ODYSSEUS.

More incorrect quotes

Odysseus: Could you maybe just like… stab me… right in the gut. Just REALLY twist it in there. ‘Cause that honestly seems less painful than this conversation.

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Odysseus: Hey I got you food, pick a number between 1 and 10. Eurylochus: Uh 4? Odysseus: Wrong, no food for you. Eurylochus: Wait what?! WHY?! ODYSSEUS PLEASE—!

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Odysseus: I wish I had acid. Thank you, Hermes. Amen.

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Odysseus, when his crew accuses him of hubris after he gives his name to the cyclopes: Oh and for your information, I don't have an ego! Odysseus: My facebook photo is a landscape.

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Penelope: I love murder mysteries Odysseus, trying to impress her: I've been a suspect in four murder cases

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Odysseus: I'm not a morning person. I'm barely even a person.

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Odysseus: Met a dumbass today. Awful. Eurylochus: You looked in a mirror? Odysseus: Someday you will have to answer for your actions and god may not be so merciful.

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Odysseus: I’m gonna mix a can of Red Bull with seventeen shots of espresso in a fishbowl and then chug it while Kids by MGMT plays in the background so I can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions and fight my own soul.

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Odysseus: I would say I feel sorry, but we all know that I've done much, much worse

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Odysseus: I keep a picture of all of us in my wallet. Whenever I face difficulties, I take it out and stare at the picture. His crew: Awwww- Odysseus: And I tell myself "If I can deal with these idiots, then I can deal with anything." His crew: Oh.

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Odysseus: It's not like I try to blow things up, exactly. It just sort of happens. You've got to admit though, fire is fascinating.

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Odysseus, after giving his name to the cyclopes: Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my actions.

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Odysseus at the 108 suitors trying to marry his wife: Clownery. Tomfoolery. Absolute fuckery, I am going to revoke your life privileges.

This is one isn’t very in character but it made me laugh so hard

Odysseus: When I first got my autism diagnosis, my first thought was “woah… it’s canon” and I think that maybe thoughts like that is why Penelope made me get tested.

aw man

i wish i could be one of those people that can write aus

*slips and drops jekyll and hyde x epic au*

oops

My entire musical taste revolves around these two. I'm not complaining; I love listening to it with edits

hi hello i’ve seen far too many people find out about the telegony and be devastated that the odyssey’s happy ending does not remain happy for long.

so.

the telegony is not canon. it was not written by homer. some wannabe called eugammon of cyrene wrote it. telegonus was a character from one of hesiod’s works (not homer’s) and he’s never mentioned in the odyssey. eugammon just decided to make him odysseus’s son with circe because why not.

the telegony directly contradicts the ending of the odyssey in which odysseus and penelope grow old and die together. ALSO. odysseus’s bloodline cannot have more than one than one male heir per generation. some ancestor of his was cursed by a god. so that makes telegonus’s existence impossible. if odysseus ever had a kid with circe (which he didn’t in canon) it would have had to be a girl.

homer was long dead when eugammon was like. telegonus is gonna kill his dad and bring his step family to his mom’s island, marry his stepmother while is half-brother marries his mother. never happened. this is ancient fanfiction.

TL;DR : feel free to entirely ignore the existence of the telegony; it’s what i’ve always done anyway.

Menelaus: Helen, you deserve an award for putting up with me.

Helen: You are my award, love.

(meanwhile)

Odysseus: Pen, you deserve an award for putting up with me.

Penelope (with equal affection): Hell yeah I do, you’re a real bitch sometimes.

tw blood and gore maybe, but lots of blood Odysseus rage

Diomedes: If I had a talent of gold for every time Odysseus talked about Penelope, I'd have a talent.

Menelaus: But he's always talking about Penelope. Shouldn't you have more gold?

Diomedes: That would imply that Odysseus stopped talking about Penelope at some point.

Odysseus: Has everyone seen Penelope? She's not missing, I just think everyone should see her. She's beautiful. I love her so much. I miss her so much. She’s so smart as well. Smarter than all of you. Did I ever tell about the time she-

epic the musical brainrot

See, I feel like everyone's missing something in Would You Fall in Love With Me Again

Because, everyone's been talking about how Penelope is telling him she never fell out of love with him, but that's not what she SAYS, she says something far more impactful and assuring

She doesn't say "I still love you" she says "I WILL fall in love with you over and over again" because if you really have changed SO MUCH that you are no longer the man that I married, then I will simply fall in love with you all over again

Every day you will change a little, every day you are a different man ever so slightly, and I do not and will not care because that just allows me to fall in love with you over and over again for ever. I will never fall out of love because every day I fall in love with you all over again just like it's the first time.

Maybe you aren't the same man I knew, maybe I am not the same woman you knew, but it doesn't matter because we love eachother all the same

We will fall in love again, every single day that we wake up to see the others face will be a day of love renewed, I promise you that I will fall in love with you everytime I see you until the day I die because you are MY husband and I will love you no matter what.

Because, you asked if I would fall in love with you again so I'm telling you, no doubt about it, I WILL