This Is The Type Of Empty Headed Misogyny That Shows Is So Clearly Why It Is Important To Educate About

D/s 101: If you call yourself a Dominant, don’t do this stuff...

You have adopted a title that should come with a giant heaping dose of honor, respect, and trustworthiness. 

1. Don’t make demands of submissive girls that don’t belong to you. You should know the difference between having the ability to control your own submissive, and how you should be treating all the rest that don’t belong to you.

2. Don’t talk intimately/woo other submissives behind the back of the one that belongs to you. All the time and energy you have to put into the submissive world should be aimed at your own submissive. If you want a different submissive, do the right thing, and break with the one you currently own first.

3. Don’t ditch submissives. How would you feel if the person you depend on for nearly everything suddenly went up in a puff of smoke, and was never heard from again? How would it effect your ability to trust someone else to take up the same role in your life? Stop ghosting, and ruining perfectly good submissives. 

4. Don’t cut your submissive out from contributing to your relationship. Yes, I know she put you in charge, but relationships evolve, and if you don’t attend to what she wants out of yours, your relationship is likely to evolve in separate directions. You can still be in charge, and listen to her wants and needs, I promise. 

5. Don’t ask someone you just met to be your submissive. It’s your job to inspire her to submit to you, by getting to know who she is, and showing her that you are the single most qualified man to be her Dominant. Don’t be lazy. Being a Dominant takes a lot of focus and energy. If you’re not up for that, go find another title to adopt. 

6. Don’t put your submissive on a shelf when caring for her is not convenient to you, and take her down off the shelf when it suits you. Submissives are human beings, and though some of them like to be treated like objects from time to time, they should not be ignored when you don’t feel like dealing with your relationship. If you don’t have to the time and energy to adopt the role of Dominant for someone, then don’t do it in a half-assed way.

7. Don’t compare your current submissive with past submissives. It’s not a competition. You should be making her feel like she’s the most important person in your current world, so don’t make her feel like she’s less than other submissives, or that you’re pining for something you no longer have, and feel you can’t have with her. 

8. Don’t skimp on the essential ingredients in D/s relationships. Don’t be that guy who limits your submissives safeword in any way. A safeword is the difference between consensual sex, and possible rape and abuse. Don’t skimp on aftercare. Let her know how much you appreciate all the control she continuously allows you to have over her, and how well she is performing for you. It’s the difference between a proud and happy submissive, and a sad and confused one. 

9. Don’t make unilateral decisions that your submissive is directly opposed to. You don’t get to decide your submissive needs a sister because it suits you to have a second submissive to play with, when it’s patently against her wishes. Once again, it’s her relationship too. 

10. Don’t lie to your submissive. It’s all about trust. It’s trust that inspires her to submit to you. It’s trust that inspires her to allow you to continue to hold her submission. One or two breaches of trust, and it all falls apart. 

JD🌹

“Yes, Master”

“Yes, Master” 

Two small words.  One giant effect.  

Relinquishing control,  feeling the release, the rush, the relief, as each care,  each choice, each burden melts away.

Calm, serene, euphoric. A lifetime of ingrained independence,  gone.  No drama, no rebellion, no complications,  no regrets.

Just submission, clean, clear, pure, perfect.  As it was meant to be. As He demands.  As I offer.

“Yes, Master”

And I obey.

© reflectedtruthsblog 2017

Choosing Obedience can have many reasons. Making your partner (“Daddy” honorific in the above case) proud is a very common reason, although there are others. Whatever motivates you, Obedience in a BDSM relationship is only possible from a starting position of equality. This is the relevance of feminism in BDSM. No person can truly submit their power to another if they did not start from a position of equality.

The current wave of anti-feminism in “bdsm” blogs isn’t BDSM at all. It is just a self aggrandizing abuse fantasy, almost universally advanced by men with a sadism fetish and no real world way to explore their want for a relationship of any kind. Their fantasy and loneliness leads them to self-delude that they can espouse a philosophy of abusing a person into submission. They delusionally think they can coerce and/or threaten a person sufficiently to create a relationship that is rewarding to them. They’re criminally violent in their abuse fantasies and there’s no place for them in this society except in a therapist’s office.

While the state of abuser blogs remains such a high concentration, there really is no place for the public display of any undisclaimed anti-feminism kink in public facing spaces like Tumblr.

My D/s Isn’t Perfect

My dash is full of beautiful women kneeling peacefully, perfectly composed men holding a drink, and proclamations of the things “true” Doms/Daddies/Masters do.

“True” Doms never lose their cool, get sick, feel cranky, need time off, cry, or ever disappoint their subs… 

But mine he does. 

“True” subs are never defiant, disagreeable, grouchy, bratty, defensive, pouty, or misbehaved.

