Perfect Isn’t Possible, But Being A Person Who Consistently Practices Makes You A Good Girl

“There is a very pure freedom to be found in complete submission.”

The real journey begins when you accept that many of your daily life’s elements are secondary traits of your life.

You are a submissive who has a job as a ______.

You are a submissive who lives at ________.

You are a submissive who married _________.

You are a submissive who does ________ for recreation and exercise.

Etc… etc…

You can of course choose things that take precedence. Like, you are a mother, sister, friend, wife, etc… but the truth is that the higher you elevate your own self understanding to reflect that you are a submissive above other things, the more enjoyable your life will be and the less you will have to think about how your life as a submissive fits in with the rest of your life and rather to witness how all of your other life activities are an extension of who you are as a submissive.

The clarity of this, regardless of how you ultimately balance it, is essential.

“Dd/lg is p*dophilia”

A statement I am sure we have all heard enough times to cause anger, frustration, or shame. So here’s how I explain it when the need for explanation is called up.

Dd/lg is a power dynamic based in the world of BDSM. Power dynamics no matter what format or genre they may take, have one common thread (which is what makes it kink) the willingness of one party to give up their normal reign on power to another party for that parties pleasure. Whatever form it takes, it is the submission through roleplay that makes a kink, kink.

Pet play seems to be more wildly accepted so let’s dissect that as a way to dissect DD/lg.

In pet play a person is willingly giving up their power (human rights and responsibility) so another can have total control. They are also interacting with items that are not, “for them”. If I throw a sick for a person I will be turned on by the fact that the person is willing to give up their human privilege and go fetch the stick. It is not the act of fetch itself or the stick itself which brings gratification; it is the fact that an adult human is degrading themselves to a level of power that is lower than their real power. 

 If I play fetch with an actual dog, as fetch is a normal activity for a dog. There is no relinquishing of power between me and my dog. So I am simply just playing fetch, not encountering be*stiality. (gross). Therefore the throwing of the stick and it’s s*xual nature comes from the fact it is an adult human giving up their right to be an adult human. Not the stick or the act of fetch.

Dd/lg is the same thing. It is a power dynamic where one party gives up their rights to adult power. So when I see an adult in a onesie playing with toys my s*xual intrigue is peaked by the fact that the action is not one that an adult normally partakes in. I am excited by the human interacting with the object in a way that shows their relinquishment of power. I am not excited by the onesie itself. 

If a child interacted with a toy like children do, it’s simply that. A child with a toy. Just like a dog with a stick. There is nothing intriguing about the toy, the stick, the onesie, or the act of fetch. The intrigue comes from an ADULT consenting to giving power over to another adult. So dd/lg could never be p*dophilia. 

I like this, although I also like the varying intersecting m/f symbols used as a venn diagram of play interests, although that is less covert.

Work together on lists like this so the items better reflect what he considers to be proper and enjoyable service

✨️Wish✨️List:

Grope me openly while we're out

Have me wear a cute plug and a short dress out in public to show off

Get me completely wasted and take advantage of me, bonus for cross fading

Use me in front of your friends/ share me with them

Piss in my ass and then put a plug in me. Call me a disgusting toilet while you pat my head.

Make me crawl around naked with a leash on

Have me suck on you all day under your desk

Tie me up and overstimulate me until I'm screaming and crying

Get me a shock collar and shock me randomly for fun. Especially while bringing you things, punish me when I drop them

Make me exercise while full of toys until I collapse

Only let me eat food if you've cummed on it

Make me ask to use the bathroom, tell me no randomly to watch me squirm

Leave cute little marks all over my body, bruises, burns, welts, cuts, etc.

