Dick: [laughing while looking at his phone] Please tell me I'm not the only one seeing this
Tim: [looking at his phone] Oh my gosh
Damian: What? My phone is charging. Just tell spit it out
Dick: [in a Bruce voice] Weekend safety brief, One: don't add to the population; you know who you are. Two: don't SUBTRACT from the population; once again, you know who you are- [brakes off into more laughing]
Jason: [reading off the list] Three: stay out of the hospital, the newspaper and jail; please. Wow ye of little faith much?
Tim: [reading off the list] Four: if you do end up in jail, establish dominance quickly and non lethally. Yeah, wow...
Damian: Tt. Of course he sent that knowing you heathens
Jason: Hey, "don't subtract from the population; you know who you are" your grouped right in there with me kiddo
Damian: [grumbles]
Tim: Well, at least us three aren't the "you know who you are" in the first one [looks at Dick]
Dick: [gasp] Hey!
Damian: True
Dick: [arms crossed] I don't know whether to be offended or laugh
Tim: [shrugs] If it makes you feel any better for all we know Bruce could have been referring to himself
Jason: [chokes on laughter]
Tips for writing those gala scenes, from someone who goes to them occasionally:
Generally you unbutton and re-button a suit coat when you sit down and stand up.
You’re supposed to hold wine or champagne glasses by the stem to avoid warming up the liquid inside. A character out of their depth might hold the glass around the sides instead.
When rich/important people forget your name and they’re drunk, they usually just tell you that they don’t remember or completely skip over any opportunity to use your name so they don’t look silly.
A good way to indicate you don’t want to shake someone’s hand at an event is to hold a drink in your right hand (and if you’re a woman, a purse in the other so you definitely can’t shift the glass to another hand and then shake)
Americans who still kiss cheeks as a welcome generally don’t press lips to cheeks, it’s more of a touch of cheek to cheek or even a hover (these days, mostly to avoid smudging a woman’s makeup)
The distinctions between dress codes (black tie, cocktail, etc) are very intricate but obvious to those who know how to look. If you wear a short skirt to a black tie event for example, people would clock that instantly even if the dress itself was very formal. Same thing goes for certain articles of men’s clothing.
Open bars / cash bars at events usually carry limited options. They’re meant to serve lots of people very quickly, so nobody is getting a cosmo or a Manhattan etc.
Members of the press generally aren’t allowed to freely circulate at nicer galas/events without a very good reason. When they do, they need to identify themselves before talking with someone.
Batman, dividing everyone up for patrol- Jason, you're with Steph, Damian, you're coming with me, Dick, you're with Cass. Tim, are you fine going solo?
Tim- Yup
Jason- Oh, come on! Why does he get to go solo?
Batman- Your brother gets to go solo because he doesn't have a kill count.
Jason- Oh, he SO does
Tim, whispering- It doesn't count if he doesn't find the bodies
happy deathday to my baby boy😢sorry I'm late again.
In the midst of so many Batfamily/Miraculous crossovers, the thing I feel so many people forget is that the Waynes are...well...themselves.
Sure, they're awesome vigilantes. Trained in martial arts and with great mental fortitude to help them against the likes of Scarecrow's fear gas, Joker's venom, and Mad Hatter's manipulations.
...the problem is that Hawk Moth is a whole different ballgame.
He doesn't target their fears or dreams. He targets ANYTHING. Like petty annoyances. Frustrations. Sleep deprivation. Obsessions. Things the Batfamily generally try to ignore on a regular basis.
If he can akumatize and reakumatize the same man over his love of pigeons and people who feel they've been wronged over silly reasons, there's SO MUCH that could come from the complete dysfunction/emotional constipation that is the Wayne family. Remember, ANY frustration or annoyance or upset counts.
Meaning Ladybug and Chat will be having their hands full with the Waynes until they leave.
And given that Hawk Moth comes up with the silliest costumes and powers...
...the others would never let them live it down.
...
It was a beautiful day in Paris. And an absolutely wonderful vacation to the City of Love, where everything was peaceful and nothing was wrong.
Dick stood at the window looking out over the city.
Tim was on his computer doing some reports. Possibly Wayne Enterprises work, but more likely mission work.
Damien had apparently gotten tired of grumbling and was focused on sharpening his sword—which Bruce really shouldn’t have let him bring. But given the situation, he couldn’t argue against letting Damien have something that would help him stay calm.
Cass had found a magazine to occupy her time, though she seemed somewhat confused as to the male teen model that kept appearing in nearly every line.
And Jason…
…he was grinning. And watching Bruce with such anticipation, looking downright hopeful as he waited. Not helping was that he was holding what appeared to be a brand new camera, fully prepared to start recording.
Bruce knew why.
But he would not give him the satisfaction.
Because nothing was going to happen.
Absolutely nothing.
Bruce twitched.
SNAP!
And his pen cracked from the sheer amount of pressure he was putting on it. Which was admittedly an annoyance, but wasn’t that big of a deal…
…if it wasn’t the 15th pen he’d broken in the past three hours.
It was fine though.
Nothing was wrong.
He was calm.
Calm.
Calm.
A muffled voice could be heard from outside despite the room being on the seventh floor of a building. Which of course was a coincidence and not because someone was actually right outside the room….and the building.
And perhaps if Bruce tried really hard, he could convince himself was just someone singing a line out of “American Pie” and not someone talking about butterflies.
No.
Because there were no butterflies outside. Because he was fine!
Not the slightest bit upset!
At. All.
“That’s thirty-three…” Dick counted.
…
…
…
…Dammit.
Bruce sighed.
“Did she come back to the roof?”
“Actually, she never left.” Tim confirmed, not even looking up from his computer. “She stopped leaving after the last incident and has just been standing there for the past couple hours now, catching them as they come.”
A long pause.
“How…?”
“Her partner has been bringing her water and snacks. And keeping watch whenever she has to leave to hibernate or use the little bug’s room.”
Bruce groaned.
Why couldn’t it be a villain? Or a fan or stalker? He could deal with those. He dealt with them all the time.
It was the well intentioned young superheroes that he had a harder time dealing with. The ones that wanted to help but were misguided in not understanding that their help wasn’t necessary.
“Gotcha!”
“Thirty-four.” Dick droned.
…no matter how many magical butterflies implied otherwise.
“Maybe we should do what the nice Ladybug hero asked and finish up our business in Paris?” Tim suggested.
“I refuse!” Damien shouted, jumping to his feet. “This villain has made a mockery of us and it must not be allowed to stand! I will not leave until he has been caught and my sword has tasted his blood!”
“Damien, we don’t kill, remember?”
“I wouldn’t kill him.” Damien said, looking away with a pout. “Just…dismember him a bit.” He frowned, consideringly. “Maybe cut off his arms. He can’t continue villainy then, right?”
Tim sighed.
“So that’s a no on going home early then.”
They heard a noise from the roof.
“Is she leaving?” Bruce asked, trying to hide how hopeful he was.
“Nope. It’s her catboyfriend back again.” Dick replied, blithely.
Bruce sighed.
“Do you think they’re dating?”
“Dick.” Bruce warned.
“Because the city seems to be really hamming up the romantic angle between the two and it’s kinda hard to not see.” Dick continued.
“Dick.”
“Even if it is kinda weird that they’re essentially shipping teenagers.”
“Speaking from experience there, Dickie Boy?” Jason cut in, cheekily.
“Stop it. Both of you.” Bruce ordered. “The goal of coming to Paris was supposed to be to deal with the emotional terrorism from Hawk Moth.”
“A little hard with all your emotional constipation there, B.”
Jason smirked.
“Or should I say ‘Justice Man’?”
Bruce twitched.
Duke and Tim middle child antics?
