Being AuDHD Means I Have Sensitivity When It Comes To Food. To The Point Where Growing Up I Was Considered

Tagged by @a-lighthouse-a-man-a-city (Thanks! I always have fun doing these :3 )

The rules: describe your personality with 4 characters (from books, movies or series)

1. Belle (Beauty and the Beast 1991)

2. Evie Carnahan (The Mummy)

3. Makoto Kino, AKA Sailor Jupiter (Sailor Moon)

4. Veralidaine 'Daine' Sarrasri (The Immortals book series)

What part of...

... “I don’t want kids,” does no one understand?

Seriously, I am getting so sick of having to reiterate myself to people when I tell them I don’t want kids and they insist I’ll change my mind. 

I especially find it strange that they never ask about whether I want to get married (and they most certainly never think of the implications if I were to marry a woman - which for the record, I am straight, but I’m assuming that they’re assuming that even if I was gay I would find a way to have kids anyway).

It just makes me wonder if men ever have to deal with this or if it’s purely sexual stereotyping on women, even though we are in the 21st century.

So let me make it clear: just because I am a woman and I do want to get married someday does not mean I want to have kids.

Nor, in this advanced and liberated and non-apocalyptic (meaning there’s not a shortage of human beings populating the Earth) should it still be assumed/encouraged/pressured upon by women to have kids at all! In an age of casual sex, pro-choice, and lack of a zombie breakout, why is it that people assume that all women will want to have kids? (apparently regardless of whether or not they state they want to get married or what their sexual orientation is, as I mentioned earlier).

Personally, I don’t want kids. And to be clear, it’s not because I hate them. 

I actually do like kids and in my chosen field of work, I interact with a lot of them on a daily basis. But just because I like kids and I’m good with them shouldn’t mean that I automatically want any of my own.

For me, having kids would mean giving up all of my dreams. I have plans and goals and aspirations: for my art, my writing, and my career. 

I know myself well enough to understand that I put 200% of my energy into the things that matter to me. Which means for me, if I were to have kids, I would be devoting all of my time to them, leaving no room for my art, my writing, or my career.

And I don’t want that.

Which might sound selfish, but am I really being selfish to hypothetical kids that don’t even exist?

Yes, I want to create art and literature and environments where children can learn, grow, and be inspired by, but that shouldn’t mean that I need to have any of my own.

Somehow, it seems that declaring you don’t want kids is something that must be rectified by those around you (and yet, declaring you never want to get married isn’t as looked down upon).

Now, to be fair, most of the interactions I’ve had that inspired this was with generations older than me and primarily those people were from... certain areas of the country. But I’ve still had people from all over tell me I’ll change my mind and that just irks me to no end.

In conclusion...

I DON’T WANT KIDS AND IT’S WRONG OF PEOPLE TO TRY AND PRESSURE ME INTO CHANGING MY MIND!

So am I the only one who’s had this problem or are there other people out there that are just as fed up as I am?

Complaint of Online Dating Number Infinity.5

Do all women have to suffer through dudes who swipe right but then never contact said woman they swiped right on?

Or, as my growingly more pessimistic self thinks, are these dudes focusing all their time and energy on conventionally attractive women and keeping women like me (not conventionally attractive) on the sidelines because their reasoning is: “she’s plain, so she’s probably desperate, and thus, she’ll wait with bated breath for me.”

Well, guess what you sacks of dead baby birds, I AINT WAITING!

Personally, I find it funny that despite loving costume and fashion design, the most expensive and only top name brand piece I have in my wardrobe is: a Calvin Klein winter coat I bought for around $100, plus tax, but minus a random percentage coupon.

Some of my favorite posts here on Tumblr:

I will say this for Dune, it’s gotten some pretty sweet cover designs over the years

My fictional crush types

While I was working on my writing, I suddenly realized my first crushes have colored all my other crushes over the years. To the point that each of my main writing projects features a love interest that is influenced by said first crushes.

So, naturally, I had to sort them out. For reference purposes.

