If I Were Stuck In A Haunted House And I Was With A Serial Killer, You’d Best Know I’d Cling To That

girls don’t want boyfriends, girls want their fatal flaw, a morbid longing for the picturesque, to cause them to snap because “what could be more terrifying and beautiful to souls like the Greeks or our own, than to lose control completely?”

I need Ambessa Medarda to reach up my vagina and tickle my ovaries

Not the full government name 😭🙏

Henry Winter is so real because if I were him and I just woke up from a devastating headache of a nap and I see Edmund going through my stuff, reading MY diary, I would also smack the living shit out of him.

Now the people “carrying” tiktok will be British people. Which is doom because we all know British people are lifelessly unfunny. Canadians better step up

—Fyodor Dostoevsky

Girls when they turn 11

the most fun a girl can have is finding parallels, noticing patterns, making connections, contemplating

𝔪𝔦𝔰𝔠𝔥𝔦𝔢𝔳𝔬𝔲𝔰 𝔪𝔦𝔰𝔣𝔦𝔱𝔰

My fatass cat if you even care

I myself have been learning mandarin for a couple years and now I can finally put it to good use and communicate with the Chinese president, the Chinese government, Chinese spies, China as a concept, and the Chinese people. I will be sending letters to the legislators in full mandarin, and if that’s too hard for them to understand, I’ll write them in pinyin, posing as a Chinese lawyer, and I will talk about Chinese things to infect their little fragile brains with ai generated images of Jesus and Xi Jinping shaking hands, which they are bound to believe because at the end of the day, the government is just a rich nursing home for Facebook users

My true yearning for tea has just made me spasmodically swallow an entire teapot full of tea in front of my D&D campaign