishized element there is a gifting from the submissive to the Dominant of power, rights, and decision-making. This is because the submissive wants to be guided through experiences that they will have difficulty experiencing without guidance from someone who takes those controls and manages them on behalf of the submissive.

2. A sub shapes a Dom to suit the sub’s needs

(There is a fine line between “topping from the bottom“ and D/s energy flow with a submissive who is participating in the energy flow submissively from the bottom, but that’s going further into the weeds. Then this general post is intending to address. Maybe I’ll get more into that later in another post.)

Every healthy D/s inclusive energy flow relationship or scenario requires that two equal partners get together and negotiate what the nature of their relationship or experiences are going to be. A Dominant cannot truly fulfill a sub’s needs without the input of the submissive.

BDSM is a growth experience where communication put into practice defines the focus of exploration. When a submissive simply goes along with whatever their Dominant wants, but yet is not happy with the result, that submissive is harming and undermining the success of the relationship or scenario.

Submissives have a required element of participation in communicating their needs and shaping the experiences that are pursued. In a successful and healthy dynamic, the Dom is shaped by the interests and needs of the submissive.

It is a common misconception that all that occurs in a DS relationship or scenario is that a submissive simply serves the Dominant in whatever way the Dom demands. Again, this is because the only part of the overall experience that is fetishized is the best case practice moment. Yes, in the best case practice moment, the Dominant is using the sub’s power to direct and control the activities the sub practices as the sub responds to the demands of the Dom. What you don’t see in that snapshot, is the fact that the sub is performing acts that appeal directly to the interests that the submissive has within the experience.

For some subs, it is indeed simply a service kink. What they get out of it is an opportunity to successfully servicing their Dominant’s demands. However, in order for the Dominant to lead them in an experience that is successful, the Dominant has to understand the things that are going to cause the submissive to be pulled out of their enjoyment.

The submissive is giving a gift, but that gift has to be exercised in a way that is successful.

Success requires that the Dominant stay within the boundaries of the submissive and only present things that challenge the submissive in ways that ultimately lead into the submissive’s enjoyment rather than caused the submissive to drop out of their enjoyment.

Of course, there will be things that are presented that are challenges for the sub to maintain as they demonstrate their enthusiasm for servicing their dominant. Things that the Dominant wants from the sub, but that might not be directly appealing to the sub. Things that can be explored as part of an overall journey that leads back into the sub’s enjoyment.

Oftentimes, the Dominant will lead the sub through things that please the dominant by using an energy flow focus that appeals to the submissive.

Working together in advance of a scenario is an essential part of planning for success. Negotiating about the kind of energy and acts that the participants are comfortable exploring increases the possibility for success in a relationship or scenario.

Self delusional misinformation like this is why everyone rightly is laughing at actual “patriarchy” promoting people.

Feminism is simply the assertion that all people have an equal right to choose the life they want for themselves.

Weak men who cannot earn a woman’s submission demonize things out in the world so they have something to blame other than themselves for their inability to develop good relationships that reflect the lifestyle they desire. That lack and subsequent lashing out are pitiful, really.

Feminism simply means a woman gets to choose what she wants rather than pretending that weak men have an unearned right to hold power over what a woman chooses for herself.

Some men will choose not to have children and work. Some women will, also. That equality in having self determination is feminism. Some men want a submissive wife. Some women want to be a submissive wife. Weak men tantrum all about like toddlers without their blankie demanding a submissive wife because these men lack the developmental milestones to earn that sort of relationship.

Make it make sense…

This sort of thing could be a fun exercise alongside a bdsm checklist discussion when getting to know your partner’s icks, kinks, and arousal triggers

Sexual Questions ;)

1. First kiss? 2. First time masturbating? 3. First sex toy? 4. First kink tried? 5. First time doing oral? 6. First time having sex?
 -Turn Ons 7. Biggest turn on? 8. Biggest turn off? 9. Quickest way to get horny? 10. Weirdest thing that ever turned you on? 11. Top 3 places to be touched? 12. Ultimate fantasy? 13. Do you like the idea of a three or moresome? 14. Do you send nudes? Do you like receiving them?
 -Preferences 15. Sex or masturbation? 16. Spit or swallow? 17. Cut or uncut dicks? 18. Rough or sensual sex? 19. Oldest person you’d sleep with? 20. Loud or quiet partners? 21. How much foreplay do you like? 22. How much teasing do you like? 23. What is too big for you to take? 24. Do you do hookups or only sleep with a partner? 25. How much kissing do you like during sex? 26. What’s the most attractive part of the body?
 -Location 27. Would you have sex in public? 28. Last place you had sex? 29. Where would you most like to have sex? 30. Do you like spontaneous sex, or do you need to be in the mood? 31. Could you go through with a hookup at a strangers house?
 -Kinks 32. What’s your biggest kink? 33. Are you okay with name calling in bed? 34. Would you do any BDSM? 35. Do you prefer to tie somebody up or be tied up? 36. Do you like orgasm denial/forced orgasm? 37. Do you like overstimulation? 38. Do you like having pain involved? 39. Do you like biting/being bitten? 40. Have you ever been made to/made somebody beg for it? 41. Do you have any strange or extreme kinks? 42. Have any roleplaying preferences? 
-Masturbation 43. Do you own sex toys? How many? 44. What do you masturbate to? 45. How often do you masturbate? 46. How often do you use sex toys to masturbate? 47. Do you masturbate with penetration? 48. Do you go for multiple rounds or settle at one or no orgasms?
 -Oral 49. Do you enjoy giving oral? 50. Do you prefer giving or receiving oral? 51. What makes you orgasm the fastest when receiving oral? 53. Can you deepthroat? 
54. Do you like playing with your clit? If so how do you prefer to do it? 55. What’s your breast size? 56. How often do you go braless? 57. Do you finger yourself? 58. How familiar are you with your g-spot? 59. Do you squirt?
 -Sex 60. How often do you do unprotected sex? 61. How loud are you in bed? 62. Do you enjoy having nipples played with? 63. Do you like/dislike cum? 64. How good are you at dirty talk? 65. Do you get sleepy after an orgasm? 
66. Do you trim, shave or leave pubic hair untouched? 67. How do you prefer partners pubic hair? 68. How many orgasms can you have in a day? 69. How many other people know your bra size? 70. What do you wear to bed? 71. Any funny sex stories? 72. What food if any would you use during sex? 73. Would you give somebody a sex toy as a gift? 74. What’s the weirdest porn you’ve ever seen? 75. Do you often get horny in public? 76. Ever used something that isn’t made for sex in the bedroom? 77. Have you ever walked in on somebody or been walked in on? 78. Do you have any friends you’d sleep with?

