I Bite, Are You Sure You Still Want Me?

I’m sorry I’m not good enough

I’m sorry I’m a failure

I’m sorry I will never be anyone

I’m sorry I’m not worth it

I wish I was never born

something something i am terribly sad for my age and i think it might be a little in my head, or uncalled for, or my hand on my friends pantry doorknob as she tells me i can eat whatever i want because we’re at her house now (which warms me inside more than i want to tell her, and that fact is starting to burn) or cookie dough i made for the first time in the middle of the night because it’s easy and people like it and it’s a way to say i love you without actually telling. im glad i know my way around a kitchen but im not too sure when i learned. i’m pretty good so long as i don’t leave the stove on; i’m forgetful when it matters but i remember when it counts. i’m not too sure when i learned.

i want to cook for you, and i want you to like it, and i want my head to stay calm when i think of my body and how I could be spending this time to fix my grades and I need to do better at a lot, and most of all i want to cook for you and i want you to like it and i want so hard to believe my kitchen is any kitchen where i open the pantry and feel like that’s fine. i want to feel like that's fine.

don’t you wish milk was cheaper, and eggs, and the water bill and the price of gas so we can leave? don’t you wish it was easier for a kid who isn’t quite right to get a job around here? don’t you wish the job could pay for any of that at all, or at least be something worth my time? i think I'd like to be somewhere near you for at least forever. I wish I was always sure you loved me back and I was able to manage to drop eggs one way or another without the end of the world. i can make myself useful and bring you something I worked on to prove i love you, and I promise I'm trying, I'm not sure for what, but I know I really really want to stick around so please please let me, and do you still mean the thing you said about me being able to eat from your pantry? when do you want me home? I love you, so I can make us something nice.

You are a fever I am learning to live with, 

Richard Siken, Crush; from ‘Straw House, Straw Dog’

pay attention to me pay attention to me pay attemtion to me ooooo you wanna interact with me so bad please pay attention to me i need a hug and attention i love attention please im begging i hate being alone now please pay attention to me pay attention to me i need a hug so badly pay attention i me i crave irl attention and affection and online validation and attemtion i love attention

this text message has made me think of scollace since the first time i saw it so

In every kind man I see what would’ve been.

Do forgotten things belong in dreams?

Surely, even the nights that slip away from the mind still yet cling to being.

Why else do we dream of both the most beautiful and the wondrous things?

What was left by another can mean everything to someone new.