The Stories That Heavily Impacted My Views And The Lessons They Taught Me

Discovering My Personal Style

Needless to say, it hasn’t been easy. Lucky for me, I was fortunate not to be influenced by outside forces: aka, the modern world in the form of public school. Because they would have attached stereotypes to me at best and bullied me at worst.

Before puberty, I didn’t really care about my style, because at that point I didn’t even know who I was. I didn’t have a firm grasp on what my likes, dislikes, personal goals and dreams were, and that was fine - it was normal. I was still learning about new things every day.

When puberty did hit and I suddenly started to care, things got confusing fast. For one thing, I went from being an elfin waif to a Germanic/Latina so full of curves the “teen” clothing section was not an option for me. So I turned to thrift store oddities and boys’ clothes… and growing my hair out to Sailor Moon anime lengths. Looking back, I think I knew I wasn’t going to be one of those people that strictly adhered to ever changing fashions, I wanted practicality and comfort, but all while still maintaining my femininity.

Those years, from my early teens to my early twenties, were hard on me, because I didn’t know who I was and what I wanted, so I lacked confidence in myself. Mid twenties weren’t all that helpful either. But between living abroad, working miserable jobs to save up for grad school and of course grad school itself, I didn’t have a lot of time and brainpower to stop and really reflect on what kind of styles felt like me.

And that was the missing piece I wasn’t getting for the longest time; what did I gravitate towards, what aesthetics brought me joy, what styles made me feel the most comfortable to be in my own skin?

Over the years, I think I picked up bits and pieces but didn’t put them together until recently. As a teen I wore boys’ cargo pants all the time. In my early twenties I had lots of tailored blouses. In my mid twenties I finally mastered some makeup techniques. In the past few years I’ve been on a 1940s-1960s vintage kick.

The result is what I think of as “Audrey Hepburn meets Evelyn O'Connell in the 21st century” (with a little Anazen originality thrown in).

So for those of you who are still trying to find your style, don’t feel pressured to do so. I didn’t know what mine was until I hit 30, and to be honest, it might change later! But right now, this is what I like and feel the most comfortable in. And for those that have found a style that doesn’t fit a stereotype; ignore the boxes! Especially if like me, you were worried about how your unique style would cause others to form false opinions of you before they got to know you. That’s not your concern, it’s completely on them. True relationships aren’t about what the other person is wearing.

We live in an age where it is ridiculously easy to experiment with an endless selection of styles and combinations, so it’d be a shame not to find a look that is perfect for you.

I really wish there was a way for me to just have access to all of Starcream’s sassy moments in the IDW comics xD

Why I have no sympathy for men being dumped because of the Barbie movie:

Earlier this evening I was driving on the highway to head to my writers group. I needed to change lanes to get to my exit and proceeded to do so, enjoying the scenic ride. That is until a car horn starts and continues to blast behind me.

I turn to look and a giant truck has appeared behind me (I honestly didn’t see it when I went to turn). And because the truck continued at its breakneck speed (while still blaring its horn at me, causing me to get even more flustered), I had to speed up to avoid getting rammed because another car was already coming up behind me in my original lane. But my car is little and old, and can’t go 0 to 60 in 0.3 seconds, so the truck continued to blast its horn at me the whole time I’m trying not to cause an accident.

I finally make it to my exit without crashing into anyone, but then my stomach sinks as I see the truck now riding my tail as I get off the exit. Now I’m terrified this person is going to ram me out of spite.

The exit joins up to the town road, but you have to yield to oncoming traffic, so I do. The truck then suddenly swerves out from behind me, and as they rush by, the driver and his passenger flip me off as they scream profanities that consist of female slurs (which originally were just plain old words until some man decided to make them curses because they happened to be female centered terms).

Now I’m really shaken up and am forced to drive behind them until the road splits into two. But horror of all horrors, I end up almost right next to them at a red light. I can feel them staring at me and I’m now scared out of my mind.

Thankfully, a police car with its lights and sirens on drove past us, and that seemed to cool the trucktosterones down because they peeled off into the next side street and I didn’t see them again.

All this to say, it’s probably men like these that are getting dumped because of the Barbie movie, and I’M GLAD.

Just a random peeve of mine I discovered:

I think guys that are of average height but lanky with pianist hands, prominent cheekbones, soulful brown eyes, soft tenor voices, and who are studying Neural Engineering shouldn’t be allowed to work at the Genius Bar at Apple stores…at least not when they’re fixing on my malfunctioning iPad.