Yu-Gi-Oh! Dark Side of Dimensions Movie Reaction!

My nostalgic heart is all a flutter from seeing Yu-Gi-Oh! The Dark Side of Dimensions!!!

Whenever I look back on the original series, I can’t help but laugh at how cheesy (and so easy to make fun of) it was. Everything was so dramatized, despite the fact that all the fights were centered around and settled by playing a children’s card game.

But watching YGO DSD brought back those excited and heart pounding feelings I got when I first watched the series and began collecting the trading cards.

It rekindled my admiration and awe of animation, the childlike glee from obvious but still humorous lines, and most importantly, the ups and downs of watching an epic story unfold and holding your breath with the characters as fights get down to the last wire.

In the back of your mind you know it has to turn out but you don’t know exactly how and you’re at the edge of your seat waiting for it to come but at the same time never wanting it to end.

But the story does end (in a way), though I wasn’t left feeling disappointed. I don’t know what it is about Japanese stories but somehow whenever a favorite series of mine ends, I’m not angry or sad. I simply feel...content. And that is the mark of a truly great story to me. A story that you enjoyed experiencing to its fullest and even when it ends, you are left with a sense of satisfaction, because you know the memories of experiencing the story are more important than it coming to an end.

So when I left the theater after seeing YGO DSD, I felt light again, like the carefree kid I was when I first discovered YGO. If it wasn’t for the YGO franchise, I never would have gotten into writing or drawing. So thank you, Takahashi-sama, for creating a series that sparked my imagination and continues to inspire me!

And now onto total silliness to lighten up the mood!

SPOILER ALERT!

While I was pretty happy to see that Kaiba finally got his chance to face the Pharaoh again, I can’t help but think Atem isn’t going to be wearing that smirk for very long...

Several weeks after Kaiba’s first visit...

Kaiba: *bursting into the throne room* PHARAOH! FACE ME IN A DUEL!

Atem: *groaning* Oh, dear gods, not you again! Haven’t you had enough yet?

Kaiba: No! I will not leave until I defeat you once and for all!

Atem: *sighing* Fine. Let’s get this over with.

Approximately thirty minutes later...

*Kaiba in the lead with 8000 life points while Atem only has 100*

Kaiba: *thinking to himself* Something isn’t right here. This whole time the pharaoh has done nothing to defend his life points or make a move on mine. What’s his game? Is this part of some ultimate strategy that involves letting his life points almost reach zero and thus enabling him to wipe me out in one move? Does he have a card that can do that?! Is there a card that can do that?!?!?

Atem: Kaiba, would you just hurry up and destroy the rest of my life points already? If we don’t end this soon I’m going to be late for my weekly council meeting.

Kaiba: Wait a minute...you’ve been letting me win on purpose! You haven’t been trying at all!

Atem: Look, would you just take the win and leave me alone, already? I’ve got a country to run and your constant visits are disrupting my schedule.

Kaiba: This is unacceptable, Pharaoh! I will not leave until I beat you in a duel!

Atem: Now see here; the first few duels were enjoyable, I admit. But now it’s just gotten tedious and it’s only because I’m a good guy that I haven’t Mind Crushed you already (and because Yugi wold probably come after me in a righteous fury for resorting to my YGO Zero days). Look, why not travel further back in time to when I was a kid? You should have no trouble defeating me then.

Kaiba: Because that’s not the same thing! Now duel me properly!

Atem: Gods, I hope Bakura attacks the palace soon...

The Stories that Heavily Impacted My Views and the Lessons they Taught Me

I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts and videos that have been talking about how stories, whether they be in film or literary media (or even video games!), have made huge impacts that stay with people for the rest of their lives.

So it got me wondering; what stories did that for me?

Now understand, for me, these aren’t the stories that I would consider my all time favorites, though I would rank them in the top tiers. These aren’t the stories that I go to in order to have a good time and escape from the world. Rather, these are the fictional stories that have helped me grasp lessons that I probably wouldn’t have learned had someone just tried to shove them down my throat. And because of that, they give me a personal goal to aspire to as someone who wants to be a teller of impacting stories. 

