Aaa-bdsm-instruction - A Collection Of Instructive Thoughts

Tips for faceslapping women

- Find her tolerance limit: First hit her softly and then gradually increase the force of each slap if you see she can take it. - Always make her close her mouth before the slap to avoid her teeth cutting inside her mouth during the slap. - Always hit her in the jaw. Never close to the ear (audition loss hazard), nose (bleeding nose harzard) or eyes. Any hit above the cheekbone (around the eye) will give her a black eye. - If you wanna slap her hard in one cheek, then is useful to support her other cheek with your other hand. This is done to avoid a strong “whiplash effect” on her head. -Avoid slapping her as a punishment/discipline. She has a fatty butt and some sensitive thighs that can be used for that purpose. Those are much safer to hit than her face. Use them. - Never slap her with anger.

A good slap puts a naughty girl immediately in her place. It makes her shut up immediately so it’s really effective against a back-talking girl. Normally it brings instant tears of submission. But it can be a severe tool, so it must be used with care.

Remember: Women are delicate beings and they are easy to break. Better play with your toys without breaking them… so you can keep on playing!

Cheers

;-)

Javier

D/s 101: If you call yourself a Dominant, don’t do this stuff...

You have adopted a title that should come with a giant heaping dose of honor, respect, and trustworthiness. 

1. Don’t make demands of submissive girls that don’t belong to you. You should know the difference between having the ability to control your own submissive, and how you should be treating all the rest that don’t belong to you.

2. Don’t talk intimately/woo other submissives behind the back of the one that belongs to you. All the time and energy you have to put into the submissive world should be aimed at your own submissive. If you want a different submissive, do the right thing, and break with the one you currently own first.

3. Don’t ditch submissives. How would you feel if the person you depend on for nearly everything suddenly went up in a puff of smoke, and was never heard from again? How would it effect your ability to trust someone else to take up the same role in your life? Stop ghosting, and ruining perfectly good submissives. 

4. Don’t cut your submissive out from contributing to your relationship. Yes, I know she put you in charge, but relationships evolve, and if you don’t attend to what she wants out of yours, your relationship is likely to evolve in separate directions. You can still be in charge, and listen to her wants and needs, I promise. 

5. Don’t ask someone you just met to be your submissive. It’s your job to inspire her to submit to you, by getting to know who she is, and showing her that you are the single most qualified man to be her Dominant. Don’t be lazy. Being a Dominant takes a lot of focus and energy. If you’re not up for that, go find another title to adopt. 

6. Don’t put your submissive on a shelf when caring for her is not convenient to you, and take her down off the shelf when it suits you. Submissives are human beings, and though some of them like to be treated like objects from time to time, they should not be ignored when you don’t feel like dealing with your relationship. If you don’t have to the time and energy to adopt the role of Dominant for someone, then don’t do it in a half-assed way.

7. Don’t compare your current submissive with past submissives. It’s not a competition. You should be making her feel like she’s the most important person in your current world, so don’t make her feel like she’s less than other submissives, or that you’re pining for something you no longer have, and feel you can’t have with her. 

8. Don’t skimp on the essential ingredients in D/s relationships. Don’t be that guy who limits your submissives safeword in any way. A safeword is the difference between consensual sex, and possible rape and abuse. Don’t skimp on aftercare. Let her know how much you appreciate all the control she continuously allows you to have over her, and how well she is performing for you. It’s the difference between a proud and happy submissive, and a sad and confused one. 

9. Don’t make unilateral decisions that your submissive is directly opposed to. You don’t get to decide your submissive needs a sister because it suits you to have a second submissive to play with, when it’s patently against her wishes. Once again, it’s her relationship too. 

10. Don’t lie to your submissive. It’s all about trust. It’s trust that inspires her to submit to you. It’s trust that inspires her to allow you to continue to hold her submission. One or two breaches of trust, and it all falls apart. 

JD🌹

I’m not going to name the original author of this as I don’t know them personally and feel like calling them out is not necessary. Very often these kinds of posts are just poorly wrought fantasy scenarios where advance consent for a consensual non-consent experience and I see no need to hash that when the point I am making doesn’t require devolving along that irrelevant and argumentative line of discussion.

I am going to rebut the content because it is essential that we remember that BDSM on Tumblr is not a closed and in-community space.

The original post:

My rebuttal:

I am lately trying to give the benefit of the doubt to people who post things like this and assume they are just presenting a fantasy scenario they have a kink for, however this sort of content is important to not just leave floating in the world framed as a legitimate example of any sort of BDSM practice.