But I am.

Real D/s has depth. It has problems. It has bad days. We don’t publicize the days it feels impossible, where one or both of us is tired/cranky/hungry/stressed out, and definitely not when BOTH of us feel that way.

Sometimes I can’t find my surrender; I feel defensive, sensitive, self-righteous, and victimized. You don’t see how I sometimes struggle to kneel in front of him, swallowing my pride and biting my tongue. Or the times I check out, switch off, tune out, just get through my tasks and purposely not feel a thing.

My Master has done all of the things that the internet says he’s not supposed to. But for me, by showing me his vulnerability and allowing me to love him through the messiness, that’s what makes him REALLY a true man.

This is the dynamic I’ve always dreamed of and fantasized about and I consider myself lucky to live it 24/7 in real life with a partner that I adore. I truly believe we make one another better in this dynamic, living out our chosen roles.

But it’s far from perfect. And I actually think we’re both better for the struggles. I’ve found an incredible amount of growth, transformed my life, and found deeper levels of intimacy, connection, desire, and communication than I could have ever imagined in the trials we’ve had together.

It’s not what you see on Tumblr, but it’s real.

Sometimes a girl wants a man to silence, her racing thoughts and a distractions so that she can practice becoming a good girl.

What does it mean to want to practice becoming a “good girl”?

For some, this is solely about being “good” in the eyes of the person she wants to hear that praise from. This is perfectly valid and very common among submissive girls.

For others, it is an internal sense of moving toward a personal goal that involves accepting and amplifying her feminine and submissive personal identity. For these girls, it is often times a want that their Dominant partner helps them to silence racing thoughts and distractions related to her feminine and submissive identity not being valid. The incorrect idea that it is inappropriate for a woman to enjoy and seek out experiences that activate her sexual energy if that sexual energy is particularly feminine and submissive.

Feminism includes the fact that a woman has the right, the essential and inalienable entitlement, to live her life anyway she wants to in this regard. If she is excited about being acute and girly submissive who derives pleasure from being the object of men’s pleasure… She’s entitled to that authentic personal sexual identity.

So, sometimes a woman pursuing the development of her sexual identity. In this regard will seek out a Dominant to create scenes that help her practice having access to these elements of her sexual identity.

Maybe He tells her that his boot on her mouth is symbolic of making these noises shut up.

Maybe He doesn’t and just lets her imagination activate on it, letting her get turned on by His direct act of seemingly disempowering degradation. Maybe the humiliation of having a man’s boot on her mouth, triggers her drippy cunt into action and then he further humiliates her by pointing out the fact that his boot on her mouth is turning her on.

Figuring out the tone and words that are enough to be guiding into the right direction without them overwhelming the submissive takes good communication before and after playing out a scenario like this. What she needs might even vary from one scenario to another. Sometimes it’s important to try the same energy of a scenario a few times, before there is enough understanding to have clear communication about it afterword.

Navigating the experience, takes trial and error in order to determine what practice really needs to look like so a woman can develop and embody the energy she seeks for herself.

It is always important to understand what you are both consenting to. A Dominant doesn’t want to get it wrong any more than a submissive wants the Dominant to get it wrong.

Trust and communicate.

Don’t be afraid to try something that didn’t work quite right again if you don’t yet understand how to communicate about it.

In that case, DO communicate about the fact that something didn’t quite go right and that the reason for trying it again is to give it a sincere chance at working while being more experienced should it not go well again.

I’m not saying that if something went horribly wrong that you have to do it again. I’m saying that if something didn’t go quite right, not to be afraid of trying it again while communicating in advance that something about it last time didn’t go quite right.

Sometimes practicing something means exploring around the edges where something didn’t go quite right so that you can clearly understand and communicate about why.

The heart of practice is building trust so that ever deeper levels of energy exchange become not only easier, but entwined in the romance of your life together.

Healthy relationships do not call for self abandonment, they are a unity of two individual people.

Work together on lists like this so the items better reflect what he considers to be proper and enjoyable service

✨️Wish✨️List:

Grope me openly while we're out

Have me wear a cute plug and a short dress out in public to show off

Get me completely wasted and take advantage of me, bonus for cross fading

Use me in front of your friends/ share me with them

Piss in my ass and then put a plug in me. Call me a disgusting toilet while you pat my head.

Make me crawl around naked with a leash on

Have me suck on you all day under your desk

Tie me up and overstimulate me until I'm screaming and crying

Get me a shock collar and shock me randomly for fun. Especially while bringing you things, punish me when I drop them

Make me exercise while full of toys until I collapse

Only let me eat food if you've cummed on it

Make me ask to use the bathroom, tell me no randomly to watch me squirm

Leave cute little marks all over my body, bruises, burns, welts, cuts, etc.