Seriously, it’s not fair that a guy I would have dreamed up to be the perfect love interest in one of my stories actually shows up in real life.

The bipolar conversations heard when working in a library:

One minute someone is be thanked for making homemade coffee cake-

-and then two seconds later everyone is in a passionate discussion about decapitation vs hanging.

Basically, this is why working in libraries rocks.

“You want me to spend money? Fine! Let’s go spend an insane amount of money!”

“Where are we going?” ^_^

“To a BOOKSTORE!”

“…” -_-

(A man gives me unlimited funds, I’m buying a library)

[This was originally for just Sylus, but I got caught up in the moment and now its kinda dramatic, so this could apply to Rafayel.]

He keeps trying to make us use his black card, but he doesn't understand why we aren't buying expensive jewelry, or fancy clothes.

Instead were using it for mundane shit like groceries.

Then he confronts us on why there are only a few small purchases when he literally has MILLIONS.

"You have an unlimited card, and refuse to use it..."

"No I'm using it."

"Not anything substantial."

"What, food isn't substantial to you? I'm using to pay for amenities so I can save up for the more taxing items."

"I gave it to you so you could use it for the more expensive items! In fact, you could even use it to pay for the 'amenities' and still have enough left over to buy a nice summer home!"

"I don't need a summer home!"

"My point is you could buy anything! Jewelry, name brand clothing, if you want food you could buy from somewhere nicer! Instead I have a purchase on my card for an 'Auntie Anne's Pretzels...?'"

"First off, their Pretzels are amazing. Second, I dont want anything fancy! I can't wear jewelry on the job and have no where else to wear such gaudy clothing, not to mention all of those NaMe BrAnD clothes are ugly!"

"Couldn't you at least try getting more expensive tastes?"

"My expensive tastes are junk food and plushies! I have no need for jewelry or bougie shit like you!"

"You could get a million plushies! Or even a custom cake!"

"I dun wannaaaaa!!! I don't need a million plushies! I don't even have the space for that many- and no I'm not buying a summer home- and why would I get a custom cake if it's not for something special?? What you want me to buy a cake with lattice work and marbling that just says 'Congrats! You got out of bed today!'"

"If that's what you wanted; YES! I have more than enough for you to buy a whole mall!"

"I don't need nor want an entire mall!! I just wanted to buy some beef for stew!!!"

"Not even a steak?"

"No!!"

"Then I'll just buy all of jewelry and clothes for you!"

"I have nothing expensive I want!! I just wanted to have stew!"

He's just pinching the bridge of his nose and trying to calm down. This is not only the first time he's given his card to someone and they not rack up a bill. But also the first time hes gotten THIS upset.

"At the very least, tell me you didn't look at the price."

"I did not-"

"Oh thank the gods!"

"Because I already knew it would less than $100."

He feels like he just got punched in the gut. He has to leave the room and cool off before he comes back, grabs us by the wrist and pulls us outside.

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere expensive."

"But I don't-"

"Sh! Just... Let me have this..."

Finally, an argument I think people will listen to!

this is a very controversial hill i will die on...

Random Autistic Problem

I hate the fact that my brain has moments of “I want to be super productive today”, but then my body gets in the way by insisting I need food even though my stomach doesn’t feel hungry.

So I’m forced to quickly find something filling that I don’t want to eat and choke it down just to get on with the things I do want to do.

Which is annoying because eating certain foods is a stim for me (like the crunch then yield of a well cooked potato wedge). And cooking those good foods takes time and I don’t have the right mindset to make them (they are their own event that I would like to enjoy at a later time when I don’t have the “productive brain” running).

But if I don’t eat something that shuts my stomach up, I can’t concentrate on anything.

WHY BRAIN WHY?!?!

Ah, Steve. How are you doing without your favorite second in command right now? Especially considering Dreadwing doesn't have as nearly nice legs as Starscream does ;)

What learning to accept and accommodate my autism looks like at the this very moment:

Sitting in an airport bathroom stall (not actually using the toilet) for about 15 minutes to decompress from the flight/preparing to enter the fray once more, and telling myself I have the right to sit here for as long as I need to.

I HAVE THE RIGHT STUPID NT PROGRAMING I WILL SIT HERE AS LONG AS I NEED TO AND NOT FEEL LIKE IM DOING SOMETHING WRONG BY STAYING IN A STALL THIS LONG