I know Jason and Cass are also middle children but Duke and Tim are the Middlest if you know what I mean
They walk around the house opening doors but not closing them
Their secret TikToks are of them doing increasingly stupid dances on patrol and seeing how long it takes for the others to find out. Right now they're at 232 videos and counting
They duct-taped Barbara's Pringle can shut. She blamed Damian
Jason forgot a bottle of Coke outside. Tim and Duke set up a science experiment watching it over the course of 9 months. It gained national recognition. The rest of the batfam never noticed
They recorded an album of Dick's shower singing
Their favorite track: Dancing Queen (L'Oréal remix)
Yeah Damian exists but let's be real Tim and Duke are the only Gen Z batkids
They dyed each other's hair and no one batted an eye
Dick bought two pairs of Ray-Bans and both went missing the next day. He blamed Jason even though Tim and Duke were right there, rocking their matching shades
They locked Damian out of his Club Penguin after too many failed password attempts
They also convinced him the Batmobile had a secret chicken incubator function
Steph loses her charger often but rarely notices because either Alfred or Bruce will replace it when she does. Tim and Duke, meanwhile, collect them and plan on regifting them to her on the 10th anniversary of losing her first one
Cass knows where they hid her hairdryer, but it's in Tim's room and no amount of survival training could prepare her for that
Bruce forgot to add Duke to the family phone plan so Tim hacked the account and added Duke himself
Sometimes Tim and Duke get lumped into a single entity during headcounts and just watch as everyone panics thinking they're missing a person
damian : [creeping behind jason to stab him]
jason, loudly : I hope no one is about to attack me from behind because I'm thinking about making cookies later.
damian pausing :
damian : ...what kind?
huge news for my fellow fictional map enthusiasts. i think i just found a (semi-)canon map of wayne manor
Damian, to himself as he paces around his room, trying to put his feelings into words: Marinette is a work of art. Specifically, a stained glass work of art. Because when the sun hits her she lights up a room in all of her beauty and I fall in love all over again.
Dick, Jason, and Tim eavesdropping on him: Holy. Shit.
okay something I was thinking about yesterday was how Tomoe clearly wants Kagami and Adrien to be together because of status, right? Adrien is an adequate match for Kagami in terms of wealth and upraising?
I simply think it would be really funny if Kagami chose to date Felix instead and Tomoe couldn't even be mad because Felix is, if anything, more adequate than Adrien - more money, more status, he's even lined up for lordship in Britain. And he's a gentleman, too - he only does what is expected of him socially.
And she hates him so much but there's nothing she can do, no argument she can make, because he's - on every tangible level - perfect, just really really fucking annoying.
The chaos really happens when night falls and they need to sleep.
Damian, standing on the only twin bed in the room: I will get the bed.
Jason: Like Hell! You're small enough to be sleeping in the fucking sink. I will be getting the bed.
Dick: I think two people can have the bed.
Damian and Jason: NO!
*Tim, too tired for this, kicks off his shoes and gets comfortable on the small kitchen counter using the paper towel roll as a pillow. He is asleep within seconds*
Dick: well if you both won't share, then I'll take the bed.
Jason: That's not fair!
Damian: You can't do that!
Dick: I am the oldest, I get to do whatever I want!
The ensuing pillow fight was vicious and would have taken the bedside lamp as a casualty if Duke wasn't there to save it. Duke, like Tim, is tired and sees the bathroom tub for the option that it is. He uses the chaos to grab a pillow from the bed and lock the bathroom door. Duke took the bedside lamp with him.
With the Girls:
Barbra: I get the right side.
Cass: left.
Stephanie, debating if getting squished in the middle is worth still sleeping on the bed: I want a pillow.
Okay so i hate that the batkids are rich purely because they dont have those classic siblings experiences. So here is me putting them in those horrible situations.
*the batkids are in a hotel room with only one bathroom*
Jason: DICKHEAD get the fuck out or im gonna piss in your suitcase!
Dick, over the sound of water: I'm taking a SHOWER
Tim: AND? Hurry it up assman, I gotta brush my teeth!
Damian: I hope you all eat shit and die. I've been waiting longer than all of you.
Meanwhile, in the girls room:
Steph, barging into the bathroom: i gotta take my makeup off and brush my teeth. Deal with it.
Babs, in the bathtub: i dont even know why i try to lock the door at this point.
Cass, slipping in to use the sink: making instant mac n cheese. None for you guys.
Steph: bitch.
Cass: whore :)