I've Been Following This Lady On TikTok Who Runs An Anti-porn Account Out Of What I Can Only Describe

Getting a firm no from my Dominant after I’ve been getting a lot of leniencies lately is always a bit of a shock.

A surge of feelings goes through me at first. There is the surprise and then a bit of indignation and annoyance. I sit in bewilderment because I was most definitely expecting him to allow me to do what I wanted. I whine a bit and push to see if the invisible boundary will move some. It doesn’t. It’s rock solid. A no is a no.

All of the emotions associated with resentment start to fade and instead leave feelings of safety and contentment. There is still structure and lines I cannot cross. He is still in control and any leniency I’ve been given lately has been his choice. He can tell me no and I have to listen whether I like it or not…but deep down, I always like it. My submissive nature is always stronger than whatever little want I may have yearned for at the time. I feel settled.

D/s 101: If you call yourself a Dominant, don’t do this stuff...

You have adopted a title that should come with a giant heaping dose of honor, respect, and trustworthiness. 

1. Don’t make demands of submissive girls that don’t belong to you. You should know the difference between having the ability to control your own submissive, and how you should be treating all the rest that don’t belong to you.

2. Don’t talk intimately/woo other submissives behind the back of the one that belongs to you. All the time and energy you have to put into the submissive world should be aimed at your own submissive. If you want a different submissive, do the right thing, and break with the one you currently own first.

3. Don’t ditch submissives. How would you feel if the person you depend on for nearly everything suddenly went up in a puff of smoke, and was never heard from again? How would it effect your ability to trust someone else to take up the same role in your life? Stop ghosting, and ruining perfectly good submissives. 

4. Don’t cut your submissive out from contributing to your relationship. Yes, I know she put you in charge, but relationships evolve, and if you don’t attend to what she wants out of yours, your relationship is likely to evolve in separate directions. You can still be in charge, and listen to her wants and needs, I promise. 

5. Don’t ask someone you just met to be your submissive. It’s your job to inspire her to submit to you, by getting to know who she is, and showing her that you are the single most qualified man to be her Dominant. Don’t be lazy. Being a Dominant takes a lot of focus and energy. If you’re not up for that, go find another title to adopt. 

6. Don’t put your submissive on a shelf when caring for her is not convenient to you, and take her down off the shelf when it suits you. Submissives are human beings, and though some of them like to be treated like objects from time to time, they should not be ignored when you don’t feel like dealing with your relationship. If you don’t have to the time and energy to adopt the role of Dominant for someone, then don’t do it in a half-assed way.

7. Don’t compare your current submissive with past submissives. It’s not a competition. You should be making her feel like she’s the most important person in your current world, so don’t make her feel like she’s less than other submissives, or that you’re pining for something you no longer have, and feel you can’t have with her. 

8. Don’t skimp on the essential ingredients in D/s relationships. Don’t be that guy who limits your submissives safeword in any way. A safeword is the difference between consensual sex, and possible rape and abuse. Don’t skimp on aftercare. Let her know how much you appreciate all the control she continuously allows you to have over her, and how well she is performing for you. It’s the difference between a proud and happy submissive, and a sad and confused one. 

9. Don’t make unilateral decisions that your submissive is directly opposed to. You don’t get to decide your submissive needs a sister because it suits you to have a second submissive to play with, when it’s patently against her wishes. Once again, it’s her relationship too. 

10. Don’t lie to your submissive. It’s all about trust. It’s trust that inspires her to submit to you. It’s trust that inspires her to allow you to continue to hold her submission. One or two breaches of trust, and it all falls apart. 

JD🌹

You go too long without practice and your mind strays deep into the shame of your failure to become better.

When the time comes for you to perform you lack focus, skill, and self control. The depraved pornographic imagery and stories your cunt craves embarrasses you in no small part because of instantly it makes you wet, and how easily it makes you cum.

You’ve watched women getting off on being drugged. Gangfucked in dirty public bathrooms. Toilet licking whores getting ass fucked while prettier women hold their faces in the piss water. Brides crawling down the aisle having been collared in a ceremony before her friends and family. You have watched women slap and spank themselves. Write words of self degradation on their bodies only to turn on their camera for an anonymous audience who encourages her to fuck herself on her bedpost in aroused desperation. Public displays of women enthusiastically obeying their owners demands that they hand over their panties to strangers. Orgies of people fucking in nightclubs for swingers. You have watched women suck and fuck horse cocks until they cum all over their faces and inside them.

