Sometimes A Lesson That Is Very Simple Just Doesn’t Get Properly Understood By Your Submissive. A Variety

Gentle Dominance

We all see plenty of images and videos on here with expressions of aggressive Dominance. Submissive faces pressed into the sheets as they’re taken from behind. Cute mouths gaped wide to take their owner’s intent into their throat.

But what about the more gentle forms of Dominance that brings them back to you without having to launder the sheets after?

What about braiding her hair for her and picking out a ribbon for her to wear in it?

Reading her a story while she soaks in a hot bath?

Polishing up her work shoes while she makes dinner? (or making dinner while she polishes her work shoes… whatever your gender role preferences are)

Teaching her something new, like putting in phone numbers for trusted resources in her phone and teaching her which one is which. Like your favorite towing company in case her car breaks down and you’re not able to get to her side fast.

How about teaching her how to check the oil level in her car or how to inspect her tires for wear? Yes, you’ll probably do this for her anyway but this shows you care about her, her safety and her situational awareness.

Let her teach you how to cook one of her preferred meals so you can step up when she gets sick. (Yes, this counts as Dominance because your instructing her to teach you how to take better care of her when she’s down)

Tying her shoes for her.

Brushing her hair out before bedtime.

Setting out bath items for her and selecting a bath bomb for her to use that evening. 

Get inventive. Be caring. Dominance doesn’t have to be this stoic and distant figurehead whenever it’s not horny time.

Sometimes obedience needs to be enforced for the betterment of the female. Behavior is learned.

Getting a firm no from my Dominant after I’ve been getting a lot of leniencies lately is always a bit of a shock.

A surge of feelings goes through me at first. There is the surprise and then a bit of indignation and annoyance. I sit in bewilderment because I was most definitely expecting him to allow me to do what I wanted. I whine a bit and push to see if the invisible boundary will move some. It doesn’t. It’s rock solid. A no is a no.

All of the emotions associated with resentment start to fade and instead leave feelings of safety and contentment. There is still structure and lines I cannot cross. He is still in control and any leniency I’ve been given lately has been his choice. He can tell me no and I have to listen whether I like it or not…but deep down, I always like it. My submissive nature is always stronger than whatever little want I may have yearned for at the time. I feel settled.

if she wears cute lingerie for you don’t take everything off, push the panties to the side and fuck her in her cute little outfit.

I've been following this lady on TikTok who runs an anti-porn account out of what I can only describe as sociological curiosity. Basically, when I first encountered her videos I sniffed out pretty quickly that she was both a) very very cishet and b) a religious conservative and listening to her talk about sex and relationships has become this fascinating window for me into how The Other Side lives.

Like one of the main conceits of her content revolves around the fact that men have to constantly fight against being overcome by lust, which is hilarious to me, someone who has read fanfiction, because acting like cishet men are somehow uniquely prone to being gooners is so deeply ignorant of how anyone outside a religious conservative community lives.

“Dd/lg is p*dophilia”

A statement I am sure we have all heard enough times to cause anger, frustration, or shame. So here’s how I explain it when the need for explanation is called up.

Dd/lg is a power dynamic based in the world of BDSM. Power dynamics no matter what format or genre they may take, have one common thread (which is what makes it kink) the willingness of one party to give up their normal reign on power to another party for that parties pleasure. Whatever form it takes, it is the submission through roleplay that makes a kink, kink.

Pet play seems to be more wildly accepted so let’s dissect that as a way to dissect DD/lg.

In pet play a person is willingly giving up their power (human rights and responsibility) so another can have total control. They are also interacting with items that are not, “for them”. If I throw a sick for a person I will be turned on by the fact that the person is willing to give up their human privilege and go fetch the stick. It is not the act of fetch itself or the stick itself which brings gratification; it is the fact that an adult human is degrading themselves to a level of power that is lower than their real power. 

 If I play fetch with an actual dog, as fetch is a normal activity for a dog. There is no relinquishing of power between me and my dog. So I am simply just playing fetch, not encountering be*stiality. (gross). Therefore the throwing of the stick and it’s s*xual nature comes from the fact it is an adult human giving up their right to be an adult human. Not the stick or the act of fetch.

Dd/lg is the same thing. It is a power dynamic where one party gives up their rights to adult power. So when I see an adult in a onesie playing with toys my s*xual intrigue is peaked by the fact that the action is not one that an adult normally partakes in. I am excited by the human interacting with the object in a way that shows their relinquishment of power. I am not excited by the onesie itself. 

If a child interacted with a toy like children do, it’s simply that. A child with a toy. Just like a dog with a stick. There is nothing intriguing about the toy, the stick, the onesie, or the act of fetch. The intrigue comes from an ADULT consenting to giving power over to another adult. So dd/lg could never be p*dophilia. 

The first step is accepting that you need training.

The next step is asking someone that you think might be willing to train you for them to put the time and effort in to provide you their training.

The next step is to discuss all of the elements of what training would include and negotiating together so that the greatest chances of success and fulfillment from training become possible.

Then, you will have to work together in order to create and fine-tune a practice that reflects both of your needs, goals, and enjoyment.

Then you will have to do the work. Both of you. Training takes time and energy and focus to create appropriate systems and practices. Being trained takes time and energy and focus to put the effort in that is required in order for the practice to become effective in helping you reach your goals.

Regular discussion about how things went in past experiences and sessions is essential to fine-tuning future practices.

Training is as much an art, as it is a practice, and the only way for the art aspect of it to blossom is to be sincere and give it access to your heart. Dedication to practice can, through sincerity, open the heart to true enjoyment and artistry, and it is OK for that to be the pathway.

A reminder from the therapy couch: just because you’re a service submissive does not mean you should pour out your cup completely and never replenish it. You do both your Dominant and yourself a disservice by disinvesting in your wellbeing.

[THIS USER UNDERSTANDS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DOM/SUB AND TOP/BOTTOM]

The energy flow of kink can help motivate things beyond your sex lives.