Stretch out my pussy till I cry and then mke fun of me for being loose

Make me get piercings/tattoos for you

Tell me to be quiet or else, then torture my pussy until you can punish me for squealing

Only let me cum while your dick is in my ass so I'm always craving anal to cum

Shove random things in my pussy, laugh when it hurts

Dont let me eat for a few days, tell me its just so you can throw me around easily

Write degrading things all over me, make me go out with it on

Help me take baths and randomly hold me under water while I squirm

Don't let me breathe until I make you cum

Make me dress so that I feel exposed everyday

Don't let me talk for several days

Make me sign a contract to be completely free use for you

Make me sleep on the floor unless I've earned it

Make me clean the toilet with my mouth, shove my head in and piss on me when I'm done

I make you dinner every night but I dont get to eat unless you leave some leftovers for me

Get mad at me for not being wet all the time

Brainwash me so I'm completely obedient ❤️I'm open to more suggestions of course!❤️

The energy flow of kink can help motivate things beyond your sex lives.

Everybody knows (due to an overfocus of imbalanced fetishized content) that in D/s there is an exchange of power where the Dom shapes the submissive to suit the Dom’s needs.

However, this isn’t the full scope of how a D/s dynamic actually works in a successful practice. Toward that end here is a brief explainer on some of what too often gets left out.

Two of the most commonly overlooked facts/elements of D/s instruction are:

1. Both participants are equals

If you find yourself himming and hawing about this fact, you have a lot to learn and it is good that you are reading this! Both participants are equals. D/s is exactly a Yin Yang energy flow dynamic. If it is not then it is not going to be a successful D/s dynamic.

Most of what you see online lacks the balance and perspective that actually underpins a successful dynamic.

Ultimately what is demonstrated in these is simply a fetishization of one part of the energy flow. It is the visually appealing element of the power exchange in action. A scene such as one where a submissive is crawling on a leash as the Dominant leads them to the place where the submissive will demonstrate their enthusiasm and commitment to pleasing the Dominant through various and perverse acts, a sub being spanked, choked, slapped, spit on, or whatever it is that arouses the energy flow’s enthusiastic exploration from the participants.

However, what is usually not made clear is that the participants chose from a position of equality to explore these acts together. That the submissive can pause, change, or immediately end the entire experience with the utterance of a word.

That the submissive has the responsibility of guiding the Dom when the Dom is not easily finding the connection for the energy flow. it is a dance that requires two equal partners. Yes, in the fetishized element there is a gifting from the submissive to the Dominant of power, rights, and decision-making. This is because the submissive wants to be guided through experiences that they will have difficulty experiencing without guidance from someone who takes those controls and manages them on behalf of the submissive.

2. A sub shapes a Dom to suit the sub’s needs

(There is a fine line between “topping from the bottom“ and D/s energy flow with a submissive who is participating in the energy flow submissively from the bottom, but that’s going further into the weeds. Then this general post is intending to address. Maybe I’ll get more into that later in another post.)

Every healthy D/s inclusive energy flow relationship or scenario requires that two equal partners get together and negotiate what the nature of their relationship or experiences are going to be. A Dominant cannot truly fulfill a sub’s needs without the input of the submissive.

BDSM is a growth experience where communication put into practice defines the focus of exploration. When a submissive simply goes along with whatever their Dominant wants, but yet is not happy with the result, that submissive is harming and undermining the success of the relationship or scenario.

Submissives have a required element of participation in communicating their needs and shaping the experiences that are pursued. In a successful and healthy dynamic, the Dom is shaped by the interests and needs of the submissive.

It is a common misconception that all that occurs in a DS relationship or scenario is that a submissive simply serves the Dominant in whatever way the Dom demands. Again, this is because the only part of the overall experience that is fetishized is the best case practice moment. Yes, in the best case practice moment, the Dominant is using the sub’s power to direct and control the activities the sub practices as the sub responds to the demands of the Dom. What you don’t see in that snapshot, is the fact that the sub is performing acts that appeal directly to the interests that the submissive has within the experience.

For some subs, it is indeed simply a service kink. What they get out of it is an opportunity to successfully servicing their Dominant’s demands. However, in order for the Dominant to lead them in an experience that is successful, the Dominant has to understand the things that are going to cause the submissive to be pulled out of their enjoyment.

The submissive is giving a gift, but that gift has to be exercised in a way that is successful.

