Why Didn’t I Know This Five Years Ago

all the Hogwarts professors joining together to absolutely roast Lockhart rb if you agree

Rhodes [walking into Tony’s workshop]: “You look like garbage.”

Tony: “Good to see you too, pal.”

Rhodes: “Seriously man, when’s the last time you slept?”

Tony [looking at his watch]: “It’s almost one fifty-six, so… about two days ago.”

Rhodes: “Tones.”

Tony: “I just need to finish this last addition to the suit and then–”

Rhodes: “I thought we talked about this… I thought this was getting better. I thought you were taking a break from the Avengers.”

Tony: “It was–it is… the suit isn’t for me. And he’s not technically an Avenger yet.”

Rhodes: “Do you have some sidekick I’m not aware of? Because I swear on your grave Tony I will sidekick his ass.”

Tony: “Come on buddy, you know you’re my number one. Besides, he’s like fifteen. I think that’s a felony.”

Rhodes [eyebrow raised]: “Hold on–is this that kid from Germany?”

Tony: “You mean that teenage pain in my ass that enjoys doing exactly what I say not to do? Yes. Seriously, if my friends would’ve pulled half the shit this kid pulled, we would not be friends anymore.”

Rhodes: “So… why are you still hanging around him?”

Tony [sighing]: “Because for some reason, my patience for him has not gone down one bit… I don’t get it–I don’t like it… it makes me feel weak that I can’t not like this kid even a little. I feel like he could be stabbing me and I’d still be proud of him. He’s just… he’s a good kid, Rhodes.”

Rhodes: 

Rhodes [laughing]: “Jesus Christ.”

Tony: “What?”

Rhodes [still laughing]: “I didn’t know that I’d live to see the day you turned into a dad.”

Tony:

Tony: “That’s not–I’m just making sure he doesn’t get himself killed.”

Rhodes: “Uh-huh.”

F.R.I.D.A.Y. : “Sir, incoming call from Peter Park–”

Tony: “Answer call.”

Tony [eyes wide as Peter’s hologram face appears]: “Hey, Pete. Shouldn’t you be at Decathalon practice or something?”

Peter: “Hi Mr. Stark! I know you said this number was for emergencies–”

Tony [already reaching for his suit]: “Is something wrong? What’s going on? Peter, talk to me.”

Peter: “No! I mean–nothing’s wrong. Nothing life or death, anyway. I just, there’s some math problems that I was having problems with and May said all she remembered from calculus was her weird professor that always offered her gum.”

Tony:

Tony: “Kid, don’t scare me like that.”

Peter [sheepishly]: “Sorry. I know this is stupid, I just knew you were good at math and… sorry.”

Tony: “Save the apologies for when you actually need to give them. You know you can swing by whenever and Rhodey’s here so he can help you too. He’s not as smart as me, but he’ll try his best.”

Peter: “Awesome! Thank you Mr. Stark! And Mr. Rhodes!”

Tony: “Don’t sweat it. I’ll see you soon. End call.” 

Rhodes [in a terrible Tony impression]: “I’m just making sure he doesn’t get himself killed.“

Tony: 

Tony: 

Tony: “Whatever.”

Ma-ia hi

Ma-ia ho

Ma-ia ha

Ma-ia ha ha

Beware

✨the soul gazing experience✨

THINGS IN ENDGAME (SPOILERS!!!)

-Jesus Christ that first scene with Clint punched me in the throat

-how aggressive nebula was playing games with tony

- The way nebula helped tony up into his seat :,)

- “only a little bit sadistic”

- the cinematography in the moment where Tony lays down and the galaxy is behind him my god

- “I lost the kid” STOP IT RIGHT NOW

- rocket?? Or Build a bear???

- did rdj lose weight for that first section of the film or am I just tripping?

-anyone else find it funny that thanos suddenly became a cook with a nice little home and garden????

- the rest of this list will definitely be all over the place because I can’t remember the order of things happening #soz

-I really liked how they included that LGBTQ+ relationship in that support group that Steve was in.

-Steve saying something really sweet (can’t remember the exact words but it was something along the lines of ‘you took the jump not knowing how far you’d fall’??? Or something??? Sorry I’m awful)

-Clint really does own my ass

-That scene where he was in Tokyo holy shit I would die for him

-“don’t give me hope” “I’m sorry I couldn’t give it to you sooner”

-Natasha crying after cutting a peanut butter sandwich is a MOOD

-NATASHA DOESNT GIVE UP STEVE OFCOURSE IT NEEDS TO BE DONE

- !!make that rat president 2020!!

-Scott is a cutie until you realise how much those past five years (hours for him) must’ve screwed with his mind.

-The way he searches the plaques 😥😥😥😥

- Time machine jokes

-Back to the future jokes

-Scott rushing to eat Nats sandwich

-CLINT LEANING AGAINST THE DOOR, FUCK ME WITH A RAKE

-HIS TATTOOS. I WANT THAT SHOT TO BE TATTOOED ON MY FACE

- Bruce the celeb

-“SAY GREEN! GREEN! Did you get that?” MY FUCKING GOD I LOVE HIM

-Scott feeling embarrassed that the kids don’t know who he is

- “look he’s even shaking his head” SCOTT

-I love this so much

-THOR🤯PLAYS🤯FORTNITE🤯

-ngl I’m Thor. I love beer. But shit…that belly.

-props to the prosthetics team for making that body suit look so realistic

-The way he walks into the avengers headquarters with his sunglasses on hahahaha

-HULK EATING BEN AND JERRIES IS ALSO A MOOD

-Scott being the test run for the whole time travelling stuff was such a good scene

-and then when Scott’s taco gets blown away:( but then Bruce gives him another one :,)

-“is he asleep?” “No, he’s dead” HAHA

-That scene with them all walking together big oof vibe

-Oh I forgot to say how amazing both Carols and Natasha’s hair is like damn ladies

-SEEING THE FIRST AVENGERS ASSEMBLE SEQUENCE OH MY GOD I SOBBED

-hulk being embarrassed

-hulk trying to get angry

-nebula and Rhodes watching Quill dance

-“this is the part where blades come out with skeletons on the end”

-nebula sacrificing her hand to get the stone :,) character development

-Thanos has a small dick for hurting nebula in both versions of her

-Felt weird seeing Gamora from before she became good??

-Bruce and the ancient one talking, I just really like that whole dynamic

-Tony as the security guard omfg

-LOKI BABY

-HAIL FUCKING HYDRA BABY

-STEVE VS STEVE BABYYYYY

-AMERICAS ASS BABYYYYYYYYY 😏😏😏

-Steve And tony going back in time again

-Tony and his dad. So sweet. Him talking about Morgan with him

-OH MY GODNI MISSED OUT A POINT ABOUT MORGAN

-SO BASICALLY IM IN LOVE WITH DAD!TONY AND I LOOOOVEEE YOUUUU 3000 IS THE CUTEST SHIT IVE EVER HEARD

-Steve seeing Peggy :((

-I’m here for the whole ‘Judging-Tony’s-Beard’ thing

-Clint and Natasha…. I don’t wanna talk about this yet :(

-Thor and his mums interaction. Cute. The whole thing about being a failure and feeling like you need to be more is super super relatable idk I just felt very much like Thor in that scene

-okay I’m ready to talk about Clint and Natasha now. So basically I think Natasha died a heroes death. She was so ready to sacrifice herself for the greater good. What made it fuckin hurt though was the fact that Clint was ready to die because he didn’t want to see Natasha go through that death. He wanted to protect her. He even says later on ‘it should have been me’. So I think Natasha would be proud, but Clints gonna have to live with the memory of seeing his best friend die without being able to do anything about it.

- That whole thing about making sure her death was worth it uGH

-also Thor’s denial…. yeah. Same here bud.

-Thor begging Tony to let him do this one good thing :( I was sad :( super sad yall

-genuinely thought Bruce was about to die when he put the glove on

-THANOS IS A GIANT TWAT

-HULK ROCKET AND RHODES ALL HELPING EACHOTHER OUT

-Scott being the real hero out here again

-the fight

-holy shit the fight

-StEVE BEING ABLE TO USE THORS HAMMER

-“I knew it!!!”

-That whole sequence of him using the shield and the hammer. My thighs were trembling bitch.

-THEN WHEN YOU HEAR SAM AND THEN THE YELLOW RING AND EVERYONE FUCKING ARRIVES

-PETER MY BABY BOY YOU DID SO GOOD SWOOPING IN THEN

-DOCTOR STRANGE U HOT STUFF

-PEPPER HOLY SHIT

-EVERYTHING HAPPENED SO FAST

-BUCKY

-THE WASP

-VALKYRIE

-EVERYONEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

-OMG WANDA WAS SUCH A BADASS

-THE TRANSFER OF THE GLOVE WAS SO GOOD AND THE WAY PETERS INSTANT KILL THING HAPPENED UGH SO GOOD

-DOCTOR STRANGE CONTROLLING THAT WATER DAMNNN

-THE FUCKING HUG BETWEEN PETER AND TONY DESTROYED ME. I LEGIT SOBBED OUT LOUD.