(As you can see, I couldn’t pick just one form of media.)

Novel - A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett

Lesson: That there is great power in kindness, empathy, and imagination. The world around us can be cruel and unforgiving, but that does not mean you should bend with it. To be a better person is difficult, especially when life gets hard, but there are those that have it worse and one is never too destitute to help someone else. And all it takes is a little imagination.

Graphic Novel - The Courtney Crumrin series by Ted Naifeh 

Lesson: That our desires, needs, and even well meaning actions, have consequences. In fact, everything that involves choice has consequences. Some are good, some are bad, but you can’t escape right now or years down the road that they will shape life in ways that cannot be changed. But we don’t have to be in this chaotic mess alone. We can choose to find and keep people close to us to help make facing the consequences a little easier.

Film - Laputa: Castle in the Sky by Studio Ghibli

Lesson: That there is nothing wrong with having dreams so wildly out there they could be considered fantasy. Dreaming big is what has pushed humanity to the point where it is now and it will continue to traverse boundaries. That being said, we should not let those dreams become so all encompassing that we forget what it means to be human; to be able to love and see the beauty around us. Yes, it is good to dream of impossibilities that stretch beyond the sky, but it is also equally important to plant roots in the ground we stand on.

STORY TIME:

I work in a decent sized, local, indie bookstore. It’s a great job 99% of the time and a lot of our customers are pretty neat people. Any who, middle of the day this little old lady comes up. She’s lovably kooky. She effuses how much she loves the store and how she wishes she could spend more time in it but her husband is waiting in the car (OH! I BETTER BUY HIM SOME CHOCOLATE!), she piles a bunch of art supplies on the counter and then stops and tells me how my bangs are beautiful and remind her of the ocean (“Wooooosh” she says, making a wave gesture with her hand)

Ok. I think to myself. Awesomely happy, weird little old ladies are my favorite kind of customer. They’re thrilled about everything and they’re comfortably bananas. I can have a good time with this one. So we chat and it’s nice.

Then this kid, who’s been up my counter a few times to gather his school textbooks, comes up in line behind her (we’re connected to a major university in the city so we have a lot of harried students pass through). She turns around to him and, out of nowhere, demands that he put his textbooks on the counter. He’s confused but she explains that she’s going to buy his textbooks.

He goes sheetrock white. He refuses and adamantly insists that she can’t do that. It’s like, $400 worth of textbooks. She, this tiny old woman, bodily takes them out of her hands, throws them on the counter and turns to me with a intense stare and tells me to put them on her bill. The kid at this point is practically in tears. He’s confused and shocked and grateful. Then she turns to him and says “you need chocolate.” She starts grabbing handfuls of chocolates and putting them in her pile.

He keeps asking her “why are you doing this?” She responds “Do you like Harry Potter?“ and throws a copy of the new Cursed Child on the pile too.

Finally she’s done and I ring her up for a crazy amount of money. She pays and asks me to please give the kid a few bags for his stuff. While I’m bagging up her merchandise the kid hugs her. We’re both telling her how amazing she is and what an awesome thing she’s done. She turns to both of us and says probably one of the most profound, unscripted things I’ve ever had someone say:

"It’s important to be kind. You can’t know all the times that you’ve hurt people in tiny, significant ways. It’s easy to be cruel without meaning to be. There’s nothing you can do about that. But you can choose to be kind. Be kind.”

The kid thanks her again and leaves. I tell her again how awesome she is. She’s staring out the door after him and says to me: “My son is a homeless meth addict. I don’t know what I did. I see that boy and I see the man my son could have been if someone had chosen to be kind to him at just the right time.”

I’ve bagged up all her stuff and at this point am super awkward and feel like I should say something but I don’t know what. Then she turns to me and says: I wish I could have bangs like that but my darn hair is just too curly.“ And leaves.

And that is the story of the best customer I’ve ever had. Be kind to somebody today.