This Is How Doakes Felt.

I DONT LIKE SHANE BC I CAN FIX HIM. I LIKE SHANE BECAUSE DECIDING TO CARE FOR HIM, ROMANTICALLY OR NOT. GIVES HIM THE MOTIVATION NECESSARY TO TRY AND KICK HIS ADDICTION. IT SHOWS THAT WHEN YOU HAVE PEOPLE WHO LOVE AND CARE FOR YOU, IT MAKES YOU WANT TO BE A BETTER PERSON FOR THEM!!! FUCK.

Am writing my assignment on researchers and saying ‘the researcher’ and they/theming constantly makes me feel like im writing stardew fanfic lol

Embrace the cringe.

Write weird fanfic.

Read weird fanfic.

How it feels getting obsessed with something new and then realizing you're going to spend anywhere from a week to the rest of your life thinking about it

Every friend group should have;

I love when platonic love and romantic love is so blurred that it doesn’t even matter anymore. All that matters is the devotion that’s there, the unwavering devotion

Its the time of day where I begin to calculate how badly I can do on this assignment before failing my course, and good news folks! I literally just have to hand in a piece of work! Yipee! Suicide plans. Who? Draft text to my family to tell them I’m a disgrace. Whats that? Life is good, don’t let anyone make you forget that.

The Holidays and The Lonely Farmer

Part Two

Previous: Part one

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AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/52672798/chapters/133234471

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“Hey buddy,” He stepped into the room carefully, the Farmer sniffed and wiped their face with the blanket.

“I’m so sorry,” they whispered voice so soft Shane almost couldn’t hear, tears were still rolling down their cheeks and the teddy clutched tight to their chest.

“Don’t havta be sorry Farmer, we’re just worried is all, haven’t seen you in a minute.”

That seemed to have burst the floodgates, the Farmer started sobbing and apologising, bringing the teddy up to their face, “I’m sorry, I don’t know whats wrong with me. I’ve been so mean and missed everyones birthdays and the Feast and I’m just being so silly!” The words were tumbling out of their mouth faster than they could speak, all falling over each other between gasping breaths of tears.

It reminded Shane of Jas when they first moved to the town, full of emotions and words but not being able to organise them, everything spilling out once the feelings got too overwhelming.

He moved to the side of the bed, rubbing the Farmers back gently. The poor Farmer’s whole body shook with tears as they cried into the soft teddy, “Farmer, nobody thinks you’re silly, it’s okay.” The Farmer only shook their head in response, “I’ve only came by to make sure you’re okay buddy, and it sure doesn’t seem it, do you wanna talk about it?”

The Farmer shuffled backwards in the bed, leaning against the headboard and pillows, Shane sat on the edge of the bed quietly. The Farmer looked at him with wide eyes, still swallowing sobs and shaking slightly. Shane just smiled softly and waited for an answer, Jas got like this as well, desperate to say something but the words got blocked in her throat.

“I don’t know…” Shane barely heard it, “I’m sorry for worrying you.”

“Only worried because we, I, want to help you, Yoba knows you’ve helped us all beyond words.” He placed a gentle hand on their knee drawn up to their body, “It’s not silly to feel upset and you haven’t been mean in the slightest.”

The Farmer took in a deep breath, “Winter is sad,” the words were strained like they were forcing them out, Shane just nodded waiting for the Farmer to fight out the next words, “I just… It’s so lonely here. Everyone has family and people and I’m not even useful in Winter,” tears slipped down their cheeks, brows drawn in concentration, “I’m the Farmer, I grow plants and help everyone and nothing grows in Winter, there’s no point in me.”

Shane patted their knee lightly, trying to think of something, anything to say, he disagreed with the farmer but these feelings were familiar to him, just saying they were wrong wouldn’t help, and then the Farmer spoke again.

“I feel so small and useless, like everything in the world is just too big. I miss my family and friends and feeling loved! I wish I could hideaway all Winter and come back and feel better in Spring but even when I have crops and fruit the feeling doesn’t go away, I’m just too busy to feel. I hate how small I feel, I hate me and I hate the Farm!” The words had anger in them but the sobs dampened them, the Farmer curled up into themself and their whole body wracked with sobs.

“You’re very brave for telling me, those are very big and difficult feelings to have,” Shane felt like his therapist but the words felt right, “sometimes big feelings are difficult to deal with especially if you feel alone.” The Farmer only made a strangled noise in their throat as a response, still curing in on themself.

Shane’s mind was running a mile a minute, scrambling to understand what's being said, and then something clicked, like a puzzle piece, “Hey bud, when you say you feel small, how do you mean?”

The Farmer shook their head and buried their face into the teddy, very much reminding Shane of Jas when she was younger.

“I promise it’s okay, I’m here for you no matter what,” the farmer blinked at him with large owlish eyes, childlike. “Do you feel smaller in your head? Bein a grown-up get too much?”

“I’m sorry,” the Farmer whispered again, so softly that it was barely louder than a breath, “I don’t mean to be bothering you.”

“Not bothering me buddy,” Shane smiled softly, “Would you like a hug?”

The Farmer, shuffled closer to Shane, legs still tight to their body, leaning onto his side, Shane still on the edge of the bed brought his arm around the Farmer to hold them close, gently rubbing their arm. They sat like that for a while, Shane’s arm got tired and the Farmer's tears had stopped.

“Hey buddy, why don’t we move a bit, just to get you more comfortable?” The Farmer only nodded, letting Shane move them back to the top of the bed, “do you wanna get under the covers? It’s a little chilly in here,” the Farmer again only nodded letting Shane bring the covers up over them and sat again on the edge of the bed facing the Farmer, “have you been feeling this way for a while?”

Again the Farmer nodded gently stroking their teddy's ears, Shane felt he could barely breathe, the Farmer looking so sad and exhausted, all he could think was that he should’ve come to check on them sooner. Left it to nearly the end of the season while the Farmer has been thinking it is their fault.

“I want you to know you aren’t alone, even if it feels that way,” the Farmer met his eyes and Shane just couldn’t stop thinking how young they look, with the weight of the world on their shoulders and all of the feelings that no one deserves. “I’m here for you buddy, no matter what. There’s nothing that could make me upset with you, you’re one of the most important people in my life.”

The Farmer's eyes welled up with tears, Shane continued, “Let me do what I can for you buddy, nobody deserves to feel the way you are.”

The Farmer moved over in the bed and patted the sheets next to them, Shane kicked his boots off and got onto the bed next to the Farmer, above the covers, the Farmer burrowed under his arm and rested their head on his chest. Quietly spilling tears onto his sweater, Shane rubbed their back.

“Everything is going to be okay sweetheart,” the farmer nodded and blinked up at him, eyelids heavy, “It is getting late isn’t it? Crying always makes me tired.”

The Farmer only brought their teddy to rest between them and snuggled closer, “Why don’t I tell you a story?”

I just converted to Christianity and am having the best time but people keep asking me how i came to Jesus and im too embarrassed to say it was because of a Priest!Jason Todd bot on character ai…

“I don’t understand Hannibal Lecter” k well if the love of my life tracked me down in europe and smiled at me in front of my favorite painting and said he wanted to understand me and that he defined past vs future as before me and after me and talked about how we couldn’t survive separation and then after I saved both of our lives from insane ass mason verger and I carried him bridal style through the cold winter night only for the next day to have him BREAK UP WITH ME and say he didn’t want to think about me anymore…yeah I'd turn myself in too.