Success requires that the Dominant stay within the boundaries of the submissive and only present things that challenge the submissive in ways that ultimately lead into the submissive’s enjoyment rather than caused the submissive to drop out of their enjoyment.

Of course, there will be things that are presented that are challenges for the sub to maintain as they demonstrate their enthusiasm for servicing their dominant. Things that the Dominant wants from the sub, but that might not be directly appealing to the sub. Things that can be explored as part of an overall journey that leads back into the sub’s enjoyment.

Oftentimes, the Dominant will lead the sub through things that please the dominant by using an energy flow focus that appeals to the submissive.

Working together in advance of a scenario is an essential part of planning for success. Negotiating about the kind of energy and acts that the participants are comfortable exploring increases the possibility for success in a relationship or scenario.

BDSM can be done for the wrong reasons and if a submissive isn’t willing or able to engage in safe and consensually validated activity that expressly makes them feel successful and healthy in their role then they need to evaluate their experience more thoroughly and contemplatively.

That being said, the pushing of boundaries is an inherent part of bdsm practice. The point here is that if your participation is so significantly one sided that you are consistently failing to communicate about your own interests and needs while feeling harmed, that you are indeed being harmed. Either self-harm or partner abuse. A properly patient and supportive Dom who is trying to help you communicate and trying to help you explore your self-stated interests is not necessarily abusing you. One’s misuse of BDSM as a form self-harm can be a misunderstood element, an actively exploited element, or an element related to support, etc. within a BDSM relationship.

This is why using thorough checklists and then COMMUNICATING thoroughly through those checklists is so important. If a sub is not able to fully take ownership of their interests within a practice then they are not currently giving fully informed consent. Informed consent must include a full understanding of the complexity of self-harm as a component and pitfall of even the most healthy of BDSM practices.

When a submissive has potential self-harm elements that doesn’t automatically mean they should not practice BDSM, but it does mean they and their Dom need to openly discuss these challenges and responsibly navigate them within their practice.

This is good advice for the mechanical elements of becoming more physically pleasing, but I would expand upon it significantly.

Learning how to “blow his mind” goes well beyond physical ability and proficiency with the actions of being a good, devoted, cum swallowing friend/partner/girfriend/wife.

When a man is cuming that is the psychological trigger for you to dive deep. When a man is cuming you have a craving that kicks in. You need his cum. You need to taste, swallow, and radiate with the possession of every drop of cum he could issue to your insatiable need for it. It is the moment of great communion where your love unites and you gain the fleeting magical glow of being the good girl who loves him so much that she swallows all of his cum because it fills your heart with happiness.

The successful alignment of your enthusiasm is gauged by what attitude that enthusiasm stems and the depth of the sincerity of that energy as it is flowing between you as a man’s orgasm floods into you with his energy. An energy always seeking a connection that truly and sincerely craves it to be taken deep inside… This is essential for anything even glimpsing what a mind blowing blow job involves.

Let me simplify:

A man’s orgasms create a direct connection with a universal energy that is looking to find the deepest and most magical well in all the universe. If he is not cuming in your pussy and activating a billion or more years of connection to this shared energy with you and feeling you getting pregnant while in the orgasmic moment that is connecting him to you while you have also aroused your connection such that you suspended together beyond space and time in your connection to this infinite energy of creative magic; then if that or its nearest facsimile is not what is happening and instead he is cuming in your mouth, there is a different infinite magical energy you are responsible for learning how to navigate together. The magical power of creation being drunk and creating connection through that magical elixir. You have within you a similar connection and channel that sucking my cock can activate.

Some men are not well attuned to the realm of the infinite that swims all around us. Others need to dance with the love of their life in it because it is there that they feel most alive.

Edging is not a punishment.

It’s a necessity and an earned right. Edging enhances feelings, increases stimulation and promotes desire. It keeps you wet, needy, controlled and willing to do anything, just to have more of it. Edging helps train your dumb little mind, reminds you of who you are and helps reduce unwanted thoughts. Edging gives weight to your begging, your pleading and your tears. You need it and earn it, you learn from it and rely on it.

The real punishment would be to not let you edge.