Misgendering - Blog Posts

PSA

Still using they/them after finding out someone's pronouns doesn't include they/them is misgendering

If someone specifies that they don't use they/them, don't use it. That's misgendering them.

Using they/them after someone has specified that they don't use they/them is misgendering

If you continue to use they/them after learning that they don't use it. You are misgendering them.

They/them is misgendering if you know their pronouns (and it doesn't include they/them)

Again for the people in the back,

They/Them is not a catch all pronoun if you know their preferred pronouns already

Somehow there are people on this website who can say “I’m a transfeminist” and also “it’s okay to misgender trans people if they disagree with me” and not realize they’re not really being transfeminist.

Yeaaaah transandrophobes are prone to misgendering any trans person they don't like, because according to them we're all secretly anti-feminist men in disguise :(

Seriously though, I think it's the attitude a lot of them have that goes "I only care about other queer people who are exactly like me and share my beliefs and experiences. Everyone else is my enemy." So it blows their mind when people who aren't trans men advocate for y'all. They can't comprehend caring about other people.

Oh! So apparently “transandrobros” is used to describe anyone who sticks up for trans men, so this means that any trans woman/fem who sticks up for us is targeted and misgendered! That’s awesome! This will definitely protect trans women and fems from transmisogyny!

Name a better couple than transphobic trans people/misgendering anybody they don't like, I'll wait

My posts are all: "Hey, don't talk over trans men when they want to discuss their oppression!" "Nonbinary people aren't being treated very well right now, and we're being erased by the rest of the community." "Trans men and trans women aren't enemies." "Care about identities that aren't your own, include other trans people in your advocacy."

Which is apparently a grave enough offense to misgender me and compare me to a nazi, go figures.

It goes to show that some people are really transphobic before they transition, and they refuse to address this after their egg cracks.

People who deny the existence of transandrophobia tend to focus on 2 types of trans men:

Pre-transition or very early-transition men, who are often closeted/treated as women by society.

And post-transition men, who are stereotyped as passing perfectly and having all of the privileges and power of cis men.

They use the post-transition man as an example of the supposed “systematic power” they believe ALL trans men hold, claiming he directly oppresses him and benefits from the patriarchy. They ignore the fact that in order to maintain any semblance of this he must be closeted and hide the fact that he is trans at all times. They ignore that he will still inevitably face medical discrimination, as the medical field is notorious for treating transmasc individuals poorly. Because this man is indistinguishable from a cis man in their eyes, it becomes morally acceptable for them to hate him.

And they use the pre-transition trans man as a punching bag. They stereotype him as a “whiny, privileged he/they” that “weaponizes and clings to his femininity” and always plays the victim. Notably, they echo all of your standard truscum bullying tactics. They mock his choice of name, stereotype his interests as “cringe” or childish. They treat him not as a trans man, but as a future detransitioner, a future terf, a cringey teenage girl. And if they can make themselves believe that he’s not truly trans, he becomes the perfect “acceptable target.” After all, trans people can’t really bully their oppressors, so when they do it, they’re actually punching up.

Now, their perceptions of these men are bullshit, obviously, but what’s even worse is their refusal to acknowledge the third and most common group of trans men in the community: Mid-transition/visibly transgender men.

Men with visible facial hair, low voices, and breasts. Men who have traits that are commonly regarded as both feminine and masculine. Men who cannot afford or do not personally desire top surgery, but have decided to hormonally transition. Men who have fully transitioned, but enjoy dressing in clothes society deems “feminine.” Men who have not transitioned medically, but have masculine haircuts and clothing and names. Literally any trans guy with visible top surgery scars.

The list goes on.

The people who claim transandrophobia isn't real refuse to acknowledge that visibly transgender men even exist, because these men don’t fit into their worldviews and weaken their arguments.

At the end of the day, society hates anybody they can identify as trans, most often anyone who’s visibly GNC and/or visibly transgender. Cis people react to your existence with disgust and fear. It doesn’t matter if you’re a trans woman, a trans man, nonbinary or intersex- if they cannot sort you neatly into the categories of “man” and “woman”, you are regarded as something that’s not truly human, an enemy. And because it’s all based on perception, even perisex cis people are caught in the crossfire of this- especially if they’re POC.

Those who deny this are contributing to the erasure of trans men and enabling future violence against them.

Hey we all know pronouns aren't a privilege, right?

It doesn't matter how "annoying" a trans person is, it doesn't matter if they disagree with you on some intracommunity issue-

Use the pronouns they have in their bio, or the pronouns they ask you to use. Even if you really don't like them, or you think they're problematic.

Your comfort with somebody's pronouns isn't a factor. Using ANY other pronoun for a user that prefers it/its is misgendering. Same with neopronouns. If you can't manage it, don't talk to it.

Oh and just to be clear-

Claiming that a trans woman's account is actually "run by a man" is misgendering. Saying a trans man's blog is part of some "secret terf circle" is misgendering. Pretending a person is actually your oppressor in disguise so you can misgender them is, get this, misgendering!

I don't care how much you dislike someone, use the right fucking pronouns.

hey full offense but the ‘use the right pronouns even if the person is horrible!’ statements arent made to coddle horrible ppl, its saying ‘dont view correct pronouns as a fucking privilege that can be taken away once people decide you’ve fucked up enough’, misgendering someone on purpose is transphobic no matter what bc it equates transphobia as a ‘punishment’ for bad people, pronouns are a part of baseline human respect, its that simple