Stretch out my pussy till I cry and then mke fun of me for being loose

Make me get piercings/tattoos for you

Tell me to be quiet or else, then torture my pussy until you can punish me for squealing

Only let me cum while your dick is in my ass so I'm always craving anal to cum

Shove random things in my pussy, laugh when it hurts

Dont let me eat for a few days, tell me its just so you can throw me around easily

Write degrading things all over me, make me go out with it on

Help me take baths and randomly hold me under water while I squirm

Don't let me breathe until I make you cum

Make me dress so that I feel exposed everyday

Don't let me talk for several days

Make me sign a contract to be completely free use for you

Make me sleep on the floor unless I've earned it

Make me clean the toilet with my mouth, shove my head in and piss on me when I'm done

I make you dinner every night but I dont get to eat unless you leave some leftovers for me

Get mad at me for not being wet all the time

Brainwash me so I'm completely obedient ❤️I'm open to more suggestions of course!❤️

I’m not going to name the original author of this as I don’t know them personally and feel like calling them out is not necessary. Very often these kinds of posts are just poorly wrought fantasy scenarios where advance consent for a consensual non-consent experience and I see no need to hash that when the point I am making doesn’t require devolving along that irrelevant and argumentative line of discussion.

I am going to rebut the content because it is essential that we remember that BDSM on Tumblr is not a closed and in-community space.

The original post:

My rebuttal:

I am lately trying to give the benefit of the doubt to people who post things like this and assume they are just presenting a fantasy scenario they have a kink for, however this sort of content is important to not just leave floating in the world framed as a legitimate example of any sort of BDSM practice.

People can of course choose to fantasize about rape dynamics all they want, but it is important to occasionally remind people that Tumblr is a public facing space (not an in-community space) and it is never appropriate to publicly pretend to educate people (the original blog name suggests they are a blog for informing people on BDSM topics) by using scenarios where safewords are not allowed or where they will be ignored and not respected.

Submissives deserve more representation for their role and the rights and responsibilities they have in exploring the depths of their role.

This original post is not informative as BDSM training other than as it serves to be an example to subs in how to identify fake dominants.

The use of demanding and colorful phrasing is of course good in trying to trigger a sub’s fantasy-based sexual energy and then to manipulate a triggered sub into falsely believing that if they participate they are then ultimately at fault for the subsequent rape and abuse that is inflicted by the fake Doms who actually think this is a valid BDSM experience.

100% of the originally stated experience can be completely manifest and explored within a responsible framework where the sub has the power to stop the experience with a safeword.

If a Dom requires there be no safeword then they simply and irrefutably lack the skill and competency to function as a Dominant are instead of developing those basic skills they are choosing to harm subs while shifting the blame for that harm onto the sub.

How and why is this true?

A Dominant is a person who guides the submissive into and through experiences the Dominant thinks the submissive needs to have in pursuit of whatever training goals have been mutually agreed to in advance. (This can, of course, include having CNC experiences.)

All of this occurs while the sub is safe and properly cared for so that they are not inadvertently subjected to emotional or physical abuse and trauma that leaves them less whole at the end of their experience more whole (or at the very least on a mutually agreed path to being more whole), which is the only way any BDSM scenario should ever end. Anything else is not part of the BDSM community and is emotionally and/or physically abusive.

The safeword provides the submissive a constant state of awareness that they retain the power to make any experience pause/redirect or stop entirely.

Keeping that power in the submissive’s hands is the mechanism by which the Dominant navigates the sub through their needed experiences. Breaking through a sub’s unwanted boundaries and obstacles is done by working inside the boundaries until the Dominant helps the sub release or cross the boundary willingly.

Even where the suspension of disbelief is so strong they feel they cannot use their safeword, the sub still has a safeword they can use and if there are ever any signs of harm should be checked on by the Dominant before moving forward.

It is a Dominant’s responsibility to check in when a boundary is being dismantled to make sure the submissive wants to continue to experience that boundary’s dissolution. The sub has the power to stop moving forward, but the Dominant has guided them to a point where they can successfully break down the obstacle.

That is what being a Dominant actually looks like and that is why real BDSM Dominance is always 100% safeword dependent.

The safeword is THE SINGLE TOOL that makes a BDSM scenario capable of progressing through a submissive’s chosen challengeable / changeable boundaries responsibly. It is, of course, a given that they will have boundaries that cannot be challenged or changed and the Dominant must not approach those off limits boundaries.

Any “Dominant” who says otherwise is just an abuser with poorly developed interpersonal skills who cannot actually guide a submissive into and through a BDSM experience. They are just someone who wants to get off abusing someone while being able to blame them if it doesn’t go how the sub wanted or needed it to go.

These facts are not open to debate or discussion.