I Will Say This For Dune, It’s Gotten Some Pretty Sweet Cover Designs Over The Years

Dear Creators of Female Protagonists

I have a favor to ask, especially those of you who create historical fiction and fantasies that take place in worlds that are based on pre-modern time periods…

Stop making your girls slim, skinny, waifish, lanky, lean, scrawny, angular, gangly, thin, and then have them complain about it.

I appreciate the fact you are acknowledging that in older times, being thin was not desired to the point it is now. That in those times, women with curves, ample chests, and round bottoms were more highly sought after and being thin meant you were malnutritioned and thus, not as desirable. 

I get that you want the girls to be relatable, and who hasn’t lamented over their body not being the current ideal of beauty. 

But for girls like me, who have lots of curves, ample chests, and round bottoms, when your female protagonist is thin and she complains about it, it’s like a slap in the face for me. 

Because it feels like the toxic message of being skin and bones thin has permeated even the worlds where I go to escape negative body image themes. That even there, with the female protagonist I’m supposed to relate to and go on this journey with, has something I’ve been brainwashed into desiring but can never attain, and she has the nerve to whine about it - it drives me insane.

So do me a favor and make a female protagonist who is full of curves and have her be proud of it. Have someone - herself or other characters in the story - note her ample assets and remark how attractive she is. Put her flaws and insecurities in some other part of herself. Make her curvy figure something she is confident about.

In fact, make it a point to create girls with all sorts of body types.

Make them with small chests and wide hips. Make their bosom ample and the rest of the figure straight. Make them tall and built like bricks. Make them petite with very round bottoms.

Make them a unique individual.

If we are ever going to make any strides in teaching girls to love the bodies they were born with, then we need to start with worlds they visit to escape reality. Because if the majority of fictional girls are portrayed as having one body type, then what’s the point of fantasy?

I just had a brilliant thought:

Anyone who saw the Derry Girls on GBBO and thought it was awesome...

WE NEED A MARVEL CAST VERSION OF THAT.

Can you just imagine some of those people in the tent?!

Even if we can only get the Brits; I would pay good money to see Tom Holland, Tom Hiddleton, Benedict Cumberbatch, Martin Freeman, Karen Gillan, Letitia Wright, Hayley Atwell, and Paul Bettany trying to make victoria spounges.

One weekend, that’s all I’m asking for.

Being AuDHD means I have sensitivity when it comes to food. To the point where growing up I was considered (in a negative way) to be a picky eater. To the point where I was shamed and borderline traumatized for it.

I also grew up in a household that insisted that no food should go to waste. That meant tons of tiny portions being saved in the fridge (should also be noted that leftovers give me the ick for reasons I can’t articulate - and now I realize I have no obligation to do so). It also meant food that was bought on a whim would stay in the house for YEARS.

As an adult, it’s taken me quite a bit of time to realize that just because something was done a certain way in my parents house, does not mean that I, as a grown adult with her own home, have to do it that way as well.

Which means, if I went out of my way to treat myself to stuff from Trader Joe’s (which is quite a feat given where my nearest stores are located and the very poor parking situations each one has), and got a bunch of food there but ended up either getting an upset stomach from it or just not liking how it tasted, I am under no obligation to keep said food.

Did I end up wasting money on that trip? Yes. Did I end up wasting food because of it? Yes. But is it my obligation to keep said food in the house despite the fact that I’m the only person living there and will never eat it? No. And should I feel guilty for throwing it away? Maybe a little? But only for a few minutes. Because it’s certainly not something I should lose sleep over. Of all the moral conundrums going on in my life, this one should not be causing me anxiety, especially when I have so many other things I get to be anxious about.

Part of my ND healing journey is about learning to be kinder to myself, because I’ve spent my life trying to be accommodating to people’s perspective on how I should live MY LIFE.

I’ve been made to feel that MY WANTS, MY NEEDS, are not correct and thus not acceptable. That I shouldn’t be allowed to listen to my body and make decisions based on what it tells me, even if those choices seem wrong to someone else.

My life, my rules.

And as long as I’m not putting myself or someone else in danger, people should just accept that and BACK OFF.

Discovering My Personal Style

Needless to say, it hasn’t been easy. Lucky for me, I was fortunate not to be influenced by outside forces: aka, the modern world in the form of public school. Because they would have attached stereotypes to me at best and bullied me at worst.

Before puberty, I didn’t really care about my style, because at that point I didn’t even know who I was. I didn’t have a firm grasp on what my likes, dislikes, personal goals and dreams were, and that was fine - it was normal. I was still learning about new things every day.

When puberty did hit and I suddenly started to care, things got confusing fast. For one thing, I went from being an elfin waif to a Germanic/Latina so full of curves the “teen” clothing section was not an option for me. So I turned to thrift store oddities and boys’ clothes… and growing my hair out to Sailor Moon anime lengths. Looking back, I think I knew I wasn’t going to be one of those people that strictly adhered to ever changing fashions, I wanted practicality and comfort, but all while still maintaining my femininity.

Those years, from my early teens to my early twenties, were hard on me, because I didn’t know who I was and what I wanted, so I lacked confidence in myself. Mid twenties weren’t all that helpful either. But between living abroad, working miserable jobs to save up for grad school and of course grad school itself, I didn’t have a lot of time and brainpower to stop and really reflect on what kind of styles felt like me.

