Why Did I Read This In My Mother’s Voice

me: Fine. Don’t talk to me. You think I need you to message me all the time? Ha. I don’t even care. I don’t even care, not even a little. You want to ignore me fine. Go ahead. I don’t even care. You think I need your constant presence and attention. Laughable. I was alone way before I even met you. Pure childs play. Don’t even @ me. Don’t even bother saying anything to me. I don’t need or want it anyway. 

me 1 minute later: *sobbing* I’m sorry please don't leave me. Fuck I need you. Where are you. What did I do wrong. Was it something I said two months ago? Have you left me like she did, ghosted me?? If I attempt to reach out will you block me?? What did I do?? Im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sor- me 1 minute after that: *trying to think rationally* He’s probably just sleeping. Hes probably busy with schoolwork. Or babysitting. Or the bank. Or family stuff. Or- me 1 minute later panicked: But he always messages you morning. Even when hes busy. He would have let you know. He would have said something if he was going to be away...What if something bad has happened?? What if something horrible has happened to him?? What if hes hurt?? What if something happened to his family?? What if hes suicidal and not telling me and I’m going to lose him??? Oh god oh fuck oh no oh fuck oh god me: What if hes just ignoring you? What if he just doesn’t want you anymore? What if he hates you? What if you pissed him off and didn’t realize it? What if- me minutes later:.....Fine. Don’t talk to me. You think I need you to message me all the-- and repeat forever.  

I dont want to come back. Let me fade into obscurity. Let the days tick by till my memory becomes stale and the color of my eyes is questionable. Forgettable, is what I am. Pull me from this world, leave me untraceable. Lingering like smoke from a candle, wisping into the air just enough until unseen. Until I am just a burning smell floating on the air, a quickly fleeting reality.

—Poetic Suicide

To the next random entitled guy who decides that after just meeting me, sending me an unwanted disgusting cock picture is a good way to get my attention after being busy for a couple hours;

 I will cut that pathetic wad of diseased flesh off your body, smash it with a meat hammer until its perfect to roll into a pointed shape, freeze it until its actually hard in a useful way, not to mention sharp, preceed to then cut you flesh deep groin to sternum, stab it deep into your trachea, and while watching you gurgle and drown in your own blood will i lean close enough to whisper in your ear “ Is this enough attention for you sweetheart?” 

Because if you honestly think that any of those actions you do are excusable, quirky, or even charming, you are gravely mistaken; and you should drown on your own blood if you think that sexually harassing anyone with the sight of your disgusting little hob nob attention-entitled narcissistic prick is the way to keep a conversation going. 

You make me sick and I despise you and everyone like you.

Despite the fact that I occasionally compulsively overshare, people somehow still manage to know nothing about me

Why am I so loyal to someone who doesn’t even love or want me? I’ve just effectively damned myself.

I only want human contact from the person I’m attached to…other than that I’d rather be alone.

I’m so achy and tired. I didn’t realize until recently just how much pain I am in on a daily basis. Especially lately, I have had this horrible pain flare up in my entire body. It leaves me so exhausted. I go to my Primary on Monday. I’ll be talking to her about everything, especially some suspicions for other things. Eh. I’m so tired.

I just get so bummed out when I think about how I'll always be too shy to say what's on my mind I'm fantasizing all the t i m e~   and every day is always ☀️ ｓｕｎｎｙ ☀️ I'm sweet as syrup on ya, 𝒽𝑜𝓃𝑒𝓎 and isn't it w ₒ ₙ d ₑ ᵣ f ᵤ ₗ ? how you make me so pǝsnɟuoɔ, when I talk to you am I losing my ｍｉｎｄ or am I winning your 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓽? oh if only I'd met you w a y back when I was alone without a friend things would've been so much easier then now I forget how to feel I haven't fully healed oh, from that ᴀᴡꜰᴜʟ blow I hope it doesn't show cause I don't want to be  ₐ ₗ ₒ ₙ ₑ every day's an apple pie when I'm with you I'm not so shy and I almost feel alive in your ♥ 𝒶𝓇𝓂𝓈 ♥ help me forget what I'm going through and I'll give 🎀  𝑒 𝓋 𝑒 𝓇 𝓎 𝓉 𝒽 𝒾 𝓃 𝑔  🎀 to you it's the least that I could do we could be happy, you and me we could be happy, you and me 𝓌𝑒 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒷𝑒 𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓅𝓎, 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓂𝑒 𝔀𝓮 𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓫𝓮 𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓹𝔂