Borderlinepersonalitydisaster20 - BPDisaster

What is the line between being delulu and being actually insane. I write you letters and poetry you’ll never see. I’d set myself on fire to keep you warm. I want you to dig your hands into my shoulder blades and grab my heart and pull me into your chest. Let me slowly bleed out over you.

Can’t feel anger without physically punching walls or holding in the intrusive violent urges so much that it makes my arms physically burn and hurt

Can’t look at someone who’s even moderately attractive without desperately falling in love and imagine a whole life together

Can’t feel “happy” or moderately excited without feeling like my chest is about to burst and the only way to get it out is to literally vibrate and yell

Can’t feel sad without spiralling immediately into just wanting to stop existing

Can’t feel nervous without teeth chattering chest burning about to throw up

Or just don’t feel anything at all when (apparently) I am supposed to

bpd culture is wishing you could feel emotions normally

.

My heart aches.

when you’re not near me, the hole in my chest starts to ache. I have not spoken to you once, nor have you spoken to me. I virtually know nothing about you. But you are now my greatest obsession. I hope I dream of you.

i want to live out my anger, i want to be able to scream and smash, i want to defend myself like an adult. then why am i crying every time

might be a bit sensitive but it annoys the shit out of me when people throw the word anxiety around and don’t really mean it. Like when something annoys them and they say “it gives me anxiety”. No. Because you are not having anxiety okay having anxiety is when after you make any and every decision your chest gets tight and you feel sick to your stomach and immediately regret that decision and your head starts going ekekwkfbwijdfhjwdnfnidksjdfjsknddj. it’s like a clamp around your head. It’s not synonymous with disliking something.

I don’t know how to explain it but just being alive causes me pain

The world is too loud, existing is overwhelming, people expect so much more than I can give

I fail at being alive every single day

I feel so ashamed to be so broken

But I don’t know how to be any other way