And that was the missing piece I wasn’t getting for the longest time; what did I gravitate towards, what aesthetics brought me joy, what styles made me feel the most comfortable to be in my own skin?

Over the years, I think I picked up bits and pieces but didn’t put them together until recently. As a teen I wore boys’ cargo pants all the time. In my early twenties I had lots of tailored blouses. In my mid twenties I finally mastered some makeup techniques. In the past few years I’ve been on a 1940s-1960s vintage kick.

The result is what I think of as “Audrey Hepburn meets Evelyn O'Connell in the 21st century” (with a little Anazen originality thrown in).

So for those of you who are still trying to find your style, don’t feel pressured to do so. I didn’t know what mine was until I hit 30, and to be honest, it might change later! But right now, this is what I like and feel the most comfortable in. And for those that have found a style that doesn’t fit a stereotype; ignore the boxes! Especially if like me, you were worried about how your unique style would cause others to form false opinions of you before they got to know you. That’s not your concern, it’s completely on them. True relationships aren’t about what the other person is wearing.

We live in an age where it is ridiculously easy to experiment with an endless selection of styles and combinations, so it’d be a shame not to find a look that is perfect for you.

10 songs I love (in no particular order)

Tagged by my bestie @a-lighthouse-a-man-a-city

1) Ai no Melody by KOKIA

2) Stay for Awhile by Amy Grant

3) No Culture by Mother Mother

4) Marian the Librarian from The Music Man

5) No Light, No Light by Florence + The Machine

6) I’ll Set You Free by The Bangles

7) Recuérdame by Natalia Lafourcade

8) (If You’re Not in it for Love) I’m Outta Here by Shania Twain

9) Memories by Within Temptation

10) Shoot Him Down! by Alice Francis

STORY TIME:

I work in a decent sized, local, indie bookstore. It’s a great job 99% of the time and a lot of our customers are pretty neat people. Any who, middle of the day this little old lady comes up. She’s lovably kooky. She effuses how much she loves the store and how she wishes she could spend more time in it but her husband is waiting in the car (OH! I BETTER BUY HIM SOME CHOCOLATE!), she piles a bunch of art supplies on the counter and then stops and tells me how my bangs are beautiful and remind her of the ocean (“Wooooosh” she says, making a wave gesture with her hand)

Ok. I think to myself. Awesomely happy, weird little old ladies are my favorite kind of customer. They’re thrilled about everything and they’re comfortably bananas. I can have a good time with this one. So we chat and it’s nice.

Then this kid, who’s been up my counter a few times to gather his school textbooks, comes up in line behind her (we’re connected to a major university in the city so we have a lot of harried students pass through). She turns around to him and, out of nowhere, demands that he put his textbooks on the counter. He’s confused but she explains that she’s going to buy his textbooks.

He goes sheetrock white. He refuses and adamantly insists that she can’t do that. It’s like, $400 worth of textbooks. She, this tiny old woman, bodily takes them out of her hands, throws them on the counter and turns to me with a intense stare and tells me to put them on her bill. The kid at this point is practically in tears. He’s confused and shocked and grateful. Then she turns to him and says “you need chocolate.” She starts grabbing handfuls of chocolates and putting them in her pile.

He keeps asking her “why are you doing this?” She responds “Do you like Harry Potter?“ and throws a copy of the new Cursed Child on the pile too.

Finally she’s done and I ring her up for a crazy amount of money. She pays and asks me to please give the kid a few bags for his stuff. While I’m bagging up her merchandise the kid hugs her. We’re both telling her how amazing she is and what an awesome thing she’s done. She turns to both of us and says probably one of the most profound, unscripted things I’ve ever had someone say:

"It’s important to be kind. You can’t know all the times that you’ve hurt people in tiny, significant ways. It’s easy to be cruel without meaning to be. There’s nothing you can do about that. But you can choose to be kind. Be kind.”

The kid thanks her again and leaves. I tell her again how awesome she is. She’s staring out the door after him and says to me: “My son is a homeless meth addict. I don’t know what I did. I see that boy and I see the man my son could have been if someone had chosen to be kind to him at just the right time.”

I’ve bagged up all her stuff and at this point am super awkward and feel like I should say something but I don’t know what. Then she turns to me and says: I wish I could have bangs like that but my darn hair is just too curly.“ And leaves.

And that is the story of the best customer I’ve ever had. Be kind to somebody today.

Tell Shonda you want more scenes of Nicola

https://chng.it/9W2rWwgjHY

Done! I don’t know how much better those deleted scenes are but fingers crossed this at least gets the message across that fans aren’t happy.

My fictional crush types

While I was working on my writing, I suddenly realized my first crushes have colored all my other crushes over the years. To the point that each of my main writing projects features a love interest that is influenced by said first crushes.

So, naturally, I had to sort them out. For reference purposes.

Ah, Steve. How are you doing without your favorite second in command right now? Especially considering Dreadwing doesn't have as nearly nice legs as Starscream does ;)

Wanted to see how this works. (P.S. fave character on TFP)