People can of course choose to fantasize about rape dynamics all they want, but it is important to occasionally remind people that Tumblr is a public facing space (not an in-community space) and it is never appropriate to publicly pretend to educate people (the original blog name suggests they are a blog for informing people on BDSM topics) by using scenarios where safewords are not allowed or where they will be ignored and not respected.

Submissives deserve more representation for their role and the rights and responsibilities they have in exploring the depths of their role.

This original post is not informative as BDSM training other than as it serves to be an example to subs in how to identify fake dominants.

The use of demanding and colorful phrasing is of course good in trying to trigger a sub’s fantasy-based sexual energy and then to manipulate a triggered sub into falsely believing that if they participate they are then ultimately at fault for the subsequent rape and abuse that is inflicted by the fake Doms who actually think this is a valid BDSM experience.

100% of the originally stated experience can be completely manifest and explored within a responsible framework where the sub has the power to stop the experience with a safeword.

If a Dom requires there be no safeword then they simply and irrefutably lack the skill and competency to function as a Dominant are instead of developing those basic skills they are choosing to harm subs while shifting the blame for that harm onto the sub.

How and why is this true?

A Dominant is a person who guides the submissive into and through experiences the Dominant thinks the submissive needs to have in pursuit of whatever training goals have been mutually agreed to in advance. (This can, of course, include having CNC experiences.)

All of this occurs while the sub is safe and properly cared for so that they are not inadvertently subjected to emotional or physical abuse and trauma that leaves them less whole at the end of their experience more whole (or at the very least on a mutually agreed path to being more whole), which is the only way any BDSM scenario should ever end. Anything else is not part of the BDSM community and is emotionally and/or physically abusive.

The safeword provides the submissive a constant state of awareness that they retain the power to make any experience pause/redirect or stop entirely.

Keeping that power in the submissive’s hands is the mechanism by which the Dominant navigates the sub through their needed experiences. Breaking through a sub’s unwanted boundaries and obstacles is done by working inside the boundaries until the Dominant helps the sub release or cross the boundary willingly.

Even where the suspension of disbelief is so strong they feel they cannot use their safeword, the sub still has a safeword they can use and if there are ever any signs of harm should be checked on by the Dominant before moving forward.

It is a Dominant’s responsibility to check in when a boundary is being dismantled to make sure the submissive wants to continue to experience that boundary’s dissolution. The sub has the power to stop moving forward, but the Dominant has guided them to a point where they can successfully break down the obstacle.

That is what being a Dominant actually looks like and that is why real BDSM Dominance is always 100% safeword dependent.

The safeword is THE SINGLE TOOL that makes a BDSM scenario capable of progressing through a submissive’s chosen challengeable / changeable boundaries responsibly. It is, of course, a given that they will have boundaries that cannot be challenged or changed and the Dominant must not approach those off limits boundaries.

Any “Dominant” who says otherwise is just an abuser with poorly developed interpersonal skills who cannot actually guide a submissive into and through a BDSM experience. They are just someone who wants to get off abusing someone while being able to blame them if it doesn’t go how the sub wanted or needed it to go.

These facts are not open to debate or discussion.

It's ok to have rape fantasies/kinks where you're the aggressor.

It's ok to have teacher/student fantasies/kinks where you're the teacher.

It's ok to have power imbalance fantasies/kinks where you're the one with more power.

It's ok to have predator/prey fantasies/kinks where you're the predator.

It's ok to have pain/punishment fantasies/kinks where you're the one inflicting the pain/punishment.

Your fantasies and kinks don't make you a bad person.

Safely exploring your fantasies and kinks through fiction or through role playing (either online or in-person acts) with other consenting adults doesn't make you a bad person.

This sort of thing could be a fun exercise alongside a bdsm checklist discussion when getting to know your partner’s icks, kinks, and arousal triggers

Sexual Questions ;)

1. First kiss? 2. First time masturbating? 3. First sex toy? 4. First kink tried? 5. First time doing oral? 6. First time having sex?
 -Turn Ons 7. Biggest turn on? 8. Biggest turn off? 9. Quickest way to get horny? 10. Weirdest thing that ever turned you on? 11. Top 3 places to be touched? 12. Ultimate fantasy? 13. Do you like the idea of a three or moresome? 14. Do you send nudes? Do you like receiving them?
 -Preferences 15. Sex or masturbation? 16. Spit or swallow? 17. Cut or uncut dicks? 18. Rough or sensual sex? 19. Oldest person you’d sleep with? 20. Loud or quiet partners? 21. How much foreplay do you like? 22. How much teasing do you like? 23. What is too big for you to take? 24. Do you do hookups or only sleep with a partner? 25. How much kissing do you like during sex? 26. What’s the most attractive part of the body?
 -Location 27. Would you have sex in public? 28. Last place you had sex? 29. Where would you most like to have sex? 30. Do you like spontaneous sex, or do you need to be in the mood? 31. Could you go through with a hookup at a strangers house?
 -Kinks 32. What’s your biggest kink? 33. Are you okay with name calling in bed? 34. Would you do any BDSM? 35. Do you prefer to tie somebody up or be tied up? 36. Do you like orgasm denial/forced orgasm? 37. Do you like overstimulation? 38. Do you like having pain involved? 39. Do you like biting/being bitten? 40. Have you ever been made to/made somebody beg for it? 41. Do you have any strange or extreme kinks? 42. Have any roleplaying preferences? 
-Masturbation 43. Do you own sex toys? How many? 44. What do you masturbate to? 45. How often do you masturbate? 46. How often do you use sex toys to masturbate? 47. Do you masturbate with penetration? 48. Do you go for multiple rounds or settle at one or no orgasms?
 -Oral 49. Do you enjoy giving oral? 50. Do you prefer giving or receiving oral? 51. What makes you orgasm the fastest when receiving oral? 53. Can you deepthroat? 
54. Do you like playing with your clit? If so how do you prefer to do it? 55. What’s your breast size? 56. How often do you go braless? 57. Do you finger yourself? 58. How familiar are you with your g-spot? 59. Do you squirt?
 -Sex 60. How often do you do unprotected sex? 61. How loud are you in bed? 62. Do you enjoy having nipples played with? 63. Do you like/dislike cum? 64. How good are you at dirty talk? 65. Do you get sleepy after an orgasm? 
66. Do you trim, shave or leave pubic hair untouched? 67. How do you prefer partners pubic hair? 68. How many orgasms can you have in a day? 69. How many other people know your bra size? 70. What do you wear to bed? 71. Any funny sex stories? 72. What food if any would you use during sex? 73. Would you give somebody a sex toy as a gift? 74. What’s the weirdest porn you’ve ever seen? 75. Do you often get horny in public? 76. Ever used something that isn’t made for sex in the bedroom? 77. Have you ever walked in on somebody or been walked in on? 78. Do you have any friends you’d sleep with?

Oftentimes it is necessary for a submissive to find the point in their daily life identity, where it breaks apart so that they can be free of it.

This is generally experienced by the submissive as a/the starting point of the exploration of their submission.

Because this has to happen EVERY time they transition from daily-life-space into subspace, it is important to consistently answer frequently practice things that make the transition faster and easier.

Having specific activities (that are consented to in advance for maintenance) as activating triggers that their Dominant partner can control becomes an essential part of the submissive’s needed energy demands. Without it, finding one’s way into subspace is often encountered as a daunting or even impossible thing to achieve.

The essential key is having a consistent practice where consent and power is given over to the dominant partner to enforce for the purpose of maintenance. Maintenance to the access path into subspace. Not every maintenance event requires that subspace be reached, only that the energy of the pathway is being maintained in consistent, frequent, specific, and incremental ways.

The sub’s essential responsibility is to support letting their mind move toward or along the path of their submission. The path where down it lies more and more elements of their subspace. That is what they are to do during all of these maintenance events. That’s all. That is the whole point and full scope of the basic responsibility. Every maintenance activity should be chosen specifically to support this specific purpose.

Emptying away the daily-life-space from what fills the mind is the most common part of a maintenance practice. The specific verbal trappings / signs / systems / lexicon, etc… that support you in breaking that apart so you can move through it onto the path of your subspace will vary from person to person and sometimes from one activity to another, or vary between repetitions of the same activity.

Give Grace and allow the language and trappings not to become an obstacle. The deeper point is more important than the words used to describe it. Try your best to navigate around the words and let them go when the wrong ones are chosen.

For some submissives or activities it is more important for the language to be bold and for others it needs to be more subtle. For some it needs to be exaggerated/extreme and for others it needs to be more nuanced and realistic.

I will use maintenance spankings as the activity and here are some examples of the language that might be used to separate the daily-life-space from the path toward subspace:

I’m better when I’m empty headed

Spankings wash the day away

Bimbos don’t think

I serve my [Owner]

Brains are for [Owners]

[Focus on breathing and visualizing]

Owner’s [belt] reminds me what I am

Owner’s spankings help me see myself

Etc…

There can be a scenario that goes along with the maintenance spankings. For example, maybe you are perpetually auditioning for the part of your [Owner’s] good girl and Owner spanks you while discussing different, future subspace experiences or tasks to see whether Owner thinks you’d do well in that experience.