You have imagined yourself lead, leashed by the collar to the center of a gangbang of strangers. Load after load of cum being dumped into your aching and well used ass and pussy. Smeared across your face. Swallowing for any that will allow you to show your sincere appreciation for being used.

You excitedly watch as subs find and leap into the deep hole that their masters help them into and you want it to be you. By the time your undisciplined arousal looks you deep into the eye your orgasm has abated and your shame keeps you in hiding from the truth until next your craven need demands the filth that pushes you into blissful oblivion.

Practice under direct training so you don’t have to do anything but skillfully obey and develop ever more accurate anticipation of what he wants.

Does he get off on you crawling and licking his boots? Don’t confuse the fact that you want to do something with a mistaken belief that it is because he wants it. So, you want to be told to crawl and to lick his boots. He provides that to you as an opportunity for you to use what you like as a way to get and stay turned on while showing him your utter adoration and fully undivided attention. That serving him with your attention, adoration, and arousal is really what he wants. He wants to push you through challenges while you prove you can maintain yourself.

There it is. There is the practice.

Whatever it may be for you, use that brainstorming as a template to figure out what to do, how to do it, when to practice it, who to practice with, and most importantly WHY.

Beg l, while being sincerely adoring of him and his patience, for your partner/owner to give you another lesson, another chance to learn, a deeper discussion. Beg for the training you so obviously need. The training that will open up the doors for you to experience the kinks that make you cum in your fantasies.

Follow through.

Train.

Practice.

Support your partner/Dominant/owner’s efforts to teach you, to guide you, to liberate you from the societal lie that your sexual identity is to be hidden away when in fact what should be done is this:

Develop it.

Celebrate it.

Appreciate it.

Share it.

Embrace it.

Empower it.

Explore it.

PRACTICE IT.

Become ever more of the sexually adventurous story that gets you and your partner off.

Go to swing clubs. Create networks of new friends by becoming the fun people who are consistent about being at events where you can grow and practice your kinks. Practice between parties so your confidence is high. Let your partner contribute to the skills you learn so you are pleasing to each other. Support their kinks by manifesting and embodying those you can accept and embrace, and expect support from them for your own.

No parties like that around? Host them.

Figure it out. Priorities demand you embrace the time it takes to invest in creating the sexual adventures of your daydreams.

Be patient and consistent while your partner learns how to lead you. Teach and guide them toward what you need as part of your communication and practice.

Become a successful source of education and inspiration for each other and those who will follow behind you.

More than all of that, though, grow your relationship by delving deeply and consistently into the communication and trust required of these adventures together.

Love is an adventure, and you are entitled to experience the sex life you dream up together.

a LOT of kink content on tumblr is fantasy and does not reflect what kink should actually be like. it is totally ok to be turned on by these fantasies and it's good to incorporate them into your sex life in safe ways. however a lot of the hot hardcore kink scenarios that make it seem like everything was spontaneous are not necessarily lying to you, but they are leaving out the "before" part. kink requires a LOT of discussion and communication. you should not forsake this part of kink because you wanna get to sex immediately because the before and after of kink are just as important, if not more, than the during.

https://www.ted.com/talks/emily_nagoski_how_couples_can_sustain_a_strong_sexual_connection_for_a_lifetime?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare

Occasionally, keep me on a diet of nothing but your piss and cum. Remind me that I need you like I need water. Literally.  Make me beg for your piss like my life depended on it.

We Don’t Want To Choose

Being a a man who wants to choke a woman on your cock, and also pull out her chair is not contradictory. Drying her tears when she burns dinner, and wanting to beat her ass with a paddle until she cries, are not contradictory. It’s okay to care about her favorite book, what happened at work, and why she thinks she doesn’t deserve that new sweater. It’s also okay to enjoy that whimpering sound she makes when you pull her hair, and want to smear her makeup with your cock while she edges herself for you. You can hold her when she stubs her toe, and still want to fuck her ass so hard she begs you to stop.

These are the men masochists crave. Men who understand that caring, loving, and tenderness are not weakness. Men who are also not afraid they will break us. Who know that we can be both strong and vulnerable. Men who satisfy our needs and give life to our dark desires. We don’t want to choose. Masochists are greedy, and we want both.