-“Hey Peter Parker. You got something for me?”

-THE GIRLS LINING UP SENT CHILLS DOWN MY SPINE

-and now for the sad part my dudes

-doctor strange pointing one finger up. Tony knew. He just knew what he had to do.

-“I am iron man” YES YOU ARE.

-Peter sobbing “we won. Mr stark. We won. I’m sorry”

-Pepper coming to comfort Tony oh fuck i cried

-THE TAPE

-“I LOVE YOU 3000” IS WHAT IM GONNA GET TATTOOED ON ME OK

-“proof that Tony Stark has a heart” wow okay. Hit me deep then why don’t u

-the one shot of everyone at the funeral was so beautiful I loved it

-“your dad used to love cheeseburgers…. I’m gonna buy you all the cheeseburgers in the world” oh my god

-the goodbye between Steve and Bucky was perfect. I don’t care what you say. Bucky knew what was going to happen. And he allowed it because he knew Steve would be happy for a very long time.

-Sams panic because he thought he wouldn’t see Steve again :(

-Sam being given the shield :D

-Damn the prosthetics are so good in this film. Like Steve looked old but you could still see it was him. Which sounds dumb but so often, movies make it way too unrealistic to prove someone has aged. This did it just right.

-The ending scene wow. Beautiful.

-THE CREDITS WITH THE ORIGINALS AND THEIR SIGNATURES OOF!!!

-we all waited til the end of the credits just to be hit in the heart with the sound of Tony building his iron man suit.

-well thanks for going through this list :))

Preach

I will not even lie, I get a sick enjoyment out of seeing the passing Tony anti hate on Endgame. (And this is the only acknowledgment I will even pay this hateful subgroup ever again.) 

But, like, damn. Tony died, which you think would make these maladjusted types jizz themselves because half of them are the kind of sadistic weirdos who make fun of child abuse and stuff, but they’re too busy being entitled babies to enjoy hardly anything about the film except some surface-level flair. 

One of the biggest box office hits of all time and y’all are that salty, huh? One of the most positively received comic book films of all time made you that mad, huh? How’s it feel losing again? 

Tony went out the literal Savior of the Universe. He might be dead, but, he went out with a memorable bang. Tony fans are sad, but we’re thriving. We’re so proud of our man for being THE REAL HERO. 

In short period of time they were stranded together on an alien spaceship Tony managed to get Nebula to open up without fear of being punished for it, he put a band-aid on years and years of horrors Thanos made her endure. She was always compassionate and had a great potential for good, but with Thanos she was too afraid to show it and was bullied into feeling the constant desire to live up to his expectations. 

Tony made her feel she was good enough, he did not treat her like a weapon, he was not afraid of her and she knew she had his complete and utter trust. 

Nebula helped him greatly on the spaceship and was a terrific companion, she later became a very valuable member of Avengers who continued to treat her as their equal and not a threat.

Tony created a path on which Nebula finally found herself, her happiness and serenity.

MELINA RAMBLING ABOUT SCIENCE SHIT AND ALEXEI SMILING AND SAYING "THAT'S COLD, SO COLD!" AND THEN "NO, I MISSED YOU" WHEN SHE DISMISSES HERSELF IF THIS ISN'T WHAT TRUE LOVE LOOKS LIKE THEN IDK WHAT IT IS

Absolutely a sucker for the “ARE YOU HURT” once over. The wandering hands, frantically checking for blood or pain just SOMETHING. ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED of what they might find while searching. The panicked look on the face of the person doing the checking, the glossy, confused “I’m fine” from the person being checked. HOO BOY just inject that shit right into my veins

If tumblr exists in the MCU, I bet Tony has a secret Tony anti account that he reads and he cries because his ask gets filled with ESSAYS on why Tony Stark is awesome and deserves love.

And I can also bet that most of those asks are sent by people he doesn’t know in real life. Not Rhodey or Peter. But actual kids who look up to him as a genius and want to study and change the world like Tony did.

A 16 year old from India who wants to make his own AI sends the anti Tony (Tony’s actual blog) an ask talking about how Tony inspired him to learn how to code on his own.

A twenty nine year old car mechanic who quit his job to work on his own self driving car model who send the blog a lot of angry messages talking about how amazing Tony’s work is!

A 35 year old woman who’s a mom of three that works as an executive at Stark Industries sends an ask talking about how seeing Pepper becoming CEO inspired her to keep working even after giving birth to her triplets.