Jokes Aside, I Think When We Talk About Having Healthy Relationships With Food And Eating Mindfully We

Hello hope you're doing good. Question, if you want to answer: what does catatonia feel like for you? I watched a friend have her first catatonic episode last year and she didn't have a good memory of it afterward. I'd like to get some idea of what goes on there. Obviously if this is an unpleasant topic ignore

There are different types of catatonia and not everyone will have the same symptoms; I dont even have the same symptoms every episode. So my experience is just that; mine.

Withdrawn catatonia feels like being stuck inside my body. I can see and hear everything going on, but I can't react to it as normal. It's kind of as if I'm externally inanimate; I can't move (or can barely move), but if you move my limbs for me they stay in whatever position you put me in. I often get stuck in uncomfortable positions because one of the first symptoms I usually get is abnormal or exaggerated movements (and Im hypermobile so its even worse).

It's very hard to describe the actual feeling that goes with it though. It's like being drugged by your own nervous system. My body feels like lead and all my processes feel slowed. Even though I am aware, depending on the episode and trigger I may be confused and/or dissociated.

But I also experience excited catatonia, which is pretty much the opposite of what I described. I cant slow down. I either cant speak or cant communicate normally. I'll repeat things over and over, I'll do the same movements over and over - which usually ends up with me hurting myself. I feel very panicked when I experience this. It doesnt happen as often as withdrawn type, though. And when I do experience it, its usually a severe episode where I flip back and forth between withdrawn and excited.

For me, withdrawn episodes are usually triggered by stress like - dissociation, anxiety, and trauma. Excited episodes are usually triggered by autistic/schizophrenic nervous system overload. Both can be related to/triggered by psychosis, and there's decent overlap between my catatonic episodes and disorganized speech/thinking episodes.

So yeah. If anyone's ever wondered what it might be like, now you know.

happy LDoV

Continuing my post about why I'm tired of TERFs: Come the fuck on. I spent most of my life back when I thought I was a cis girl being made to feel like shit because I had to get repeated surgeries on my breasts because of a chronic condition. It was other women who told me to reconsider if I wanted to "ruin my tits" and "mutilate myself" and if I couldn't just put up with the unbearable chronic pain it caused.

It was also women who told me I should consider plastic surgery if I ever needed to get a mastectomy, which is something I'll need sooner than later. I was a MINOR when I got told this.

It was ALSO a woman who told me that even if my condition has a 4% chance of turning malignant, I should not get the mastectomy that could reduce that to almost a 0%, because "So many women regret it later".

Now I decide that feminity is not for me, that I'm tired of putting up with it after being told a thousand times about how I'm doing it bad, and now I'm betraying womanhood. I have to hear how they keep talking of any breast surgery as mutilation and "ruining a perfect healthy female body" but I'm the evil one for finding that being non binary suits me better.

All while TERFs repeatedly show they'd rather work with the far right to take everything from trans people, the same groups actively also harm women. They devote their entire existence to harming trans women, who are some of the fiercest fighters for women's rights, and then go silent when pro-lifers fuck up bodily autonomy.

Who in the actual fuck is actually betraying womanhood here?

First, there was Chambers in 2019. Mostly Native cast (remaining cast was still very diverse), told the story of a Navajo main character, axed by Netflix despite a large following and fanbase.

Then, Trickster in 2020/2021. Mostly Native cast once again (remaining cast was still very diverse), told the story of a Haisla main character, axed by CBC despite a large following and fanbase.* 

Then, The Wilds earlier this year. Two Indigenous main characters (Martha and Toni) (other cast was still very diverse), super important show to those in the Indigenous community (including myself), axed by Amazon Prime despite a large following and fanbase.

Now, Rutherford Falls. Mostly Native cast once again (remaining cast was still very diverse, including a non-binary Chinese-American character), told the story of a Native plus-sized woman main character (tribe is Minishonka, though that is a fictional tribe made up for the show), axed by Peacock despite a large following and fanbase.

TV, and especially streaming, execs really don’t give a fuck about Indigenous representation and Indigenous people at all.

(Safe to reblog, btw)

*I understand that Trickster is complicated by Michelle Latimer being involved in Trickster, but she could have been replaced, I watch SVU and they’ve had 6 different showrunners over the years. CBC just didn’t give a fuck to find someone else, instead they just canceled the show.

In my experience a lot of the shit trans men get from within the queer community comes down to ignoring half of our identity in favor of the other half

Either were men and therefore are basically the same as cis men

Or were trans so they'll use gender neutral/ inclusive language while still reducing us to our sex assigned at birth

hey full offense but the ‘use the right pronouns even if the person is horrible!’ statements arent made to coddle horrible ppl, its saying ‘dont view correct pronouns as a fucking privilege that can be taken away once people decide you’ve fucked up enough’, misgendering someone on purpose is transphobic no matter what bc it equates transphobia as a ‘punishment’ for bad people, pronouns are a part of baseline human respect, its that simple

here's positivity for all afab enbies, y'all don't get enough, you're not "basically cis women" or "not really trans" you're exactly who you are and that's amazing

Source

😢💔 Homeless, desperate, and losing hope, need help with meds (Latuda 60mg) - $242 CAD a month 💔😢

If I said I did not want to live anymore, Would you understand that I meant like this?

Update: As of Tuesday May 9th.

$118.50 / $1400.00

I don't want to face another winter on the streets; last winter was terrifying, and I don't think I could survive another one. ❄️😢

$242.00 / $242.00 Meds are covered for May, Thank you 🙏

Your support means more than words can express to someone who feels so desperate and lost. If you can help in any way, even by just sharing this post, I'd be eternally grateful.

Your kindness means the world to me, and your assistance will help me through this difficult period. ❤️I'm also actively pounding the pavement to find a job, but it's extremely difficult when you don’t have an address or a place to shower and be presentable to potential employers. My goal is to raise $1,400 CAD for first and last months rent by the end of the summer, to rent a room 🏠 and finally have a stable place to call home. Any donations will be first applied to my medication, and then to my housing goal.

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😢💔 Homeless, desperate, and losing hope, need help with meds (Latuda 60mg) - $242 CAD a month 💔😢

Update: As of Saturday May 6th. $87.00 / $1400.00 I don't want to face another winter on the streets; last winter was terrifying, and I do

Even if you can't donate, please consider sharing my post. It might reach someone who can help, and just knowing that people care is the only thing keeping me going in this dark, lonely time.

If you are able to help me I’m in Canada and the only thing available here is PayPal and e-transfer, we don’t have any cash apps available. Thank you for considering me. 🙏

PayPal : MelodysFyAndMe@gmail.com

If you prefer to not use PayPal I have e transfer set up. It works like a cash App. Works the same way as it would to make a purchase on line, you log in to your bank and send the amount you choose and it will automatically deposit.

My e-transfer : pinkbloomings@gmail.com

happy tdov!! its a great day to support ur local black disabled trans person manage medical expenses <3

cshp & vnm @/mjthehooman

[ID: mirror selfie of mj in a hospital bathroom. xe is wearing a black graphic t shirt that says "the world ended a long time ago", it's cpunk vest, a spiked and chained mask (with a kn95 underneath) and various pieces of punk style jewelry. xe is leaning on xyr upright rollator, which also has various cpunk patches and chains hanging from it /end ID]