You can't be obedient only when you feel like it or only when it suits you. If you promise Him your obedience then give Him your obedience. Always.

Everybody knows (due to an overfocus of imbalanced fetishized content) that in D/s there is an exchange of power where the Dom shapes the submissive to suit the Dom’s needs.

However, this isn’t the full scope of how a D/s dynamic actually works in a successful practice. Toward that end here is a brief explainer on some of what too often gets left out.

Two of the most commonly overlooked facts/elements of D/s instruction are:

1. Both participants are equals

If you find yourself himming and hawing about this fact, you have a lot to learn and it is good that you are reading this! Both participants are equals. D/s is exactly a Yin Yang energy flow dynamic. If it is not then it is not going to be a successful D/s dynamic.

Most of what you see online lacks the balance and perspective that actually underpins a successful dynamic.

Ultimately what is demonstrated in these is simply a fetishization of one part of the energy flow. It is the visually appealing element of the power exchange in action. A scene such as one where a submissive is crawling on a leash as the Dominant leads them to the place where the submissive will demonstrate their enthusiasm and commitment to pleasing the Dominant through various and perverse acts, a sub being spanked, choked, slapped, spit on, or whatever it is that arouses the energy flow’s enthusiastic exploration from the participants.

However, what is usually not made clear is that the participants chose from a position of equality to explore these acts together. That the submissive can pause, change, or immediately end the entire experience with the utterance of a word.

That the submissive has the responsibility of guiding the Dom when the Dom is not easily finding the connection for the energy flow. it is a dance that requires two equal partners. Yes, in the fetishized element there is a gifting from the submissive to the Dominant of power, rights, and decision-making. This is because the submissive wants to be guided through experiences that they will have difficulty experiencing without guidance from someone who takes those controls and manages them on behalf of the submissive.

2. A sub shapes a Dom to suit the sub’s needs

(There is a fine line between “topping from the bottom“ and D/s energy flow with a submissive who is participating in the energy flow submissively from the bottom, but that’s going further into the weeds. Then this general post is intending to address. Maybe I’ll get more into that later in another post.)

Every healthy D/s inclusive energy flow relationship or scenario requires that two equal partners get together and negotiate what the nature of their relationship or experiences are going to be. A Dominant cannot truly fulfill a sub’s needs without the input of the submissive.

BDSM is a growth experience where communication put into practice defines the focus of exploration. When a submissive simply goes along with whatever their Dominant wants, but yet is not happy with the result, that submissive is harming and undermining the success of the relationship or scenario.

Submissives have a required element of participation in communicating their needs and shaping the experiences that are pursued. In a successful and healthy dynamic, the Dom is shaped by the interests and needs of the submissive.

It is a common misconception that all that occurs in a DS relationship or scenario is that a submissive simply serves the Dominant in whatever way the Dom demands. Again, this is because the only part of the overall experience that is fetishized is the best case practice moment. Yes, in the best case practice moment, the Dominant is using the sub’s power to direct and control the activities the sub practices as the sub responds to the demands of the Dom. What you don’t see in that snapshot, is the fact that the sub is performing acts that appeal directly to the interests that the submissive has within the experience.

For some subs, it is indeed simply a service kink. What they get out of it is an opportunity to successfully servicing their Dominant’s demands. However, in order for the Dominant to lead them in an experience that is successful, the Dominant has to understand the things that are going to cause the submissive to be pulled out of their enjoyment.

The submissive is giving a gift, but that gift has to be exercised in a way that is successful.

Success requires that the Dominant stay within the boundaries of the submissive and only present things that challenge the submissive in ways that ultimately lead into the submissive’s enjoyment rather than caused the submissive to drop out of their enjoyment.

Of course, there will be things that are presented that are challenges for the sub to maintain as they demonstrate their enthusiasm for servicing their dominant. Things that the Dominant wants from the sub, but that might not be directly appealing to the sub. Things that can be explored as part of an overall journey that leads back into the sub’s enjoyment.

Oftentimes, the Dominant will lead the sub through things that please the dominant by using an energy flow focus that appeals to the submissive.

Working together in advance of a scenario is an essential part of planning for success. Negotiating about the kind of energy and acts that the participants are comfortable exploring increases the possibility for success in a relationship or scenario.