I'd Like To Share A Few Pre-odyssey Stories From Odysseus's Life That I Think Are Fun.

Grannyfucker if you will

Not saying grandmotherfucker is straight up ageism

errands for mom

I refuse to believe anyone actually has a visceral reaction of disgust to pineapple on pizza. As far as “weird foods” go that’s one of the most tame examples and pineapple is probably the least offensive fruit to put in a savory dish. Pineapple antis are on some performative shit like the people who pretend to be really uncomfortable with the word “moist”

You know. While I do appreciate the headcannon that Odysseus and Penelope had absolutely sick nasty sex as soon as he got home, my opinion is actually that they went straight to bed and slept through the night and well into the next day, getting the best sleep either of them has gotten in 20 years.

Because like. We know why Odysseus would need to rest finally after being in the Trojan war and then being hunted by gods and monsters for the next ten years.

But Penelope.

Penelope was home. Waiting, and then she was told the Trojan war is over and Odysseus should be home any day. And then months passed and then that turned to years. And now suitors are claiming her husband is dead and she needs to choose someone else. And at first they’re polite about it but then they grow increasingly…not so polite about it.

Odysseus was battling monsters, yes. But Penelope lived with them. I imagine she spent every night sleeping lightly, knife in hand and facing her bedroom door—maybe not sleeping at all. She wouldn’t be able to stop all of them but she wouldn’t go down without a fight.

And nearly ten years passes like that.

And then Odysseus finally makes it back and all the suitors are dead. Yeah, fucking him is nice but holy shit she needs to fucking sleep.

you go to college and no one wants to play warrior cats anymore. bitch we need to take back sunningrocks.

"you sound smart" that's because i've spent years doing academic writing to the point that it's my default cadence plus or minus the use of profanity as a tone indicator

"you sound stupid" that's because i'm dumb as fuck

And he drank it all

"Odysseus" showed us how much Ody has truly changed.

He's compared to almost all monsters in the musical during that one song.

His name's chanting is the same as Polyphemus', and he acts a little like him when he decides to kill everyone.

Po - ly - phe - mus ("Enough")

O - dy - sse - us ("I. Have had. Enough")

He aims for the torches just like Scylla.

"Eurylochus, light up six torches"

"Keep your head down he's aiming for the torches"

He rejected forgivness just like Poseidon did.

"Maybe you could learn to forgive..."

"No"

"Old king our leader's dead. You've destroyed the serpent's head. Now the rest of us are no longer a threat. Old king forgive us instead, so that no more blood is shed. Let's have open arms instead!"

"No."

Also, there's an electric guitar in the song. It represents Odysseus' cunning and ruthless nature.

He IS a monster. But that's what got him home. And he'll embrace this side of him.

why y'all so obsessed with helping a man grow? go grow a plant sis