Etc…

Whatever it is, remember, the language itself isn’t the point. That the language is something you decided on because you at the time felt it would be supportive of your access to the pathway toward your subspace is the point. Sometimes the language will just be wrong, and that is true even if it worked well the last time. Don’t let yourself get stuck on that when it inevitably happens. Again, a maintenance activity like a spanking isn’t intended to send you into subspace. It could occasionally happen, but that isn’t its purpose.

So, empty your head, precious little one. Your owner has some places to remind you about. Places where your needy and wet. Places where the worship fills you with obedience and craving. Places where the pain becomes pleasure. Places where the disgusting becomes essential. Places where the more degrading humiliating it is the deeper your pleasure. Places where the idea of it coming to an end disappears because time has bent and the whole universe exists in what I allow your tongue to touch.

You are my brave and deeply appreciated wife.

Come, bend over while I begin reminding you of the pleasures that exist because of the focusing stripes of pain my belt brings to your mind.

Let your daily mind space melt away.

Become empty of all those things.

Enjoy the life of an adventurer on the path of your submission, and allow me to lead you on a never ending journey guided by your need to worship at my altar.

Let your mind go.

Sometimes a lesson that is very simple just doesn’t get properly understood by your submissive. A variety of approaches can still leave you unsatisfied with the submissive’s sincerity or depth of personal effort.

Shifting around from praise as a technique to exercising greater/total control over the submissive can sometimes shock their thought process into understanding and growing past a plateau in their service’s growth.

Escalated and more severe measures sometimes are necessary, and for praise focused practices it can provide a necessary jolt.

Forced positioning so the content of the lesson itself is the sole point of focus can be one helpful technique.

🇨🇦𝛂♂

The first step is accepting that you need training.

The next step is asking someone that you think might be willing to train you for them to put the time and effort in to provide you their training.

The next step is to discuss all of the elements of what training would include and negotiating together so that the greatest chances of success and fulfillment from training become possible.

Then, you will have to work together in order to create and fine-tune a practice that reflects both of your needs, goals, and enjoyment.

Then you will have to do the work. Both of you. Training takes time and energy and focus to create appropriate systems and practices. Being trained takes time and energy and focus to put the effort in that is required in order for the practice to become effective in helping you reach your goals.

Regular discussion about how things went in past experiences and sessions is essential to fine-tuning future practices.

Training is as much an art, as it is a practice, and the only way for the art aspect of it to blossom is to be sincere and give it access to your heart. Dedication to practice can, through sincerity, open the heart to true enjoyment and artistry, and it is OK for that to be the pathway.

how do you help your submissives when they don’t mentally feel okay? my submissive told me the other day that she has been going through rather larger anxiety spirals, and i feel like im not doing much to help her… without discussing too much detail and exposing your own subs which i doubt you’d ever do that to them, what are other ways that i can support her and help her without making her feel stupid and silly?

-Dom

This is absolutely the biggest challenge of a typical D/s relationship, and one I have struggled with many times over the years. This is always going to depend on the specifics of your sub and your relationship, but for me the thing that has really worked is consistency.

In my experience the thing that draws a sub to this lifestyle is a desire for structure. We live in a complex and confusing world, and that can lead to a lot of stress and confusion. We all crave purpose in our lives, we seek to find meaning to our existence. In a properly structured dynamic the sub finds purpose in serving their Dom, and the Dom finds purpose in guiding and nurturing their sub.

When my girls are particularly stressed, they rely on me to be the constant in their life. The one they can depend on, the one who can carry the extra load. Sometimes that is the best we can do for them. I know how hard it is to help a sub that is struggling with anxiety and depression, particularly because so much of that fight happens in their head. In those time I have worked to provide for them. To cook, to take on extra chores, that kind of thing. More importantly, I have tried to be present. I am not typically pushy or nosy, but I am always there with an open door when they are ready. I make sure they know that, and sometimes that means I have to give them time to process on their own. That can be the hardest thing to do of all when you just want to fix everything for them.

I'd also recommend finding things that bring them comfort, even if small. A stuffed animal, a favorite show, an especially fluffy blanket, a favorite meal. Little things like that can make a big difference.

Patience is also important, these kinds of issues take time. Healing is not easy and it is rarely in a straight line. There will be good days and bad days, relapses, but there will also be victories in time. Make sure your sub knows that struggling with anxiety doesn't make them broken or unloved, it just makes them human.

Good luck, and thank you for your question.