The idea of leaving someone tied up appeals to a lot of bondage enthusiasts. However, there must always be someone monitoring and nearby even if the person tied up is unaware of it. Things can go wrong and it is never appropriate to leave someone tied up like this in difficult or predicament bondage without supervision. Even safer or more comfortable forms of bondage need a degree of safety measure and monitoring in case some form of unexpected emergency arises.

Don’t worry, it happens more often… that moment when you expect to be released and your friend just left , leaving you tied up. And you have no idea when your friend is coming back to untie you. Time for some escape skills…🤭

Your headspace is your responsibility, but what does that mean?

Practice accessing and identifying your subspace pathways on your own and…

Communicate how that access can be supported so you can…

Practice accessing them with your partner.

Deepen and prolong your experiences in subspace through solo practice, communication, and more time spent working together.

Tips for faceslapping women

- Find her tolerance limit: First hit her softly and then gradually increase the force of each slap if you see she can take it. - Always make her close her mouth before the slap to avoid her teeth cutting inside her mouth during the slap. - Always hit her in the jaw. Never close to the ear (audition loss hazard), nose (bleeding nose harzard) or eyes. Any hit above the cheekbone (around the eye) will give her a black eye. - If you wanna slap her hard in one cheek, then is useful to support her other cheek with your other hand. This is done to avoid a strong “whiplash effect” on her head. -Avoid slapping her as a punishment/discipline. She has a fatty butt and some sensitive thighs that can be used for that purpose. Those are much safer to hit than her face. Use them. - Never slap her with anger.

A good slap puts a naughty girl immediately in her place. It makes her shut up immediately so it’s really effective against a back-talking girl. Normally it brings instant tears of submission. But it can be a severe tool, so it must be used with care.

Remember: Women are delicate beings and they are easy to break. Better play with your toys without breaking them… so you can keep on playing!

Cheers

;-)

Javier

Sometimes obedience needs to be enforced for the betterment of the female. Behavior is learned.

People. I’m not going to keep saying this.

When someone is being submissive? Giving up some control? You respect that. They are trusting you, relying on you. Don’t fucking betray that trust. Educate yourself, be respectful and keep them safe.

When someone is dominating you, remember! Their comfort level is just as important as yours. They are relying on you to communicate your needs and problems. Don’t suffer something in silence because you want to make things easy or better.

PEOPLE ARE NOT KINK DISPENSERS. People are. People. With lives and feelings and emotions. Give your partners respect, because they are giving themselves to you.

Gentle Dominance

We all see plenty of images and videos on here with expressions of aggressive Dominance. Submissive faces pressed into the sheets as they’re taken from behind. Cute mouths gaped wide to take their owner’s intent into their throat.

But what about the more gentle forms of Dominance that brings them back to you without having to launder the sheets after?

What about braiding her hair for her and picking out a ribbon for her to wear in it?

Reading her a story while she soaks in a hot bath?

Polishing up her work shoes while she makes dinner? (or making dinner while she polishes her work shoes… whatever your gender role preferences are)

Teaching her something new, like putting in phone numbers for trusted resources in her phone and teaching her which one is which. Like your favorite towing company in case her car breaks down and you’re not able to get to her side fast.

How about teaching her how to check the oil level in her car or how to inspect her tires for wear? Yes, you’ll probably do this for her anyway but this shows you care about her, her safety and her situational awareness.

Let her teach you how to cook one of her preferred meals so you can step up when she gets sick. (Yes, this counts as Dominance because your instructing her to teach you how to take better care of her when she’s down)

Tying her shoes for her.

Brushing her hair out before bedtime.

Setting out bath items for her and selecting a bath bomb for her to use that evening. 

Get inventive. Be caring. Dominance doesn’t have to be this stoic and distant figurehead whenever it’s not horny time.